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(desire is) two hands wrapped around a throat by orphan_account
Fandoms: Euphoria (TV 2019)
04 May 2022
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Summary
Lexi replies, “I’m here as a client.”
Fez’s expression shutters, and he studies her with a carefully blank gaze. “A client,” he repeats, like he’s making sure, surveying her from head to toe. It should make her uncomfortable, shifty on her feet; it just makes her kind of singe and burn with desire, as always. “This ain’t the fuckin’ stationery store.”
“I’ve been here before, Fezco,” she says, rolling her eyes. “But this time it’s different. I’m here to get something and leave, like everyone else does.”
“Somethin’ like what?”
“Adderall.”
He mouths the word to himself, his lips moving silently (and Lexi wants to kiss him. Wants to know what his mouth feels like against her skin, what words he would whisper into her neck—). Then, “Fuck.”
“I have the money,” says Lexi, even though she knows that’s not the issue at all. It’s more how Fez is looking at her like she’s something he’s already mourning.
or, lexi's a private school girl, and everybody knows private school girls are bad (but she's pretty sure none of them fall in love with their drug dealers).
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 112,439
- Chapters:
- 5/5
- Comments:
- 455
- Kudos:
- 1,149
- Bookmarks:
- 365
- Hits:
- 30,832
Bookmarked by fernpunch
10 May 2026
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Summary
Draco Malfoy is not, necessarily, a good guy. Maybe he could have been, once, but he chose differently. Some (everyone) might say he chose wrong.
After years in Azkaban and an extended house arrest sentence, he is released unto a world that somehow has only gotten worse while he was away… and rather than fix it, he falls right into step.
Or does he?
The Devil Works Hard
or: How Draco Malfoy Finally Did The Right Thing (And Really Shouldn’t He Be Called The Chosen One?) You’re Welcome, World
or: Who Needs Love Letters When Instead You Can Write Hate Notes - Draco Malfoy’s Guide to True Love
Series
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 325,228
- Chapters:
- 33/33
- Collections:
- 4
- Comments:
- 2,807
- Kudos:
- 2,592
- Bookmarks:
- 1,424
- Hits:
- 176,879
Bookmarked by fernpunch
14 Sep 2025
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It’s 2008 and Draco Malfoy is a secret assassin. It's legitimate - he gets paid for it, and some higher ups in the Ministry (probably?) know he’s out there… killing people. He’s quite good, but that tracks with his dubious accounting of rights and wrongs and his penchant for self-preservation. During his downtime he does a great job of acting like a pureblood in penance... mostly by drinking and shagging his way into oblivion.
This double life helps to numb Draco to the constant feelings of shame and guilt from his formative years in which he was an utter cunt- but everything is upended when his team (assassins can have coworkers, alright?) dies in action and he does not. Suspended and forced to go to therapy, Draco is adrift.
When Hermione Granger re-enters the fray, their hateful relationship that was once fraught with swotty bickering (erm, and the occasional slur) is suddenly tense in a very different way.
How will these two come together? How often will Theo say something terribly charming? Do we hate Ron or is Ron just, meh? Oh, and what’s going on with that one murderous witch who’s out to kill them all (forgot to mention that part…)?
Find out all this and more in: A HARD ROW TO HOE!
Series
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 250,248
- Chapters:
- 30/30
- Collections:
- 10
- Comments:
- 2,866
- Kudos:
- 6,977
- Bookmarks:
- 4,118
- Hits:
- 487,521
Bookmarked by fernpunch
10 Sep 2025
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Summary
Harry Potter was the Chosen One, and Neville Longbottom was the boy no one chose. Then Neville defied Voldemort, killed Nagini, and took down Greyback. Neville came out of the war different: You won’t get a rise out of him but you will get a reaction.
After a tumultuous trauma bond with Luna Lovegood and a failed engagement to Hannah Abbott, Neville has sworn off relationships—only to be paired with Pansy Parkinson under the Reconciliation Act. Neville’s running a nursery, guest lecturing in the Hogwarts Herbology Department, and hunting down Death Eaters with Seamus Finnigan, Alicia Spinnet, George Weasley, and the mercenaries Bill Weasley befriended while raiding tombs for Gringotts. He doesn’t need a Slytherin wife whose best mates are Draco Malfoy and Theodore Nott. Or does he? When he and Pansy prove extremely sexually compatible, Neville must confront his own questions about love, trust, and vulnerability—just as the revival of blood supremacy and a renewed veneration of Bellatrix have strange new bedfellows seeking him out.
Featuring sex, violence, and poisonous plants, DIRTY, FLIRTY, AND VINDICTIVE takes place during BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC with flashbacks to Neville’s life between 1998 and 2003.
Series
- Part 2 of THE BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC SERIES
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 172,892
- Chapters:
- 26/26
- Comments:
- 5,720
- Kudos:
- 3,884
- Bookmarks:
- 1,239
- Hits:
- 181,263
Bookmarked by fernpunch
08 Sep 2025
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Summary
How did it feel? It felt like he was barely holding it together. She, of all people, should shun him. Or yell at him. Curse him. Spit at him. Take out her wand and blast him off the face of the earth. It was crushing guilt and relief and confusion all at once when he looked at Hermione Granger.
The monotony of Draco’s daily routine had become both a lifeline and a noose. But this new habit of grabbing coffee with Hermione Granger is quickly becoming a reason to get out of bed and is unfortunately forcing him to re-evaluate his inconsequential existence.
Hermione is living her life in fragments, separate pieces scattered about, and she can’t find a way to step back and let the full picture form. Why are morning meetings with Draco Malfoy the only thing that make sense anymore?Series
- Part 1 of Spectrum
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 312,286
- Chapters:
- 51/51
- Collections:
- 155
- Comments:
- 9,795
- Kudos:
- 37,129
- Bookmarks:
- 15,692
- Hits:
- 2,910,805
Bookmarked by fernpunch
23 Aug 2025
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we are not traitors by thegoodbutter
Fandoms: Shadow and Bone (TV), The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
19 Feb 2022
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Summary
In the end, his girlfriend, tear-stained and hiccupping and heartbroken, asks him, “What’s the truth? Is there someone else?”
Aleksander presses a silent kiss on Alina’s forehead, feeling so warm and sated he can’t bring himself to feel anything else. No guilt, no remorse.
“No,” he says, into the receiver. “Jesus. I wouldn’t do that to you.”
Or: Aleksander meets a beautiful girl stained with paint and keeps forgetting he already has a girlfriend.
Bookmarked by fernpunch
20 Aug 2025
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and what if i'm an angel? oh, what if i'm a bore? by jilyflowers
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
28 Sep 2025
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Summary
“I need to tell you something,” he says, finally drops his eyes. “Something I should’ve told you a long time ago.”
Equal parts of her feel dread and electric anticipation. Oh god, he’s going to reveal his crush, like he’s done any sort of job hiding it all these years. “No, James, I know what you’re gonna say.”
“I don’t think you do.”Or, Superman represents hope. Lily Evans could use a little of that, as political tensions boil over, as readers of the Daily Prophet get increasingly antagonistic, but she doesn’t expect to find it so vehemently in her coworker, James.
*inspired by James Gunn's 2025 Superman*
[last edited: 11/16/25]
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 48,300
- Chapters:
- 9/9
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 84
- Kudos:
- 81
- Bookmarks:
- 37
- Hits:
- 2,492
Bookmarked by fernpunch
19 Aug 2025
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Summary
When Pansy Parkinson is issued a credible death threat, the Ministry insists she accept Auror protection. Unfortunately, that protection comes in the form of Neville Longbottom - stoic, infuriating, and entirely immune to her usual tricks.
Pansy has no intention of letting a Ministry babysitter interfere with her life. She's got a reputation to salvage, a husband to acquire, and a past that simply refuses to stay buried.
But as the summer unfolds Pansy begins to suspect that the real threat might not be who’s trying to kill her, but what she’s starting to feel for the man sent to keep her alive.
Bookmarked by fernpunch
19 Jul 2025
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Fluorescent Lights & Burnt Grilled Cheese by PemberleyNavigator
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
12 Jul 2025
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Summary
And ahead, there sat Neville, in one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs bolted to the floor, discharge papers folded in his lap, a paper cup of vending machine coffee in his hand. His arm was bandaged now, bruises a little darker than before. He looked tired. And he was waiting.
He stood the second he saw her, careful not to move too quickly. “Hey.”
Her throat tightened. “Hey.”
Series
- Part 9 of Trial By Fire
Bookmarked by fernpunch
18 Jul 2025
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Bookmarked by fernpunch
17 Jul 2025
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The Commoner's Guide to Bedding a Royal by olivieblake
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
04 Mar 2020
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Summary
Objectively speaking, Hermione Granger knows Britain has a monarchy, just as she knows Prince Draco (the grandson of the current King of England) is probably off somewhere living his royal life in total unrelation to hers. Seeing as she isn't delusional, she doesn't really expect to be his friend. She doesn't expect anything that comes after, either. Dramione, modern royalty AU. COMPLETE.
Series
- Part 1 of The Commoner's Guide to Bedding a Royal
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 503,570
- Chapters:
- 45/45
- Collections:
- 18
- Comments:
- 2,146
- Kudos:
- 5,208
- Bookmarks:
- 2,902
- Hits:
- 492,778
Bookmarked by fernpunch
17 Jul 2025
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Summary
AUTHOR NOTE: this fic will remain up online for the time being. My book (At the Mercy of Midnight), published 08 September 2025, is so far removed from this fic in many ways (it is not a rewrite etc), that I feel comfortable leaving this fic as is to stand on its own feet until a time where I no longer wish for it to be available online. Xx love to all
I'm available for chats on TikTok: @awritersproject and Instagram: @infinitybooks
Synopsis:
When Hermione Granger is accidentally cut by an old Malfoy Family Heirloom, a matrimonial blade, an ancient magic seems to think she is betrothed to the last Malfoy heir, and begins to pull her into Draco’s bed every night, at midnight.
A non-epilogue compliant Dramione fan fiction.
Binding queries: all binding requests of this fic have my blanket consent as long as they are for personal use only, with no intent to profit off the bind whatsoever.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 114,353
- Chapters:
- 14/14
- Collections:
- 14
- Comments:
- 1,536
- Kudos:
- 12,181
- Bookmarks:
- 4,811
- Hits:
- 609,925
Bookmarked by fernpunch
22 Jun 2025
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Summary
They say you can’t go home again. Lily Evans never left.
Three years after James Potter walked out of Godric’s Hollow – and out of her life – Lily has carved out a quiet rhythm for herself in the very house where her heart once broke. And she’s not about to let him ruin that.
But when James returns for his mother’s sixty-fifth birthday, a few years older, shoulders broader, and still infuriatingly charming, the walls Lily’s built around her carefully controlled world begin to crack once more. He’s here, and he’s looking at her like he still remembers every stolen kiss, every whispered promise made in the heat of that endless summer.
Lily, however, isn’t that girl anymore. She’s not naïve. She’s not breakable. And she certainly isn’t his.
But some songs don’t stop playing just because you turn the volume down. Especially when you’re right there where he left you.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 28,209
- Chapters:
- 6/10
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 99
- Kudos:
- 247
- Bookmarks:
- 58
- Hits:
- 5,156
Bookmarked by fernpunch
17 Jun 2025
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Nom De Plume by AnnaBtG for Joyseuphoria, TherestheSnitch
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
14 Nov 2023
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James Potter, renowned potioneer, has a secret side career as an erotica writer under the pen name of Scarlett Goldwing. When his latest book starts to take off, and Scarlett is asked to promote it at a public event, he has no other option but to recruit his colleague Lily Evans to pretend to be Scarlett. The only problem is, Lily Evans hates his guts… or does she?
(Winner of 2024 Jily Awards Favourite Canon Divergent Long fic.)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 46,486
- Chapters:
- 9/9
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 359
- Kudos:
- 370
- Bookmarks:
- 111
- Hits:
- 11,206
Bookmarked by fernpunch
15 Jun 2025
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Summary
They say you can never go home, places don't stay the same while you're gone, and people don't wait.
They say home is where the heart is, an invisible string that slackens or pulls tight when it wants attention.
Or, maybe home is just a four-letter word.Bookmarked by fernpunch
15 Jun 2025
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i don’t know why i like you (but i do) by firefeufuego for isahorcrux
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
20 Dec 2025
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Summary
‘You are so exactly the person I thought you were, James Potter.’ That’s his girl, still so condescending even when she’s put down.
‘Yeah,’ he says, not looking back, ‘I guess I am.’Lily and James read History together at Balliol College, Oxford. Unfortunately, they just can’t seem to read each other for shit.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 75,430
- Chapters:
- 6/6
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 365
- Kudos:
- 441
- Bookmarks:
- 217
- Hits:
- 17,818
Bookmarked by fernpunch
15 Jun 2025
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Summary
Ten years clean of Neptune living, Logan's past finds him in an all-night grocery store.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 19,522
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 194
- Kudos:
- 3,837
- Bookmarks:
- 1,361
- Hits:
- 65,505
Bookmarked by fernpunch
25 Apr 2025
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Summary
The thing is, she’s pretty sure what it is. She’s probably just lucky it didn’t happen to her about Maverick. When she was thirteen and her mom bought The Hard Deck, Admiral Simpson came in on re-opening night, drank two rye whiskeys, and became the object of her fantasies for three years running. It’s just – her dad is at best absent, at worst overbearingly present and hypercritical. She’s got access to the internet and a disturbingly all-knowing TikTok algorithm to guide her; it’s not hard to self-diagnose.
Bookmarked by fernpunch
18 Apr 2025
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Happy Hour at the No-Strings Club by GhostofBambi for Zayhra
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
22 Apr 2026
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Summary
She's an overworked grad student who manages a bar, he has recently been dumped, it's a casual sex arrangement and together they are fucking kidding themselves.
Bookmarked by fernpunch
08 Apr 2025
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Summary
“I’ll see you again?” She’d asked. “Someday, when we’re older.”
“Obviously,” he told her. A promise without any boundaries, without any concrete truth.
“Obviously,” she whispered back. Like it was that simple.
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For her, summer did not exist before him. Now that it's been gone for so long, she wonders if it ever truly existed at all.
Series
- Part 1 of in losing grip / on sinking ships
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 128,577
- Chapters:
- 21/21
- Comments:
- 379
- Kudos:
- 785
- Bookmarks:
- 268
- Hits:
- 27,651
Bookmarked by fernpunch
29 Mar 2025