Chapter Text
Alhaitham opened his eyes to find himself facing a wall — no, a body. He tilted his head to find Kaveh’s peaceful sleeping face. He never understood how one man could look so effortlessly beautiful. It was then that he took notice of their arms and legs intertwined, fit perfectly together like puzzle pieces. He felt Kaveh stir and immediately put his head back down onto the architect’s chest. He felt Kaveh’s hand move in his hair, ruffling and smoothing it. It felt nice. He felt warmth blossom in his own chest, a pleasant feeling he hadn’t experienced in a while.
For a moment, Alhaitham was at peace. His mind was calm and he could enjoy the present moment without thinking. Kaveh put his nose in Alhaitham’s hair, inhaling the scent of his ridiculous 3-in-1. They both lay awake, enjoying the simple presence of the other for what seemed like hours, with Kaveh twisting and twirling the grey hair below him and Alhaitham making shapes with his finger on the architect’s back.
You don’t deserve this. The voice startled Alhaitham out of his serenity, and he lifted his head to find vermillion eyes smiling back at him. You don’t deserve this calm. He’s going easy on you. You’re pathetic if you need to be coddled like this. You’re a burden on his shoulders. The voices began to escalate until they were overlapping each other and were a dissonant noise. He tried to bury his head further into Kaveh’s chest, to listen to his heartbeat and dull the chanting in his head. It was all for naught. The steady drum of Kaveh’s heart against his chest matched the throbbing of the growing headache Alhaitham was developing.
Alhaitham’s arms tighten around Kaveh’s waist when he feels him try to move. “Haitham, I have a site to visit today.” When Alhaitham didn’t let up, Kaveh peeled off the arms around him. He murmured a little “sorry,” to which Alhaitham grumbled something incoherent. “I’ll be back in the afternoon. Eat something and clean up.”
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Alhaitham had dozed off at some point while thinking of something to do. His nose twitched at a whiff of sabz meat stew. Curious, he opened his eyes only to be startled by the General Mahamatra leaning over him.
Unsure of what to say, Alhaitham closed his eyes again. Cyno tapped him. He tapped him again. Alhaitham became peeved. “Stop.”
“It’s time to get up.” Cyno kept poking.
“I’m tired.”
“I don’t care. Get up. I didn’t help Tighnari in the kitchen just for the stew to go cold.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Again, I don’t care. Sit up.”
Alhaitham gave in and sat up. No point arguing with him. “Why are you here? Did Kaveh call you?”
“Nope. Tighnari dragged me here. He was all agitated, mumbling something about ‘out of all people to have this issue.’” Cyno sat down on the table behind him. “I’m not going to interrogate you, but I think it’d help a little if you told us what’s going on. We’re kind of helping you with blind eyes. No offense, but from an outside perspective, it just seems like you’re being lazy. Now, I know that you’re not quite the type to cut corners and be half-assed about things, but it’s a little difficult to see anything other than a man being languid.”
“Is there really such an issue with a man being languid, though?”
“You’re completely missing my point. It’s out of character. You’re a man who works hard, not a man who sleeps until the afternoon.” Cyno holds out the bowl of stew.
Alhaitham reluctantly takes it. “Yes, but I’ve also been appointed a new position, in case you haven’t noticed. You’d think that I deserve a little rest after my workload tripled in size.”
“Now you’re just bullshitting me. You wouldn’t care about rest, no matter how big your workload is. Especially since Lesser Lord Kusanali herself gave you the position.”
“So you’re saying I should work nonstop?”
“That’s not what I implied at all.”
Alhaitham simply huffed and stirred the bowl in his hands. “How long are you planning to be here?”
“An hour. Tighnari pulled me out in the middle of work and I only got away with it because it was a low-tier commission. Tighnari wants to stay overnight though.”
“Why?”
“Because he knows Kaveh is barely keeping it together and he does not want the blind leading the blind.”
At that moment, Tighnari walked in, apron messy and hair slightly disheveled. “Just precautionary measures.” Alhaitham understands why Tighnari is doing all of this, but that doesn’t mean he appreciates it. He wants to be left alone, no matter how dangerous that could potentially be. He wants to be left to his own devices so that he can cope how he’d like, healthy or not.
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Kaveh arrives home long after the sun has set. Tighnari and Alhaitham were opposite each other, reading books from their respective Darshans. “TIGHNARI? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?”
Alhaitham flinches and Tighnari’s ears immediately flatten against his head. “Why are you yelling?”
“WHAT?”
“WHY ARE YOU YELLING??”
Alhaitham turns up his headphones.
“HUH??”
“KAVEH, WHY ARE YOU YELLING??”
“...WHAT?”
“WHY. ARE. YOU. YELL. ING.”
Kaveh’s mouth opens as the sentence finally registers, “I LEFT MY EAR PROTECTION HERE. WHY ARE YOU HERE?” He taps his ear.
“Archons, I’m going to lose my voice.” Tighnari inhaled, “EXTRA ASSISTANCE.”
Kaveh nods and walks off, presumably to retire for the night and Alhaitham decides he wants to do the same. Tighnari watches them enter their rooms, a little peeved that neither of them bothered to say goodnight.
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Alhaitham does not know why his mind won’t let him sleep. It’s around 23:00 now, far past what his routine would have been. His head is swirling so much that he can see it in his vision, warping the room around him and distorting his perception of anything that isn’t two centimeters from his face.
The bathroom. His newfound sanctuary. Maybe he could calm down on the cold floor, or in a short bath. As he drifted through his house like a lost spectre, he faintly heard Tighnari call his name. Maybe he responded, maybe he didn’t.
He found himself in the bathroom, bath running, an open bottle of an unknown medication in his hand. He poured a handful of pills into his palm and began to down them 4 at a time until there weren’t any left. He poured a second handful and repeated the process. He’s not quite sure what he’s doing; but he knows that he’s doing it and he has no intention of snapping out of it.
He locks the bathroom door. He feels bad that Tighnari and Kaveh will have to find him, but he also realizes that this whole ordeal could be solved if the source of the problem was gone completely.
Lowering himself into the cold water with just his trousers, Alhaitham thinks of all the things that could’ve been different. He then decides there’s no point in mulling over potential outcomes and relaxes his body. Within 10 minutes he begins to feel drowsy. In another 5 he can’t feel his body. He closes his eyes and sinks chest-deep into the water. Had the circumstances not been so sad, Alhaitham would’ve smiled at the tranquility.