121 - 129 of 129 Works by TrashyPandas (BlueJayFan)
Navigation
Listing Works
-
Tags
Summary
Alfred, feeling an odd mix of indignation and confusion, let out a derisive snort. "I am always in control. You’ve just never stuck around long enough to notice."
James winced at that, and Alfred immediately regretted the words. But he couldn’t stop himself. He let out a shaky breath, suddenly aware of how tired he was. Of everything.
"You left," Alfred said, the words spilling out before he could stop them. "You walked away, without a word, and now you’re back, and I’m supposed to... what? Just act like it doesn’t bother me? Like I’m not still..." He trailed off, realizing he had said too much.
James didn’t say anything for a moment, watching Alfred carefully. Then, with a sigh, he stepped closer. "I’m sorry, Alfred. I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again—I shouldn’t have left like that. I should’ve... I should’ve fought for us."
Alfred’s heart did a weird little flip, but he ignored it. "Well, you didn’t. And now it’s too late."
"Is it?" James asked quietly, "Because I don’t think it is."
--
Or: Alfred thought he had left his past behind him. But when Wayne Manor’s new employee turns out to be someone from that very past, old emotions bubble to the surface once again.
Series
- Part 1 of All the Lost Years
-
The Great Gotham Bake-off or Why The Bat Should Never Be Bored by TrashyPandas (BlueJayFan)
Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types
19 Sep 2024
Tags
Summary
"Alfred," Bruce began, and Alfred's internal alarms were already sounding at DEFCON 1, "I've been watching this show—"
Alfred's right eye twitched.
"—and it’s called The Great British Bake-Off."
Alfred froze.
Oh no.
Series
- Part 3 of Bats Crack-fics one-shots
-
The Butler Diaries - A Feline Edition by TrashyPandas (BlueJayFan)
Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types
19 Sep 2024
Tags
Summary
Day 20:
The emotional support cat—whose name, by the way, is Fluffmuffin, because of course it is—has officially taken over my favorite chair. I went to sit down after a long day of cleaning up whatever explosion Bruce caused in the lab, and there was Fluffmuffin, staring at me with those cold, calculating eyes. I tried to move him. He bit me. I’m beginning to wonder if this is how I go—death by cat.
I voiced my concerns to Bruce, and he laughed. Laughed. "Alfred," he said, "you’re overreacting. He’s just a cat."
Yes, well, this "just a cat" has now scratched "Die Alfred" into the wood of the coffee table. Bruce refuses to believe me. I’m living in a horror film and no one is taking it seriously.
Series
- Part 5 of Bats Crack-fics one-shots
-
Tags
Summary
The warehouse was suspiciously quiet. No goons, no alarms. It didn’t even seem like a trap. Just... empty.
"Something’s wrong," Bruce muttered into their comms. "Stay alert."
As they moved deeper inside, they heard it: the unmistakable sound of... sobbing? Loud, exaggerated sobbing. And coming from the far corner of the room was none other than the Riddler, sitting in the middle of what looked like a hastily constructed interrogation room, bawling his eyes out. His green suit was wrinkled, and his iconic question-mark cane lay discarded beside him.
And standing next to him—perfectly composed, as if nothing at all was out of the ordinary—was Alfred.
Series
- Part 2 of Bats Crack-fics one-shots
-
Tags
Summary
Alfred, slicing vegetables with his usual surgical precision, glanced up calmly. "Good afternoon, Lucius. May I offer you some tea?"
Lucius didn’t answer immediately. Instead, he took a deep breath, squared his shoulders, and dropped to one knee in the middle of the kitchen.
Series
- Part 1 of Bats Crack-fics one-shots
-
Here Lies The Sanity Of One Alfred Pennyworth by TrashyPandas (BlueJayFan)
Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types
10 Sep 2024
Tags
Summary
Alfred Pennyworth had seen many things in his long, volatile life. He had served in wars, dealt with criminal masterminds, and cleaned up Bruce’s endless trail of bat-shaped clutter.
But today?
Today was the last straw.
The final insult.
The singular, unforgivable betrayal.
Series
- Part 4 of Bats Crack-fics one-shots
- Part 1 of Alfred And The Art Of Dying
-
Shaken, Not Stirred by TrashyPandas (BlueJayFan)
Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types, James Bond (Craig Movies)
07 Sep 2024
Tags
Summary
Bruce felt his stomach drop. His heart squeezed painfully in his chest. Alfred wasn’t joking. His face was completely serene, like it always was. But Bruce knew James Bond wasn’t real. He was a movie character, an iconic figure of fiction. So what was Alfred talking about?
"Right," Bruce said, his voice quieter now. He felt a lump forming in his throat, and he had to swallow hard to push it down. He studied Alfred’s face, but the butler was already turning back to the kitchen, preparing more food like nothing unusual had been said.
For a moment, Bruce just sat there, the cup of coffee growing cold in his hands. He didn’t know what to do, what to say. His mind raced, trying to understand. Alfred had always been sharp, composed, never prone to confusion. But now…
Bruce’s hand trembled slightly as he set the cup down. Was Alfred… losing it?
--
Or: the Bats have to learn how to communicate better -
Lover of Mine, where have you gone? by TrashyPandas (BlueJayFan)
Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types
27 Aug 2024
Tags
Summary
Martha’s eyes sparkled with mischief. "Maybe you’ll finally let yourself relax for once."
"Relax?" Alfred scoffed, though his heart warmed at the thought. "With you two around? Not a chance."
"That’s the spirit," Thomas said, his voice full of humor and affection. "Just as long as you know we’re in this together."
"Always," Alfred replied.
-
Tags
Summary
Skirts were for women.
Makeup was for women.
And Alfred, as he had been reminded often, was not a woman.
Series
- Part 1 of Butterfly