riverofdenial
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When he'd bit down, it was a mindless act, his tongue lapping over smooth, sweat soaked skin, his teeth pressing down firmly and tugging as if to say closer, more, mine, all at once. And when he'd realized what he'd done, the soft hiss of pain in his ear bringing him crashing down to earth, he'd flinched back so hard he'd almost fallen off the bed.
"But it felt good, right?" Ryan had asked once Naim had stopped looking at him in horror, apologies flowing like a leaky tap. As much as he hated that Ryan was so blasé about the willingness with which Naim hurt him, he also couldn't lie to him.
"It's not about feeling good, Ryan, it's about—I don't fucking know, letting out those feelings. I want to break something, not you."
"But I want you to break me. If it'll help."
Bookmarked by riverofdenial
24 Jul 2026
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Since he first met his best friend's older brother, Naim Reid has been unable to stop his eyes from following him everywhere. Only now, years later, are Ryan Whelan's eyes following him back.
Bookmarked by riverofdenial
24 Jul 2026
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“I thought I could help with this,” Ryan says, hand pressing down onto Naim’s lower stomach, over his bladder, while the other hand holds Naim down.
Naim lets out a whimper, the sensation overwhelming him. It felt wrong. It felt so good.
“Maybe it could help with nightmares. With your body doing things you can’t control.”
Ryan leaned down then, his mouth finding Naim's ear, breath hot and intimate. Naim swallowed, breathing hitching as Ryan pressed a warm kiss against his jaw, hand moving lower, slipping beneath the waistband of Naim’s wet boxers.
The shame was still there, coiled tight in his chest, but something else was rising alongside it. Heat and want. The terrifying, all-consuming desire to be seen completely, even in this.
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or, Naim wakes from another nightmare, the mattress damp beneath him and soaked in shame. Ryan is not nearly as bothered by it as Naim thinks he should be.
Bookmarked by riverofdenial
23 Jul 2026
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As the hart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God.
My soul thirsteth for God, for the living God: when shall I come and appear before God?
My tears have been my meat day and night, while they continually say unto me, Where is thy God?***
maybe they can outrun it, if he just keeps driving
Bookmarked by riverofdenial
23 Jul 2026
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Years on from Bandee, part of him was still scared of how Ryan made him feel. The things he made him want. Maybe he'd never be able to let go of that fear entirely, ruined by what they'd been through in more ways than a murderous shadow. But tonight there was an ache inside of him like a bruise and Naim needed desperately for it to be pressed.
Naim and Ryan go to a friend's birthday, and Naim lets himself want without fear.
Series
- Part 2 of i want it to look like you
Bookmarked by riverofdenial
15 Jul 2026