cuntycrouch
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Recent works
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Nothing Safe Is Worth the Drive by cuntycrouch
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Formula 1 RPF
14 Aug 2026
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Summary
As far as Barty could remember, there was always Evan Rosier.
From the first time they had strapped on their karting helmets as kids, side by side, they had been two sides of the same coin. Sometimes, it felt as if the race was meant to be between the two of them, as though every lap, every overtaking maneuver, every small victory had only one purpose: to bring them together.
When Barty finally got into F1 at the age of seventeen, he'd known it'd be a matter of time before his past caught up to him.
And he was right, for 6 years later, as he cemented his place at the top of the sport, the announcement came: Evan Rosier had signed a contract with Ferrari.
If only it was purely a matter of rivalry...
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Summary
It’s been sixty years since England last lifted the Cup. This time, captain Evan Rosier is determined to bring it home — and he won’t let anything, or anyone, get in the way.
Especially not Barty Crouch, the brilliant yet insufferable star player who’d rather score alone than win as a team — and the last piece Evan needs to make this squad whole.
Forced together for one campaign, the two of them clash on sight. But somewhere between the arguments and the away games, dislike starts looking a lot like something else.
The Cup is the prize.
But somewhere along the way, Evan realises he might just want to bring Barty home too.
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Summary
A Rosekiller centered football/high school au.
Barty never care much about making friends. He never cared much about anything, to be honest. Then came Britain, a new school, football and mainly James fucking Potter's need for team spirit.
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Summary
A gilderat one-shot.
In the aftermath of the infamous 'prank,' with Sirius exiled from the group, Remus spiraling, and James sneaking out at night for secret rendezvous, Peter Pettigrew finds himself adrift amidst the corridors of Hogwarts. Enter Gilderoy Lockhart, a charismatic enigma with a penchant for the dramatic, who proposes an unexpected alliance: co-hosting the year's most anticipated party. Eager to seize the opportunity left by the Marauders' absence and to cement his own legacy, Gilderoy seeks Peter's assistance to ensure the event's success. But somewhere along the way, the original plot gets loose.
Or, two boys discovering what it's like to be someone's first choice.
Recent bookmarks
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Kill Your Darlings (Podfic) by illustriousday for MesserMoon
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
16 Nov 2024
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Summary
Kill Your Darlings: To remove or refrain from using something in spite of one's affection for it
Years after Regulus loses his brother they're reunited, and as he struggles to figure out where he fits in Sirius's life he also struggles not to get lost in the impossible feelings he has for Sirius's best friend.
(Podfic Version)Bookmarked by cuntycrouch
20 Jan 2025
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I swear to GOD if Twitter takes this out of context I’ll kill Elon Musk. by Anonymous
Fandoms: Formula 1 RPF
14 Jun 2025
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Summary
Lando can’t seem to keep his mouth shut.
He may or may not have cancelled Oscar on Twitter. Or X. Whatever the fuck it’s called.
Oops?
Series
- Part 1 of m's f1 fanfics
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 197,469
- Chapters:
- 31/31
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 798
- Kudos:
- 2,087
- Bookmarks:
- 386
- Hits:
- 87,934
Bookmarked by cuntycrouch
19 Jan 2025
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Summary
Every story needs a monster, right?
or
A Rosekiller origin story
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 98,965
- Chapters:
- 21/?
- Comments:
- 696
- Kudos:
- 1,537
- Bookmarks:
- 443
- Hits:
- 51,801
Bookmarked by cuntycrouch
18 Jan 2025
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Summary
Regulus was never one to make plans, but when it came to his future with Barty, he had plenty of plans. They were going to leave their houses together, move in together and spend the rest of their lives together as best friends who became boyfriends along the way. Regulus had a plan, but the return of his older brother six years after he ran away makes all of Regulus' plans collapse.
Barty always had a plan for his future with Regulus, it was always the two against the world, best friends who would always stick together no matter what, but since Sirius' return, Barty has begun to wonder if his dreams are really going to come true.At some point, their plans start to crumble.
Evan Rosier and James Potter were not part of those plans.
*
"Real people?" He asked in a low voice.
"Yes," Barty agreed dreamily.
"Yeah, okay," Regulus said softly, "Let's be real people."
"Yeah," Barty lifted his head from his shoulder and looked up at him with his beautiful dark eyes, leaning in to place a simple kiss on his cheek, " Let's be them."Series
- Part 1 of Real people universe
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 626,157
- Chapters:
- 41/41
- Comments:
- 181
- Kudos:
- 540
- Bookmarks:
- 268
- Hits:
- 33,443
Bookmarked by cuntycrouch
14 Jan 2025
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Summary
When Regulus Black woke up in 1991 after he was supposed to die twelve years prior, he realized two things. One, the locket he had worked so hard to steal had never been destroyed so the Dark Lord was still alive. And two, Harry Potter, James Potter's son, was in danger.
OR
Regulus goes to school with the Golden Trio.
Series
- Part 1 of the golden king
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 715,253
- Chapters:
- 160/160
- Collections:
- 37
- Comments:
- 9,283
- Kudos:
- 21,445
- Bookmarks:
- 5,693
- Hits:
- 1,336,725
Bookmarked by cuntycrouch
12 Jan 2025