101 - 120 of 2,738 Bookmarks by Jade_octopus
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Summary
A collection of humorous short stories. Read at your own peril!
Includes:
Uchiha Madara’s Guide to Defending Your Chastity
Uchiha Itachi’s Guide to Saving the World
Yamanaka Ino’s Guide to the Walk of Shame
Haruno Sakura’s Guide to Keeping Your Sanity- Words:
- 14,664
- Works:
- 4
- Bookmarks:
- 249
Bookmarked by Jade_octopus
30 Oct 2024
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Summary
Madara doesn’t know where this absolute maniac came from, but he had quickly established himself as the most terrifying thing to stalk the land. That green leotard, the bowl cut, those orange legwarmers - The Eyebrows.
And his utterly terrifying habit of propositioning Madara at the top of his lungs.
Series
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,193
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 15
- Comments:
- 138
- Kudos:
- 2,950
- Bookmarks:
- 649
- Hits:
- 17,162
Bookmarked by Jade_octopus
30 Oct 2024
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Summary
Tim didn't mean to become the notorious thief Red X; it just sort of happened. Just like how he somehow wound up being Batman’s greatest nemesis - his therapist.
He would like to remind whatever higher forces are out there that he is still only 12.
Series
- Part 1 of The Gentlekid Series
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 13,588
- Chapters:
- 5/5
- Collections:
- 35
- Comments:
- 314
- Kudos:
- 7,336
- Bookmarks:
- 1,149
- Hits:
- 56,214
Bookmarked by Jade_octopus
28 Oct 2024
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Space cellmates by BoredomBeckons
Fandoms: Justice League - All Media Types, Batman - All Media Types, Superman - All Media Types
13 Aug 2022
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Summary
Superman is kidnapped by aliens whilst conducting an interview as Clark Kent. He feels guilty about the poor civilian who got caught up in this mess with him.
“Mr Wayne. Please take this seriously.”
“I take everything seriously Superman. I’m Batman.”
“Look, it’s obvious you don’t believe me…”
“I do believe you.”
“…but I really am Superman, and I want you to know that whatever happens I will do my best to protect you.”
“Since your powers are being hindered it seems to me that I’ll be the one protecting you.”
“Right,” Clark sighed, not bothering to argue.
“Because I’m Batman.”
“Sure.”- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,417
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 200
- Kudos:
- 8,003
- Bookmarks:
- 1,170
- Hits:
- 37,538
Bookmarked by Jade_octopus
28 Oct 2024
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38 Keschel, 2 Batuuan Spira, and 14 Peggats by The_Supervillains_Goatee
Fandoms: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars Legends - All Media Types
18 Aug 2024
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Summary
Did Obi-Wan Kenobi's Force ghost travel back in time or was it a Force Vision? Don't know. Don't care. Baby!Wan is not doing the lifetime of infinite sadness again. Bye!
In which Youngling Obi-wan Kenobi wakes up from another nightmare about the future in the Jedi Crèche decides to do something about it...by hiring a professional.Bookmarked by Jade_octopus
28 Oct 2024
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life in the hyyperlane by CallToMuster
Fandoms: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars - All Media Types
17 Mar 2023
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Summary
Anakin had come to the very obvious conclusion that Obi-Wan Kenobi was completely, horribly inept with technology.
Obi-Wan had come to the even more obvious conclusion that his Padawan was the most gullible and unobservant person in the entire galaxy.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,714
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 247
- Kudos:
- 3,983
- Bookmarks:
- 1,137
- Hits:
- 19,752
Bookmarked by Jade_octopus
28 Oct 2024
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Otter-Wan by Vetinari
Fandoms: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
03 Sep 2022
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Summary
Otter-Wan Kenobi.
Cody gets the surprise of his life when his very competent General is suddenly replaced by a small furry animal.
That's it, that's the fic.
Bookmarked by Jade_octopus
28 Oct 2024
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PULL TOGETHER FOR THE CLAN AND KIN by unlimitedInk
Fandoms: The Mandalorian (TV), Star Wars: The Book of Boba Fett (TV), Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars - All Media Types
08 Mar 2025
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Summary
After beating Bo Katan for the right to rule, Din’s plan was to listen to and troll his baar’ur, ease into being leader of the Mando’ade, and fumble his way through the galaxy. Most of his family DO NOT WANT HIM TO BE MAND’ALOR.
Well, Dee, the Force, and Destiny, have thoughts on this. They have many, many thoughts.
Series
- Part 2 of All In The Family
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 62,469
- Chapters:
- 6/?
- Comments:
- 420
- Kudos:
- 1,243
- Bookmarks:
- 302
- Hits:
- 26,512
Bookmarked by Jade_octopus
28 Oct 2024
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Summary
“Okay, maybe we shouldn’t have told him his dad would still love him if he was a nudist,” Fennec says, looking down at the abandoned potato sack garment in the middle of the palace hangar bay floor.
Bookmarked by Jade_octopus
27 Oct 2024
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Summary
Human interactions were not Orochimaru’s strength. Fortunately, Tsunade was always willing to answer questions. The jōnin standby station probably wasn’t the best place to ask, but options were limited. He’d just have to deal with the lack of privacy, and Jiraiya being a nuisance, and Tsunade mooning over Katō, and…
And the very distracting presence of the subject of his question – and object of his affections – Sakumo Hatake, just across the room.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 15,593
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 169
- Kudos:
- 2,610
- Bookmarks:
- 836
- Hits:
- 21,992
Bookmarked by Jade_octopus
26 Oct 2024
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Summary
Post cannon Kakashi touches a seal that sends him back to when he was 6-years-old
Or-
My take on a Kakashi wakes up in the past and decides to fix things fic(mostly domestic fluff)Series
- Part 1 of Kakashi the time traveler
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 82,482
- Chapters:
- 35/35
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 484
- Kudos:
- 3,691
- Bookmarks:
- 815
- Hits:
- 118,916
Bookmarked by Jade_octopus
10 Oct 2024
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Summary
The Hatake had been farmers for far many more generations than shinobi. Eventually, it shows.
After the Kyuubi, Kakashi retires.
- Words:
- 247,375
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 564
Bookmarked by Jade_octopus
10 Oct 2024
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Summary
In the power vacuum left by the Kyuubi's destruction, Shimura Danzo makes his move. In his grief, Kakashi retreats to his ancestral farmlands—but peace is hard to find when the seeds of certain secrets begin to grow.
After the Kyuubi, Kakashi retires.
Series
- Part 1 of Scaring Crows
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 163,675
- Chapters:
- 19/19
- Collections:
- 29
- Comments:
- 1,337
- Kudos:
- 3,938
- Bookmarks:
- 1,454
- Hits:
- 114,699
Bookmarked by Jade_octopus
10 Oct 2024
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Summary
The Cursed Seal of Heaven has a very specific purpose—to heighten and aggravate emotions and physical strength. After all, a man obsessed is a man easily manipulated.
And there is no one more obsessive than Sasuke Uchiha.
Orochimaru is counting on the seal to amplify Sasuke’s need for vengeance and power until he comes crawling to Orochimaru on his own, thirsting for the knowledge to defeat his brother.
What Orochimaru didn’t count on, was that Sasuke Uchiha had become just as obsessed with mother-henning his own teammates.
Something Naruto, Sakura, and Kakashi are finding out the hard way.
Essentially, as soon as Sasuke wakes up after the invasion, he panics, kidnaps his teammates from the hospital, and locks them away in his apartment.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 13,460
- Chapters:
- 13/13
- Comments:
- 517
- Kudos:
- 6,367
- Bookmarks:
- 1,634
- Hits:
- 56,718
Bookmarked by Jade_octopus
30 Sep 2024
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Summary
Her client either doesn't actually know the ninja's name or (equally likely) knows that ninja of this era despise introductions, but Sakura knows the name of her new coworker: Uchiha Madara is standing in front of her, wild-haired and distinctively relaxed, looking no older than her — not quite a teenager anymore, coming into his full adult height and broad shoulders, but much younger than he had looked during the Fourth War.
Seeing him is a literal nightmare come to life, but Sakura is a professional. She bows politely and does not let her hands tremble. "I look forward to working with you."
"Likewise," Madara says, perfectly polite and yet clearly not meaning it. Clearly dismissing her, because she's a young, pink-haired, civilian woman.
Well. She'll show him.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 6,646
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 241
- Kudos:
- 10,275
- Bookmarks:
- 2,775
- Hits:
- 66,424
Bookmarked by Jade_octopus
29 Sep 2024
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‘The Temporary Temple Guards’ by RoosjeM
Fandoms: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
13 Jan 2025
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Summary
It was a widely known fact within the Temple, that the Temple Guards stationed at the Coruscant Temple were experiencing a ‘shortage’ at the moment. Seeing as Knights were sent out to complete missions and went on protective details, they were also the Corp that was responsible for the Temple Guards.
-“I may have an issue.”
“What is it?”
The boy was alone. No one else was around despite it being the middle of the night. Just the boy who made a bee-line for Obi-Wan. He was way too young to be out at this time let alone out here all alone. It was the boy’s training armour that tipped Obi-wan off that this was more than just a lost child.
“I have a youngling in front of me. There is no one else around and I am pretty sure he’s Mandalorian.”
Quinlan paused, then asked, “...Come again?”
Obi-Wan peered down at the child tugging at his arm. “Aran, ner echoy'la.”
Kriff. “Correction, I have a Mandalorian boy in front of me telling me he’s lost.”
-Or it’s Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi’s turn to be a Temporary Temple Guard and of course one of his past missions comes back to haunt him.
Series
- Part 8 of Mar writes Star Wars AU's
- Part 5 of Mar Writes Jaster Mereel/Obi-Wan Kenobi
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 78,687
- Chapters:
- 21/21
- Collections:
- 18
- Comments:
- 2,520
- Kudos:
- 9,652
- Bookmarks:
- 2,971
- Hits:
- 257,103
Bookmarked by Jade_octopus
11 Aug 2024
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Summary
“I think we need to initiate plan whiskey-uniform-victor-alpha.”
“One, you realize it’s shorter to just call it by it’s actual name, right? And two, isn’t that the one that I came up with while drunk and left you a voicemail about at three in the morning?”
“Well, I’ve obviously made some refinements –“
“Nope, what I’m hearing is that you think that my vodka-fueled plan is our best bet to throw some emotional intelligence at our family.”
~
In other words, Jason and Tim are sick of the way that Dick and Damian are dancing around their father-son relationship and decide to be good uncles and do something about it.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,161
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 12
- Comments:
- 113
- Kudos:
- 4,106
- Bookmarks:
- 806
- Hits:
- 25,113
Bookmarked by Jade_octopus
28 Jul 2024
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Summary
How does a child grow into becoming part of The People without being told the stories They are supposed to share by word of mouth and word on paper.
Sometimes he wonders if They were told the warnings of being alive from Their parents.
If you don’t watch, your child will be taken by a fairy.
If you don’t pay attention, a changeling will switch with your child.
If you don’t love your child, a beldam will steal them away with attention and obsession.
He wonders if They cared at all.
As Tim sits criss cross on the JL meeting table while everyone converses heatedly and worriedly about the mysterious magical creature they’ve noticed in the forest near where children have gone missing, he can't help but absently mourn the children in the photos as he thinks of memories from long ago.
Warnings are often only given too late after all.
Series
- Part 17 of DC (Mostly Unrelated Tim Stories)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,177
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 9
- Comments:
- 96
- Kudos:
- 4,866
- Bookmarks:
- 862
- Hits:
- 33,362
Bookmarked by Jade_octopus
28 Jul 2024
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Summary
Tim was patrolling a little too close to Crime Alley for his liking, but he would be careful.
Hood still hated and despised him, and the Bat clan wouldn't help him for anything. Tim wasn't one of them, had never been one of them, but that was ok. He accepted that.
Tim just had to be more aware of his surroundings tonight and make sure he got home in one piece. Easier said than done in Gotham, but he was Red Robin, and he could finish tonight's patrol without issue. And really, the chances of him running into Hood on a Friday night were slim to none...
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 84,727
- Chapters:
- 14/?
- Collections:
- 11
- Comments:
- 565
- Kudos:
- 2,791
- Bookmarks:
- 834
- Hits:
- 55,730
Bookmarked by Jade_octopus
28 Jul 2024
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I'll Take It To My Grave by Realm_Of_Red_Shadows
Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types, Red Robin (Comics)
13 Nov 2023
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Summary
"Will I die from this? No. Does he know that? Also no. When I revive from this stupid attack I’m going to poison his breakfast, stop holding back when we spar, hide the hot chocolate, and move everything an inch to the left until he starts to lose his mind."
Or: Tim can't die and he deals with it in true emotionally stunted Batfam fashion
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 26,774
- Chapters:
- 6/6
- Collections:
- 30
- Comments:
- 151
- Kudos:
- 5,896
- Bookmarks:
- 1,181
- Hits:
- 74,430
Bookmarked by Jade_octopus
27 Jul 2024