It Hurts To Breathe
works that feature disability in any sense/disabilities of any kind that make life harder to live - physical or mental. chronic pain and/or illness; long-lasting abuse or injuries, etc; debilitating grief and/or trauma; suicidal ideation and/or self-harm particularly stemming from PTSD; anything like that. hurt/comfort, whump, recovery or none at all, all that jazz...
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Peter is the Alpha.
He's nobody's savior.
Not his pack's. Not his town's. And not that kid's.
But sometimes salvation goes both ways.- Language:
- English
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- 39,127
- Chapters:
- 14/14
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- 3
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- 1,518
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Bookmarked by King_James_1andLonely
03 Sep 2024
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Fin. read: 3
Quotes:
Derek haunts the charred remains of their family home like a ghost.
There is a bond between them that is stronger than hate. Derek struggles with it every day. Peter doesn’t blame him. But then it was Derek’s bad judgement that had brought them here. Nobody is innocent.
Peter tells himself that the man he was died in the fire, and only the wolf survived. The wolf is a predator. He tells himself that, but he can still see Laura’s bright eyes and her evil little grin. Stubborn little monster. He’d adored her. The man he had been would have died rather than hurt her. The man the fire killed.
Maybe if Laura had stayed, had held his hand sometimes and told him with an alpha’s quiet authority that he was going to be okay, then maybe it would have been true. Maybe his wolf wouldn’t have needed to hurt her like she’d hurt him.
Perhaps he feels closer to the pack there, to their ghosts. Perhaps he closes his eyes and shuts out the sight of the ruined house, lets them come to him one by one, a procession of insubstantial memories and the echo of voices he will never hear again. Perhaps it’s not pain he’s seeking, but solace.
Even though he’s a monster, can’t he be more than that too? He sometimes likes to think there’s a part of him that the fire didn’t quite destroy.
It doesn’t make it even. It doesn’t wipe Peter’s slate clean. It’s something though.
Derek’s resentment is like a bucket under a leaking roof. It’s easy enough for Peter to tip it out once it gets full, but the roof just keeps on leaking.
He feels an anger inside him that wants to tear the world apart. He doesn’t though, because what fucking difference would it make?
He feels a burst of envy for the boy who had been dragged through hell, and who still clung to the belief there was enough of him left to save.
“You don’t know?” “A hundred different reasons. And none of them good enough. She was my favorite, you know? Out of all my nieces and nephews, she was my favorite.”
Peter’s enough of a monster himself to know how to think like one. He doesn’t want Stiles to know that about him. Peter Hale is no-one’s savior, not really.
He doesn’t want to make Stiles uncomfortable by hitting him with the truth. He does like spending time with Stiles. A boy like that wouldn’t spend time with a monster, would he? That’s the crux of it really. Peter feels like less of a monster when Stiles is by his side.
“What are you trying to prove?” “I can do it. I’m not weak. I’m better.” This is a pain that Peter can’t draw away.
His childlike certainty that Peter is one of the good things in the world. How is it possible that someone as clever as Stiles, who [knows] the gray area of moral relativism, can believe that? How [can] his reality crash up against his faith and his faith still come out swinging? How is it that he can [see] his scars in the mirror every day and still want to stand shoulder to shoulder with wolves? Peter doesn’t want to be the one to destroy Stiles’s faith. He could shred it with a word, if he wanted. But perhaps it’s something worth preserving, for both of them.
Peter can’t blame Derek. He’s not proud of continuing to needle Derek about Kate. He’s selfish though. He doesn’t want to be the only one who still hurts so acutely.
There was a time when Peter wanted Derek to suffer for what he’d done. But now, with that little fantasy come true, Peter realizes he was wrong. Derek is his nephew. And nobody gets to hurt him like this.
Peter turns and steps toward him, pulling a surprised Derek into a hug. “It’s done,” Peter tells his nephew. “It wasn’t your fault, and now it’s done.” He holds him for what feels like a long time. It also doesn’t feel like anything near enough.
What’s that saying about the best revenge being to live well? Peter’s going to try that for a while, and see how it feels.
It’s as though he’s trying to summon up the ghost of the house from the broken skeleton alone, to find a way to force his memory to reform reality, to cleanse the death from this place. It’s still too close for Peter, too fresh. He hasn’t had six years to come to terms with this. He could never do what Derek is doing right now. Could never find peace in the ruins.
He could stand like this forever, probably. “I don’t like the word anchor,” Stiles says. “Makes me think I’m dragging you down.” “Keeping me grounded, you mean. It means you keep me here where I belong.”
“You always gonna save me, Peter?” “Of course, sweetheart,” Peter says. He’s an unlikely savior. An unlikely man to prevent a war, to destroy a monster or two, and to build peace. But Stiles is an unlikely savior too, and Peter doesn’t doubt for a second that he is one. What the hell would Peter be now, if he had never found his Stiles? “That only seems fair.”
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Obvious by LearnedFoot for tuesday
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
27 May 2019
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When Peter wakes up, several things become very clear all at once: he’s underground somewhere unpleasant, something is messing with his powers, and his entire body hurts. A lot.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 13,746
- Chapters:
- 2/2
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- 2
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- 149
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- 1,440
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- 304
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Bookmarked by King_James_1andLonely
24 Jan 2025
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Fin.
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if you got a second chance, would you take it? by just_another_stressed_out_fangirl
Fandoms: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
16 Mar 2022
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This was not how Izuku Midoriya thought he would die.
After the raid on Overhaul ends tragically, Izuku is dying. It seems as all hope is lost, until Eri sends him back in time to the day of the USJ attack. Now, with a second chance at everything, Midoriya must decide what choices he must make to ensure a better future. But how will these choices affect his friendships and the world around him? And how will he explain how he has nearly a year more training and knowledge without sounding suspicious?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 109,932
- Chapters:
- 60/60
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- 25
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- 3,201
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- 5,642
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- 1,315
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- 192,814
Bookmarked by King_James_1andLonely
17 Feb 2026
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finished. woah. trippy as hell. this gets really confused, but not confusing, if that makes any sense. i was able to follow along pretty well even when the plot and timeline were absolute chaos. this did not match up to my expectations whatsoever. but in a really good way. i was expecting generic and i got bizarre and unique instead, so hell yeah. also EVERYONE is /heavily/ traumatized, and a lot of people have character arcs and development that is completely unexpected and/or roundabout, which is cool. let's just say izuku's not the only one time traveling- everyone is on the confusion chaos timey whimey bullshit bandwagon. this was a really fun read. sometimes bleak, but not entirely hopeless. a lot of moral dilemmas and PTSD. a bit of a character study on how sometimes suicidal sacrifice really doesn't save anybody; it might just make things worse, and a bit of commentary on how self-deprecation fucks not only yourself over but also anyone who cares about you.
characters:
one of the most important characters ends up being Kaminari. i love perspectives with him being super self-deprecating. he's very adhd-trauma in that way and it's one of my favorite portrayals of him. i love how that came into play here, in tandem with izuku's issues. bakugo is also a big player here, but in a very twisting, meandering way you don't expect at first. kirishima plays a big role in that as baku's boyfriend, ex boyfriend, and then boyfriend again, because the timelines are wack. ida's an asshole, and monoma's mostly not. uraraka, jiro, and shinso will fuck you up if you hurt their friends. specially raka. she'll take on the world, even time itself, if she has to. todoroki somehow becomes the stable, therapy friend, with the catchphrase "something's up with you" lmfao. aizawa is doing his best, but he's mostly along for the ride with everyone else. toga kind of randomly get thrown into the mix. izuku literally snatches her up like "you're gonna be a hero now" and she's like "uh?" and bam, what do you know. she's background but very important to eri.clues and motifs:
ALL FOR ONE AND ONE FOR ALL
THE STRONGER THEY ARE, THE HARDER THEY FALL
WHEN BLINDED BY HEROIC DEEDS
ONE MUST FALL VICTIM TO SELFISH GREED
WHEN HEROES KILL AND THE VILLAINS CHANGED
OUR MINDS ARE LOST AND BECOME DERANGED
WHEN HOPE IS SCARCE AND TIME IS SHATTERED
IT'S HARD TO REMEMBER THAT YOU MATTEREDwhy are you here? we already lost
D: don't worry, you're right to feel hopeless
E: even if you're brave, you can't change anything
J: just remember, you can't win this battle
A: another day wasted, another day lost
V: vicious is the force of time
U: until the day death greets you -
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Draco breaks a cup, and one thing leads to another. A story of redemption, tattoos, dreams, mistakes, green eyes, long conversations, and copious amounts of coffee.
Set in New York twelve years after the war.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 253,826
- Chapters:
- 42/42
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- 2,896
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- 8,431
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- 3,655
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Bookmarked by King_James_1andLonely
07 May 2023
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finished. this is one of the best things i've ever read. it had all the good stuff - so much love, love in every shape, and the heartfelt laughter, and unencumbered joy, and plenty of snark, and the happiness that feels impossible sometimes but is so so real. it had all the worst stuff too - the ugly and the bad and the dregs of humanity, hatred and immaturity and selfishness and anger and pain. there was a lot of grief, and there was unshakable guilt, and there was crying - and i cried, too, a real cry, with some tears even, more than a few times, and god it hurt so bad sometimes, but sometimes it was so wonderful. the whole thing was wonderful and unexpected and a strange but fascinating mix of foreign and familiar.
the first person perspective threw me off at first, but once i started reading i couldn't stop, and i got used to it eventually. draco is a very well-constructed, three dimensional, beautiful character in this. harry is not what i expected at all, but neither was anyone or anything else in this (besides draco's father, i think that was pretty predictable). there is an ocean of divide in draco and in his life between the magical and the non-magical. in harry, the line between past and present is blurred beyond recognition. they both have a lot to come to terms with. they both have a lot to get over and to accept.
there is a lot to this. several plotlines and stories all woven together. starting out i had no fucking clue what the hell was going on but as the story unraveled i could not get enough of the world of this story, the people and the places and the stories within them. i fell in love with almost every character (excluding the ones i hated and the ones i could not help but be conflicted about) and there were a lot of them to fall in love with. i think i'm going to miss them.
((((((((((( og character names so i can remember: derrell, jason, ty, roderick, rodrigo, leanna, isaac, joshua, alex, demetrius, evan, dustin moreno, michael, (lyman, mrs. e, mistress teseli) ))))))))))
9.95/10 absolutely brilliant
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You’ve Got a Fire in Your Belly by I_want_to_believe
Fandoms: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
30 Jun 2022
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After a particularly cold night, Peter Parker finds himself seeking a warm meal from the local soup kitchen. He is shocked to find that the person serving him is none other than his patrol buddy, Deadpool. But why is Deadpool here and what does he want from an unmasked Peter Parker?
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Also known as: The One Where Peter is Homeless.
Now Complete. Thank you so much for reading!
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 40,697
- Chapters:
- 31/31
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 370
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- 3,596
- Bookmarks:
- 625
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- 54,610
Bookmarked by King_James_1andLonely
04 Oct 2024
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Fin. I wish the ending was a bit longer, but I wasn’t not satisfied with it. It was a really good ending in fact. Tied everything up pretty well. I love the portrayal of FEAST (which never fails to be a great acronym btw, god I love marvel and their stupid acronyms). Also a fantastic depiction of homelessness and mental illness and everything that goes with them. It’s not pretty. I also am really partial to the portrayal of their relationship here as well as the characters themselves. Secrets on both sides, relearning each other in new contexts.