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eddie's not entirely sure he believes in getting help, at least not for himself. there's only so much healing to be had for a body torn apart by bullets, for a mind that's only half there, for a man who's been leaving pieces of himself behind all his life with nothing to take their place.
except, as it turns out, falling apart happens in increments, and healing does, too: it happens when you gnaw a hole in your lip trying to keep quiet only to have the words escape; when you realize that the ghost you've been seeing out of the corner of your eye is yourself; when your best friend smiles, and you allow it to take your breath away.
it happens through the smallest of things: bird feeders, and cacti, and pasta shapes.
meanwhile, the world goes on.
(or: the entity often affectionately referred to as the unrepression fic.)
Series
- Part 1 of tell me about despair
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 148,982
- Chapters:
- 5/5
- Comments:
- 1,364
- Kudos:
- 5,224
- Bookmarks:
- 2,379
- Hits:
- 135,566
Bookmarked by grison
02 May 2024
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She turns to Eddie and says something else, but Buck is busy fighting the headrush he gets at the sound of Ana Flores calling Eddie and Christopher 'the boys'. Like they belong to her already.
God, what’s wrong with him? What is this?
or, eddie cooks, chris domesticates a slug, and buck tries to figure out why he hates his best friend's girlfriend. to everyone's immense shock and surprise, it goes badly.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 32,374
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 482
- Kudos:
- 9,650
- Bookmarks:
- 3,173
- Hits:
- 109,239
Bookmarked by grison
01 May 2024
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“You,” Chim said wonderingly, “the man who was voted LAFD's 2017 Horndog of the Year –”
Buck waved the apple. “Pretty sure that's not, like, an actual award –”
“ –have spent an entire summer forgetting to date?”
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 12,338
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 158
- Kudos:
- 1,839
- Bookmarks:
- 422
- Hits:
- 14,568
Bookmarked by grison
29 Apr 2024
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Buck loves Christopher. Buck clearly loves both of them. He and Eddie haven't said it to each other yet, but it's in every gesture, every word. Every package of dinosaur nuggets Buck keeps in his refrigerator. Every time he sends a text because he saw a video of dogs looking ashamed after destroying stuff and he knows Eddie will think it's funny. The care he takes when he carries Chris to bed. How he looks at Eddie when he thinks Eddie's asleep.
It turns out that being in a secret relationship with your best friend in an active fire department is kind of a life-altering situation, once it's suddenly not a secret anymore.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 24,027
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 184
- Kudos:
- 6,291
- Bookmarks:
- 1,578
- Hits:
- 64,817
Bookmarked by grison
28 Apr 2024
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Poise. Elegance. Sophistication. Flair. A certain additional je-ne-sais-quoi that marries all the other four with a handful of glitter—these are the things that make a man. No, not a man, nor a God… a male figure skater. For Arnold Rimmer, these are a given.
One day, he is going to be a star.
One day, sooner than anyone would—
That’s when Lister hits him with the Zamboni.
Series
- Part 1 of Learning To Lose
Bookmarked by grison
12 Mar 2024
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Sex isn’t supposed to be this difficult. Maybe they’re just really bad at it.
Series
- Part 1 of Easy!verse
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 141,203
- Chapters:
- 12/12
- Comments:
- 246
- Kudos:
- 618
- Bookmarks:
- 161
- Hits:
- 15,913
Bookmarked by grison
06 Mar 2024
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static:
adj; lacking in movement, action or change
adj; concerned with bodies at rest or forces in equilibriumLister folds his arms. “Alright. Give us your bunk, then.”
Rimmer sputters out of smugness, gazing upon him in abject horror. “Certainly not!”Bookmarked by grison
03 Mar 2024
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Richie had pointed it out first. “You're probably like Usain Bolt now,” she had said on the phone that winter. “With the—” She made one of her many horrible onomatopoeias for breasts being sliced off by a demonic alien clown's claw, then her sole horrible onomatopoeia for someone moving very fast. Eddie had rolled her eyes, of course, but she'd ended up returning to the thought. That was the case with many of the stupid things Richie said. Inexplicably, it did make Eddie feel better, which was also the case with many of the stupid things Richie said.
***
Eddie loses two parts of herself and gets a different one back.
Bookmarked by grison
01 Feb 2024
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Until It Ends There Is No End by jesshelga
Fandoms: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
12 Feb 2020
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If true love's kiss can wake you from The Deadlights and love declarations can save you from Pennywise's madness, then it stands to reason that re-carving initials into the Kissing Bridge after defeating It--the culmination of a long-standing true-love-since-they-were-kids story--summons enough Uncle Stevie turtle magic to save an only mostly dead Eddie Kaspbrak.
Also includes references to vintage Return of the Jedi valentines, Bryan Adams lyrics, Pound Puppies, and, of course, a Street Fighter tee shirt that is available at Macy's, not Target, but artistic license.
(Almost) All of King's Maine canon exists here. I slipped in some references to Castle Rock and Desperation/The Regulators because I like them so much.
Series
Bookmarked by grison
22 Jan 2024
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take it slow, and it’ll work itself out fine by spunknbite for jadziad
Fandoms: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
02 Mar 2020
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Eddie didn’t want it to be about him for fucking once. He’d been poked and prodded and helped and supported, and Richie had held cups to his mouth in those earlier days when even lifting his arms seemed impossible, and now he just wanted to do something, and not have it done to him.
And fuck if he hadn’t been waiting long enough for Richie. Not just Richie, for the time when he could say, I want to jump this guy, and be okay with that; and this guy was Richie, and the time was now, and they were doing this, Goddamn it.
Bookmarked by grison
14 Oct 2023
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the gory truth of it by goodmourningdove
Fandoms: IT - Stephen King, IT (Movies - Muschietti)
10 Mar 2020
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You wouldn’t think that there’s a lot of time for inner reflection when you’re bleeding out, but there is. In fact, there’s little else to do after you’ve given up on holding your own insides inside but tell yourself that if you live, you’ll actually live this time and that the echoed chanting of “clown, clown, clown, clown” had better not be the last thing you ever hear.
After narrowly avoiding death, Eddie learns that the hardest promises to keep are the ones you make to yourself. An un-tragedy in three acts.
Bookmarked by grison
08 Oct 2023
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Beverly lived on the other side of town, so Richie would ride along the kissing bridge pretty much daily. He always, without fail, found himself casting glances towards the letters he had etched there four summers ago. Today, he kept his eyes on the road. Eddie and Betty had a second date scheduled for tomorrow.
summer of '93 if there'd never been a clown
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 36,238
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Comments:
- 195
- Kudos:
- 1,346
- Bookmarks:
- 454
- Hits:
- 15,060
Bookmarked by grison
07 Oct 2023
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“So obviously Derry was fucking batshit,” Eddie says.
Richie hums in an affirmative tone, determined to keep his mouth shut.
The rest all comes out to the signature rapid-fire Kaspbrak beat.
“I’m not good at talking about shit but I talked to Stan and he said a therapist was probably a good idea so I got one and I figured some things out and you wouldn’t talk to me and you didn’t answer your fucking phone, but you said – you said I could come visit anytime, before we all went home, and if you didn’t mean it you’re a real fucking asshole, because I’m here now and I didn’t really have anywhere else to go or stay because I’m, because,” He sighs and drags his left hand down his face, conscious of his scar, and Richie clocks something before his brain catches up, “Because I got divorced. Also, I’m gay.”
(Or: Eddie shows up on Richie's doorstep. You know the drill.)
Bookmarked by grison
03 Sep 2023
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my heart's an autoclave by unicornpoe
Fandoms: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
31 Oct 2020
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It would be so easy, Eddie thinks, to sit down in Richie’s lap, to wrap his arms around his shoulders, to kiss the stunned-soft shape of his mouth and the sleep-flush still lingering beneath the surface of his skin. It would be so easy. And Richie would let him.
Eddie can’t make himself do it.
*
Richie loves Eddie. Eddie loves Richie. Some day, one of them will do something about it.
Bookmarked by grison
30 Aug 2023
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Into the Blue Again by tothewillofthepeople
Fandoms: IT - Stephen King, IT (Movies - Muschietti)
01 Jun 2021
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“Do you know why this is happening?” Richie asks. “Because this is, uh, not exactly how I was planning on fixing things.” His eyes widen. “What if we get stuck like this?”
“We’re not going to get stuck like this,” Bill says, and somehow—even in Richie’s geriatric Muppet body—he sounds like the Big Bill of childhood, the one who was steadfast and brave, the one who Richie and the other Losers would have followed into hell, and did.
(a time travel body swap fix-it fic)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 16,097
- Chapters:
- 7/7
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 38
- Kudos:
- 519
- Bookmarks:
- 98
- Hits:
- 4,697
Bookmarked by grison
30 Aug 2023
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move along with some new passion by judypoovey for mr_charles
Fandoms: The Righteous Gemstones (TV)
09 Aug 2023
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"For all his celibacy, modesty had never been one of Kelvin's virtues, which made him question how this would end up. He had to remind himself that despite his comfortable nudity and easy physical affection, the man was still a virgin. To Keefe, that level of inexperience meant he would need to cede control to Kelvin, to let him dictate their course of action."
(New relationships are hard, especially when your boyfriend won't use his words.)
Bookmarked by grison
22 Aug 2023
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i never prayed like the church always told me to by tonguecutoutwithrustedshears (limbed)
Fandoms: The Righteous Gemstones (TV)
16 Sep 2023
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–but now, you can count on me to get on my knees for you.
in which keefe and kelvin weasel out of their vows of celibacy and have pre-marital relations for the first time.
and then the second time.
...and then the third time.
Series
- Part 3 of and words are futile devices
Bookmarked by grison
22 Aug 2023
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Eddie can hear their laughter the moment he enters the restaurant, before he even reaches the hostess, ears immediately pricking up at voices that shouldn’t be so familiar. He scratches awkwardly under his chin as she leads him down to the table, feeling out a patch of stubble under his fingers and trying not to think too hard about if any of his old friends will be able to see it – see that he’s different than he used to be and not just in the meaningless ways to do with age.
Bookmarked by grison
22 Aug 2023
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Gimp suits are Satan’s straight-jackets, Kelvin decides.
Bookmarked by grison
17 Aug 2023
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Let the record show that Eddie’s divorce had little to nothing to do with Richie, because this isn’t a made-for-TV rom-com and that just isn’t how things work. But the cosmic symmetry of Derry’s influence on their lives appears to have been in full effect when Richie decided to fly out to New York City for the sole purpose of helping Eddie settle into his new apartment in Brooklyn.
Because that forced Eddie to admit to himself that, yeah, he’d been a little bit in love with Richie when they were kids.
Huh. That’s kind of weird, right?
Bookmarked by grison
14 Aug 2023