Chapter Text
The sun is way too fucking bright , that was Daehyun’s first thought as he stumbled outside his dormitory building, quickly slipping on his sunglasses and struggling to get his left arm through the strap of his bookbag. It certainly didn’t help that his head was pounding like a wired-up woodpecker and his phone wouldn’t stop going off every 2 minutes with that dumb “John Cena” jingle that Youngjae had drunkenly insisted on setting up last night. Finally succeeding in slipping his bookbag onto his back, Daehyun not-so-gracefully pulled his phone from his jeans pocket and looked at the screen.
8 Missed Calls from YoungGAY
2 Missed Calls from Channie<33
2 Missed Calls from Uppie Boi
22 Unread SMS Messages
42 Unread Messages in HOBAMA IS FUCKIN REAL YOU COWARDS
“What the fuckkkk” Daehyun groaned outloud, rubbing his temple as he made his way along the sidewalk. Unlocking his phone, he hesitantly started scrolling through the messages in the group chat that starting at 2:31 A.M:
#1 Jaden Smith Stan:
yo yo SHIt yall ok dnt freaj OUT
himchanfam:
who’s freaking out
nobody’s freaking out
Jong the Dong:
youngjae why is ur name #1 jaden smith stan who hurt u
#1 Jaden Smith Stan:
Ok mY name is of NO matter ot yall FUCKS!!!! Litsteen up, dae is missin ok dead ass MISSING
Himchanfam:
…… missing? The fuck. How. I literally left you guys 20 minutes ago??
Junhonghong oui baguette:
Aye what this abt dae being missing???? The lord finally doing us a solid??
#1 Jaden Smith Stan:
JUNHONG THIS ISNT A JOEK!!! DAE IS GONE!!!!!!!
when himchan left we took another shot ya kno
n he looked sick so he was like imma step OUtSIDE for some fresh air
n I was like O H KAY binch be safe well HE DISAPPEARED I CANT FIND HIM
Himchanfam:
Dude calm down I’m sure he’s nearby. Probs puking in a bush nearby. You called his phone?
#1 Jaden Smith Stan:
BITCH CHAN U THINK I WOULDMNT CALL HIS FUCKIN PHONE THE HELL
Himchanfam:
… yes I do think that.
You’re dumb as shit when your drunk that’s a fact.
Junhonghong oui baguette:
Huh ok lmaoo hold up dae just txted me tho
#1 Jaden Smith Stan:
YS FUCK WOT??? HE say?
WHY HE TXTIN U!!!!!!!
Junhonghong oui baguette:
“hngdjd pigeons r fat lil bird shitters im gonnsa Kill Eem ALL”
I kid u not that’s the exact text
word for word
i think it’s safe to say hes out there tryna kill some pigeons
hes fine, ok im goin to bed I gotta test tmrw bye
#1 Jaden Smith Stan:
JUNHONG WHAT THE HELL!!!!! TEXT HIM BACK ASK HI M WHERE HE I S
Junhonghong oui baguette:
lol ok hold on
Jong the Dong:
Youngjae dude u gotta calm down
deep breaths
#1 Jaden Smith Stan:
HDDHNNNNHA OK ok u rite u RITE shit im godo
Its fine its chill
JUNHONG BTICH HURRY UP
Junhonghong oui baguette:
LMAOOOO
“tall dark n handsom ;--) from FILM!!!”
i think hes getting laid lol
#1 Jaden Smith Stan:
……………… That lil BITCH!!!!!!! WHO THE HELL!!!!!!!!
Himchanfam:
Alright case closed, Daehyun’s getting some dick, everyone go the fuck to sleep.
Junhonghong oui baguette:
what a champ tbh
At this point, Daehyun stopped reading and stifled a groan, reaching up to rub his forehead. He was far too gay, way too good-looking, and much too hungover to be dealing with this kind of drama at 8:30 A.M. And what was this stupid nonsense about “tall dark n handsom” from Junhong. He’s 99.99% sure he didn’t hook up with anyone last night. As blunt evidence, he woke up alone, he wasn’t naked, and his sheets weren’t all sexed-up (to put it nicely).
He quickly opened his and Junhong’s text messages, only to discover that he, in fact, had indeed sent those unfortunate texts. He also realized Junhong had kindly left out the fact that he had received 12 additional texts where Daehyun had been vividly describing his unbridled hate for pigeons. He would have to thank him for that later.
Returning to his messaging Home, he sighed and opened Youngjae’s personal chat, typing out a quick “Hey I’m fine, didn’t fuck anyone, just piss drunk,” and pressing send before scrolling through his other unread messages, sending out reassurances here and there to his other friends.
“JOOOOOHHNNN CENNAAAAA!”
The ringtone abruptly rang out from his phone, giving Daehyun a heart attack and promptly shaving 3 years off his sad excuse of a life. Picking his phone up from where he had accidentally dropped it, he angrily silenced the device and looked at the message that popped up on the screen.
Message from Unknown Number
Daehyun frowned, his finger hovering over the touch screen, unsure, and deeply unsettled as to who this could be and what they could want. What if he DID fuck someone last night? Or worse, what if he HAD killed some pigeons, and they happened to be someone’s beloved pets? What level of misfortune would that take, he wondered? He didn’t want to go to jail for some weird ass animal cruelty charge. It’s not his fault pigeons are the god damn rats of the bird world.
Quickly swiping to unlock his phone, Daehyun opened the message:
Unknown Number:
Hey, this is Daehyun right? It’s Yongguk. U might not remember but I asked for ur number last night. Just wanted to make sure ur ok I guess. U didn’t look so hot when I dropped you off at your dorm.
Daehyun stared blankly at the message on his screen, his heart hammering aggressively against his ribcage as sweat started beading on his forehead. Yongguk. Bang fuckin’ Yongguk. The really hot, super sexy senior in his Global Cinema class, the one he was pretty damn sure was unfortunately straight as an arrow, the object of his intense and undying infatuation for the past year and a half. Bang Yongguk had his number and was texting him.
His astonishment quickly turned to horror as he reread the last sentence of the message. Yongguk… had seen him last night when he was plastered and rambling about killing pigeons, which most likely meant he had witnessed Daehyun in all his drunken glory.
Squinting up into the sun, Daehyun briefly considered how much it would cost him to build a catapult that could sling shot him directly into the bright hell orb, killing him instantly. Who was he kidding, there’s no way he could afford that, he’s a film major for fuck’s sake.
Since blowing himself up into the sun was off the table, he was left with two options: either bravely text Yongguk and ask him what happened last night, or ignore his text and live in ignorant bliss for the rest of his college days. The latter of those options was far more tempting for Daehyun’s ego, but he couldn’t help but think about the incredible opportunity this gave him. If what he did last night wasn’t too embarrassing, maybe he could get to know Yongguk, even be his friend. That would mean study sessions with Yongguk, ALONE time with that sexy man. Maybe while they were studying, Yongguk would point out something in their textbook and his hand would brush Daehyun’s and they would fall madly in love. The tattooed man would push Daehyun sensually onto the table, their notes long forgotten as they fall to the ground. Dear God, he can already imagine Yongguk’s deep voice in his ear while his colleague’s beautiful hands wrapped around his–
Daehyun aggressively shook his head, stopping that train of thought before he seriously popped a boner in front of the psychology building. He didn’t need some psych major trying to analyze why he was standing outside, staring at the sky with a raging hard-on. The last thing he needs at this school is people thinking he wants to fuck the goddamn sun.
He needed to think this through and not make any rash decisions. Actually, what he needed was a third-party opinion, someone who would give it to him straight (heh, straight). He quickly checked the time on his phone, to make sure he had time before his class, before calling the only person he could think of.
“What the ever-loving fuck do you want, you shit-head pigeon murderer,” Youngjae’s scathing voice hit his ear, a loving reminder of why the 20-year-old was his best friend.
“Love you too, baby,” Daehyun cooed into the phone, sitting down on a bench near the building his first class was in. He watched a group of freshman meander by, eyes bright and full of life.
“Do you even REALISE how god damn scared I was, you dick? I thought some creep had you in the trunk of his car, or you were in fucking jail for the public killing of birds.”
Daehyun rolled his eyes, shifting his phone to his other ear so he could adjust the strap on his bookbag. Typical Youngjae. He picked at the cuticles of his nails, letting his mind drift while his friend trailed off in an angry rant about safety and communication.
After a solid two minutes, Daehyun cut him off, “Youngjae, shut up for a sec, kay?” In response, he heard an angry huff, but his friend did indeed quiet down.
“Listen, I know what I did was irresponsible, uhm, like really fuckin’ irresponsible and shitty. Sorry for scarin’ your ass, really,” Daehyun said, “But there’s a more pressing matter to take care of right now.”
“And that is…?”
“Did I mention anything, anything at all, about Bang Yongguk before I went outside, like did I mention his name or anything that sounded remotely like it.”
“Uhm… no? Isn’t that the guy you’re, like, super hot for in your… econ class? No, film class?”
“Technicalities, Jae, technicalities! So, I didn’t even, like, say I thought he was bangin or something?”
He heard Youngjae scoff, “Dae, you’ve literally ranted about how hot the fucking Mr. Clean guy is when you’re drunk, I’ve learned to tune your thirsty ass out.”
Daehyun hummed, “Fair point. Anyways, actual point is, apparently, I ran into him last night. He’s the ‘tall, dark, and handsome’ guy I was texting Junhong about. He… questionably took me home? Shut up, not like that, he literally took my drunk ass home.”
Youngjae’s laughter cut him off, making him groan in frustration, “JAE! LISTEN TO ME! I know this because he texted me this morning, and unfortunately, I need your advice.” He checked the time again: 8:47 A.M. Shit, he was cutting it close.
“Ask away, dude. Glad to know you still value my all-knowing opinion. I am, after all, a 4.0 Biochemistry major, incredibly smart, quite a guy.”
Daehyun restrained himself from chucking his phone at a nearby tree.
“Should I text him back or not. Like, should I ignore it and just pretend it never happened?” He muttered into his phone.
He was met with a painful stretch of silence before he heard Youngjae let out a long exhale.
“Ok, no offense- actually wait, FULL offense- but why the fuck would you not text him back, you twit brain?” He could vividly visualize Youngjae’s incredulous stare, “You’ve been legit horny for this guy since you got to this God damn school. Text his ass. I’m hanging up. You’re the dumbest shit I’ve met in my life. Also, don’t forget to turn in your Bio Lab report. Bye.”
A beep told Daehyun that his friend had ended the call. Sighing and standing up from the bench, he took his sunglasses off his face and shoved them haphazardly into his bookbag. He stared down at the phone in his hand, heart fluttering as he opened Yongguk’s text, timestamp 8:31 A.M. To hell with it.
To “Bang Yongguk”:
yeah im good. bit of a crazy headache. srsly, thx for helping me out, hope I didnt ruin ur night or anything
Daehyun stared at the message. Should he use proper grammar? Was it ok to use his shit texting language with Yongguk if he didn’t even know him. He sounds so serious in this message, what the hell, he might as well be a teacher talking to their student. Tapping at his screen, he made a minor edit:
To “Bang Yongguk”:
yeah im good. bit of a crazy headache. srsly, thx for helping me out. hope I didnt ruin ur night or anything :) lol
“Perfect,” He whispered as he quickly pressed send. When the text marked as “delivered,” he emitted a small squeak and shoved his phone back into his pocket.
“C’mon Big D, get your shit together.” Daehyun muttered to himself as he finally entered his BIO 2020 class a strapping, solid 5 minutes late. He shuffled to his seat in the auditorium, lowering himself into the chair and yanking his laptop from his bag. A low cough made him turn slightly to his right, forcing him to make eye contact with Junhong a row down, a shit-eating grin on his face. Daehyun subtly flipped him off, which only made his friend grin wider. Letting out a strangled noise, Daehyun glared at the Freshman and pulled out his phone.
To “ZeloOoOo”:
bitch stfu
From “ZeloOoOo”:
Didnt say anything darling
A muscle twitched near Daehyun’s eye.
To “ZeloOoOo”:
U got balls for a 12 year old twink w pink hair
From “ZeloOoOo”:
how were those balls u got last night Dae
To “ZeloOoOo”:
I DIDN’T FUCK ANY1 U BRAT!!!
NO BALLS WERE HAD LAST NIGHT
From “ZeloOoOo”:
“tall dark n handsom” cmon dae lmao
unless u were talkin abt a pigeon
o god pls tell me u weren’t talkin abt a pigeon
To “ZeloOoOo”:
…………………
i was not referring to a pigeon u useless ass
i was referring to a man by the name of Bang Yongguk
ring a ding dong any bells?????
From “ZeloOoOo”:
omg u fucked yongguk
dude what the hell i thot he was straight??
To “ZeloOoOo”:
NO U IDIOT I S2G JAIFEJKA
I DIDNT FUCK YONGGUK FOR CHRISTS SAKE
i think he found my drunk ass n took me home
From “ZeloOoOo”:
….. u think…….
To “ZeloOoOo”:
WELL its not like i rmbr anything im goin off what he txted me this morn
From “ZeloOoOo”:
Oooooooooo u got his number dayum Dae GET IT
To “ZeloOoOo”:
smh u dildo he wanted to c if I was alive
bc in his words i “didnt look so hot”
From “ZeloOoOo”:
awh damn
im sure he didnt mean ur looks ://
To “ZeloOoOo”:
i literally fuckin hate u
Daehyun was seconds away from lunging across the row and wringing Junhong’s neck. Carefully placing his phone on the table, he breathed in deeply and exhaled, silently counting the ways he could successfully murder his friend once class was over. Purposefully avoiding Junhong’s smirk, Daehyun opened his laptop and pulled up his notes from last week, quite intent on ignoring the hell out of the tall devil child.
Thankfully, time started speeding by as Daehyun scribbled down line after line of information about the anatomy system of cephalopods. Real talk, squids were so weird. Why did they need that many arms? Why did they have beaks, man, that’s nasty and uncomfortable. They shit from the same place they ate. Just as he was finally starting to get in the rhythm of the lecture, his phone buzzed loudly from the table surface, prompting several amused glances from some of his classmates. Stifling a frustrated noise in his throat, he grabbed his phone, ready to tell Junhong to go eat Youngjae’s ass and leave him alone.
Upon reading the notification, Daehyun’s eyes widened and his ears flushed bright red, heat radiating from his face. The anger died almost instantly.
From “Bang Yongguk”:
Haha no worries. I was having a pretty lame night, u made it interesting.
Daehyun’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head at the text. Somehow, he had made Yongguk’s night interesting. His stomach started doing some U.S team Olympic-worthy somersaults at that open-ended statement. Nervously, he typed his reply.
To “Bang Yongguk”:
O lmao what did I do
There we go, that was good. A casual, chill response that showed Daehyun was relaxed and totally in control of his life. Easy peasy, lemon squeasy.
From “Bang Yongguk”:
U don’t remember? Hmm guess that makes sense.
I found u following a flock of pigeons on the east campus lawns.
U looked pretty serious about it too.
Daehyun had started a slow, sinking descent into his chair, embarrassment sizzling through his body as he read the next couple of texts.
From “Bang Yongguk”:
I came up and tapped you on the shoulder and you freaked out. Said I was ruining your plans. Started ranting about how attractive people always bring about the fall of empires, not sure what that was about.
Just walked u home and made sure u entered ur room. Ur a pretty tame drunk.
To “Bang Yongguk”:
OMG im so sry… im so dumb ugh
my friends told me i was on some pigeon-hating kick dnt ask me why
Grimacing, he chose to ignore the latter statement about attractive people and empires. No way in hell was he equipped to tackle that monster of drunk shame.
From “Bang Yongguk”:
Hahaha that makes so much more sense.
Not that pigeon-hating makes sense really. Explains ur behavior.
To “Bang Yongguk”:
yeeeeeaaaaahhhhh i was feelin sum typa way last night
im a mess
a pigeon-hating mess
From “Bang Yongguk”:
Haha that’s one way to put it.
At this, Daehyun didn’t know how to reply. It felt like a conversation stale-mate, like Yongguk was trying to put an end to their awkward texting. Daehyun cringed. In all honesty, he wished his chair would sink through the floor and propel him straight into the Earth’s molten core. That’d be a nice course of events. Glancing down, he noticed Yongguk had sent him another message.
From “Bang Yongguk”:
I’m surprised we’ve never talked before. Aren’t we in a couple of classes together?
A lump caught in the back of Daehyun’s throat as he reread Yongguk’s words. Holy hell on heelies, Yongguk had actually noticed him this whole goddamn time. His crush knew who he WAS and- wait, oh no, did he realize how often Daehyun stared at him on a daily basis? This was a game changer.
To “Bang Yongguk”:
LMAO tbh I didnt think u knew who I was
This makes this whole event even more embarrassing WOW
From “Bang Yongguk”:
Nah don’t worry. Ur good. Btw gotta go. Class
See u in Global Cinema.
And just like that, it was over. His first ever conversation with the subject of his wildest and most frustrating dreams was finished. Daehyun couldn’t help the smile that broke out on his face, fingers running over the text on the screen.
A notification abruptly popped up.
From “ZeloOoOo”:
u look so dumb right now lol
dnt worry
I got a pic <3