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  1. Tags
    Summary

    This whole ‘secret relationship’ business is a lot more trouble than it’s worth.

    Simon and Baz, seventh years, have found a new way to terrorize each other. Ground is unhallowed, property is damaged, and Penelope Bunce deserves a holiday.

    It’s going to be a long year.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    12,953
    Chapters:
    2/3
    Comments:
    15
    Kudos:
    73
    Bookmarks:
    16
    Hits:
    703
  2. Tags
    Summary

    Actually, I don't think this mission will be too bad. While going to save Agatha, I'll make sure I do, like, all the hard work, so that Agatha can see how much better I am than Baz, and then she'll go out with me again instead of running after the one man on earth that doesn't want her. She could have anyone. And, like, I'm okay looking. She said I was cute. She said she likes me, that counts as something, right?

     

    Probably, yeah. Yeah, this'll be fine. I can finally prove to Baz and myself that I deserve to be here, that I'm not a fuck up, not a moron. I can prove to Agatha I'm worthy of her love, and she'll take me back. We'll get married, we'll get, like, a dog, or whatever humans like, and maybe kids, maybe. If she wants.

     

    Yeah, that'd be perfect.

     

    This mission's gonna be A-OK.

    ----------------------------------

    In which Watford is an organization for humans, supernaturals, and everything in between, and Baz and Simon get dragged into spending over 3 days stuck in a car together. Alone. A recipe for disaster, surely. Though, as time goes on, Simon thinks maybe his predicament is not as bad as once thought...

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    15,001
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    47
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    518
  3. Tags
    Summary

    Baz cocks a thick brow, “Do you not want to?”

    “No. I want to,” I kiss Baz’s ear (He hates it when I do that)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    684
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Kudos:
    16
    Hits:
    118
  4. Tags
    Summary

    After Simon dumps Baz in the San Diego airport, Baz tries to be normal about it. He finishes up at LSE, gets an MSt in poetry from Oxford, dates a few men, fucks around. Then he gives up and retires to the Scottish Highlands to cultivate his “Rick Rubin beard” and “Unabomber vibe.” Everything is going just bloody brilliant. That is until Fiona shows up with some unexpected news. Oh yeah, and a porno mag featuring his ex wearing nothing but wings and a tail.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    88,073
    Chapters:
    13/13
    Comments:
    760
    Kudos:
    397
    Bookmarks:
    101
    Hits:
    11,910
  5. Tags
    Summary

    Having just transferred to his new high school, Gug thought that it would be as unmemorable and demoralizing as his last. Demoralizing? Maybe. Unmemorable? Absolutely not.

    He meets someone who turns his entire world upside-down, and neither of them know if it's for the worse. Weeb, his new classmate and dodgeball teammate, shakes up Gug's normal routine. He is everything that Gug isn't, and Gug isn't sure whether he likes or hates him for it. Weeb's joyful and cheerful demeanor contrasts Gug's usual doom and gloom, Weeb's extroverted and outgoing nature completely outshines Gug's introverted and standoffish behaviour. In short, Gug hated the guy, and the feeling was mutual, although Weeb preferred to provoke a reaction out of Gug as he finds it funny, as compared to Gug's desire to have nothing to do with Weeb at all.

    However, when their paths inevitably take a turn for the worse, they are forced to work together and find common ground to stand on. It takes a long time to find it.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,039
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    1
    Hits:
    18
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Simon and Baz live in neighboring apartments, and one day, Simon smells something burning in the next apartment over. When he finds out what is going on with Baz, he offers to be Baz' fake boyfriend when he goes home to visit his family. This is obviously not a good idea because we all know how this will end.

    Podfic of A Terrible Idea by angelsfalling16.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    58
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    14
    Kudos:
    23
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    321
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Dev leans in and murmurs as sotto voce as he’s capable, “So, to recap. You come in with Gareth the nob. You meet Simon the beautiful barkeep. You somehow figure out Simon’s schedule…”

    “Trial and error…” I mumble.

    “Ever the empiricist,” he says fondly. “And then you haunt this stool and manage to, at the very least, exchange names and develop a usual. Am I missing any important details?”

     

    Baz, in dire need of a wingman, has dragged Dev across town for a drink. But will he heed Dev's sage advice, or will he ignore him and trust in his own disasterously awkward flirting game?

     

    I suspect you all know the answer to that ;)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    21
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    10
    Kudos:
    32
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    528
  8. Tags
    Summary

    Baz’s latest Tinder date has a laundry list of red flags. Good thing Baz’s got the group chat to help him (& to ignore).

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,327
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    34
    Kudos:
    194
    Bookmarks:
    22
    Hits:
    1,043
  9. Tags
    Summary

    Fucking karate. What did he call it? Kin Geri. Hurt like hell and still does.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    659
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    31
    Hits:
    530
  10. Tags
    Summary

    If you change the P in Pitch to a B is reads Bitch

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    739
    Chapters:
    7/?
    Kudos:
    13
    Hits:
    205
  11. Tags
    Summary

    A series of unfortunate events lead to the deaths of everyone in the world but a grim Baz Pitch. He wishes for a world where the unfortunate events never happen, and in return for the wish, Simon and Baz are close to strangers. The only issue with this new world is that the entirety of Watford feels as if something is missing. Even Baz.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,725
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Kudos:
    3
    Hits:
    62
  12. Tags
    Summary

    Neuro-atypical uni student Baz Pitch has never had a boyfriend, or a first date. He’s never even been kissed. Up until now, he’s been too busy being…well. Neuro-atypical.

    He spends his days at uni and his nights working at the bookshop owned by his eccentric aunt’s on-again off-again boyfriend. He’s not doing it for the money—all he needs is something to get him out of the house. But he never expected a simple bookselling job to turn his entire world upside-down.

    Enter Simon Salisbury. He’s not sure where his life’s headed. He’s taken a gap year, and his girlfriend’s gone off to college in California and broken up with him. When his best friend Penelope takes him to the bookshop near her school for a coffee and a scone, he thinks all he’s getting is advice and commiseration. But then there's Baz.

    Simon’s determined to get to know the bloke at the bookshop, but Baz has spent a lifetime trapped inside his own mind. He knows that letting Simon get to know him means exposing the most vulnerable bits of himself. But love is vulnerable in itself, and sometimes trusting someone with our hearts is a risk worth taking.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    323,588
    Chapters:
    27/35
    Comments:
    1,463
    Kudos:
    1,944
    Bookmarks:
    327
    Hits:
    55,102
  13. Tags
    Summary

    I’m on my feet before I can even tell what I’m doing. Snow steps back, but he’s too slow and I grab him by the collar of Agatha’s old jumper, holding him in place as I let my wand drop from my sleeve. He stands his ground, only reacting when my wand jabs into his throat, forcing his chin up. Our noses are almost touching, and I couldn’t care less. I’ll spell him until he doesn’t remember his own name.

    “Baz– calm down.” Snow’s wings lift, extending around me, and I force myself not to react to it. Just as I force myself to ignore his gaze dropping down from my eyes. I don’t think about the last time we were this close, or that when he kissed me he was trying to calm me down. I hope he doesn’t kiss me.

    (Only so that I don’t have to hope he does.)

    ~~~

    Simon and Baz team up after years apart to save Fiona from the wrath of the Coven, while Agatha helps a teenager who has been turned into a werewolf avoid the same fate.

    Five years post-Carry On

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    45,315
    Chapters:
    7/?
    Comments:
    10
    Kudos:
    40
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    1,099
  14. Tags
    Summary

    The "Pit Rage" isn’t actually a side effect of Jason’s dip in the Lazarus Pit. Or… not entirely. It’s a tool that Ra’s carefully developed before deploying him to targeted effect against Batman. Unfortunately, its intended results wore off too quickly, once away from his influence. This time, he plans to get it right.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    24,967
    Chapters:
    8/8
    Comments:
    220
    Kudos:
    361
    Bookmarks:
    80
    Hits:
    5,848
  15. Tags
    Summary

    Kier and Dev watches a horror movie. Unfortunately, Kier isn't good with those.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    820
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    103
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    1,177
  16. Tags
    Summary

    Kier takes interest in a specific sex toy.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,085
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    7
    Kudos:
    130
    Bookmarks:
    8
    Hits:
    2,496
  17. Tags
    Summary

    To Penn :)
    (13:01)
    penny
    penny help
    im so close to dropping out of watford and photosynthesizing for a living

    _____________________

    Or: Sleepless nights away from Watford, group projects, and a cheap flip phone burning a hole in Simon’s pocket. 

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,088
    Chapters:
    4/?
    Comments:
    25
    Kudos:
    62
    Bookmarks:
    8
    Hits:
    760
  18. Tags
    Summary

    A collection of ficlets/one-shots cross-posted from my Tumblr ! (Rating is subject to change!)

    1) Nurse on Duty - Naomi assists Vaz with some medical attention after he has a run in with Jul M'dama's fist.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    745
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    12
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    213
  19. Tags
    Summary

    Baz has woken up with a bump on his head and a boyfriend in his bed. The only problem is, he can't remember how he got here...

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,047
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    21
    Kudos:
    192
    Bookmarks:
    19
    Hits:
    1,304
  20. Tags
    Summary

    A collection of short oneshots, deleted scenes, extras, abandoned WIPs, and other low-effort things that do not deserve to be a standalone work. Not all NSFW, but mostly. Tags and warnings before each chapter.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    14,702
    Chapters:
    11/?
    Comments:
    22
    Kudos:
    263
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    6,456

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