Chapter Text
If there is one name Sebastian hates above all others it's Sherlock Holmes. There’s just something about the man that makes Sebastian want to put a bullet between his eyes, pack up, leave, and never think about him again and never having to hear his name leave Jim’s mouth again. One day, he swears he will.
It had all started with Jim being depressed and down. It was nothing that Sebastian wasn’t used to, in some capacity, at least. Jim has always been depressed, at least, as far as Sebastian knows, and he’s been able to deal with that fairly well. He picks up the slack for a few days, brings Jim takeaway, or makes him one of the three small meals he’s learned to make. He makes sure Jim gets out of bed at least once a day, does what he can to get him to shower, or at least change clothes. They spend a lot more time cuddling and watching shows when Jim is like this typically.
This time though, it’s different. Jim locks himself in his office. He comes out for a couple of hours a day to lay around and, during that time, Sebastian does what he can to take care of Jim, sadly though a couple of hours is not enough time to eat, sleep, shower, change, and shave, so he prioritizes, breaks it up and divides it out, each day getting through as much as they can and then continuing the list the next day.
He doesn’t know what this is about and Jim doesn’t answer. He doesn’t worry too much though until he realizes it’s been almost two weeks of this behavior and the man is getting thinner and thinner, more and more sick looking.
Just when Sebastian considers sitting Jim down and talking to him about it all, the games begin and that is when Sebastian comes to two conclusions. One, this is all about the great detective; two, Jim is bored, something that is never a good sign.
The games are, at least, enough to get Jim out of his office, out of the house, and on to doing something, getting him eating again and some exercise. Sebastian would count that as a win, even if it does bring with it the arguments.
“Honestly, Bastian, I don’t know why you hate him so much,” Jim says, but his voice is light, teasing him practically and Sebastian hates it. “Are you jealous of him? Because Sherly is getting my attention and you’re not?” He asks, a smile spreading across his face. “That’s what it is, isn’t it?”
“Shut up, boss,” Sebastian replies, laying down on their bed, wishing that name could at the very least stay out of their bedroom, even if it doesn’t stay out of their life.
Jim’s fist lands on Sebastian’s stomach, hard, making the other man curl up on the bed. “You don’t talk to me like that, Bastian.”
Growling, it only takes Sebastian a moment to roll around and be overtop Jim, holding him down on the bed, his legs over the small man’s, holding them down, his hands wrapping around Jim’s wrists.
“And you don’t get to ball me up and toss me aside like I’m one of the plans you’ve written down and then tossed the paper into the bin,” Sebastian replies, “I’m your husband, not him. I’m the one you’re stuck with, not him. So just shut up about it all.”
It has been going on for months now. Jim’s depression had reached a whole new low and, it was discovered that the only way to get him out of it was a new obsession.
Not that Sebastian was the one to make that discovery. He would have never chosen Sherlock as the obsession. No, he would have gone with himself, the web, Jim’s brother, new maths equations, space, anything that he knows Jim likes. Anything but this new issue that has been brought into their lives that seems to be driving a wedge between them.
Since deciding Sherlock was worth his time and effort, Jim hasn’t had the time for anything else. He’s been planning almost twenty-four/seven and, really, Sebastian should just be glad he’s come to bed at all. It’s the first time in almost a week. But he’s tired. He’s never done well sleeping without Jim and while Jim hasn’t been sleeping, Sebastian hasn’t had more than two hours a night and then a full day's work the next day, setting up little games for Holmes, entertaining Jim. All he wants is to curl up with his husband in his arms and sleep for the next two days, but that’s not going to happen.
“Let me go, Sebastian,” Jim demands, angrily, looking up at him, the look that would make most cower below him, give in to everything he says. Sebastian isn’t most men though and he’s not going to back down from this fight. If there’s one thing he’s confident in, it’s that Jim won’t kill him. Injure him, certainly, but not kill. And he’s not afraid of being hurt.
“I’m not letting you go anywhere, James,” Sebastian returns, sliding both of Jim’s wrists into one of his larger hands, leaving the other one free to wrap around his throat, squeezing lightly. “We both know I’m stronger than you. You’re not going anywhere until I say.”
“I’ll kill you,” Jim says, head leaning up, closer, as much as he can with the hand around his neck.
“We both know who is on top here. And my hand is around your throat already, all I need to do is squeeze,” He says, hand tightening as he says it, just to prove the point. He could easily snap Jim’s neck right now, but they both know he won’t. He couldn’t, stupid emotions, caring, love .
Sebastian continues to stare down at Jim, refusing to give in, the same way that Jim is. Black determined eyes boring into icy blue that are set in stubbornness.
And then they are kissing, as things like this normally go for them, when they are stuck and start to get rough, when they are both determined to win, rough kisses and a rough fuck always seems to break the spell between them.
Biting into Jim’s lip, hard enough to taste blood, Sebastian smirks, sucking over the bite, a moan leaving him and a whine escaping Jim. He can’t help but feel a sort of victory over that sound.
Clothes are ripped off, thrown to the side, off the bed, forgotten about. Hands and fists collide with skin, teeth sinking in to leave scattered marks as they fight for the dominance over the other. Sebastian has the upper hand and, eventually, ends up winning the fight as he pushes into Jim.
They’re laying, tangled together, Sebastian halfway on top of Jim as they each try to catch their breath. Jim’s fingers trail lightly down Sebastian’s back and the moment is so soft and feels so normal that Sebastian is sure he can feel his heart breaking.
“We need to talk about this, Jimmy,” He whispers into the silence around them, pressing a kiss to the other man’s cheek.
“Don’t worry, Bastian, I’ve got it all planned out. I can see the end of this and you’re going to have to trust me, can you do that?” He whispers back, turning his head to look at Sebastian, “I have control. I have a plan. You know your part, to be next to me and carry out orders. Holmes is nothing more than a pawn in this game and one I have control of.”
Sebastian nods and, for the first time in weeks, he feels himself trusting Jim and believing that things are going to be okay.
***
Another week later the deaths start and Sebastian is in charge of catching the people and strapping bombs to them, giving them what they need and letting Jim talk to them, or give him the script he’s supposed to be reading off for them to repeat.
It’s during this time that Sebastian realizes just how bad things must be. Jim’s no longer going after clients, not that Sebastian can tell. It’s all random, it’s no longer people that deserve to die and just anyone that is in the wrong place at the wrong time.
He’s too afraid to mention it to the man, he knows his part, and he’s not sure how much he really minds this, just grabbing the first person he sees.
He tries to rationalize it, telling himself Jim trusts Sherlock to save the people so they don’t have to die, but then he sees Jim killing the old woman, completely unfeeling, cold, no change in his mood or expression and he knows there is more to it than that.
On top of that, they seem to be drifting apart once again, as they were before, days on end that they won’t even touch each other, that time a week ago now feels like it was years ago and it makes Sebastian more worried, but he trusts Jim. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t feel like something isn’t about to snap and all of this is going to come crashing down and ruin them both.
As he’s strapping a bomb to a child, he finds himself wishing that whatever it is would snap before he has to continue this any longer. This kid hasn’t done anything wrong.
Well, he doesn’t know that for certain, but he is sure this kid is innocent enough to live. Maybe he should just try to talk to Jim again and sort this all out that way.
Still, he has orders to follow and the game starts over as he has to stand back and wait. Wait for the fucking detective to solve the damn game Jim has started between the two of them. He ends up wondering if he’s going to just stand by and watch if the detective gets this one wrong. He’s not going to let this happen, is it?
He knows he tends to do anything Jim asks, but clearly, the man is a bit unhinged right now. But what if this is a test or something for him as well, just to see if Sebastian will let the kid die?
Never before has he felt more relief than when the detective gets the right answer, even if he did want to kill him moments before when he was laughing instead of answering.
And, never before has he moved quicker than he was when getting the bomb off of the child.
Then the pool. The fucking pool. The place where Sebastian sees the fucking detective for the first time and learns the fucking detective knows more about Jim’s childhood than he does.
The fucking pool where he has the fucking detective in his sights with orders not to fire or else, other lasers set up to make the fucking detective thing there is more than one sniper hiding around the pool.
Sebastian can’t wait for it to all be over. He can’t wait until he never has to see the curly-haired git again and can just give up on this charade, going back to his and Jim’s own version of normal. But no, it doesn’t seem like that’s going to happen because as soon as he thinks Jim is going to give him the signal to shoot, Jim decides that he’s just going to leave.
And when it seems to all almost over, Jim returns only for the fucking detective, curly-haired git to point a gun right at Jim and it takes everything in him not to shoot him then, just to keep Jim alive, that is his job after all, but so is following orders. His finger twitches on the trigger but he keeps himself from pulling it, though barely.
Nevertheless, they all escape when Jim’s phone starts to ring and he answers it, that bitch, Sebastian knows it. He also knows that it’s over and starts to pick up his gun, breaking it down and putting it away.
***
“This section of the game is over,” Jim informs him as he walks into the house that day after work, what seems to be hours later, and he sighs in relief, feeling the stress and tension leaving him.
“Really? No more strapping bombs to old people and children?” He asks, sounding more hopeful than he had planned but he tries to ignore that as he walks over to Jim, sliding his arms around the other’s waist.
“Yeah, for now, we’re done. I have some planning to do before we start the next section and I think that should be the end of it after the next round.”
Sebastian smiles down at him and leans down, kissing him softly and, surprising him, Jim’s arms go around his neck, pulling him closer as he leans up, returning the kiss eagerly.
“We have time for this now,” Sebastian asks, between kisses, “right?”
“Yeah,” Jim replies, pulling back a little, leading Sebastian back to their bedroom, holding his hand, “We have tonight and maybe a week while I plan.”
Sebastian nods and the two strip down, falling onto the bed in each other’s arms. There was no rush, no desire to do more, for now, both exhausted after the day and knowing they will have time over the days to come.
Jim curls up against Sebastian’s side and lays his head on his chest as Sebastian’s arms go around the smaller frame and he places a kiss on his forehead and, for a while, they lay in silence. Both are tired, but neither is ready to drift off to sleep just yet, wanting to enjoy the feeling of being in the other’s arms for as long as possible, since it had been so long.
Eventually, though, sleep finds them both and, when Sebastian wakes up at five the next morning, Jim is already gone.
Getting himself up out of bed, Sebastian finds his clothes to slip on, an old pair of cargo shorts, and a t-shirt before heading out. He walks through the house to find either Jim or a bowl of cereal so he can get to his morning run and shower before work
With Jim having told him they were going to have more time, he expected more than this. Jim had said a week, hadn’t he? That wasn’t even twenty-four hours that they had together.
Sebastian stops outside Jim’s office door to knock, “Jim, you in there?” He calls out and, when he gets no answer, he sighs and continues on his way to the stairs and down before making it into the kitchen.
He has to stop in surprise at the sight before him. Jim is standing at the stove, making a full English and Sebastian’s stomach makes a noise that he is sure is approval.
Walking on into the room, his arms slip around Jim’s waist, his chest against the smaller man’s back and head as Jim leans back against him.
“This is a nice surprise, Kitten, what’s the occasion?” Sebastian asks, leaning up just a little to rest his chin on the top of Jim’s head.
“Nothing,” Jim replies, smiling a little as he works to plate the eggs and sausages, finishing up the two plates of food he was working over. “Just thought I would do something nice for you, it’s been a while after all and I knew what time you get up for breakfast and a run. Maybe we could try a shower together when you get back?
A smile spreads across Sebastian’s face as he moves to lean in and kiss Jim’s cheek, “Yeah, that sounds amazing to me. Thank you for this.” He whispers against his skin.
Jim smiles and carefully pulls himself out of Sebastian’s arms and moves the plates over to the table before getting Sebastian his cup of coffee and a cup of tea for himself and sitting down, ready to eat.
Seeing what Jim was doing, Sebastian moves to take his place around the table as well and they both start to eat.
“So, what are the plans for today?” Sebastian asks, looking over at Jim.
“I thought I would clean up in here while you go for your run, then we’d both shower and I’ll start doing a bit of planning, maybe some cleaning in the house as well. It does seem to help me think,” He explains and Sebastian thinks that he also does it a lot when he’s stressed, wondering if thinking was an excuse. “We should have enough time for lunch later and then dinner as well. Maybe a nice evening in for the two of us.”
Sebastian smiles and nods, “Sounds great to me. Any work I need to be doing while you’re working through this? I have some things planned already, anything to add, boss?” Smirking, he leans his chair back a little, shoving a bite of toast into his mouth.
“I’ll email you the files I have. There’s not much,” Jim replies, rolling his eyes at the other’s antics, “Sit the chair down before you fall and choke,” He orders.
“Yes, sir,” Sebastian replies, rolling his eyes playfully and smiling as he does what he’s told.
“There’s a good boy,” Jim teases and the two easily fall into a conversation as though it hasn’t been over a week since they last had the chance to talk to each other like this. It was always so easy with them, no matter how long it’s been, even when Sebastian had been away in the army, the conversation came easily anytime they got to talk.
Once they have finished and he and Jim have taken a moment to sit and talk about their plans for the day as they finish off their drinks, they both get up to get started. Sebastian pulls on his trainers and Jim starts to clean up the kitchen after breakfast. With Jim busy, Sebastian slips out the door for his run.
Surprisingly, the day goes much the way they had planned for it too. Sebastian finishes his run, then comes back to sort out some jobs that Jim has sent him, sending them out and dividing them among the men working for them, keeping a couple of the more high-risk ones for himself. Then he goes in to find Jim who, true to what he had said, was working to clean their bedroom. The two eat lunch together and then Jim gets back to work, Sebastian helping him along where he can, eventually returning to his office when he realizes he’s more in the way than helpful.
When everything is done, they order takeaway and curl up on the bed, some show playing in the background that Jim insists is terrible, despite being the one who chose it.
“You let the house get filthy, Sebastian,” Jim informs him, eyes on the screen but clearly not paying attention to it.
“I did? You’re normally the one who does it, and you know you were overworking me the same as you were yourself. I did some of the work during that though, I mean the laundry had been kept up with and your dry-cleaning done.” He reminds him.
Jim smirks and looks up at him from his place on the other’s chest, “Okay, maybe you didn’t do horribly.”
“I made the bed and done the laundry. If I had had the time, I would have done more.” He assures, rubbing Jim’s back, “I’m imagining this is going to be happening again? I’ll do better next time.”
Jim nods a little as he settles back down. “There shouldn’t be as much work for you next time. I think I can get much of it done myself. If you could take care of things like that while I work it would be nice.” He phrases the words like a request, but they both know it’s an order and Sebastian will never refuse an order.
“Yes, sir,” He whispers, a kiss being placed on the black hair of the other, “I love you.”
“I love you,” Jim replies, both sometimes shocked when they think about just how easy it is to say those words. Though, at a time like this, they often don’t think about it at all, the words said between them, no one around to hear, and both meaning it.
***
True to what Jim had said, they have a week of things going back to their kind of normal before Jim ends up throwing himself wholly back into his work, planning.
“I’m going out, it might be a couple of days,” Jim informs Sebastian as he walks out of their bedroom in a suit and tie. He pauses in front of the man on the couch who has his laptop on his lap to give him a kiss.
“Okay, don’t do anything stupid, yeah?” Sebastian reminds, looking up at him with a small smile, “Let me know if you need anything.”
“Thank you, Bastian,” Jim says with a small smile before walking out of the house.
It’s less than two hours later that Sebastian receives the email alert that he’s set up for Moriarty’s name, reading that Jim has been caught and arrested for breaking into where the crown jewels are kept, of all things.
A sigh leaves him as he starts going through his emails quicker to see if there’s anything from Jim telling him what to do. When he doesn’t find anything, he sighs again and stands, going into his office first to look around, feeling certain there’s a note or something around. Jim’s office is next on the list and his eyes immediately fall on the note on Jim’s desk.
He walks over and picks it up, opening it and reading over the note inside.
Sebastian,
I know you’re thinking I’ve done something idiotic, but don’t worry, love, it’s all part of the plan. Continue on with work as normal, and do stay out of my office from now on.
-JM
Sebastian crumples up the paper and throws it across the room, let Jim deal with it when he comes back, he decides. Of course, Sebastian isn’t really worried about if Jim will be back, he will be. If this is part of the plan, no matter how stupid, he will return. Even if Sebastian doesn’t understand how.
He walks back into the sitting room and picks up his laptop, deciding to relocate to his own office for the rest of the day, now that he knows Jim isn’t going to be coming back anytime soon.
The downside of Jim being arrested, it would seem, is that people become suspicious of using the web he has set up. Everyone was seeming to come to the conclusion that if he was publicly known and could so easily get arrested then they might should take their business elsewhere. At least there were some old clients that always come back to them no matter what, knowing they get the job done and well. On the downside, there were plenty of people messaging Sebastian wondering just what was going on, Severin and Richard in with the group of clients. He hated to admit that he didn’t know what his boss was doing when he’s the right hand man so, instead, he just said it was part of some bigger plan and to be assured things would turn out.
It’s the next day that news breaks about Moriarty’s release, even without a statement, and people start to speculate on just how it might have happened. The day of slow work seemed to be a one-off as things returned to normal. Sebastian had given up on it early though, deciding to have a night to himself that included the photo of Jim on the throne with the crown jewels, and then went to bed early, though it was quickly made clear that the release date wouldn’t be like that, business picking back up to normal.
Sebastian is so busy working, that he doesn’t even notice that Jim doesn’t make it back home until well after dark that day. Never before had he realized just how much work he and Jim do on their own until the point that he was doing both of their jobs at once.
“Daddy’s home,” Jim calls through the house and it pulls Sebastian’s attention away from the computer screen, catching the time as he does, cursing softly as he realizes it’s close to midnight.
“And he broke into the crown jewels, got arrested, and almost ruined his business in one day. Congratulations, it’s a new record,” Sebastian replies, standing in front of the smaller man, hands on his hips, far from impressed. “And where have you been? It’s late.”
“What are you? My guardian?” Jim asks, rolling his eyes, “Perhaps you’ve forgotten your place, Moran. You are my employee.”
“And your husband,” Sebastian adds, not going to back down. It already feels like things are close to snapping once again and he knows that it’s not going to be nearly as pleasurable as it was the last time.
“Then why are you acting like you aren’t?” Jim replies, sounding annoyed.
For a moment, Sebastian has to pause and just stare at Jim, shocked he would accuse him of that, “Have you looked at how you’ve been treating me lately? Running off for not just hours but days at a time. Your attention is focused on another man while I’m being ignored. You get mad when I don’t keep the house clean enough despite me doing my work, your work, and all the housework! I don't know what the feck you’re doing!” He’s yelling back at the end, gesturing to Jim angrily.
“Oh, so it’s all my fault, is it? All of this?” Jim asks, staring at him.
“All of what?” Sebastian asks back, knowing not to just blindly agree to whatever Jim says, especially in the middle of an argument, no matter how pissed he might be and how difficult it might be to think so clearly.
“This relationship, Sebastian. Everything that’s going on right now.” Jim explains, glaring at Sebastian, the look that would make anyone else too afraid to say or do anything. But Sebastian is almost used to it by now.
“I would say so,” Sebastian replies, as calmly as he can, nodding. “I mean, you’re the one that killed Carl Powers and then turned it into a game. You’re the one that got your precious detective involved and decided to forget all about me.”
There’s silence as Jim, almost hesitantly takes a step forward, “I haven’t forgotten about you Sebastian, and I hope you don’t forget about me either,” He whispers, “There’s just something I have to do, okay? This is what things have been leading up to for so long, the thing I need to take care of and I need to know you’re going to be there, that you’re going to wait for me.”
Sebastian lets out a shakily, humorless laugh, “This is so messed up, this entire relationship. But you know I love you, Jim. That’s not going to change. I’m going to be here. I’m always going to be here and for some twisted, messed up reason, I couldn’t leave you if I wanted to. Lucky for you, I don’t want to.”
A smile appears on Jim’s face and he nods, “Okay, good. So, we’re okay?”
“As okay as we can be, all things considered. But, right now, I’m going to go for a run. I need to get out, clear my head. I can’t really be here right now with you. Go have a shower and get to bed, love.” He pauses to kiss Jim’s cheek, smirking a little as the other tells him to take a gun or knife with him. He makes a show of shoving a covered blade in his pocket before heading out the door, deciding his jeans and t-shirt would be good enough for running in the dark.
Under most circumstances, Sebastian isn’t the type to pause and give reassuring words but it’s become a thing that he and Jim do since the first time he tried just running out he returned to a worse sight than the one he left. Jim was on the floor, struggling to breathe, tears flowing down his face, terrified that Sebastian had just left him. That was not an experience he wants a repeat of and so, they’ve developed the plan of talking it out before leaving, reassuring the other that they will be back later before they leave.
Of course, they have tried both just staying there together and talking it out as well, before the idea was put into place, and that ended in even worse of a disaster, the two of them fighting and fighting until they were both considering leaving and not coming back that time. So, they decided they had to do something, come up with some idea that would work for them and this is what they decided on.
Sebastian shakes his head as he runs down the pavement, trying to remove those thoughts from his head. Even if he and Jim are relatively okay right now, that doesn’t mean he’s not still mad, not just wanting all of this over with and to be able to go back to being happy with his husband the way they were before.
There are so many things he’s wanting right now, all of them involving Jim. Maybe a house out, away from the city where the two of them can escape to with Tiger and Schrödinger. He keeps trying to repress the idea of him and Jim with a baby, since he’s sure that’s a terrible idea but every time he thinks about them in maybe a little house in Ireland, the cats running around, them sitting out in the garden, there’s a little baby in Jim’s arms with Sebastian’s red-blond and blue eyes hair and one in his own with Jim’s black hair and those big brown eyes. Thought of Jim holding the little baby close, talking to them in a soft voice, napping with the baby on his chest, it all haunts him and makes him want it so badly his chest hurts but he doesn’t dare bring it up to Jim.
It’s all stupid fantasies anyway, he knows it is something they will never have, will never even deserve. Besides, they would probably be horrible parents anyway, who would trust them with a baby? They never had good role models, surely they would be just as bad as their own parents were.
But still, he’s heard Severin and Richard talking about it and he can’t help but want the same.
Sighing, he makes the turns back in front of their house and up the short driveway, stopping once he’s back in their house to take off his shoes, putting them in their proper spot so Jim won’t have yet another thing to start a fight about, and then he goes to take a shower, positive Jim is either in bed or back in his office, working once again, it is the early hours of the morning by now, after all.
After the shower he makes his way into their bedroom, looking inside and smiling as he sees Jim curled up on the bed. He drops the towel wrapped around his waist and throws it to the side of the room before going over to join in for whatever short amount of time they have left in bed.
***
The next day, things are back to normal for them. The new normal, anyway. Jim is out at the office working and Sebastian is forced to come along and stay in his own office to work for the day, despite his hatred for it. He would much rather be at home where he can move around or slip outside as he pleases than in the frankly large room that he spends so much time avoiding.
As much as he thinks it, it’s worse than ever now, that whatever is going to happen is sneaking up on him, on them. The silence is deafening in the building and it’s almost as though everyone knows what’s going to happen but him.
It’s lunch before he decides that he can’t take anymore and he walks out, wanting to get at least a little air and do some thinking before he makes another move.
He comes back to the office a while later with a couple of bags of food from the Chinese place down the street. He knocks on Jim’s door and waits for permission to come in before doing just that.
“I’ve brought lunch, boss,” He explains, walking over to the couch in the corner of the room and starting to unload the bags onto the little table in front of it. “You’re eating, I’m not letting you out of it this time,”
Jim sighs, nodding and closing his laptop a moment later before going over to join Sebastian on the couch. He sits close to him, his head laying over on the larger man’s shoulder and closing his eyes.
Sebastian smiles and gets his tray of food before sorting Jim’s for him and holding it out with a careful kiss to the top of the black hair tickling his jaw.
“Come on, love, here’s yours. You really need to eat more often,” He scolds gently as Jim accepts the tray and sits up a little more.
“I know, Sebby, thank you,” He says softly, starting to eat.
They are both quiet for a moment as they begin to eat, sitting with Sebastian’s left side pressed against Jim’s right.
“I was thinking,” Jim starts, interrupting the silence, “Maybe we could have sort of a date night tonight? I think things are going to start back up again tomorrow and this would be a good chance to have some time with just the two of us.”
A smile forms on Sebastian’s face as he nods, “Yeah, that sounds good to me. What do you have in mind?”
“Well, there’s that new Italian place I’ve been wanting to check out, I’m sure we can get in there. And then home for something else?” He suggests, his right hand coming to rest on Sebastian’s upper thigh.
“I do like the way you think. This is why you’re the boss.”
“Oh, I know. Because you could never think of food and sex,” Jim teases.
Sebastian laughs, “I think we both know that’s what takes up most of my time. And you. Those are the big three.”
Jim laughs and Sebastian loves the feeling of knowing he’s the one that caused it. He’s the one that can make Jim happy, make him smile, laugh. It feels like one of his greatest accomplishments in life and looking at Jim, he can’t help but think the man is the most beautiful he’s ever seen. Not that he would ever tell him that for fear of being stabbed but it’s not his fault that that smile lights up a room almost as effectively as any bomb.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” Jim asks, trying to sound annoyed but Sebastian decides that he’s failing.
“No reason, just like the sound of your laugh. It’s so rare I almost didn’t know what it was,” Sebastian replies, earning himself a punch on the arm but he only laughs about it.
Later that night they continue on with the date night they had planned, walking hand in hand down the street, something they don’t typically do but it’s late and on a weekday, there aren’t many people out and if anyone says anything, Sebastian has his gun, they both know he’ll take care of it.
“Dinner was amazing,” Jim comments, a hand on his too-full stomach as Sebastian smiles next to him.
“It certainly was,” He agrees, both leaning on each other lightly as they walk, taking their time in the late evening light, people passing by them but they don’t feel the need to speed up. After all, they have the night off.
When they make it back to the house, Sebastian goes to get them each a drink, stripping out of his nice button up, tie, and trousers in the process, while Jim goes in to take a shower.
Before long, they are both laying on the bed, Sebastian in nothing more than his underwear and Jim in his and a t-shirt he was wearing under his button-up. They’re sipping casually on the glass of whiskey they both have, occasionally making jokes about the situation they’re in.
Sebastian soon becomes bored of that though and downs the rest of his, sitting the glass next to the bed and leaning over, his mouth attacking Jim’s neck
A moan escapes Jim as he tilts his head to the side, giving Sebastian more room, a hand going up to slide through the almost curly hair, pulling lightly.
Sebastian smirks, hands sliding up under Jim’s t-shirt, pulling it up as they go.
“Easy Tiger,” Jim whispers, moving to look down at him, pulling him away just a little, “We have all night, why don’t we take our time with each other?” He asks and Sebastian nods.
The kisses slow down, the movement of their bodies do as well, taking their time, making it last and all worries leave Sebastian’s mind, all thoughts entirely that aren’t just Jim’s name over and over, calling out like he’s the only one in the world and, for Sebastian, it often feels like he is.
“Wait for me,” Jim whispers out against his lips, what could be either seconds or hours later, neither of them knows, and Sebastian nods, certain he knows what Jim meant, what he always means at a time like this. And so, he does.
Not long later, they’re laying next to each other, Jim fully laying on Sebastian’s chest as they enjoy the afterglow together. Sebastian knows it’s one of Jim’s favorite times and they always spend as long as they can laying together like this.
“I love you,” Jim whispers against Sebastian’s chest where he’s still leaving little kisses, being sure to cover the scars from the tiger attack to the miscellaneous others he’s gained through the years.
“I love you, kitten,” Sebastian whispers back, a small smile on his face as he drifts off to sleep.
Once again, Jim is gone when he wakes up the next morning.
***
The day is like a whirlwind of things that need to be done. Jim sends Sebastian the email early in the morning, the list of things that needs to be done including three different hits and the times they need to be carried out by. And then the last one, a fourth that just tells him the time to be in place.
Sebastian’s day starts out as normal, breakfast, a run, shower, and then plans to be off to work.
The first sign that something is wrong is when he’s getting ready to leave for the first job. He opens the top drawer where he tends to keep a couple of handguns and only finds one of the normal two. And that something else was out of place but he couldn’t quite tell what it was that was different. He thinks nothing of this really, and continues on, fastening his collar back into place after his shower and walking out of the house after stopping to grab his kit.
The first three jobs he goes on are normal, if not a little faster than what is average for a hit. Clearly, Jim has had someone else staking out the people to see just what their schedule is and then relaying to him the best information he can.
It’s the fourth job that brings his thoughts back to the strangeness of that morning, the missing gun, the thing out of place that he still can’t put his finger on but knowing that something was off on his side of the bed.
He’s sitting in a building owned by Jim, on a staircase. Through his sights, he finds Dr. Watson, a man he once knew well when he was Colonel Moran and the other was a Captain, it feels like a lifetime ago now and maybe it was.
There’s a moment where he allows his mind to wander, waiting on the signal, a text from Jim. He has his phone sitting out on the window in front of him so he can see when it comes. Perhaps this is the moment that they are going to be rid of Sherlock Holmes and his partner. He can’t help but hope, even if he knows better than that by now.
With his eyes so well trained on the man through the scope, he doesn’t realize what’s going on, what this moment is really leading to.
Then there’s a gunshot and Sebastian looks up, finally, raising the gun to see just what was going on, and finds Sherlock Holmes standing on the edge of the roof of Bart’s Hospital.
Without a second's hesitation, Sebastian is off, running down the stairs, three at a time, not caring when he falls down a flight of them, back up and running the second he hits the bottom, across the street, thankfully with no cars coming at him because he wouldn’t have stopped. There’s not a care in his mind at the moment other than Jim.
When he finally makes it to the hospital, not many people think the man is out of place, the look of frantic worry and concern on his face as he runs for the stairs, not caring to bother with the lift, it would be too slow anyway and he knows he can beat it. There’s too much restless energy in him to just stand still until he reaches the top.
Eventually, what feels like hours later, though it couldn’t have been more than three minutes, he reaches the roof and the London air hits him in the face as he sees the sight of Jim on the ground in front of him, in a puddle of his own blood.
Everything in him feels weak and numb at the same time as he walks over, slowing down for the first time, and drops down beside his boss, ignoring the pain in his knee as it protests. Without concern he pulls the body into his arms, blood soaking through his shirt but he can’t bring himself to care as the tears start to flow and his body shakes as he sobs against the bloody hair.
A scream leaves him and he doesn’t realize it but other people do, or at least Sebastian thinks. More than one person comes up, surrounding them, talking but Sebastian can’t hear or understand a word they are saying as they try to pry the body out of his hands but he won’t let go, he can’t. That’s his Jim and he’s supposed to protect him from threats, from attempts on his life.
He failed him while he was alive but he won’t do it again.
It doesn’t take long for him to exhaust himself with crying, holding on, screaming, mostly Jim’s name, occasionally ‘kitten’ or ‘love’. He feels emotions he had long thought himself incapable of.
“Seb, come on, let him go. They’ll take care of him,” Someone whispers and it’s the first time he hears one of the other people’s voices. Slowly, he turns to look at him and nods, finally realizing the people around him are his and Jim’s men, people that he trusts.
He places a kiss on Jim’s forehead, whispering, “I love you,” against it before carefully allowing the others to take over, standing back away from him as the other man, Thomas, helps Sebastian to his feet.
“Come on, I’ll take you home so you can wash up,” He offers, keeping a steadying arm around Sebastian as they walk back over to the stairs, so much more slowly than Sebastian was on the way up.
He feels numb, like each step is more effort than anything he’s ever done in his life. As soon as they’re back in the building, Thomas leads Sebastian over to the lifts and they go down in them. The ride is silent, almost uncomfortable as neither of them knows just what to say after what happened, or if there is anything to say.
The first time either of them talks, they’re in one of the cars the web owns, Thomas driving as Sebastian knew he shouldn’t be right now.
“I’m sorry, you know. You and the boss were close, I could tell.”
Sebastian lets out a fake laugh that he didn’t feel, humorless and forced, “Yeah, suppose we were,” He replies, leaning back in the seat and keeping his eyes on the window to his left.
“We’re here for you, man. If you need anyone, you know?”
“Trying to keep your job?” Sebastian asks, glancing over at him for only a moment before his eyes return to the building as they make their way out of the center of the city. “Don’t worry, you will.” His voice sounds forced, wrecked after all the screaming and crying but Sebastian can’t bring himself to care. He’s shaking all over and it’s the first time in his life he can remember shaking so aggressively. Not even the tiger attack could compare to this pain. Nothing could.
“Not really what I was worrying about, no,” He replies, and then it hits Sebastian. He does have an unhealthy connection with Jim and they’re probably afraid he’s going to off himself now as well.
To be fair, it isn’t a half bad idea.
“Wait for me at home. I’ll take a shower, put on some clean clothes, and then I’m going to need a ride to my brother’s place. I need to tell him and Jim’s family.” He explains, not even caring that he’s admitted to Jim having a family. Who’s going to care now anyway? It’s not like they can get to him, even through Richard.
Thomas nods and does as Sebastian says, waiting patiently on the couch while Sebastian showers, pausing on his way out to feed the cats and leave them some more water as well before walking on out the door. He’s not looking forward to telling them that their daddy is gone either but he can do that later.
The ride to Severin’s and Richard’s is silent once again, Sebastian just trying to figure out how he’s going to tell them about this.
He’s not worried about Severin. Of course, the man might care but, for once in his life, Sebastian is worried for Richard. The other one who will feel like part of himself is missing and Sebastian can’t even bring himself to be jealous about it this time. They’re both in the same boat here and are going to be equally as devastated about all of this.
Thomas lets him out in front of their flat and Sebastian gets out, assuring him he’ll find a way back to his house when he’s ready.
He makes the trip up the stairs slowly, trying to take his time. Typically this is something he’ll do quickly and get it over with but right now he’s too exhausted to bother. Part of him wants to curl up and sleep for weeks, the other part knows there’s no way he’ll be able to get more than an hour without Jim by his side.
Before he’s ready, long before, he comes to stop outside their door and knocks, taking a breath to steady and prepare himself.
Severin answers the door and freezes as soon as he sees Sebastian’s face, “What’s wrong?” He asks, and Sebastian is aware he must look terrible now.
“Richard here?” He asks, softly, looking at his brother. “I would rather only have to say this once and get it over with.”
Severin nods, and steps aside, motioning for his brother to come in and sit.
The next thing Sebastian knows, there’s a beer being slid into his hand and Richard is sitting down in the chair diagonal to the couch.
“What’s going on?” Richard asks, watching as Sebastian downs half the beer in one go and wishing his brother kept something stronger.
“I’m assuming you don’t know then,” Sebastian says, looking at the smaller man, it was almost painful now, how much Richard and Jim look alike. If it wasn’t for Richard’s hair and lighter eyes, Sebastian would swear they’re the same person.
“Don’t know what?” Richard asks, confused.
“Jim’s dead.” He states and only too late realizes that maybe he could have said that better but can’t be bothered to care. There’s no way he could feel worse than he already had. There’s no way he could feel anything now, he’s sure.
“J-Jimmy’s…what?” Richard asks, standing and shaking his head, looking at Sebastian and refusing to believe him. “No. N-no, there’s no way.” He turns to look at Severin who only walks over and wraps his arms around Richard. “I would have felt it. I would f-feel it. I-I always do wh-when he’s hurt how…how could th-this happen. I-I would know…right?” He had sounded so sure when he started but, by the end he was so much less confident, collapsing back against Severin.
“He’s gone, Richard. I saw him, okay? I held him. He was gone. Dead. He was cold and I was covered in his blood.” He’s staring at the bottle in his hands, words coming out harshly.
Severin carefully moves the two of them over to the couch and sits down, pulling Richard onto his lap before laying a hand on Sebastian’s shoulder.
“Easy, Seb,” Severin whispers, “You’re both going through this. Getting angry at Rich isn’t going to make anything better.”
“I need someone to get mad at. He’s gone,” Sebastian says, head turning to look at his little brother, voice cracking on the last sentence.
“I know, find a punching bag or something and pour your anger onto it later. For now though just…this,” He finishes in a whisper.
Richard is staring at his lap as he reaches for his phone, calling Jim’s number and it goes straight to voicemail. With a sigh, he shakes his head and runs a hand through his hair, calling it again.
“He can’t be gone,” He whispers, “He just can’t be.”
Sebastian pauses, looking over at the two of them for a moment before leaning in and wrapping his arms around both of them. “I don’t want him gone either,” He whispers to Richard, “But I know my husband and that was him, Rich.”
Richard nods, hiding his face somewhere between the other two as the tears quickly soak through both of their shirts and they try to comfort each other, accepting what they have and, for the moment, letting that be enough.
Later on, that evening, when Sebastian walks into their house, his house, he realizes that he has never been so alone before. At least, before he had met Jim he hadn’t known how alone he was. There was a string of people around to spend his nights with, his brother, and the time in the army. There was always someone. And now, there’s him, Schrödinger and Tiger, alone in the big house that he and Jim had once decided to grow old in. The same one that he had imagined coming home to with his husband, the cats, and a couple of little kids at some point in the near future.
That’s what hope get you, Moran , he reminds himself, as he gets a glass of whiskey and sits on the couch, turning on the telly for some sound to hopefully make the house seem less empty and soon he has a lap full of the cats, but still, the feeling of being alone doesn’t lessen.
Suddenly, for the first time in hours, feelings overwhelm him once again as he comes to multiple realizations at once. Maybe last night Jim had meant to wait for him in more ways than the one, maybe this was what he was planning on the whole time and he just has to wait. He did keep saying things like that. But thinking that is hope and he had just sworn it off. That’s when he moves on to the next realization.
The thing that had been missing from his bedside table that morning was his dog tags.