Chapter Text
Quinlan enjoyed missions on populated planets when he was not with the 501st.
It meant he could get something to drink and be among people instead of being alone.
This mission hadn't been as long as others, but it was his tradition to grab something to drink at a bar.
He heard a commotion in an alleyway and stopped to check it out.
He went up to the two fighting over a purse and asked them to stop.
They turned on him, pulling out blasters.
Quinlan backed up, reaching for his lightsaber.
A tranq dart hit his hand from behind.
He didn't have time to wonder what was going on before he was unconscious.
.
Quinlan woke up with a groan. Something felt... wrong. More than just the lack of access to the Force.
Something just didn't feel right.
He tugged on the restraints but they were tight.
Why was he laying on his back?
Searing pain in his stomach. Then the pain went away.
Quinlan blinked at the ceiling.
A scientist came into view. "Perfect. The healing serum still works perfectly. One last test."
Healing serum? Test?
Quinlan cried out when they removed his entire arm. He twisted his head to stare at the stump. As he watched, he saw the beginnings of a new arm growing out of it.
"Perfect. Follows the data on the lab rat perfectly."
Quinlan closed his eyes and breathed, trying not to panic too much.
"Of course, you would know all about it, wouldn't you? You are the one that broke that lab rat out in the first place. We had to go into hiding before they could steal all our research with all your evidence."
Quinlan could feel his arm growing, and no wonder Obi-Wan hated feeling his limbs regrow. It was the most unnatural feeling.
"Now, that's enough for today. The healing serum is very important to testing the viability of our experiments. Once we know it works, we can start figuring out what kind of healing serum rather than the strongest is best for each modification. Take the experiment to his room."
Quinlan was not in the mood to go quietly, but they used a sedative.
He woke up in the room. The usual lingering side effects were already gone.
He looked around, wondering how long he had been out.
Typical sedatives only worked for fifteen minutes at most on Obi-Wan. It made it near impossible for people to kidnap him.
But fifteen minutes would be enough to drag Quinlan to the room.
The room looked exactly like the room he had found Obi-Wan in.
That's when it hit him.
Quinlan looked down at his regrown arm and cradled it.
They had removed it and it was back.
They had hurt him, and the pain disappeared immediately.
They called him an experiment.
The scientist had said the healing serum worked.
...the scientist had also said there would be more experiments coming.
Quinlan tried not to cry as he wrapped his arms around his legs.
He didn't want this. Healing quickly did come with advantages, but it came with disadvantages.
A feeling of being invincible. Growing a high pain tolerance because it still hurt to be injured. Needing quite a few more calories than the average person or he would become underweight after severe enough injuries occurred.
Obi-Wan had vitamin supplements he took daily just in case.
He still couldn't die of starvation, though.
Quinlan squeezed his eyes shut. All he could think about was if he was feeling this badly about it as a grown adult, a Jedi Master, how did little initiate Obi-Wan feel when he first woke up as an experiment? How did he feel as the experiments moved along?
The thought made him sick.
When food arrived, Quinlan almost turned it away, but his stomach growled loudly.
So he reluctantly ate.
It was surprisingly healthy.
Then again, experiments probably wouldn't work as well if someone wasn't getting enough nutrients.
Quinlan remembered the experiments on less healthy people, the experiments to see how diet and sleep affected them. They were always the ones that Obi-Wan and others who were the first trials had proven to work.
He slept restlessly that night, only to wake up to breakfast.
He hesitated on following them out the door.
Of course, he was threatened with pain because now he would heal up from anything they did to him.
If nothing else, they would sedate him again.
Quinlan reluctantly decided to walk under his own power, curious to see what the facility looked like. It couldn't be the same one he rescued Obi-Wan for, that much he knew for certain.
He arrived in the lab and balked at the sight of the set up.
"Come on, Jedi. Let's see... We haven't been able to get wings to stick to anyone, even the few we gifted the full serum to."
Quinlan stiffened, but it was too late. He strapped in on his stomach, waiting for the transplant of the wings they had ready.
He closed his eyes tightly, remembering Obi-Wan's account of how long it took for them to figure out the right combination. How each failure felt, how it felt to have wings that actually worked, and the unnaturalness of it all.
Why him?
The first few wings did not take. Then something changed.
He could feel the change in his back. A strange new muscle he could use.
He watched his wings respond. His wings . His wings.
Quinlan was near hysterical as they started testing his capabilities, making sure that the wings would stick. They were real. He had wings now.
No wonder Obi-Wan was so insecure about his own wings. They just... were a lot to deal with.
After all the tests, they took him to see if he could fly.
He stared up at the high ceiling of the gym and sighed, picturing how Obi-Wan took off, dead stop, walking, running... Running would be best for a first attempt, right?
There were people watching, with clipboards and recorders to ensure they did not miss a thing.
Quinlan swallowed. He didn't want his first attempts to be in front of people, but he didn't have much of a choice.
He had already been threatened with worse experiments if he did not comply.
Quinlan closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening his eyes and running. He pictured what Obi-Wan did, spread his wings and...
Whoa. He was flying.
Quinlan did a few circles before landing, exhilarated. He had always enjoyed it when Obi-Wan took him for a flight, but being able to do it on his own was actually quite amazing.
If only it wasn't because he had wings he did not ask for, and did not want, did not consent to, permanently part of his body.
Quinlan let out a breath and followed their orders.
They wanted to see his current limits.
If they treated him as well as they treated Obi-Wan, he would hopefully be allowed daily flight time as he tried to figure out how he wanted to escape.
Quinlan was not looking forward to anything happening, but he had to try to escape.
And in order to escape he had to play along.
He wanted them to be unsuspecting.
But... So far, a lot of the gaps he had noticed when he picked up Obi-Wan had been fixed. This would be near impossible.
...the shock collar was an additional motivator to obedience.
Quinlan did have a pain tolerance, and there would be no lasting damage (and that was still a strange thought), but constant shocks were wearing, and they would increase the intensity and length the more he disobeyed, so it was best to not make that worse.
The tests came to an end.
Quinlan sat in the bedroom and stared at his wings. He hesitated then ran his fingers through the feathers. It still felt weird.
He didn't think he wanted to know where they had gotten wings that would work to become part of his body.
He pulled out a puzzle just to have something to do while he waited for dinner.
But his mind was moving. Quinlan could not stop thinking about thirteen year old Obi-Wan getting the healing. Then an older teen Obi-Wan getting wings. And all the experiments that came after.
Quinlan was struggling with it. His wings kept getting in the way. He didn't want wings. He didn't want to be changed.
If he, as a Jedi Master who was in his late thirties, was struggling with this, Obi-Wan would have had far worse.
Obi-Wan was so much stronger than Obi-Wan believed.
Quinlan ate the surprisingly decent meal.
He got ready for bed early and eyed the shower doubtfully. He knew how Obi-Wan managed to get himself clean, but he wasn't ready to try it for himself yet.
Quinlan had a hard time sleeping that night. Not just because of the situation but...
Sleeping with wings was hard. A lot of his usual sleeping positions were now difficult to achieve.
Eventually he managed to fall asleep.
He ate breakfast and waited to be dragged out for more experiments.
He still wasn't seeing any openings for escape.
He eyed the exam table warily but sat down on it when ordered.
They drew his blood and started chatting with each other about the midochlorians.
It was when they mentioned that the Dark sider they had examined once had midochlorians but they were different that he started paying attention.
The description of their experiment sounded like the Sith Qui-Gon reported on Tatooine, and then faced with Mace on Naboo.
Then he realized what they were discussing and his stomach dropped. They were running tests on his blood with their experiments into the Dark side.
They had gotten a hold of Sith artifacts to use too.
From their discussions, they wanted to use him like they had planned with Obi-Wan- not just as a lab rat, but an assassin. A weapon.
When thinking about it like that, it made perfect sense why they were branching into looking into the Dark side. That was a good step, considering how use of the Dark side often made people far more powerful. It also made them unhinged, losing their morals and even sense of self.
They were ignoring him. Talking about him like he wasn't even there because he wasn't a person to them.
Quinlan, driven by the need to avoid any exposure to the Dark side and not wanting to know their plans, stood.
None of the scientists noticed. They were moving away.
Quinlan let out a breath and started walking.
Once he was sure they hadn't noticed that he was escaping, he took off.
He hadn't seen any real openings, not before this one.
But he had thoughts on how to get out.
The shocks from the collar would not kill him. He would ignore and push through until he was out.
Once he was out of the lab he was moving.
He found an exit and darted out. He found an alleyway and pulled out his lockpicks- he always kept at least one hidden in his hair. No one ever thought to check his hair.
He started working at the collar quickly, wings folded against his back.
The shocks started not long after.
Quinlan grit his teeth and kept working at it, even as the pain got more and more unbearable.
His hands started shaking with the intensity after a while.
He was so close. He almost had it.
Quinlan dropped the lockpick and ended up curling up in pain when he went to pick it up.
Only a couple minutes later, security from the lab found him and used the strong sedatives to knock him out.
.
Quinlan woke up and found that security was stronger, and he was being punished with isolation and rations to ensure he was getting his nutrients rather than real food.
A quick check of the collar showed that the lock was now gone. They'd put a different one on him.
The looks the scientists gave him when he was next required to be present for testing of everything so far plus his blood.... those looks sent shivers down his spine.
Quinlan was in trouble.
.
Obi-Wan heard about Quinlan's disappearance the day after, once Rex was sure something had gone wrong.
He joined Rex to see what they could find.
He spotted a business card and picked it up. His heart started racing.
"What is that?" Rex asked.
Obi-Wan shook his head and slipped it into his pocket before resuming the search, checking with psychometry to see if he could pick anything else up.
Once he was certain, he and Rex went to their ship to return to the 501st.
Only then did Obi-Wan tell him about the business card.
"Future Solutions Lab," Obi-Wan said grimly. "They're supposed to be gone, I shouldn't be surprised they went underground after..."
"After?" Rex's brow furrowed. "You know the lab?"
"Yes, and I'm certain they were involved."
"Why?"
"Because that's the lab that Quin rescued me from. He would be perfect for revenge and an easier target than me."
Rex stared at him, glancing up at his headband. "No..."
Obi-Wan flipped the card in his bare hands and his eyes widened as he cursed. "Definitely a trap," he said grimly. "They want me to come attempt to rescue him, they wrote in the coordinates. With threats of killing him if I do not show up within two months." He didn’t mention the feelings of malicious glee he could feel on the card.
Rex cursed.
"Of course, they won't kill Quin... they would be happy to have a Jedi to test on. They're not going to kill a test subject just because I don't turn up. They probably think I'll be seeing red or panicking, if they think I'd realize that at all. They did treat me as if I was at best an animal, never a person, the whole time I was there."
Rex closed his eyes. "What's the plan? And don't say spring the trap."
Obi-Wan chuckled. "I'll spring the trap. We'll set up extraction teams and potential attack teams to be days behind me, to avoid suspicion. I have to arrive on the planet alone, with no sign that anyone followed me. Once that window passes... I doubt they'll be looking for troopers."
"Because they expect you to come with us, or to not say anything at all."
"Exactly." Obi-Wan smirked. "Good thing we're smarter than that."
"What about the Council?"
"I'll tell a few. No more than half need to know. And I'm telling mostly those that were the greatest help, so they know how this is affecting me. Mace, Plo, Shaak, Yoda, and Kit."
Rex nodded. "Right. General Fisto wasn't on the Council, though, was he?"
"No, but they did trust him, and he helped me a lot with the Nautolan things."
"Ah, of course."
"Let's get back and make plans."
"Yessir."
.
Obi-Wan landed on the planet, looking around. It wasn't that bad of a planet, but it wasn't surprising that a lab with such a bad reputation was able to hide there.
He stepped off the ship and started for the lab.
He would get Quinlan out.
He just hoped he wasn't too late.
No one deserved to suffer as he had.
Especially not Quinlan.
Especially not his best friend.
Obi-Wan stepped up to the door and took a deep breath. Time to stage a breakout.
He opened the door and walked in casually, covered in a cloak, hood up. He would make sure Quinlan got out alive, and hopefully with as few experiments as possible.
Obi-Wan worried that it was too late to avoid at least one, though.
It had been days since Quinlan disappeared. More than a week. It was more than enough time for something to happen.
He had been delayed by making the plans and making sure everything was in place before leaving. It had been the right choice, but... it still meant more time for experiments.
Obi-Wan knew Quinlan would understand. That didn't mean he had to like letting Quinlan suffer the way he had.
He just hoped that it wasn't anything life changing.
But he had a feeling it was big.
He was relieved to find the layout was the same as he remembered despite being in a new building. That would make things simpler.
He headed for the labs as his first guess for where Quinlan was. Second guess would be the gym. Final guess was a bedroom.
He was almost to the lab when he heard Quinlan start screaming.
Obi-Wan started running.
He flung open the door to find them in the middle of an experiment.
Quinlan screamed, looking to be in immense pain as they worked.
Obi-Wan closed his eyes briefly and breathed, putting his feelings in a box and shoving them away to deal with later.
Then he lifted his hands and pulled the scientists away from Quinlan.
"He's here!"
They sounded far too delighted.
Obi-Wan bared his sharp teeth. "I'm not here to be your lab rat again." He pulled out his lightsaber, and let his claws come out on the opposite hand.
Then he moved into action, blocking any tranqs sent his way, and not caring if his blows killed them or not.
His feelings were at the side, but that didn't mean that he had to care when defending his life, and the fact that they were aiming to capture him again.
Every so often he swiped someone with his claws or used the Force to slam them into the wall.
Obi-Wan found his way to Quinlan and checked. Only a few scientists were still conscious. Two of them were shaking and hiding. He snorted. They were the ones that wanted him to be violent.
Quinlan was whimpering, tears streaming down his face.
Obi-Wan scanned his body and sighed when he realized there was no sign of injuries. Then he spotted feathers and cursed, undoing the restraints quickly to pull Quinlan into a hug.
...and wow he had not realized how hard hugs were with wings in the way. He found a way to manage.
"Obes?" Quinlan whispered.
"I'm here." Obi-Wan kissed his temple to help center him.
"They're not going to stop..."
"I know. I planned for that," Obi-Wan whispered.
"Okay."
"Can you walk?" Quinlan nodded.
"They're blocking most exits, let's go to the gym, I have an idea."
Obi-Wan actually had a better escape idea (getting to the roof) but that he was saving for when the extraction arrived, if they did not escape.
He would not be surprised.
Avoiding the tranq darts forever would be difficult, and they had to have quite a few of those ready to go.
That just meant that Quinlan and Obi-Wan had to be fast.
They dashed through the halls.
Quinlan was clearly still adjusting to the extra weight of the wings, to the challenge of keeping them folded down at all times, even when it felt like it would be a good idea to spread them.
Obi-Wan helped him out, sensing his turmoil.
They made it to the gym. No one was following them yet. Probably because there were so many scientists down for the count. And a few dead.
"How are you with flying?" Obi-Wan asked, looking up at the skylight.
Quinlan followed his gaze. "Good enough to manage, I think."
"Then let's go." Obi-Wan shot straight up.
Quinlan still needed a running start, but he wasn't far behind.
Obi-Wan watched him fly, heart skipping a beat at the sight. It was horrifying that Quinlan had gone through the healing serum and getting wings. But... the gold and golden brown wings suited him perfectly. He looked gorgeous.
He shook his head and used his lightsaber to make sure they could get out.
They had not realized that anyone had entered the gym until the Force flared in warning.
First Obi-Wan fell, then Quinlan.
They woke up in the same room. The only difference to this room was it was a bit bigger, with a bigger bed.
"...why didn't they separate us?" Quinlan mumbled as he took comfort in Obi-Wan's presence.
"Probably decided it had some advantage. Maybe we'd be more compliant."
"Oh." Quinlan sighed. "That fall should have killed us."
"I know."
"How did you ever get used to that?"
Obi-Wan shrugged. "I still think about it from time to time, but for the most part... It's just a fact of life, after so many years. I can do things people can't. Remembering that I'm different, and why, well, that's never fun. But the actual healing? Most of the time I don't even think of it anymore."
"Oh. Yeah... that makes sense. It'll get easier?"
Obi-Wan nodded. "It will."
"Regrowing a limb is uncomfortable. Healing is disconcerting. As soon as the pain is there, it's gone."
"That's what makes their tests and torture so effective. Pain, no pain, pain, no pain. No end. No worries about death from blood loss."
Quinlan swallowed. "Yeah."
"What do you think of the wings?"
"It's... weird. Having extra limbs, feeling like they're a part of me... it's so weird. And they get in the way so easily. ...Flying on my own is nice."
"That's the best part," Obi-Wan agreed quietly. "I'll show you some of my tricks. It'll take practice, but you'll figure it out."
Quinlan nodded. "Can... can you help me shower? I haven't been able to bring myself to try," he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment.
"Of course," Obi-Wan assured him. "Anything to make the transition easier. I didn't have help."
"And you were younger. I can't imagine how much you hurt, how much you struggled. It's a lot, even for me."
Obi-Wan nodded. "Sometimes I look at Ahsoka and imagine her going through what I did, and I can't. I don't know that she'd be able to handle it, I don't want to imagine my padawan going through the same things as me... and... that makes me realize how impressive it is that I made it through... I was rather well adjusted despite everything."
"You were. I imagine most people wouldn't ever be able to have anywhere near a normal life, let alone be a Jedi after this."
"Yeah. We'll get through this." Obi-Wan smiled at him.
Quinlan nodded, then he sighed. "They got a hold of that Sith apprentice Mace and Qui-Gon fought on Naboo. They noticed that his midichlorians behaved differently than yours. And when they took my blood they realized that the difference had to be in using the Dark side."
"Oh no. I do not like where this is going."
"They've mostly been testing experiments on my blood to see how the midichlorians react."
"But today?" Obi-Wan remembered his screaming.
"Today was the first practical..." Quinlan whispered. "They had a Sith artifact. They were trying to fuse it to me, using some midochlorians they inserted in my blood."
Obi-Wan hugged him tighter. "Oh... how close were they?"
Quinlan bit his lip. "I... I don't think they did what they wanted to... but... something doesn't feel right..." He pulled away and pulled up his shirt. He groaned when it got caught on his wings.
Obi-Wan helped him remove it gently.
"Right here." Quinlan tapped just below his collar bone on the right side. He paused. "...there's something there."
Obi-Wan took a closer look and tapped the spot. "Yeah, there is... Healed over it like it's meant to be there."
Quinlan swallowed. "Of course."
"What was the artifact?"
"Near as I could tell, I think it was just something that the Sith had used a lot so it had a lot of the Dark side seeped into it but it didn't have a function. I've seen that sort of thing before."
Obi-Wan nodded. "Then maybe it will be harmless. It will be difficult to remove, though."
"Why?"
"Because it's hard to remove anything the serum believes belongs." Obi-Wan hesitated, then pulled up his pants leg to show his leg with dark spots. "Shrapnel. Normally a body rejects them. My body got used to it and resists removing any of it. We got one piece out after fighting the healing serum for hours. I know the healers are working on something to get them out. I think they plan on using a super magnet or something. But it'll be harder to remove something there, that the scientists wanted to be part of you."
Quinlan nodded slowly. "I think it was only part of the artifact. It broke when you used the Force."
"Ah, of course." Obi-Wan sighed. "I'm sorry. No telling if it will change anything for you, or not."
Quinlan nodded. "Well, if there's a way to remove the shrapnel, there will be a way to remove this. Eventually. I just feel like there's something wrong."
Obi-Wan nodded and hugged him tightly. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay. You saved me from them succeeding with the full artifact. Though I have no idea what they were hoping to accomplish."
"Me either. We'll see what happens over the next few days."
Quinlan nodded. "We'll see."
.
The next day they were left alone.
Obi-Wan took the opportunity to help Quinlan adjust more to the wings. Showers, clothes, trying to do things without wings getting in the way. Getting comfortable with the wings. All of it.
After dinner, they were brought out to go flying, and then swimming.
Quinlan hesitated before getting in the water with Obi-Wan.
...Swimming with wings was weird. He was a bit jealous of Obi-Wan, who's Nautolan modifications made it easier to swim.
After a bit he got the hang of it and relaxed, smiling at Obi-Wan zipping around the pool quickly.
Eventually they were sent back to their room.
Obi-Wan tugged at his collar. "Forgot what this felt like. Still uncomfortable."
"No kidding," Quinlan agreed. "I almost got it off, but they caught up with me and gave me a new one. This one doesn't have a lock or a seam."
"Oh, you're right. This one too." Obi-Wan sighed and gave up on messing with the collar. "Bedtime?"
"Yeah. We could put on holos but... I don't have the energy for anything else."
"Me either."
They curled up together and slept.
The next day was the first day of experiments.
Only, rather than experimenting with Sith artifacts or the Dark side like they had been, the scientists apparently were interested in how close Obi-Wan and Quinlan were.
Both hid their discomfort and waited to see what would come of this decision. Both were certain nothing good would be coming of it, but they would wait to see exactly what they wanted to do.
Apparently, that first day they just wanted to see how close they were. With torturing them and seeing how the other reacted.
Quinlan did not enjoy it. Pain, no pain, pain, no pain. Hearing Obi-Wan's reactions, watching the torture... watching the injuries heal...
He revised his opinion again. Obi-Wan's expression never changed through the torture, except for occasional flashes of worry and anger when Quinlan made noise.
Obi-Wan was so much stronger than he gave himself credit for. Yes, he had been a mess once he was safe, but everyone was a mess once it was safe to process and have emotions.
Obi-Wan was handling this so much better than he was.
Quinlan wasn't sure he'd be able to function once he was safe. He felt shaky enough after everything. He felt like he was going to fall apart and struggle the moment this was over, considering how he still couldn't find any sense of calm. He couldn't keep a straight face.
Not like Obi-Wan.
But then... that was why he had fallen in love with Obi-Wan. Or one of the many reasons.
Obi-Wan was always able to keep his cool and remain calm in the worst of situations. Even when on the first few missions after he was rescued, he still was calm and in control.
Some of that could be attributed to his mind healing team of course.
But Quinlan knew that they had a longer timeline in mind for how long it would take Obi-Wan to be able to go on missions, and even longer to be a Knight. Instead, he was teaching a padawan and on the Council a bit more than ten years after being rescued, far surpassing everyone's expectations.
Quinlan knew he could never have done it. He knew he couldn't even bounce back from this. But Obi-Wan would.
Obi-Wan always recovered quickly from anything that threatened to knock him down these days. It probably came from all the ways he had to manage his mental health, how he had suffered and pulled himself back up again.
Quinlan didn't think he would be able to do that.
After the day of torture was over, Quinlan stared at his hands, unsettled by the lack of even scarring showing that he had been tortured. There wasn't even lingering pain, almost as if the torture was a figment of his imagination.
At least Obi-Wan was there, as steady and calm as always in situations like these.
Did Quinlan worry that Obi-Wan was too much of a people pleaser, that he didn't care for himself sometimes? Yes. Was Quinlan refusing to talk about his feelings to Obi-Wan so that Obi-Wan wouldn't feel obligated to say yes? Was Obi-Wan still very sensitive at times about the modifications? Yes.
But times like this reminded Quinlan that he had fought and earned everything so far. He was a Jedi Master on the Council.
Regardless, Quinlan was lost in his thoughts and emotions... and Obi-Wan was not.
Obi-Wan gently led him to the shower to clean up after the day- there was actually blood leftover from some of the worse wounds- and then made sure he ate.
Obi-Wan was worried about Quinlan. He recognized the signs of his best friend shutting down and forgetting the world around him.
At least it meant that Quinlan still felt safe with him. If Quinlan hadn't felt safe, he wouldn't be shutting down.
Obi-Wan settled on the bed with him and put on something just to have background noise before cuddling Quinlan and humming.
Quinlan had been there for him in the aftermath, when Obi-Wan was still dealing with bouts of worry that he would never make it to be a Jedi Knight, when he despaired of ever catching up, when he thought he would never get his mental health sorted out.
It was Obi-Wan's turn to be there for Quinlan.
For as long as he had known Quinlan, he had always admired Quinlan's easy going nature, and how he was fun loving but could be serious if the situation called for it. He just had a different expectation for when a situation called for seriousness, which drove some nuts.
Obi-Wan loved it, and the levity it brought when he was feeling particularly tense.
He always worried when Quinlan got quiet and withdrew, when he didn't crack the jokes he normally would. He always worried when Quinlan stopped acting like himself.
But he had learned how to help. He had learned what helped, and what didn't.
He knew that Quinlan didn't do well with being alone. He knew that Quinlan had deep rooted insecurities that hid away like the most stubborn of weeds people didn't notice until it was too late.
That was the real reason Obi-Wan had decided to do the rescue. If he failed to get Quinlan out, he would end up being captured, and then Quinlan would end up not being alone.
Being put in the same room was beyond his expectations, but perfect to help Quinlan through the early days of the modifications. Through the adjustment period.
It was strange, sometimes. Obi-Wan was forever insecure about the modifications. But he wanted to own them. They existed. They were a part of him, and he took advantage of it, and sometimes even found joy in being able to fly and swim the way he did.
But they were still forced on him without his consent. They still made him stand out. He was not a normal human anymore. He looked a bit off when he allowed all his modifications to be on display.
Of course people would whisper and talk about him. Of course that could be a problem.
Of course he didn't appreciate how people treated him once they knew, how they whispered and stared.
But Obi-Wan knew how to ignore the insecurities. His mind healers were good.
And since he could handle them, that meant he could help Quinlan. Of course he would help his best friend.
The person he loved and admired.
Who rarely let anything get him down, so when it did... it meant things were bad, alarmingly so.
Obi-Wan stayed at his side until it was time for flying and swimming.
The usual routine.
Obi-Wan was a bit reassured by the familiarity. If they were going back to what had worked, it meant that he would have less to worry about.
Especially with Quinlan so out of it.
They made it through and curled up together.
Quinlan fell asleep surprisingly quickly.
Obi-Wan watched him sleep, and wondered what was going to come the next day. What was the experiment? What did they learn about how close Obi-Wan and Quinlan were that would lead them to an experiment?
He was not looking forward to the answer, but he was sure the new day would dawn with something unpleasant.
.
Quinlan winced as they restrained him on the table once more.
Being on his back was weird with wings, especially since he couldn’t move them when he was laying on them. At least any damage to them would heal up.
Obi-Wan felt very wary when they did not restrain him on the other table, but had him stand near Quinlan's head.
There was bustling around, shouts in a language that could only be described as Science! Because they were mostly speaking basic, but the words did not make sense to Obi-Wan.
That worried him more. He remembered those days. When he struggled to understand them, that was when things got weird. It was one of those days that brought him retractable claws. It was still the weirdest modification, especially since it meant he did not have nails anymore. Just claws. His fingers looked weird. And he hardly used them.
They brought out a cart and started whispering about it.
Obi-Wan watched Quinlan try and fail to handle his panic. Obi-Wan couldn't do anything to comfort him.
Vials were removed from the cart, then there were more whispers about Sith and the Dark side...
Oh no. Obi-Wan closed his eyes and breathed. Why wasn't he restrained? Were they going to focus on Quinlan?
Quinlan squirmed. His shoulder, where the Sith artifact had been partially embedded, ached with cold from the moment the cart was brought in. It was uncomfortable, but there was nothing he could do about it.
Obi-Wan watched them examine several vials.
They selected three.
One they poured over Quinlan. The second they forced down his throat.
The last one was injected into Obi-Wan's arm while he watched Quinlan worriedly, horrified by this turn of events.
Quinlan screamed and fought the restraints, thrashing around. At first the screams were wordless, incoherent.
Then they started to make sense.
"Kill me, please, make it stop!" he begged at the top of his lungs. "Make it stop, make it stop, kill me!"
Obi-Wan wanted to reach out to him, to reassure him. But then it hit him. He shouldn't have forgotten that they'd injected him with something as well.
Suddenly, it felt like his insides were crawling with insects.
Then his head exploded with pain and emotions that were not his.
He couldn't ground himself, especially without the Force.
He blindly reached around for something to cling to and he ended up grabbing Quinlan's hand.
Quinlan, who was experiencing different emotions and was dealing with...
Obi-Wan opened his eyes and stared at the way Quinlan's body looked like it could not decide what shape it wanted to be, only constrained by the restraints keeping him on the table.
Weird, his emotions were more manageable.
Obi-Wan stared at Quinlan, worried. Quinlan was in such pain...
The scientist next to him forced one hand, then the other onto Quinlan's chest.
It was like being doused in ice water. The crawling bug sensation was gone. His mind was clear of pain again.
He opened his eyes.
Quinlan was normal again, eyes wide and panicked, but his emotions were coming under control again.
Obi-Wan wanted to ask what happened but he didn't dare open his mouth. That was one of the first things they taught him not to do.
"Fascinating... Just as the notes suggested. In sync."
Obi-Wan turned to look at the scientists, removing his hands as he did so. Almost immediately, some of the sensation returned, but it was muted. He placed his hands back down.
They were talking about how their heartbeats were now perfectly aligned, beating the same way at the same time, the heartbeat lines the exact same though they were different people.
It took most of the day for Obi-Wan to piece together what they had done.
They had used three Sith potions, meant to bind two people together with Sith magick.
Obi-Wan listened but couldn't pick up why they would do that, what was so important about the binding.
After several minutes of notes, they removed the restraints from Quinlan and told Obi-Wan to join him on the bed, so they could more easily touch while things settled.
Neither Quinlan nor Obi-Wan liked what happened when they separated, so they complied willingly.
Eventually the scientists said that it should be settled, so time to see what the binding would do.
Obi-Wan did not like the sound of that.
Quinlan was just tiredly leaning on him, not sure what was going to happen next and without the energy to deal with it this time.
What followed was unexpected.
Obi-Wan curled around Quinlan afterwards, back in their room, and both too tired to move after forcing themselves to eat and being dragged on the daily flight and swim.
Quinlan whimpered. "What did they do to us?"
"I don't know," Obi-Wan said softly, wincing at the thought of the experiments.
Apparently, whatever one of them were experiencing, the other experienced something similar but not the same, sometimes even opposite, unless they were touching.
It was very disconcerting, especially the way that emotions would spill over and make it impossible to tell what emotion belonged to who.
Quinlan rubbed his eyes. "I want to go home."
"Me too," Obi-Wan said softly, brushing hair out of Quinlan's face.
"This is going to make everything worse."
"It is."
"...and I think I can tell when the Dark side is around."
"You can?"
Quinlan nodded and tapped the embedded metal. "This got cold and achy when the cart was brought in and only got colder until they removed it."
"Oh, that sucks."
"Could be useful but don't like the pain."
"I wouldn't either. We have a high enough pain tolerance, we do not need more."
"Definitely not," Quinlan agreed sadly. "But... if it can detect the Dark side... does that mean it can detect Dark siders?"
Obi-Wan blinked. "It could work. I don't know how but it could work."
Quinlan smiled. "Well, then something good is coming of this, if we get out."
Obi-Wan sighed. "Don't think of it like that."
"...can't help it. I didn't want this. I didn't want to get wings or fast healing, and the only thing I can do to manage my emotions is try to think of the positives even when it doesn't work."
Obi-Wan sighed again. "I know, but it doesn't really help in the long run because it doesn't matter what good or bad these modifications are. They're part of you now, they're part of us. And nothing can change that. We just have to adapt and live as best we can."
Quinlan nodded, but had to point out the obvious. "You still feel insecure about them."
"Of course I do. I never asked for them. I never asked to suffer like this. I never asked to struggle and struggle with what was done to me. And I certainly didn't ask for all the whispers and judgment, all the people who think they know me just from seeing me, all the people who pity me, who question my very existence but I am still here. Dying will take a very particular set of circumstances that is depressingly unlikely to happen, or doing it myself. And since I prefer to help others, I would rather go out doing what good I can over anything else."
"Wow..." Quinlan stared at him, brimming with admiration.
Obi-Wan smiled at him. "It's not easy, though. Took me years to figure it out. I'm not sure I could have managed it without Ahsoka. She's always teaching me new ways to look at things that help."
Quinlan chuckled. "Padawans have a way of doing that, don't they?"
Obi-Wan nodded, pleased that he had managed to cheer Quinlan up, at least a little.
Neither got much sleep.
Then came a strange knock at the door.
Quinlan sat up. "Wait a minute..."
Obi-Wan let out a sigh of relief. "Finally."
The door opened after a moment.
It was Rex and Cody, both looked relieved to see them.
They barely even paused when they noticed that Quinlan had wings, just started getting the collars off with something they had found while exploring the facility.
Obi-Wan rubbed his neck once the collar was off with relief. "Thank you. Now, where is everyone?"
"Hopefully getting out of here after swiping all the information."
"Good. I was thinking the roof would be perfect."
Cody sighed. "Of course you did, sir. Let's go."
"Uh... what's the plan?" Rex asked. "We're supposed to meet away from the facility."
"We're flying," Obi-Wan answered. "I'll carry Cody, and Quinlan can carry you."
Rex eyed Quinlan's wings, a little dubious. "Are you sure?"
"I've been flying a few times since," Quinlan assured him. "I believe I can handle it."
"Very well."
They headed for the roof, sticking together.
There were no alarms, no signs that anyone realized anything was wrong by the time they were on the roof.
"Ready?"
"Yes." Cody was very pointedly not looking down as Obi-Wan picked him up.
Quinlan checked on how Obi-Wan was holding Cody and picked up Rex the same way.
As they leapt off the roof, the door burst open with angry yells.
Obi-Wan sighed. "Typical. Quin, we may heal quickly but wings getting shot do interrupt flight, so be careful."
"Right." Quinlan let out a breath and pushed aside the fear (was it his fear? Obi-Wan's? Didn't matter) to focus on flying and not getting shot.
Cody pulled himself up to look over Obi-Wan's shoulder. "Chasing on speeders."
"Wonderful." Obi-Wan sighed. "Go ahead."
Cody pulled out a blaster and started shooting.
Rex stared at him then looked up at Quinlan. "Uh..."
"Still new to flying, but I think I can handle it... stop whatever it is if I start struggling," Quinlan responded, knowing what he was thinking.
Rex nodded and adjusted and started shooting over Quinlan's shoulder carefully.
The shots landed, and three of those following them fell out of the sky.
"Time for some evasive maneuvers," Obi-Wan called, diving into the city.
Quinlan huffed. "Hold on, Rex." He followed Obi-Wan down and marveled at how much easier it was than he expected. He couldn't do it with the ease that Obi-Wan was, but he could manage the basics with more ease than he was expecting.
Side to side, up down, around buildings. They were gaining attention, but they were also losing their tails one by one.
Cody waited until they didn't see any tails and told Obi-Wan where they were meeting the rest of the extraction team.
Quinlan followed, focusing just on following and ignoring anything else. He was freaking out more than a little bit, wondering how Obi-Wan was handling this so well.
He sighed in relief when he saw the ship they were going for. Almost free.
Naturally, that was when several security guards caught up with them.
"Lightsaber!" Fives called, throwing it at Quinlan.
Quinlan caught it after setting Rex on his feet.
Then he spun and fought back against the security guards.
Not having to worry about his injuries, feeling them healing up almost instantly, made it a lot easier.
But no wonder Obi-Wan still practiced good defense and evasion. So much pain even fading away immediately was annoying.
Especially since his pain tolerance was not nearly as high as Obi-Wan's yet.
The fight took a while after reinforcements arrived, but Quinlan felt confident with some of the 501st and 212th at his back, Obi-Wan, Rex, and Cody at his side.
They were making progress.
Finally, there was an opportunity to get out, and they took it.
Quinlan leaned on the wall and breathed once they were off planet and in space, heading to meet back up with the rest of the 501st and 212th.
"General?" Kix approached him. "I need to examine you."
Quinlan sighed. "Right."
Kix looked him over, spotting no sign of injury. "...I saw you get hit."
"The first thing they did was give me the same healing serum that Obi has," Quinlan said quietly. "So I am unharmed. I have something stuck here," he tapped the spot, "with no idea if we can remove it, and yeah."
Kix frowned. "Well, I'd like to scan you to make sure we have everything on file, just in case."
"Of course." Quinlan let out a breath and followed.
At least everyone was already used to the concept of a person with wings, thanks to Obi-Wan.
They didn't even react beyond a double take.
Quinlan realized something odd as he answered Kix's questions.
Ever since Cody and Rex showed up, there had been a small ache with a little chill in the metal. The more of the clones he was around, the worse it was getting.
Quinlan filed that away to think about for a bit before mentioning it to anyone besides Obi-Wan. It wasn't urgent since it was such a low level ache, even with Kix poking and prodding him.
But it was also rather weird, and more than a bit alarming.
Finally, he was cleared. Just as they arrived.
Quinlan tucked his wings against his back as he followed Obi-Wan, wondering if he would ever be able to do so with the same ease as Obi-Wan.
Everyone noticed immediately that Quinlan had wings, and they looked torn between being upset for him and asking him questions.
Quinlan was relieved they did not say anything. He was still wrapping his head around all of what happened. He just couldn't handle it right now.
He should be better than that, but it was a big change to handle.
They arrived to give their report.
Quinlan tried to show his usual mask, but he couldn't quite manage it. He was still shaken.
He put it aside to give the report, grateful it was just the Council and that he did not have to deal with the Chancellor at all. The Chancellor always seemed weirdly interested in Obi-Wan's modifications.
But at least it was over.
Obi-Wan finished his report with "I'm sure that there were people recording that escape with all the fighting we had to do, so we should be prepared with a statement about what happened." He had spent the whole report being supportive in the Force, radiating soothing emotions.
Quinlan grimaced at the reminder.
"Anything you have to add, Quinlan?"
Quinlan sighed and explained what he went through. "In the end, I have this bit of metal stuck here." He tapped it. "It aches and gets cold in the presence of the Dark side from what limited exposure I had after. I'm a bit concerned that it started aching and getting chilly after Cody and Rex found us. It got worse the more troopers were around. We do know that the Sith had a hand in their creation."
Mace nodded. "See if you can pinpoint the origin, so that we can take care of it if necessary."
"Of course." Quinlan hesitated. "Can we keep the Dark side thing between us? I don't want it getting out. We still don't know who our leaks are."
"Of course. We'll just record that there were attempts but no side effects."
Quinlan relaxed. "Thank you."
They discussed a few more points before the meeting came to a close.
"Quinlan?"
"Yeah?" Quinlan asked.
"Are you okay?"
"No, but I will be. I'll contact my mind healer and I'm starting to adjust to the wings already... the healing is really disturbing but I'm managing to handle that too."
"Alright, good. If you need anything, including leave, let us know and we'll figure something out."
"Of course. Thank you." Quinlan managed a smile.
Finally, the meeting was over and Quinlan could retreat to his room to just be and try to find his stability.
He didn't know how Obi-Wan did it. Holding his wings against his body without them moving at all in reaction to his movements was hard.
He didn't know how Obi-Wan kept handling what happened to him so young so well.
Because Quinlan felt shaky, like nothing would ever be the same again. Like he couldn't be a Jedi anymore, it was so bad.
And then there was the sensing the Dark side thing that was still throwing him off.
Quinlan settled on his bed and considered meditating, but he realized his thoughts were too jumbled for his usual meditation.
He wrapped his arms around his legs and ignored his wings. They still felt so weird. He hated it, in some ways. They drove him nuts. He couldn't handle it. But he had to. It was part of him now, just as healing quickly was now part of him.
It sucked.
He rubbed the Dark side artifact, he really needed some other thing to call it, and sighed. That was the worst part. He didn't want a built-in detector that hurt. He wanted it out.
And the fact that Obi-Wan had shrapnel in his leg and he never told Quinlan...
Quinlan had done everything to put Obi-Wan at ease, but Obi-Wan did not trust him as much as Quinlan would like.
He decided to try meditating, just a general meditation, not trying to work on any feelings. Just... breathing and existing.
He ended up crying after some time, crying for everything he had lost.
He was like Obi-Wan now. But he could never be Obi-Wan, Obi-Wan was too special. Quinlan could never hope to match how Obi-Wan acted in all ways and Quinlan just was not Obi-Wan, period.
And that, more than anything, hurt.
Quinlan couldn't calm down. But... crying did feel a bit better. Letting himself have the emotions.
He shouldn't be holding himself to Obi-Wan's standard.
Obi-Wan was special and had always gone above and beyond anything anyone expected of him.
Quinlan could never hope to match him.
Despite how he appeared, Quinlan wasn't that good of a Jedi. He tried, for Obi-Wan, because Obi-Wan needed him at his best. He had tried for Aayla, because Aayla didn't deserve a mess of a master that could not teach her how to be a Jedi.
Quinlan kept crying, trying not to think too hard, but he had opened the floodgates. The way all the emotions swarmed his head, the way they blended together, the way he could not separate out each individual one...
He was overwhelmed with the strength of the feelings, and so, there was nothing else he could do besides cry.
.
Obi-Wan wrapped up checking that everything was still going well.
It was time to check on Quinlan. He had seemed so shaken during the call, and Obi-Wan could still feel the turmoil.
He reached Quinlan's room and knocked on the door.
There was no answer.
But he could hear muffled sobs.
Obi-Wan's heart broke. He never wanted anyone to go through what he had.
He opened the door and spotted Quinlan sobbing into his knees on the bed.
Obi-Wan sighed and hurried over. He hoped Quinlan would be okay. Dealing with the mental and emotional toll this took... Obi-Wan wouldn't wish it on his worst enemy, let alone on Quinlan, the person he loved so much.
He sat down and wrapped an arm around Quinlan, careful not to invade his space too much.
Then he started humming and rubbing Quinlan's shoulder.
He would stick with Quinlan to help him through what happened.
He just hoped that Quinlan wouldn't lose that bright spark. The cheerfulness and mischievousness that was just Quinlan.
Quinlan leaned on him then a few minutes later crawled into his lap to keep crying.
Obi-Wan rubbed his back gently, carefully trying not to draw attention back to his wings. He suspected Quinlan might just start crying again if he did that. He kept trying to be calm and soothing, reassuring, for Quinlan.
Obi-Wan stayed like that for more than an hour before Quinlan finally stopped crying.
He leaned on Obi-Wan for a bit then it registered. He sat up, drying his eyes. He looked away. "Thanks."
"You're welcome, Quin. If you ever want to talk about it... I'm here."
"I know. Thank you." Quinlan gave him a small smile. "It just... it just hit me after everything. That's all."
"Of course." Obi-Wan nodded, understanding.
Too understanding in Quinlan's view. He didn't deserve Obi-Wan at all.
"Want me to spend the night?" Obi-Wan asked.
Quinlan hesitated, then shook his head. "I think I'll be okay... even if it's still painful, I don't need cuddling the same way."
"And that's another adjustment you need to make... and pain is pain regardless."
"Yeah... I know. It just... doesn't seem as important."
"I get that, but remember how concerned you and everyone else get when I do something that hurts me even though I heal quickly? The fact that you're still experiencing pain is concerning."
"Right. I'll be okay for tonight. We'll see about tomorrow."
"Alright. As long as you're taking care of yourself, alright?"
Quinlan gave Obi-Wan a small smile. "Promise." He hoped that Obi-Wan didn’t pick up on just how bad his emotions were from the strange binding that had been done to them.
Obi-Wan gave him another tight hug.
Quinlan leaned in, well versed in how to avoid Obi-Wan's wings and still do a nice secure hug.
Then he watched Obi-Wan go and sighed. Now he had more reasons he couldn't date Obi-Wan.
Before, it was just that he worried that Obi-Wan would feel obligated. Like he had to.
Now Quinlan didn't think Obi-Wan should date him.
He felt like he was overreacting to the changes. And that made him unworthy of someone as wonderful as Obi-Wan, who was able to overcome so much to become the best Jedi there was.
The example all initiates looked up to.
Quinlan was just his friend who was average to begin with. Who agreed to take the 501st to avoid the loneliness of doing only shadow missions during a war. He knew it was the right choice for him... but it only proved that he didn't exactly fit as a Jedi in many ways.
His personality didn't mesh with most Jedi.
He was good at most things but not great or amazing at anything.
He thought he was decent at teaching, but he was pretty sure Aayla turned out the way she did more through her own effort than his.
And now, with the addition of wings, he couldn't even do the main thing he was good at before. He was no good as a shadow with such an obvious difference between him and other people. He would be noticed immediately.
He had worked hard to get a better record than most shadows, but now that was all gone.
What could Quinlan even do?
At least the war was continuing. He could be a general. He wasn't a good one, he wasn't meant to be a leader, but he had something he could do. Maybe at the end of the war he'd have a more solid idea on what kind of Jedi he could be.
Quinlan sighed. The experiments had brought out all the insecurities. Some he had barely been aware of existing. And probably some new ones.
He sent his mind healer a summary and requested a session as soon as possible with both of their schedules.
Then he tried to get some sleep.
It was next to impossible. All he could think about was how much everything would change after the experiments.
It was only after he redirected his thoughts to the strange aching around the clones that he was finally able to get some sleep, though he was no closer to solving that mystery.
.
Quinlan focused on figuring out the source of the Dark side in the clones over the next several weeks.
Eventually he grew pretty confident it had to be something that was implanted in them, something that was not natural.
There was no other way for the Dark side to cling to them without spreading, without growing.
He ordered scans, as thorough of scans as they could after explaining things to Kix and Manner, Obi-Wan's head medic.
They discovered chips in the brains of clones.
After the first few were removed, Quinlan confirmed them as the source of the Darkness.
Obi-Wan was able to sense them once they were out of the clones' heads and once he knew what he was looking for he could sense them in the clones' heads as well.
This news was passed on quietly. They could not let the Sith now he was onto the chips.
Especially when they didn't know why the clones had them. What the plan for the chips even was.
Quinlan helped investigate them, grateful there were still things he could do.
Things weren't lining up with his mind healer, so they had resorted to sending long messages as correspondence, trying to help Quinlan overcome his new insecurities.
But it just wasn't that simple.
Quinlan cried himself to sleep most nights. He was doing something. But once the war was over, what could he do?
He had a reputation in the Temple. People were skeptical when he took on teaching classes. People were skeptical of him training Aayla.
They were skeptical of his abilities as a shadow, of his suitability as a Jedi at all.
It wasn't actually that many, but he ran into those people often enough that it felt more prominent than it was.
And now that he had wings, now that he had lost part of his identity to become a freak, as some called Obi-Wan...
He was sure they would not approve of anything he did.
He wasn't sure they were wrong.
Quinlan just kept on pushing himself to do the best he could.
Being able to be reckless was a bit freeing. Sometimes he wanted a little extra pain, to give himself something tangible to be having feelings over.
Quinlan was going to always do everything he could to protect everyone around him, and keep them from being hurt.
He might as well use everything he had to the fullest to make sure they did survive. That they won the war.
Obi-Wan was worried about Quinlan and how far he was pushing himself. It wouldn't affect either of them the same way it affected others, it wouldn't affect them physically, but it would affect them mentally and emotionally regardless. It was not a good thing.
But there was not anything they could do. Not while the war required the pushing of limits.
Obi-Wan watched Quinlan and helped him adjust. He offered tips and suggestions and checked in once in a while about mental health. He knew something was wrong, but Quinlan was not budging, and much like Quinlan had respected his boundaries, Obi-Wan respected Quinlan’s and did not push besides reminding him that Obi-Wan was there when he was ready.
Quinlan was doing better, but he had yet to be able to do any real sessions with his mind healer, just exchange correspondence.
It was strange how reluctant Quinlan was about actually talking about it.
Obi-Wan couldn't pin him down to talk about it, unfortunately, especially without pushing boundaries.
The chips were solved, the Chancellor found to be the Sith.
All that was left was figuring out a game plan.
One of the things that worried Obi-Wan the most was how Quinlan, just like Obi-Wan, was suddenly a lot more requested on missions that could end in death.
After all, with the healing serum, there was very little that could kill them. And not much more that could hurt them for longer than a few minutes.
But that didn't mean that Obi-Wan enjoyed seeing Quinlan get pulled for the same job.
Especially when it was them being pulled to arrest the Chancellor, since he would have a hard time killing them.
The plan was for them to be the distraction while other Jedi snuck in and attacked.
Quinlan and Obi-Wan would be living shields and get in their own strikes when they could.
It was the best plan they could make, and it was more reasonable than most they were put on otherwise, the ones that were usually ordered by the Senate or the Chancellor rather than the Council.
It still sucked.
Obi-Wan watched Quinlan tackle the responsibility with gusto, determined to do what was right.
They succeeded. No one died.
In the aftermath of the arrest and subsequent fight, it was discovered that the Chancellor had been grooming a padawan (Anakin Skywalker) to be his apprentice, using Anakin's frustration at still being a padawan and how in love with someone he was not able to see often... and well, things were getting bad, and his master had not seen it coming, unfortunately.
Obi-Wan was grateful he did not have to be part of that mess in any capacity besides that of a Council member, and others had taken a greater interest outside of Council duties.
He needed to focus on Ahsoka.
And on Quinlan, he quickly realized, after Quinlan stopped appearing in public so much.
After Quinlan stopped visiting with the 501st so frequently.
He didn't stop entirely, at least.
Obi-Wan worried more when he realized that Quinlan hadn't shown up to play with initiates in the creche, nor had he signed up to teach any classes as everyone scrambled for a sense of normalcy in the aftermath of the war.
It took a while to find the time to go visit Quinlan to get to the bottom of it.
He knocked on the door.
Quinlan answered and gave him a smile. "Hey, Obes. What's up?" Even the hug contained less enthusiasm than usual.
Obi-Wan followed him to the couch. "I'm worried about you Quin."
Quinlan blinked, surprised. "You are?"
Obi-Wan gave him a look. "Rex says you're not stopping by much anymore. You haven't stopped by the creche once. You haven't even signed up to teach any classes."
Quinlan slumped, looking away. "I'm trying. Mind healing only just started back up properly and... there's a lot. We're doing it once a week for now."
"Alright. You haven't put in what you're going to do after your leave is up?"
Quinlan lifted one shoulder. "I figured you all know my skills well enough to pick the best missions."
Obi-Wan frowned. "What's wrong Quin? Can you please talk to me?"
Quinlan swallowed and looked away, drawing his knees to his chest. "I... I don't... I can't..."
Obi-Wan sighed, a bit heartbroken to see Quinlan so distressed, but not trusting Obi-Wan with his pain.
He placed his hand on Quinlan's hand so that Quinlan could feel his sincerity.
"I will always be here when you want to talk, Quin. You were always there for me in my worst moments. But if I can't be who you talk to, please find someone to talk to. I can't stand seeing you hurt like this. I can't stand to see you so withdrawn. You're not yourself. I know it's hard for you to find yourself after something like that. Please, please let someone in. Talk to Tholme, talk to Aayla. Talk to someone besides your mind healer. You're suffering in silence and you don't have to." Obi-Wan's heart ached knowing that he apparently wasn't an option, that even after everything, Quinlan couldn't trust him. But this wasn't about his feelings. It was about Quinlan's, and trying to make sure he knew he was safe and secure and loved and that he could speak up about his problems.
Quinlan still wasn't saying anything.
"Do you want me to stay, or go?" Obi-Wan asked gently.
"...I'm jealous of you," Quinlan whispered suddenly.
Obi-Wan blinked. "What?"
"It's... it's not that I don't trust you but I just never feel like I'm good enough around you anymore."
Obi-Wan squeezed his hand gently. "Why not? You haven't changed. The modifications change nothing about who you are."
Quinlan let out a humorless laugh. "Don't they? I fell apart, Obes. I haven't been able to put myself together. I've talked myself out with my mind healer. I've explored all the ways I'm insecure. I've gone over and over all the emotions involved. But I'm not you. I haven't been able to put myself back together. You are so much stronger than I can ever be. So much of a better Jedi than me. I don't deserve a friend like you." He was wiping away a stray tear when Obi-Wan yanked him into a full, tight hug.
Quinlan blinked up at him, surprised.
"I'm not as strong as you think I am. You know why I was able to put myself back together again? You helped me. You always made time. You gave me confidence I wasn't really feeling just by how casually you treated everything. You were there for me, Quin. You helped me build myself back up, you helped me build a support network. You helped me during the war. I'm still insecure about the wings. Yeah, I don't show it, but I'm always worrying about what others think of them. I never had to worry about it with you because you were always there. You knew exactly how to reassure me and you always helped me, without question and without judgment."
"But that's different. You'd been with them for years, since you were thirteen. You were barely even twenty five. I'm forty years old! And yet I don't know what I'm doing... I was only with them for what, a week? And I fell apart."
Obi-Wan hugged him tighter before letting go. "So? They gave you that kriffing healing serum that changes everything. They gave you wings. They tried to hurt you with the Dark side, to change you fundamentally, and now you have a piece of metal from a Sith artifact embedded in you, and it hurts you, almost cripples you around an actual Sith. I'd be surprised if you didn't fall apart."
Quinlan shook his head.
"Quin..." Obi-Wan let out a breath. "Just because I've been hiding my insecurities doesn't mean they're not there. I'm far from perfect. I still feel like I don't belong on the Council. I still worry about failing Ahsoka. I still feel like I haven't earned the rank of master."
Quinlan sighed. "But you pull it off. I don't know how to do that."
Obi-Wan groaned. "Quin. I admired you when I was first brought back. I wanted to be like you . I used you as a guide to how to handle things, I used you as my role model. I couldn't believe how you had grown up. I couldn't believe that you were the same Quinlan Vos I had known in the creche. You were so good at everything, I was amazed. I wasn't surprised when you started teaching Aayla, I wasn't surprised when you attained the rank of master before she was knighted. You're such a good Jedi."
"No I'm not..." Quinlan was staring at him with confusion. "I'm average at best when you take out being a shadow. I'm not that good. I don't fit in, you know that and-" he paused, trying to think of words to say.
"That's the sticking point, isn't it, Quin?" Obi-Wan asked gently. "That you can't be a shadow anymore. Outside of training Aayla, that was your life. It wasn't always the best fit because you get lonely easily and you need more touch than the average Jedi, but you made it work, and the war changed things up, but you could still be a shadow, you could still make the choice on if you were going to drop it after the war. But that choice got taken away, and you're at a loss of what that means, since you see your greatest skills as what was good for your job."
Quinlan winced and looked down, nodding.
Obi-Wan lifted his chin. "Quin, there is so much you can do. I can ask the Council to help me put together a list of suggestions if you want. But my top two are healing, you've already got almost knight level training in healing because you've taken so many classes, and I think psychometry can help you handle the injuries, but you also will be required to cover up most of the time so it would be deliberate use when you need it. You would also be brilliant at search and rescue. Your psychometry could help you find where people are because you might be able to find where they were when the disaster happened. You're good at being thorough in searches. Why not apply that to people?"
To his surprise, Quinlan started crying.
"...Quin?"
"You didn't think of the healing serum or the wings, or the Dark detector, you thought of my psychometry, the thing that I have always had."
"Of course. Those are bonuses, they're not the whole of you, Quin, and they never will be."
"Okay. I'll... I'll think about the ones you suggested."
"Good. I'll still be here, Quin. No matter what."
"But what about the Council and Ahsoka?"
"Of course I'll always put them first. But you are next on the list after that, Quin. I adore you. You are the most important person in my life after my padawan. I don't like to see you hurting. I want you to feel better. I know that takes time. But I would like to help."
Quinlan sniffled and nodded. "Okay."
"Great. Now... Quin."
Quinlan suddenly felt nervous. "...yes?"
"Why haven't you signed up to teach or gone to the creche?"
"Insecurities... I... I don't like how people react to the wings, even now. I don't like how they whisper and talk like I'm not there. Worse, it brought back all the worries of the past. It brought back the memories of people telling me I shouldn't be teaching, that I'm not a good role model because I'm not a good Jedi. I knew they were wrong, because none of the people I respected said I should stop. But that didn't stop me from worrying about it. And now that I'm different, and dealing with a new thing and insecure about that... all the old insecurities came back. But worse, because the modifications completely changed everything for me. It changes how people are going to look at me... and I don't know what to do with that."
Obi-Wan hugged Quinlan tightly again. "It changed nothing for me," he said softly. “It changed nothing for Ahsoka. It changed nothing for the Council. I doubt it changed anything for Tholme and Aayla. You have been doing good, all on your own, Quin. Be proud of how far you have come. Be proud of being a master. You solved the mystery of the Sith! You were brave and used the Dark detector even though it hadn't been that long since it got embedded in your shoulder. You fought Palpatine with it, even though you were in extreme pain. You are amazing, Quin. I promise you that the younglings and padawans will be thrilled if you want to teach them anything. They look up to you. And I'm sure that if you decide to teach a class for anyone else they would love it too. People do like you. You're not the usual sort of Jedi, but you are a Jedi, and it shows. Please, Quin. Think about it."
"Alright... alright." Quinlan sighed. "I'll... I'll work on it."
"And you'll confide in someone when it gets bad?"
"Yes, I will," Quinlan agreed. "It's... it's still hard."
"It's going to be hard for a long time, Quin. But I have faith that you can handle it."
Quinlan swallowed. "If you're sure. I don't really know that I can... I'm... I'm struggling."
"You pushed yourself through the end of the war, and you did amazingly well, even though you were hurting. Can you imagine what it will be like once you're feeling better? You will be amazing."
Quinlan fidgeted, embarrassed. "If you say so."
"I know so." Obi-Wan hesitated, then kissed him.
Quinlan blinked a few times, stunned. "...Obes?"
"I want to date," Obi-Wan admitted. "I have a strong crush on you. Maybe I'm in love with you, I'm not sure. But I do know that I definitely want to date. I just... wasn't sure you'd want to date someone like me, with all my weirdness from the modifications. But... I realized that I'm talking to you about insecurities and I shouldn't let that one rule me anymore. Especially not now that you would understand, even if you don't feel the same way."
Quinlan stared at him, then put a hand on Obi-Wan's cheek before pulling him back in for a better kiss, now that he was over the shock.
"I've wanted to date you for years, but I was worried you'd feel like you have to say yes," he admitted. "I've noticed that you have a tendency to do whatever people ask, like they will hate you forever if you don't or something."
"Oh... I can see why you'd be concerned about that. I guess we were both being a little silly about it."
"Just a bit." Quinlan chuckled. "So... I know I still have a lot of work to do mental health wise, but where does this leave us?"
"If you want to focus on yourself, I have no issue with that, Quin. I would prefer you to be happy over anything, even if that means we're not dating. But I think we can handle dating as we are."
Quinlan lit up. "Okay! Thank you, for coming to talk to me, and being patient... and not just telling me but showing me, with your emotions and my psychometry."
"No problem, Quin. Feeling better?"
"Absolutely. Thank you. I'll have to apologize to Rex and the 501st. They'll be so mad I let this get to me so much."
"Yeah, they will be."
"But... I miss them. So it'll be worth it."
"Of course."
After that, Quinlan and Obi-Wan were closer than before... and no one was surprised that they started dating.
Ahsoka even walked in and yelled "Finally!" when she saw them kissing.
Life was good.