exspes



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    When Shane mentioned that he would like to try weed, he expected Ilya to disregard it. Imagine his surprise when Ilya shows up a few weeks later in a fancy car with some surprises in the glove box.

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    19 Feb 2026

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    Ilya doesn’t even realize when Arthur slips from his thoughts. There’s no sharp turn, no clear moment where the article stops being about a little boy who loves reptiles and starts being about the man lying beside him in bed. It just… happens. The way his mind always seems to find Shane eventually, like water finding its lowest point.

    a character study on shane’s undiagnosed autism

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    14 Feb 2026

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    After an injury takes Shane's memory, Ilya is left as the only one who remembers.

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    13 Feb 2026

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    Ilya thinks about the last night they spent together, thinks about Shane splayed out on a hotel mattress pleading for his touch, thinks about how they hadn’t even kissed, and it starts as a strange little tickle in the back of his throat. Barely-there. He could ignore it if he wanted.

    Then the intensity grows, flourishes into full-blow irritation, and suddenly he’s sputtering on his Coke and attracting the attention of the woman in the first-class seat across the aisle from him. He thinks it’s just some odd coughing fit, or that he inhaled his soda on accident, so he’s shocked when he feels something soft and smooth and triangular against his tongue.

    It’s not until he spits the object into the napkin he’d received with his drink that he can see what it is: a long, thin, green leaf. A sepal.

    As soon as Ilya realizes what he’s looking at, he’s flooded with dread.

    Ilya's known these feelings were doomed from the start. He never thought they'd literally kill him.

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    13 Feb 2026

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    The breath that Shane expels feels like the last straw. Ilya is so fucking tired of guessing. Wondering what he did wrong and how he can make it right. A pit forms in his stomach every time Shane looks at him like that. Like he’s done. Like he’s tired. Like he’s one stupid comment away from kicking Ilya out entirely.

    It’s not what Ilya should feel when in proximity to his husband. This shaken, tense situation is beyond fucked. Maybe it makes him a child that he hasn’t asked Shane point blank what is going on yet. Maybe it makes him a coward.

    Shane and Ilya spend a tense evening together.

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    13 Feb 2026