Chapter Text
StrawberryMilk added fruitpunchsamurai, destroyeverything and Sakamoto（＾ω＾）to the conversation.
StrawberryMilk: Sup' bitches this about to be lit
Fruitpunchsamurai: Um excuse me??? What is this
StrawberryMilk: A group chat for us four obviously?
Fruitpunchsamurai: Gintoki i ain't that dumb but who is destroyeverything NDKSNDLD this is funny I wish I'd found this name first
StrawberryMilk: Takasugi
Fruitpunchsamurai: UR JOKING
Fruitpunchsamurai: U HAVE TO BE
Destroyeverything: say one more word I dare you
Fruitpunchsamurai: r u a 12 yr old emo kid i'm on the verge of tears
Destroyeverything: Zura st o p laughing I s2g
Fruitpunchsamurai: im seriously about to piss myself
Fruitpunchsamurai: youre so fucking extra i can't believe this
Destroyeverything: I'm coming over and I'm shoving my sword up your ass
StrawberryMilk: kinky
Sakamoto（＾ω＾）: y'all stop fighting its like 9 in the morning and Im trying to sleep
Fruitpunchsamurai: hum
Fruitpunchsamurai: its actually 3 in the afternoon
Sakamoto（＾ω＾）: wHAT
Sakamoto（＾ω＾）: ITS WhAT
Sakamoto（＾ω＾）: im so ded
StrawberryMilk: why
Sakamoto（＾ω＾）: when i die I want gintoki to have my glasses
Sakamoto（＾ω＾）: zura you can have my coat
Sakamoto（＾ω＾）: and Takasugi you have my eternal respect to remember me by, live well my friends
Destroyeverything: keep your fucking respect for yourself? Die
Destroyeverything: what a shitty thing to leave me honestly? Do you hate me Sakamoto?
Destroyeverything: fuck you bitch thats what wow the disRESPECT
Fruitpunchsamurai: Honest to god I cannot receive a message from you without crying from laughter
Destroyeverything: fuck you too
StrawberryMilk: guys
StrawberryMilk: I think Sakamoto dead fr
Destroyeverything: good? Let him
Sakamoto（＾ω＾）: RUDE
Sakamoto（＾ω＾）: After all I've done for you! I gave birth to you you ungrateful brat
StrawberryMilk: hours of labor for this child? Might as well have killed him right then and there
Fruitpunchsamurai: and now he'll destroy everything
StrawberryMilk: NDKSMELSNE
Fruitpunchsamurai: SOMEONES AT MY DOOR IM SCARED
StrawberryMilk: calm down drama bitch it's probably like a delivery or sometimh
Sakamoto（＾ω＾）: isn't anyone interested in why I almost died
StrawberryMilk: no
Fruitpunchsamurai: no
Destroyeverything: no
Sakamoto（＾ω＾）changed his name for Sakamoto(◞‸◟)
Sakamoto(◞‸◟): y'all mean
Fruitpunchsamurai: HELPPPP CALL 911
StrawberryMilk: no
Sakamoto(◞‸◟): die
Fruitpunchsamurai: IM ABOUT TO
Fruitpunchsamurai: i am currently locked in my bathroom waiting for jesus to save me
Destroyeverything: open the door motherfucker you bout to catch these hands
Fruitpunchsamurai: ngl I'm a little turned on rn
StrawberryMilk: I'm?????
Fruitpunchsamurai: i'm sorry it's kind of hot : /
Fruitpunchsamurai: anyway Sugi is about to kill me bc I can't stop laughing at his username
Fruitpunchsamurai: no need to worry I will be fine I'm hiding in the bathroom
Destroyeverything: It's all good until you starve to death bitch
StrawberryMilk: welp this escalated quickly
Fruitpunchsamurai: see y'all in hell
Sakamoto(◞‸◟): have a safe trip
Fruitpunchsamurai: HOW I WILL BE DYING AND IN HELL
Sakamoto(◞‸◟): idk what did you want me to say
Fruitpunchsamurai: that you're coming to my rescue obv????
Sakamoto(◞‸◟): Sugi stop
Sakamoto(◞‸◟): here
Fruitpunchsamurai: geez thanks
Sakamoto(◞‸◟): always my pleasure
Fruitpunchsamurai changed Destroyeverything's name to Hands.
Fruitpunchsamurai: idk what's with me today but I have the hots for Takasugi
StrawberryMilk: you have the hots for him everyday what r u talking about
Fruitpunchsamurai: fair
Hands: why this tho
Fruitpunchsamurai: haNDS
Fruitpunchsamurai: hAnDs
Fruitpunchsamurai: I'm having a stroke just thinking about them
Sakamoto(◞‸◟): as the straightest man in this chat I second
StrawberryMilk: as the gayest man in this chat I agree too
Hands: i guess
Fruitpunchsamurai: we made peace over me findinf him a better name
Fruitpunchsamurai: Now instead of laughing I just moan
Hands: STOP
Fruitpunchsamurai: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Fruitpunchsamurai: y'all
Fruitpunchsamurai: can I add my best dude on here
StrawberryMilk: excuse you??? Aren't we your best dudes? B r o
Fruitpunchsamurai: I have other friends
Fruitpunchsamurai: they are less assholes unless y'all disrespectful fools
StrawberryMilk: i'm gonna pretend like I wasn't totally hurt by this just now
StrawberryMilk: add him idec
Sakamoto(◞‸◟): I feel betrayed
Hands: same? I suddenly hate Zura
Fruitpunchsamurai: you always hate me nskskslamsis
Hands: let a man breathe would u
Fruitpunchsamurai: aight Imma add him
StrawberryMilk: Wai
StrawberryMilk: t
StrawberryMilk changed Sakamoto(◞‸◟)'s name for Legs.
Legs: thabk ??! A compliment from gintoki imma cry for days
StrawberryMilk changed Fruitpunchsamurai's name for Abs.
StrawberryMilk changed his name for Arms.
Arms: our best features tbh
Abs: ok im adding him act civilized
Abs added Hijikata to the conversation.
Abs: body parts, Hijikata. Hijikata, body parts. Hope y'all get along
Hijikata: where am I
Arms: a sect
Hands: ya
Hijikata: Are you aware that I'm a police officer?
Arms: ABORT MISSION
Legs: KICK HIM O U T
Hijikata: I'm joking. I'm not.
Hands: funny bitch
Hands: sorry is it okay to call you bitch yet?
Hijikata: what
Abs: guys
Abs: youre gonna scare him away
Arms: sorry we still ain't good enough for you
Abs: c'mon r u mad fr
Arms: what if I am huh
Hijikata: Sakamoto why did you almost die two days ago? I'm curious as well as a bit concerned.
Arms: Not the time "Hijikata"
Legs: Hi I am Sakamoto and I think I've just fallen for a man
Legs: he actually cares unlike y'all???
Legs: Zura's right He is grEAT
Hijikata: I don't think...
Legs: anyway!!!! Mutsu (my bf but also almost gf) and I had a date to the movies and I overslept
Abs: overslept? You slept for like 26 hours
Legs: shut up you're gonna make me look bad in front of my future mans
Abs: you're straight sis
Legs: leave me alo n e
Legs: so I overslept a little and missed it and she's like super crazy (love her like that) and kicked my ass for it. Anyway, did I mention that I loved her anyway
Legs: bc I do ok don't call the police it aint abuse
Hijikata: I guess that makes sense.
Arms: Hijikata what do u do in life
Abs: Gintoki...
Arms: what? It's an harmless question
Hijikata: i'm not comfortable answering this question to strangers
Arms: nothing to be embarrassed about my dude, look Zura sells fucking flowers, i eat ass, sakamoto still in uni and sugi. Well we dont really know what he does but it involves sword. Could be roleplay or anything really
Hands: do you ever shut the fuck up
Hands: youre next on my list on who to beat up
Hands: also, did you just say you eat ass as a job
Arms: well shit I wasn't going to say i sell books was I?
Hands: thats kind of it tho
Arms: caught in my own game
Arms: but I still eat ass
Abs: eating ass is disgusting tbh
Legs: second
Arms left the conversation.
Hands added Arms to the conversation.
Arms: well Sugi, I think we know who the realest are now
Arms: its me and u)
Abs: HIJIKATA WHAT DO YOU THINK
Hijikata: I
Hijikata: its acceptable
Arms: JCKSOSMEOSN TELL HIM
Abs: Suddenly I can't read.,, i cant