Tea_and_Guillotines
Fandoms
- Minecraft (Video Game) (4)
- 文豪ストレイドッグス | Bungou Stray Dogs (3)
- Video Blogging RPF (2)
- Dream SMP (2)
- No Fandom (1)
Recent works
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The Beast and The Cloaked Figure by Tea_and_Guillotines
Fandoms: Nijisanji (Virtual Streamers)
07 Jul 2025
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Summary
In the high mountains where the snow made its home, stories of a great beast spilled from the tongues of those who were able to catch only a glimpse of this creature. While each story has its inconsistencies, any lucky (or unlucky) witness describes a similar phenomenon whenever they retell their experience: a man with a sword who accompanies the beast.
Day 1: Fantasy & Supernatural
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Bantering Bitches (Drabbles and Dialogues) by Tea_and_Guillotines
Fandoms: Minecraft (Video Game)
01 Jan 2022
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Summary
Schlatt, trying to flirt: Hey Baby. Are you an angel?
Quackity: Why?
Schlatt: Cuz I’m allergic to feathers
Quackity:
Schlatt:
Quackity:
Schlatt:
Quackity: Schlatt, you dickhead I’m a duck-Mostly random drabbles and dialogues about the pumpkin duo bc I love them and wish they get healthy fanfics. I have commitment issues so I can't write long works but still want to share stories.
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My Love Will Never Wilt So Says These Roses by Tea_and_Guillotines
Fandoms: Dream SMP, Minecraft (Video Game)
15 Nov 2021
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Summary
"Flowers for my queen."
"Why thank you, dearest. May I ask what the special occasion is?"
"Should I not shower my darling with the love he deserves?"
"Well, I would say normal flowers would work. These are literally made of gold."
"My love can only do so much in showing how much you deserve to be worshipped so consider this a sign."
"What sign?"
"A sign of my love and commitment. I shall love you, cherish you, worship you until the very last flower from this bouquet wilts."
"Darling these are roses made of literal gold. They would never wilt."
"That is the point, E̴͎̮̠͚̳̩̅̑̕͜͝ͅr̶̨̫̗̯͊e̷͔͚̿̋̀̈́̇̋̇ţ̵̦͙̖̰͔̭̼͈̦͔͛͗̿̐͌͂̈́̒͋̈̈́ͅ.."
A laugh.
"I suppose so. Thank you.”
“M̶̰̦̳̪̪̰̯̰̺̮͐̒́̇̑̉̑̃͑̊̐͝y̴̡̨̨̛̲̟̗̥̜͍͍̫̰̻̗̼̠̠̪͌̌͌̾͑̊̎̔̃̓͋͒̌͝ͅ ̶̧͎͈̲̰̘̘̰̻͕̭͈̦̯̼͆̓͌̑͐̿̑́̏̑͆͜͝ͅF̶̡̮̹̲̲̙̓̈́̒̅̅͊̅́̾̄̕͠͝ǫ̸̧̗̞̝͕̘̱̥̪͎̞̜͕̱̹͓͈̬͈͍̂͜ỏ̷̜̲͚̻̘̑̍͋͋̕͜͝͝l̶̛̘̘͊͋ḯ̸̙̙̤̩͗͑ṡ̶̡̛̹͚̫̻̳̰̜̭̼̯͍̱̳͕̒̈́̂̓͒̊͛͒͗̀͗̿̕͝͝h̵̢̻̻̯̱̜̘̮̝͇͙͖̺̝̞͙̠̗̩̏̄͋͋̋́̒͗̏̕ ̴͍͍̪̠̯̭̩̩̔̊͆͆̆̆̀͐͗̈́̂̾̏̚̕Ṭ̶̨̡̜̺̮̟̺̲͂̈́̎̿̿̂̏̍ơ̵͍͉̠͖̤̘̪͋̊̈́̏͋̓̄̒͠͠t̶̻̯̠͛̉̓̀̎͑̓̉̆̿̈́̓̈́̅̊̎̚͝ẹ̴̢̨̖̗͎͕̭̝͚͖͂̒̾ͅm̷̢̡̧̫͈̞̫̤̠̟̺̟̰̲͎̯̝̳̠̖̹͐͗͆̒̑̕͜.”
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DSMP Halloween Party (2nd Gen edition) by Tea_and_Guillotines
Fandoms: Minecraft (Video Game), Dream SMP, Video Blogging RPF
03 Nov 2021
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Summary
Parent-child Halloween party in the SMP with costumes, candy, and a tiger. Maybe a party pooper comes by and tries to ruin the party...
Oh well, at least Shroud looks fly.
Series
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Yes, We're Matching. Keep Walking. by Tea_and_Guillotines for LexWithAnX
Fandoms: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
14 Oct 2021
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Summary
Family bonding for the Golden Family is sewing clothes and wreaking havoc around the SMP in a passive-aggressive way: graphic t-shirts.
Series
Recent series
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TommyInnit's Passive-Aggressive Clothing Collection by Tea_and_Guillotines
Fandom: Dream SMP, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
03 Nov 2021
Summary
Snippets of the life of the Golden Family wearing family-matching clothes and probably terrorizing the SMP ('with kindness' -Shroud)
- Words:
- 5,783
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 61
Recent bookmarks
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Summary
"Would you rather be with a person you love, or a person who loves you?"
Inspired by the Would You Rather stream in which zenrage answers the above question.
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You have Bewitched me, Body and Soul… by TheRandomOne
Fandoms: 原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game)
28 Jun 2025
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Summary
Al Haitham knows that he’s in love with Kaveh.
Kaveh knows that he’s in love with Al Haitham.
Now, if only their definitions of love were the same…
i.e. the Pride and Prejudice fic set Post-Archon-Quest in Sumeru my brain concocted instead of studying for my exams.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 69,968
- Chapters:
- 19/19
- Comments:
- 330
- Kudos:
- 683
- Bookmarks:
- 174
- Hits:
- 20,903
Bookmarked by Tea_and_Guillotines
27 Oct 2025
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I hate you for what you did (and I miss you like a little kid) by blacklegsanjeee
Fandoms: Nijisanji (Virtual Streamers)
15 Oct 2024
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Summary
“I haven't come home in the mansion for six months.” Vezalius told him simply, his back still turned to the hero. “I sleep here. In my office.”
To support his claim, he pulled out a blanket from a small drawer he hid behind his spinny chair, and laid it on the stiff couch, throwing some small push pillows he used while he was at it.
“You haven't come home for half a year?”
Vezalius paused, “I have no reason to anymore.”
“Why haven't you come home?”
“How is that your business?” Vezalius asked, steadying his breathing so he didn't lose his zen.
“That's our house, too.” Wilson said.
“Not anymore."
_______
Vezalius just wants to move on, really, but he couldn't help it if his heart wants what it wants.
Series
- Part 1 of PolyKrisis
Bookmarked by Tea_and_Guillotines
11 Oct 2025
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Summary
“Aren’t you cold?” Jean asks dumbfounded.
“Nope," Venti says cheerfully. “I’ve never been warmer, actually!” He laughs, bells on Sunday mornings. “I forgot how it feels to have this much power. Don’t tell Master Diluc, but this might be even better than wine.”
Jean peers past him at the blizzard engulfing the city, drowning out even the angered roars of the monsters outside. “…What’s with the snow?”
“Yeah. About that…”
The Abyssal war at its most critical point, Barbatos is forced to gather more energy and therefore stops controlling the mild climate of Mondstadt. This leads to a multitude of events, including but not limited to: the first gathering of the Seven since the Cataclysm, a betting pool consisting of half of Liyue Harbour, Xiao's first and last time being an Archon and the invention of the saxophone.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 22,946
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Comments:
- 214
- Kudos:
- 1,378
- Bookmarks:
- 373
- Hits:
- 12,549
Bookmarked by Tea_and_Guillotines
24 Jul 2025
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Summary
the drunk livestream between uki and suha had left a bad feeling inside fulgur's chest, and he would show him
or
fulgur sexually tortures uki because that's what he deserves
Bookmarked by Tea_and_Guillotines
08 Jul 2025