Nepperoni289
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Deep down, we've all wondered how different Harry's life would be if Hedwig was a gangster who had a knife and swore a lot.
This is that story.
(Features Harry/Daphne, but Hedwig is the focus. It isn't a background ship however)
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Summary
Daphne Greengrass loves pancakes, and Harry decides to use this to win her heart.
He doesn't expect where this will lead though.
(Pancake Day themed one-shot)
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After killing the basilisk, Harry learns how powerful it's venom is and realises it's potential.
Also, Hedwig somehow becomes 'Magic Chuck Norris'
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Harry and Cedric are captured at the graveyard, as Wormtail prepares to resurrect Voldemort.
Except, another Harry appears, then another, and another ....
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Voldemort refuses to pay child support.
Left with no other choice, Bellatrix Lestrange turns to the help of the Wizarding Child Support Agency (WCSA) to help.
Social Worker Harry Potter is assigned to deal with the case.
(EDITED 29/01/26 to fix an issue)