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He felt Namjoon’s arms come up around his back, and it was the warmth and familiarity Jungkook had been craving for weeks.
Being away from his best friend was hard.
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Namjoon comes home from school and Jungkook realizes that maybe Namjoon isn't as excited to see him as he is to see Namjoon.
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- English
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Bookmarked by 0613
28 May 2022
Bookmarker's Notes
“jungkook-ah,” namjoon said again, softly, like jungkook’s name was something precious, like a spell or an incantation or a charm. namjoon’s eyes were so soft, and warm, and his cheek dimpled slightly as one side of his mouth quirked up. He leaned his forehead close, nearly against jungkook’s, and jungkook felt the timbre of namjoon’s voice, the ghost of his breath against his lips as he said, “jungkook-ah, i’ve been in love with you for years.”
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after the rush has gone (i hope you find a little more time) by kkyufms (halo_dean) for joonypear
Fandoms: 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
01 Sep 2020
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Jungkook draws Namjoon in, again and again, no matter how far he has drifted.
- Language:
- English
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- 4,938
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- 1/1
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- 1
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Bookmarked by 0613
19 May 2022
Bookmarker's Notes
namjoon closes his eyes. and jungkook says into his neck, breath hot and damp, “i missed you, hyung,” and there’s that. there’s that.
`.`
he starts to smile softly again now, and namjoon knows, very faintly, that they both want to let it happen.
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Summary
With a simple touch, Namjoon can hear thoughts. Jeongguk has a very good reason to never let him touch.
- Language:
- English
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- 6,805
- Chapters:
- 2/2
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- 304
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Bookmarked by 0613
08 Dec 2021
Bookmarker's Notes
i.
namjoon catches him staring across the table and his smile falters a bit and dims as his thoughts override the joy of the moment.
he bites his lip and looks away. this is all he is for namjoon, a reminder of what he dislikes about himself.
ii.
they fall back to the mattress and, though it takes a minute to breathe again, jeongguk holds him tight. it's so awkward between them. like a box full of puzzle pieces dumped out, nothing quite seems to fit though the pieces surely go together.
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Summary
"you broke up with me," taehyung gets the sentence out with much trepidation and struggle. his voice comes out like broken glass on concrete. "and i accepted it but i never...you never really told me why."
jimin opens his mouth to speak. then closes it again to reconsider whatever it was he was about to say. taehyung interrupts before he can start:
"admittedly, though, that doesn't bother me. i guess i just kind of hated that i didn't fight for you."
or three years after being broken up, jimin and taehyung see each other for the first time and taehyung realizes he still hasn't let it go.
Bookmarked by 0613
30 Nov 2021
Bookmarker's Notes
still, it isn't like jimin is saturated in every pink wrinkle of his brain. he just lingers. kind of like that sore on the roof of your mouth that you know you have to stop tonguing, that you have to let heal. so you sometimes leave it be but it's hard to forget the muted ache, hard to not stroke your tongue against the wound to see what it feels like.
`.`
jimin steps closer to him, perches himself up on his tiptoes, and wraps his arms around taehyung's neck. their chests press against each other, taehyung's senses are attacked by sandalwood and cinnamon, and taehyung starts to ache in places he thought didn't exist anymore.
`.`
he wears all black, hair pushed back like he used to wear it on their special dates, something he started doing after taehyung let it slip that he loved the way it looked. taehyung tries not let himself think it means anything.
`.`
he wasn't unhappy by any means.
but he knows like seokjin knows, like jeongguk knows, like his mother knows, that he wasn't especially happy either. he didn't make jimin the end all, be all of his own existence. it just so happened that life with him was indescribably better than life without him.
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Following an uncomfortable first sexual experience, Jimin becomes a recluse by choice, wary of intimacy and the way it only ever feels like something that holds him back.
Yoongi, his RA, shows him that there are so many more human ways to touch.
- Language:
- English
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- 11,770
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- 1/1
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Bookmarked by 0613
05 Oct 2021
Bookmarker's Notes
it's weird . it's the first day in two weeks he’s reappeared in the world — and there have been many first days like this before — but it never gets older. he still gets up not knowing what to do with his hands; still clumsy and slightly offbeat with everything else.
`.`
his mind flits between the last message, the tumbler still sitting on his bedside, the kind foreignness of “jimin-ah”— tossed over a shoulder like it was something meant for jimin to catch.
this is good, jimin thinks belatedly.
`.`
this is good, jimin reminds himself. he bites his lip, and taps on yoongi's contact name.
yoongi-hyung
<3 !!!he wants to move on already.
`.`
at a certain point, yoongi suggests soju , and the rest of the night dissolves. they do argue a bit about who should sleep on the couch and end up passing out on yoongi's king single, halfway through some insipid tv drama. if jimin stirs, somewhere between three and four in the morning, it’s only to let his head fall further onto yoongi's shoulder, to think about how he’s got a bell-shaped heart that won’t stop ringing.
`.`
then, jimin exhales, deeply, coming full circle from the exorcism— which is a lot like coming down from a high, except his feet are already on the ground and there’s no place lower to go.
`.`
through the sift of lucidity, the thought of romance crosses his mind once more, only to beget a second: maybe it doesn't really matter what name he gives to the emotion. he just likes being warm.
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Summary
And Jungkook and Taehyung can say what they want, show him as many videos and make him listen to as many songs as they like, but the truth of the matter is that Seokjin’s opinion is not uninformed and that SUGA and his bad-boy-anarchist-rap-god image is just not real.
Not when Seokjin’s been witness to Yoongi.
(or: AU where Kim Seokjin runs a tiny hotel in the heart of Seoul, and Min Yoongi is a world-famous rapper who drops by to escape the pressures of idol life.)
- Language:
- English
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- 25,923
- Chapters:
- 1/1
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- 280
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- 3,106
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Bookmarked by 0613
11 Sep 2021
Bookmarker's Notes
he's a contradiction—an asshole but a lovable asshole, a bad reputation but somehow still topping the brand index, and seokjin just.
refuses to believe it’s all real, is all.
`.`
“yoongi,” he said, before turning around on the piano stool and placing his fingers on the keys. “my name is yoongi.”
and the next evening, at around three in the morning, seokjin had looked up, and yoongi had been standing outside.
he kept coming back after that.
`.`
faced with the same seesaw, seokjin and yoongi have chosen differently.
`.`
“i wanted to be an actor. almost did, actually.”
“but…?”
and that is the million dollar question isn’t it? something that seokjin still doesn’t really know how to explain. “i don’t know,” he says. “i woke up one day and i didn’t want to do it.”
`.`
“...people start following me around, and then they start making assumptions about who i am and what i like, and the next thing i know i'm staring at my face on the news and i have no idea who that guy is.”
`.`
without the work and without the guests there’s nothing he can do except to sit with it and take note of how much its grown the past few months. nothing to do except to realize that yoongi has wriggled his way into the crevices of seokjin's life like he was always meant to be there.
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in the gentle corner of my memory, you stand in the morning sun by orphan_account
Fandoms: 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
11 Mar 2021
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Summary
this was the song they danced to the most— the three of them, tangled together with too many limbs to make sense, but more than enough laughter and love to go around. it holds so much feeling, and it aches, holding on to namjoon’s hands, listening to the lilting keys of the piano and feeling the ghost of yoongi dancing along with them, phantom fingers binding the three of them together.
Series
- Part 1 of on a day in which my heart is melancholy
Bookmarked by 0613
10 Sep 2021
Bookmarker's Notes
he just— he just needs time.
and time is something that seems to be running away quickly, isn’t it?
`.`
“i want to keep him alive, i want to remember how he felt. when we kissed, when he held me through bad nights. when he grounded you during tough days in the studio. how he was so quiet, and yet you could feel his presence, all the time. in a room full of people, i would know where he was, even if he didn’t make a sound. his impact was just like that— you know that, hyung.”
`.`
looking down upon yoongi’s gravestone, he reads the words that are ingrained to the back of his eyes, so familiar he could recite it in his sleep, even if he were dead.
`.`
he squats down, placing the flowers gently by yoongi’s headstone. it’s a bright contrast of orange and white against the dull gray of granite, but he finds it looks pretty— something almost happy, as if it’s celebrating the life that’s been lived.
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Summary
jungkook has voodoo eyes, that's his best description of him. voodoo eyes, rattling the lungs inside yoongi's body when they shouldn't.
Bookmarked by 0613
29 Aug 2021
Bookmarker's Notes
he wanted to be holy, jungkook wanted to be left alone. none got their wish.
`.`
they dine on duck meat, potatoes and cheap beer, and later they lay together on the sofa, jungkook watches some random late night movie on tv, yoongi strokes his hair, kissing his neck every other minute. they fall asleep like that, as if they're normal.
`.`
yoongi tosses him a rosary, but jungkook doesn't know how to pray.
(yoongi runs through the woods that night, and his cries are howls, screams, shattering the stale, dark air. there's blood on his teeth, on his eyes, on his hands, bad, bad blood. he wakes up screaming, jungkook has the rifle pointed to his head — as he always does, in one way or another.)
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but when he walks in, I am loved, I am loved by syotnen
Fandoms: 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
12 Nov 2022
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Summary
Jeongguk comes out to their boyfriend as nonbinary.
- Language:
- English
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- 5,183
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- 1/1
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- 1
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Bookmarked by 0613
25 Aug 2021
Bookmarker's Notes
jungkook has been lucky , all things considered. the thought runs through their head every day like a mantra, when they wake up in the morning and jimin is still there; when their heart closes around the idea that their life would be a lot worse if he wasn’t.
`.`
being nonbinary is just… different here. more unheard of, even within the queer spaces they frequent, and sometimes it feels like they’ve just traded one closet for another.
`.`
strangely enough, something about the gesture feels like a quiet acceptance; like they’re moving along and jimin wants to move along with them.
`.`
but this is different… this is jimin. it's who they love. who they live with. it's part of their identity, in many ways. sometimes even looking at jimin is self-recognition.
`.`
jungkook exhales. it's fine. they'll be fine. it's just something they're going to have to explain. they're not mad at jimin either, not in the slightest. it's just that the water's gone cold. so let's get out of the tub now, love.
jungkook reaches forward, and pulls the plug out.
`.`
so much of what they are is still determined by what was safe when they were fourteen.
`.`
he sounds soft and sleepy in a way that makes jungkook want to turn around and sweep him into a hug, to contain him in love.
and— there are always going to be moments like this. of sleeping and eating and washing, despite having done those things the day before; of falling for the same person, despite having done so over and over and over again. not because it’s routine, jungkook thinks, but because it’s a continued effort. love is something they nurture.
`.`
and if only it were that easy to lay down a fear, to make a child out of it and turn a blind eye — they would. jungkook would. hope and beg and plead for it to stray from them but — you know— all children know how to look for their mothers, no matter how neglectful.
`.`
standing at the cross section of their life, jungkook can sometimes only gasp at the strangeness of it all.
-
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Summary
Most things that walk this part of the forest are dead.
The hares and squirrels, the birds and bears. Their skeletons rise from the dirt to make a second life here, where nature’s magic pulses strong.
There are exceptions, of course. There is Namjoon, the demon in the extradimensional cottage who guides each animal through death and rebirth and death again.
And then there’s Jeongguk, this jack-of-all-trades city boy with pretty eyes, pretty bones, and a pretty heart that Namjoon swears beats differently from his own. So excited and real and alive.
Perhaps more alive than Namjoon knows how to handle.
- Language:
- English
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- 39,000
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- 4/4
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- 408
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Bookmarked by 0613
07 Aug 2021
Bookmarker's Notes
i.
“you know me, don’t you, old friend?” he murmurs.
a gentler growl as she recognizes him the way all animals here do.
`.`
he sits, and sits, and sits some more. he reads the growth in her bones like tree rings and tells her how proud he is that she made it all the way to him. and when the bear’s heart finally gives out and she stills steady as a mountain, he says, “thank you for being alive.”
`.`
namjoon doesn’t reply for a long moment. jeongguk isn't wrong. but does a farmer mourn the slaughter of their livestock? is it right for him to liken himself to a farmer and the skeletons to livestock? what he does is certainly not slaughter. the analogy doesn’t fit, but he’s never sure what does.
`.`
namjoon most certainly doesn’t stand and watch jeongguk leave, except he most certainly does, which is how he sees jeongguk turn when he’s nearly all the way out of the deadwood. his face goes warm when jeongguk jumps wildly and waves his arms high up over his head and shouts that he’ll go and come back safely. namjoon hears the bones in jeongguk’s left foot protest all the jumping, but then they’re quiet, and namjoon is quiet, and the forest is quiet.
and like a magicked chrysanthemum, namjoon’s heart blooms. beautiful and far, far too fast.
ii.
younha had had a lot of faith in him to figure it out himself, but he sure doesn’t.
after all, he only knows how bones work.
he doesn’t know how to handle a heart that beats for two.
iii.
namjoon always says there’s comfort in the relatively predictability of death here.
jeongguk says he believes him now.
`.`
the forest lets jeongguk crawl around in its belly as if he was born from it. if anyone on earth deserved magic, it would be him.
`.`
soon, autumn will sweep over the ground, just like the guilt that swept over seokjin’s face. jeongguk must be seeing them from different angles.
`.`
jeongguk lays herbs around her feet as a parting gift: chives, coriander, perilla. all things that she watched him grow. he pats the flat plane of bone right above her nose, rubs a flower petal between his fingers, and whispers, “i hope you were happy here.”
namjoon meets his eyes. In this moment, he looks grown-up. somehow this is the same jeongguk he met at the beginning of the year, the one who wept over a dying bear. he wants to say, if only everything cared as much as you do.
`.`
"one more?”
“one more,” namjoon agrees easily, kissing him again, and beyond his window, the vanishing moon twinkles, as though this was meant to happen all along.
-
Tags
Summary
“Do you believe in soulmates?” He asked, trapping his bottom lip in between his teeth, feeling a little bit nervous. “Like that people are meant to find one another no matter what?”
Yoongi nodded. “Mmm, I think I do.”
“Do you think we would meet if we weren’t in the group?”
or
Yoongi is a fool, but a very lucky one.
Bookmarked by 0613
16 Jul 2021
Bookmarker's Notes
"do you think we would meet if we weren’t in the group?”
the older froze for a mere moment, then continued the slow movements that were mostly led by taehyung. “that's a possibility. i mean, we’ve been taking the same bus before, so- maybe?”
the other hummed, eyebrows knitting together. “but, like, do you think we would somehow become friends?”
“i don’t know,” he told him the truth, but his voice was gentle as ever. “how would i know, tae-yah?”
-
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Summary
this is the twenty-first night of the year that jeongguk has stayed up to watch the sunrise.
Bookmarked by 0613
15 Jun 2021
Bookmarker's Notes
it’s funny that they meet like this, in the moment between moonlight and sunshine. it’s funny that they are just this.
`.`
he plays the piano and it sounds like breathing. it sounds like falling asleep.
`.`
(this remains one of his favorite memories. sometimes, if they're drunk enough, or nostalgic enough, or stressed enough, jeongguk will ask yoongi to play their song on the piano, or yoongi will ask jeongguk to sing it to him. not because the song got prettier through the years but because it never stopped being theirs.)
`.`
he wakes up hours later and there's yoongi, there's the sky, there's the blanket.
he thinks, okay. maybe he can try.
`.`
it could be a good morning, if they want. and they do. and he does.
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(stop me if) you've heard this one before by joonypear for serenaracha
Fandoms: 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
19 Dec 2020
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Summary
“Come with me,” Jungkook says. “To the skate.”
“As, like, your date?”
Jungkook makes a sound, this surprised, undignified sort of half-squeak. Not his proudest moment.
“Yeah. Or no, I don’t know. Just — I said that I’m bringing someone, and I don’t wanna look lame, I guess.”
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Bookmarked by 0613
13 Jun 2021
Bookmarker's Notes
he majors in literature and spent a year abroad in florence (see: cool) doing whatever people in europe do, and sometimes jungkook will look at him for a beat too long on the walk to his dorm, and start thinking about what ifs that he definitely shouldn’t be thinking about.
`.`
the heart rate is controlled by the sino atrial node (SAN). at rest, a normal adult heart beats at approximately 75 beats per minute, peaking at around 200 beats per minute for strenuous activity —
he jumps a little when his phone buzzes again.
namjoonie hyung [1:31am]: sleep well kook <3
don't stay up too late200 beats per minute doesn’t even come close.
`.`
you don’t get things in life unless you ask for them, the way you lose 100% of the shots you don’t take or whatever it is that gretzky said.
`.`
jungkook has had more bruises on his body than he can begin to count, but he thinks these mean the most out of any of them.
`.`
jungkook whimpers at the pet name, pouting his lips, and namjoon leans down to peck them. he feels warm and floaty and pleasant, and he knows that this is it, the feeling he wants to live in forever.
`.`
namjoon laughs, a beautiful sound, and even with the pixelated photo, jungkook can make out the warmth in his eyes and those dimples. always those dimples.
-
Bookmarked by 0613
30 May 2021
Bookmarker's Notes
jeongguk stares a hole through the carpeted floor, trying to figure out what to say, what to feel. not that it matters how he feels, really, because this is a them thing, not a him thing, and most importantly, this is a Thing that can — and will — continue to be a Thing, without him, regardless of how he feels about it. maybe that’s where the problems start.
`.`
he tries to squirm away, only half-hearted, but gives in eventually, laughing as his boyfriends pounce, peppering tiny kisses all over his face and shoulders on each side, enough to last him a lifetime.
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no destination, no scenery by nitilia7 for pomegranitemilk
Fandoms: 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
01 Feb 2021
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Summary
It's the small things that have kept him going for this long. His mother's cheerful voice on the phone, when she thinks he's happy. Yoongi's presence at the end of a long day.
He tries to think of more to add to the list, but…that's all that he can think of.
/
Or: Jungkook tries his best to keep going when he can't. Yoongi is just a stranger he takes the bus with.
Bookmarked by 0613
29 May 2021
Bookmarker's Notes
jungkook should have helped him.
it's not the guilt that bothers him. he zones out on the ride back home, on the walk back to his apartment.
it's not the guilt that bothers him.
it's that there's no guilt at all.
-
Tags
Summary
“I sometimes beat the shit out of guys who come on to you.” He said it slowly so he would never have to say it again.
Jungkook’s jaw slackened.
“You—what?“ he breathed out. “You—how long have you been doing th—that?”
“Since we started dating,” Namjoon admitted. “August.”
“Ah,” Jungkook said, “And how many guys have you beaten the shit out of?”
“Like five,” Namjoon sighed.
“Five! Five?! That’s like almost once a month!”
“Yeah…that’s about right.”
--or--
5 times Kim Namjoon (against all his non-violent instincts) beats the shit out of somebody for his boyfriend's honor.
- Language:
- English
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- 53,152
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- 8/8
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Bookmarked by 0613
15 May 2021
Bookmarker's Notes
v.
namjoon thought that jungkook was ruining him for anybody else. namjoon didn’t ever want to think about anybody else.
`.`
“i'm glad you have one there,” namjoon said gently. “i'm glad you were loved.”
vii.
without making a single sound, namjoon just laid down next to him, not bothering to change his clothes either, and fell asleep. they’d deal with life later.
viii.
the greek concept of ‘kalos’—the false idea that what is beautiful is inherently good
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What's Mine is Mine (& What's Yours is Mine) by yoongiyoongi
Fandoms: 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
04 Mar 2021
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Summary
Kim Namjoon wanted 5 Jeon Jungkooks and that’s exactly what he got.
- Language:
- English
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- 14,393
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- 1/1
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- 310
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- 1,636
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- 448
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Bookmarked by 0613
14 May 2021
Bookmarker's Notes
"who else are you ever going to get to fulfill a threesome fantasy for him? you hate everybody who gets near him. you even hate me, and i'm you.”
`.`
he(21) suddenly felt like he was intruding—that that wasn’t him and that wasn’t his boyfriend. those were two completely different people in love.
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everything is cherries on top by jonghyunslisterine for colorpuzzle
Fandoms: 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
15 Jan 2019
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Summary
in which yoongi gets coerced into joining a gay men’s volleyball club and finds himself thoroughly confused by how hard jimin and jungkook are flirting with him.
(“Go get some dick, tiger.”
“But which dick?”
“What the hell do you mean ‘which dick’? Both, obviously.”)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 12,387
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
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- 54
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- 3,142
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- 604
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Bookmarked by 0613
02 Apr 2021
Bookmarker's Notes
the something he can’t name fills him fit to burst, and he can see it in jimin and jungkook, too. and he gets it.
he's happy.
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but if you hold me without hurting me, you'll be the first who ever did. by jonghyunslisterine
Fandoms: 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
09 May 2020
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Summary
jungkook might be the son of a wealthy ceo, but no one ever really pays attention to what he wants. not until yoongi comes along, the gardener's quiet grandson who quickly becomes his favorite person in the world. jungkook doesn't need much, just someone who sees him - and yoongi sees him better than anyone ever has.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 36,430
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Collections:
- 1
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- 287
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- 2,970
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- 1,030
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Bookmarked by 0613
31 Mar 2021
Bookmarker's Notes
i.
the summer ends, and yoongi goes back home. jungkook never does get to say goodbye.
`.`
summer begins, and yoongi doesn’t come.
the disappointment settles upon jungkook’s shoulders like a weight.
jungkook reads books about fairies that grant wishes and princesses that go to midnight balls and wonders why nothing good ever happens for him like it does in the stories.
`.`
jungkook thinks about how different he looks now compared to when they first met, how much older; yoongi’s nearly an adult now.
jungkook doesn’t feel as left behind as he usually does. yoongi might be running on ahead, but he always remembers to look back.
`.`
jungkook buys yoongi a record player for his graduation, and he doesn’t cry the day he packs his things and leaves.
he cries the day after. great, heaving sobs that take him by surprise when he wakes up the next morning and remembers. he cries so hard he makes himself sick. then he gets up and starts his day, because he has violin lessons and baseball practice and tutoring, and because life goes on no matter how badly you don’t want to go on with it.
`.`
"look, i'm sorry i didn’t tell you. but you can’t take that out on jimin. you're better than this, jungkook.”
he isn’t. he isn’t because right now he feels so irrationally awful, like his insides are all twisted up with anger and hurt. every breath he takes feels laced with pain. whenever he thinks he matters to yoongi, he’s made to remember that he doesn’t.
ii.
“you don’t seem like yourself,” yoongi finally says, and jungkook’s face flames. he can’t look him in the eyes. suddenly it feels like all the work he’s done on himself these past two years has turned into the dust. he's still jeon jungkook, the little kid who had made yoongi a scrapbook covered in flowers and never given it to him for the shame of it.
`.`
“i know high school makes you want to be someone you’re not, but i like who you are, jungkook-ah.”
`.`
his voice is soft, a little fond, and somehow the years between them don’t seem so long and distant anymore. they're still just yoongi and jungkook, in the end.
`.`
yes, hyung, i'm in love with you. i've been in love with you since the day you put a hat on my head and told me i'd get sunburnt. i've been in love with you since you taught me what love was and i think i'll never get over you, not as long as i live.
`.`
“yeah, well. i was just a kid. you were my only friend.” he shrugs a shoulder, as if that’s enough to explain it. as if there isn’t a lifetime’s worth of reasons for why he loves yoongi.
`.`
he realizes it’s a strange thing to do, bring another guy lunch at work. jungkook hadn’t even thought of it as strange. he's gone and done it again, what he always does, act strange and overstep without realizing it until it’s too late. suddenly he’s 11 again with a book full of letters and a cover of hearts and flowers, realizing that he can’t give it to yoongi, after all.
`.`
jungkook's shoulders slump with sudden exhaustion. he'd been so excited about his stupid suit and the stupid interview. he hadn't realized exactly how naive he was. it wasn't that he thought it would be easy, just that he thought it would be better than this.
`.`
"i was scared that i was in love with you, and you weren't in love with me anymore. i was scared because you were leaving."
-
if this is what love means by joonypear for outernetjoon
Fandoms: 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
09 Mar 2021
Tags
Summary
Of course, out of all the people in the world, Jungkook would be the person to end up feeling this way about his ex-boyfriend and his ex-boyfriend’s new boyfriend. Of fucking course, what else.
Or: Namjoon and Jungkook broke up three years ago. That should've been the end of that story. Then comes Min Yoongi, some old feelings and some new, and things get a lot more complicated.
Bookmarked by 0613
23 Mar 2021
Bookmarker's Notes
there's not much space for too many thoughts, either, which jeongguk figures is a blessing until he’s brushing his teeth in the evening and his brain is just a broken record of tell me about love, why did you hesitate, what makes people fall in love, what about falling out of love, tell me about a time it happened to you.
`.`
he doesn’t, like, actively try to talk himself into hating yoongi because that would be weird, but sometimes he just likes to poke at his brain a little with the proverbial resentment stick, just to test it out. how about today? no? okay, i’ll try again tomorrow, coming up empty each and every time.
`.`
there should be nothing romantic about any of it, yet the way they kiss him bye at the door, slow and unhurried like they don’t quite want to let him go, makes him feel like there could be.
`.`
“hyung,” jeongguk says, broken, and he doesn’t know what he’s asking for. maybe yoongi knows him better than he does himself.
`.`
yoongi cleans them both up with a warm washcloth, tender, pressing kisses onto both of their lips, and jeongguk lets himself pretend.
`.`
maybe it is the fact that jeongguk got nowhere licking his wounds for three years and if he was going to let them open up all over again, he might as well be the one with the salt, rubbing it all in. but he knows he’ll break his heart again if he keeps going like this, pretending. sometimes he’s scared the damage is already done, that maybe there’s nothing to break again because he never really healed, that yoongi is right, he’s ruined for anyone else. so he has to try.
`.`
he tells himself that the hardest part is already behind him. whether he believes it or not doesn’t really matter, what’s done is done.
`.`
“i know namjoon loves you, because he looks at you the way i used to look at him,”
`.`
he keeps trying to make a point, because he has one, seriously, but he can’t seem to ever hold onto that thought long enough, stopping to kiss them mid-sentence, fizzing on the inside like the champagne he’d been drinking earlier, and that’s how he knows.
this is what love means.