Chapter Text
Keith thought about what his life would be like after Voltron a lot. He thought about how everyone would go back home, to their families, and probably try to forget that anything happened. Shiro and Lance and Hunk and Pidge all had people waiting for them back at Earth. People who would most definitely cry and hug them and try to never let them go. Fuck, even Allura and Coran had each other.
Which left Keith. Keith who had noone. Keith who had no home and hasn’t had one since he was a very small child. Lance had often claimed that when they went back to Earth after they defeated Zarkon the five of them would have choice of any house, in any city, and it would 100% be given to them. He said that people would probably be throwing themselves at the paladins like they were Earth celebrities.
But so what?
So. Fucking. What?
The only seven people in the entire universe that he actually cared about were all aboard the Castle, and they’d all leave him the minute that their feet touched Earth soil again. No big house could ever fill that. No human that didn’t even know a fraction of the story would ever replace the people he’s spent what must be over a year with.
He’d asked Shiro about this one night. A night where Keith was restless so he was in the gym punching things and Shiro needed to blow off some steam after an intense discussion about which planet they’d be going too next, so he was doing laps on the track. Or, he was. Eventually he just migrated slowly and steadily to where Keith was beating the life force out of the punching bag, anger and frustration from the day bubbling to the top yet again in an effort to get it out of his system.
The rest of the team didn’t usually see Shiro like this. It was reserved for those moments when it felt like everyone else in the universe suddenly didn’t matter anymore. It was just the two of them and an infinite number of stars. That was always Keith’s favorite time. Just for a tick he wouldn’t have to worry about saving the universe or destroying a government. Just for a tick he could let the weight of the universe roll off his back like water and go back to being a teenager.
That’s what they were, after all, they were kids. They were all just kids. None of them knew what they were doing; not Keith, not Shiro, not Allura, not any of them. The only team member with half a wit about what they should be doing was Coran, and even then it was usually just a shot in the dark.
Keith had never had a normal childhood, he never lied to himself like that. He’d grown up a lot quicker than most, sometimes he thought maybe even before Shiro. But on the Castle he saw the rest of the team growing up. He saw Lance begin to lose his carefree nature and start making jokes for the sake of others, not just because he could. He saw Hunk begin to spend more time in the hangar than the kitchen, because they had more pressing matters than baking. He saw Pidge make herself sick over trying to code her way around the Galra Empire. He saw Allura pour her soul into the memories of her father, whether it was his AI hologram or the written records, trying to learn from his memory.
“What’s bothering you, Hothead?” Shiro said good naturedly, steadying the punching bag he was currently attacking.
“Nothing,” Keith grunted with the added resistance before shooting his hand out twice as hard, causing Shiro to grunt in return, “something. I don’t know. Don’t worry about it, it’s not your problem.”
“Right,” Shiro nodded mockingly, “because I’m going to let it go that quickly.” There was a beat of silence before Shiro’s metal hand darted out and grabbed Keith’s before it could connect with the punching bag again. They stayed like that for a moment, just staring at each other and Keith couldn’t help but think how fucking metaphoric that one image must be. “Keith,” Shiro breathed, “please. Just tell me what’s wrong. I’ve known you for years and whenever something bugs you nothing productive happens ever. It’s just you bottling all this stuff up until it gets to be too much for even you and you lash out.”
If only he knew how much Keith was actually keeping to himself.
It was late, though. They’d had a long day of group training and Keith didn’t have it in himself to put up much of a fight. Not tonight.
He was defeated, and looking into the other man’s eyes, he knew that he’d seen as much too. Shiro let their hands fall, but Keith didn’t move to step back. The universe was quiet in that moment, just for them. “Keith,” Shiro whispered, “what’s wrong?”
“Do you think that we’ll ever go back to Earth?” They talked about it a lot. Not just the two of them, but the whole team. Mostly it was just Hunk, Pidge, and Lance mourning all the things they were missing. Half of those things being edible. Allura and Coran always enjoyed those conversations, though Keith had begun suspecting that they left them more confused than when they’d entered them. Shiro had told him once that Allura was making a list of ‘human things’ to try. He said that she’d asked him what a ‘swear jar’ was and how she could go about procuring one.
After that, a swear jar had appeared in the common area, even if none of them had any money to put in it. After they’d explained how it was used, Coran had spent an immense amount of time creating ‘Coran credits’, which he’d distributed equally between the paladins and Allura. He’d said that they could be turned in as a way to get out of chores, which of course turned the whole thing into a competition to see who could get out of the most work.
So far, Pidge was the biggest contributor to the jar, followed closely by Shiro.
Little things like that had been piling into the common area, creating a space that lost that ‘abandoned castle-spaceship’ feeling and had started to become more or less a home. More so than anywhere else Keith had ever been, at least.
“We can’t think about that right now,” Shiro sighed, breaking eye contact, “if it were Lance or Hunk or Pidge asking, yeah. But Keith, I really don’t know when or if we’d find the time. We have a whole universe to save, which is a lot more than I think any of us actually think it is. And even after that, we can’t just defeat Zarkon and leave. We have so much more to do than we’re really ready for. I don’t know when we’d find the time. I really don’t.”
Was it awful for Keith to be relieved?
“Why are you asking?” Shiro asked after a moment, and Keith ducked his head.
“I don’t know.” He did. “Guess I was just thinking about what comes next.” More specifically who comes next. It didn’t feel right to imagine any of them going back to the Garrison after everything. He didn’t really see them going anywhere after everything. It all seemed to small, so inconsequential after everything they’d seen.
Sometimes Keith thought it’d be better just to stay in space. He didn’t need more reminders of how little he had left, so why not fly with the stars for the rest of eternity? It seemed just as good an option -if not better- than anything left for him back on their home planet. Maybe Coran and Allura would stay up there, too. Maybe he wouldn’t even have to be alone.
Shiro must’ve caught on to his internal monologue. He had a funny way of doing that, catching Keith when he was spiraling and trying to pull him back. Not always successful, but never for lack of effort. “Hey,” he smiled, placing a hand on Keith’s shoulder, “You know whatever happens, you’ll still have me.” Keith put his own hand on top of Shiro’s, tried telling himself that it was true even if he’d believed and been deceived by that lie before. It was hard to take the word of a man who’d been classified as dead for over a year without a grain of salt.
“Thanks, Takashi.”
Problems like that still plagued him. He wondered -worried- constantly if he was cursed to be alone or if he was somehow unintentionally pushing people away. Running away probably didn’t help anything, he thought to himself bitterly before pulling the red cloth over his face.
He wasn’t part of the Blade of Marmora, but he was allowed a fair amount of access to their files and contacts. They let him keep his blade, too, which was a kind gesture. Though, he still had trouble getting it to shift between sword and knife. He’d seen Brae fight with her’s as chakrams before, though when he’d asked Kholivan how she’d managed to get them that way he’d just given him a raised eyebrow -or whatever it was that Galra had- and Keith dropped it. Probably some weird video-game level system that he just hadn’t figured out yet.
It didn’t matter, a knife was enough.
It was still weird not being able to simply summon his bayard, though. He’d almost tried to, once. Just to see if he still could. He’d been on his little ship, on his way to yet another planet on yet another side of yet another galaxy. He made a note to thank Allura for her teleportation abilities if he ever went back.
Huh, he didn’t remember when he’d stopped saying ‘when.’
He wished that he could say that it was hard sinking into his lonesomeness but, in all honesty, it was never difficult for Keith to be by himself. It hurt at first, it always did, but as usual he got over himself and kept going. The universe seemed to do that, that was for sure.
Everywhere he looked, no matter how remote the planet, he saw posters or electronic ads to join the coalition to stand against the remaining Galra Empire. After Voltron’s defeat of Zarkon, the Empire had become scattered and disjointed. Which meant that it was a lot easier to take down small pockets of the Empire instead of just going for the head. Which meant that it was a lot easier for Keith to feel better about himself.
When he was in a lull, coming to dead end after dead end, Keith had come to tracking Galra trade patterns and attempting to intercept their ships. Something about seeing giant posters of your friends telling you to join arms against the Galra did that to a person. Seeing the occasional poster of yourself repeating the message was even worse.
“Kid,” A clearly impatient waitress sank into one of her three hips, blowing a bubble. (Not of gum, but out of some type of cigarette.), “If you’re not gonna order something, I’m gonna have to ask you to keep moving. We aren’t some grendolsh for tired -what are you?- humans?” She finished it like a question, and that sort of threw Keith through a loop because did he really know either?
“Right,” he sighed, tugging the hood of Shiro’s jacket a little bit further down on his head. The planet he was on, Cyprus, was known to have an extensive black market. One that, apparently, the Galra had slowly been taking over. If he could manage to track them to their base on the planet, and he managed to make a hit, that could be a big win for him. The menu was more pictures than anything else, with the smell wafting off of it. He dug out the handful of gack he had in his bag, deciding to splurge and get something bigger that he couldn’t pronounce. He would be tracking his way through the black market for the next few days, anyway, and as soon as that ended he’d have to get on his ship as soon as he could, most likely without being able to stop for a few days. Leftovers were a good thing.
“I’ll be back with your food in a minute.” She took his menu, blowing one more bubble in his direction that popped right above his covered nose.
Keith let a soft sigh slip out as he tugged his holopad out of his bag. He’d taken it on the hunch that they couldn’t be tracked, even though they’d come from the castle. He did his best to turn off anything that could be tracked with it, and so far no paladins had shown up at his front door. Not that he had one of those, unless you counted the ship’s. (He didn’t.) He’d considered leaving it, but it -somehow- got internet connection wherever he went, and it was quite a bit easier to use than the tiny communication device that Brae had given him.
Gossip columns that surrounded the paladins, speculating if Lance and Allura were dating, if Coran was actually Pidge’s father, and if Shiro was secretly a clone plagued his usual source’s dash. He chuckled to himself at the bittersweet thought, scrolling through and trying to find anything actually worth reading to busy himself with as he waited for his food.
Yet another piece by Hyteri that cleared my skin and blessed my soul