eatsomegood
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Summary
“It’s called This or That, Granger. I’m sure you’ll pick it up quick.”
She glowered at him. “It’s called Would You Rather and it’s a Muggle game, you prat.”
He made a one-arm gesture of acceptance. “Fine, Granger. Would you rather…” He assessed her then smirked. “Have someone use their hands to give you a back massage or an orgasm?”
She got the sense he expected her to blush at the word. She stared at him, frustration mounting that he was being so juvenile and making their project take longer than it needed to.
“Can’t decide?” He quipped when she was still staring at him.
“Back massage,” she snapped. “I can’t do that myself.”
He chuckled. “Can’t do either of them yourself, but perhaps you’re too pure to know that. Pity not in the way that matters.”
Now she looked up. “What?”
———
Or where Malfoy thinks women don’t masturbate and Hermione cannot abide ignorance.
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Hermione has everything figured out. Sex is like food. Club nights are far too expensive. And men belong in the category of 'things that are more faff than they're worth'. You know, like hair straightening charms, lingerie, and mathematical integration.
This is a story about food and sex, though not at the same time.
Winner of best fluff, best smut, and runner-up for best use of prompt in the Dramione Fanfiction Forum's 2020 'Sounds Like Dramione' comp.Series
- Part 1 of Smutty Dramione Rom-Coms
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"I don't want your pity, Granger," he seethes. "I'm still in your debt. I haven't made amends yet."
"Oh, so you're planning to?" she asks more cheekily than she is feeling.
Malfoy's eyes flash as if she had challenged him to a duel.
"Is there something you need? Just say the word and I'll give it to you. Or do you prefer actions? I'm willing to do fucking anything..."
Hermione's heart is beating indecently fast. She masks her fascination with a sceptically raised eyebrow.
"Anything," she echoes.
"Anything," he confirms.
"All right, then. For starters, I'd like you to stop crowding me against this bookshelf."
Series
- Part 1 of Anything Universe
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 111,100
- Chapters:
- 25/25
- Comments:
- 1,826
- Kudos:
- 2,467
- Bookmarks:
- 743
- Hits:
- 84,027
Bookmarked by eatsomegood
03 Dec 2025
Bookmarker's Notes
缓慢的燃烧到我最后的尖叫！！！！太短了根本不够看啊！！！！！！！最喜欢的是结尾围上🐍的围巾再改横幅到最后踏上扫帚，啊啊啊啊啊真的不要太浪漫了55555
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Summary
Years after the war, Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy meet again—not in battle, but in the slow, uncertain peace that follows it. She builds bridges between nations; he hunts the shadows that threaten to undo them.
What begins as courtesy becomes conversation, and conversation becomes something neither of them expected: the quiet rediscovery of what it means to be seen.
Through years of distance, return, and the ordinary miracle of a shared life, they learn what the war never taught them—how to speak the language of staying.
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Summary
Caput Mortuum: A useless substance left over from a chemical operation and the epitome of decline and decay, literally ‘dead head’ or ‘worthless remains’. A dark purple pigment.
Lucius Malfoy is the Minister for Magic, after The Order was unable to remain in power post-War. Draco Malfoy is the powerless figurehead of his father’s new regime. Banned from doing nearly everything (except the occasional topless photo shoot to cover up the more unsavoury aspects of Lucius’ plans), he has lost all hope for a better world. But Hermione Granger has just been captured and brought back to The Manor. And instead of being afraid, she looks like this is exactly where she wants to be. After years of apathy, Draco realises that he wants to know why.