Putting Izzy Hands Into Situations: OFMD Kinktober Edition
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Listing Series
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Summary
Day 1: bondage/power imbalance
Izzy Hands had the preternatural ability to find himself in all sorts of sticky situations - from landing an anxiety-inducing job he was absolutely not qualified for (“How fucking hard could working as a fucking secretary be?” he feverishly thought when he realized he had been hired by Stede Bonnet, the fucking managing partner of the best fucking law firm in the entire fucking city) to go back to university just because said anxiety-inducing job required it, to let Bonnet know his favourite coffee came from one particular independent cafe so now Bonnet would only drink the same coffee - and who was to order one for him too in the morning? Izzy. And who would Izzy find more than one time in line on his day off? Stede fucking Bonnet.
And who did Izzy fuck, one busy Thursday morning, still hungover from the night before, in said independent cafe's bathroom?
Stede motherfucking Bonnet.
Series
- Part 1 of Putting Izzy Hands Into Situations: OFMD Kinktober Edition
- Part 1 of ✨ Secretary Izzy AU ✨
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he's striding through the puddles, on black stilettoed feet in a well-appointed pencil skirt by Mikaeru
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
03 Oct 2022
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Summary
Day 2: clothed sex | humiliation kink
It was a Burberry pencil skirt, and Izzy had a precise idea about how much money Bonnet had wasted. Thinking about it, most certainly there was not a size big enough to accommodate male hips; the fucker had paid to have it tailored.
Oh, for fuck’s sake.
“Come find me in your stupid bathroom during lunch break, you don’t have anything better to do today at that time."Series
- Part 2 of Putting Izzy Hands Into Situations: OFMD Kinktober Edition
- Part 2 of ✨ Secretary Izzy AU ✨
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Summary
Day 3 | collars
Before Hornigold, before Blackbeard, before everything between them got shattered into diamond dust; before the thorn-poisoned pain, before the throat-tearing cries and the heart-splitting misery, before the screaming aching for something, even if that something was just a nameless hole in their soul, something that made them bitter against each other; before the years marked their inexorable passage on their faces and the sea hardened their skin, there were only Edward Teach, doe-eyed dreamer, and Israel Hands, hopeful dream dealer, living together, breathing together, laughing together.
Izzy was never happier than during those days, when everything was theirs (and Ed was his).Series
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And if you're under him, you ain't gettin' over him by Mikaeru
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
05 Oct 2022
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Summary
Day 4 + Day 5 | Desk sex + coming untouched
When Stede “Entitled Twat” Bonnet entered the office, twenty-five minutes later than he was supposed to, he dropped his coffee on the floor, alongside his jaw.
“You’re late, Bonnet.”
Izzy slowly, slowly uncrossed his legs, gave Bonnet the time to see he was not wearing any kind of underwear under the skirt, and crossed them again. Bonnet gulped, his cheeks and neck comically red.
[ set in the same ✨ universe✨ as this one ]
Series
- Part 4 of Putting Izzy Hands Into Situations: OFMD Kinktober Edition
- Part 3 of ✨ Secretary Izzy AU ✨
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Changes are taking the pace I'm going through by Mikaeru
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
14 Oct 2022
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Summary
Day 6 + 8: bathing | praise kink
They had a fight. About what, Izzy wasn’t really sure.
The thing was, when he and Edward fought like that, just screaming shit to hurt each other, it felt like nothing had changed since they were younger, and it meant they were still trapped inside their own bitterness, their own addictions and hurt and misery, and they were together just because they needed each other - but like one needs food, and air, not out of love but out of survival, and if nothing had changed it meant that Stede wasn’t there to show them that life was supposed to - not hurt. And he loved his life now, he loved to have a job he liked, to manage a house like a king’s court because it made him genuinely happy, he loved to be in a relationship because he wanted to, not just because he needed an anchor to the soil, and because he loved making those two fucking arseholes happy, because everything was good, it was perfect because it was flawed and it was human, something that real people had, and he liked feeling like a real person, not the haunting ghost he was before Edward fell in love with Stede. Ed had become human before him, and then he had taken Izzy’s hand, escorting him out of the underworld.
Series
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The sea hath its pearls, the heaven hath its stars by Mikaeru
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
14 May 2023
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Summary
“Now, can I have at least some directions, if not the reason you and Edward fought?”
“We didn’t fight,” Izzy spat, bitterly. “He was angry that I forgot his candies when I went to the grocery store. Candies he did not ask for, mind you, but he was sad, and I should’ve known he wanted candies, haven’t we been married for like forever?” He was making such a good impression of Edward’s whiny, pissed voice Stede couldn’t stop himself from laughing. “It’s clear I don’t love him enough, since I’m not a fucking mindreader.”
“And you stormed out of the house and dragged me with you because we’re going to get Edward his precious candies.”
“Duh, Bonnet. He’s sad, after all.” He didn’t say that in the same mocking tone as before, though, so Edward got through him once again.
[ Ed and Izzy have a dumb fight. Izzy and Stede come home to find Ed all dolled up for them, ready to make it better. ]
Series
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Lay me down and say something pretty, something perfect, something I can steal by Mikaeru
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
16 May 2023
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Summary
When Stede and Izzy found Edward, their hearts sank. He was already happy-drunk, which was bad, but at least he wasn’t weeping-drunk, which would have been cosmically bad. He was flirting with the bartender, twirling a lock of hair around his finger, he was loud and chipper and his shirt sleeves were rolled up. He had a cocktail in his hand, and clearly it wasn’t his first. The room felt tight around them, the floor too unstable. Three years he hadn’t even sniffed a beer, and now he was having cocktails.
[ Edward realises he's starting to get better with the help of his husbands, and that scares the shit out of him. He falls back to some horrible, old habits. Izzy and Stede are there to catch him. ]
[ Steddyhands week, prompt: hurt/comfort
Kinktober, prompt: daddy kink ]Series
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One thing I know, I want more, I want more by Mikaeru
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
11 Jun 2023
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Summary
The thing about rich people, as far as Izzy was concerned, was that the more money they had, the more gullible they were.
Stede Bonnet, however, was his own particular brand of dumb. Not 25 yet, with more money than a small European country, more anxiety than a psych ward and the fantasies of a cunt thrice his age, he was using every trick in the book to impress Izzy and then some: he had reserved the entirety of the most exclusive restaurant in London for the whole day (“Just to be sure, you know.”), bough Izzy a wristwatch that looked like it would pay the rest of his mortgage (or, at least, he hoped so, because there was no way he kept it) and also, strangely enough, a box of chocolates. “From Pierre Marcolini,” Bonnet had proudly announced with a nervous smile, like it would mean something to Izzy, who ate the cheapest dark chocolate he could find on sale.
Izzy had been ordering food just to refuse to eat it, for the sole pleasure of seeing Bonnet squirm in his seat. As much as he detested wasting food, fucking with Bonnet was incredibly entertaining.
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“Why are you doing this?” His voice was thick with emotions, on the verge of cracking. Stede wanted to drink it, lapping the drops from Israel’s mouth.
She touched the back of his hand; he winced, but didn’t move. “I like helping people. I’m charitable like that. And, as I said, you’re incredibly special, love.”
“I - how can I possibly repay you? This is so much.”She took his hand in her own. She could feel his heart, mouse-quick beating against his ribcage. “You know what would be a grand idea, darling?” Her voice became huskier, frayed at the edges; she talked slowly, enunciating every word clearly, as if to lick them. “You could go living with Alma. She would be so pleased to have you around like that, and I too. Would you like that, love?” He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing, too tempting not to give in; but she couldn’t, she had to restrain herself just a moment more. She kept whispering, as though the walls had ears, “I would like that very much. I’d hate to stop seeing you, and this way we can see each other freely. What do you think? Would you do that for me, little one?”
Stede offers to pay for Izzy's education.
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I know of lips withered with blasphemy and wine by Mikaeru
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
25 Jul 2023
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Summary
“I dreamed about you last night.” Edward kissed every word, every letter stuck to Izzy’s overheated skin. There was something about to crack in Edward’s voice. “I dreamed I had bent you over the altar. You were naked under me, I was pinning you down, holding you by the hips.”
Edward Teach has some very personal sins to confess to Father Hands.
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