Chapter Text
Two aliens and three humans walk into a bar.
Except the bar is actually the lounge in the center of the ship.
And none of them really ‘walked in,’ it was more like they all just ended up there.
Also, Lance still wasn’t 100% sure that Pidge wasn’t an alien because humans didn’t just become that smart this quickly.
But anyway, two aliens and two (possibly three) humans wander into a common room at various times during which their leader and his right-hand-man train and train and train.
Hunk was discussing something about the quintessence usage rate of the ship with Coran while Pidge was working on translating an Altean book in her lap. Lance had tried to initiate a conversation with Allura, but opening with ‘Are you from Tennessee?’ had been the wrong way to go in that situation. So now he sat in silence, the most beautiful princess in the known universe sitting next to him and he’d ruined every chance he’d ever have with her ever because he used an Earth pickup line.
“So…” He tried to start something, anything, to get them out of this heinous stall in action. Usually, if he was this bored, he’d retreat to his room and flip through the alien space channels (all three of the ones they got on the ship; the Galra Empire information line, the shopping channel, and a strange channel that was either a reality tv show or a murder mystery competition show that was in a language even Allura and Coran didn’t know.) or, if he was this desperate, do some training. But Keith and Shiro had staked out the training deck for the past few varga, in the middle of an epic sparring match that nobody wanted to get in between. Even Blue was resting, as they’d just gotten back from a tedious battle with a few unkind pixie-like creatures.
“Yes, Lance?” Coran asked, mustache seemingly perking up.
“Uh…” He started, unsure how to continue. Usually when he tried to start a conversation someone would have something to pitch in by now.
“I believe now would be the perfect time for a team building exercise!” Allura declared, clapping her hands together and getting up. She grabbed a pillow from the couch and set it on the ground, delicately landing on it with her legs folded under her. “I’ve been watching recordings my father has left behind of the original Voltron team when they were together.”
“What, like they made vlogs?” Hunk asked, following her to the ground as he balanced the plate of would-be nachos on his lap. Lance moved to join him, stealing one of the almost-chips from the platter.
“What’s a vlog?” Coran asked, mustache twitching with excitement.
“I’ll explain later,” Lance promised, “they were really big back on earth. Millions of people would watch them every single day.”
“These videos were not made for that kind of exposure.” Allura defended, missing Lance’s point. “These videos were actually just recordings the Castle picked up as a part of its security. I imagine my father saved them specifically for sentimental purposes. They show the team doing activities together to strengthen their comradery.”
“So you want us to play games together?” Hunk questioned as Lance excitedly declared “We’re playing truth or dare!”
The group was silent for a moment, broken only by the crunch of fake nachos, before Allura tentatively asked. “What is this game you speak of?”
“Truth or dare!” Lance beamed, “It was, like, the party game of middle schoolers. Not that you’d know what that means, but basically it was a right of passage for every Earth child that lived where we did.”
“How interesting!” Coran declared, “The princess and I have been meaning to learn more about your culture. This seems to be an excellent first step.”
Allura nodded before tilting her head and asking, “So how is this ‘truth or dare’ played?”
“It’s pretty self explanatory.” Pidge shrugged, “Basically, I’ll ask someone ‘truth’ or ‘dare’, and they pick one. If they pick truth they have to answer a question truthfully. If they pick dare they have to do something I tell them to. Very simple.”
“And what if they lie?” Allura asked, leaning in a bit.
“I don’t know? It’s kind of hard to tell.”
“I see,” The princess nodded before gesturing to Hunk. “Why don’t you start.”
“Um, okay?” Hunk raised an eyebrow, still seemingly unsure of the whole situation. “Pidge, truth or dare?”
“Dare. I’m no coward.”
“Cool,” Hunk nodded, “Can you go put this back in the kitchen?” He handed her the empty platter, which she glared at him for but stood up and took.
“Excellent, now who goes next?” Allura asked.
“Well, I played it where it just goes in a circle. So whoever’s right of the person goes next. Which means it’d be Coran’s turn.” Lance responded.
“Wonderful! Hunk, truth or dare?” On ‘truth’ and ‘dare’ Coran added little flourishes, making Lance feel like he was watching a poorly done Shakespearean show. He said that with the highest respect, of course. But none the less, it was a lot to watch.
“Truth, I guess?” Hunk shrugged.
“Why do you paladins giggle so often when I use the term quiznack?” Coran asked immediately, and Lance suddenly got the feeling that the alien had been sitting on that question for a very long time.
“Oh, um,” The yellow paladin rubbed a phantom itch on the nape of his neck, “I mean I don’t really know how to explain it. The way you use it makes it sound very similar to a word that we had back on Earth, which was sort of an improper word. Like, you generally couldn’t get away with saying it around your superiors.”
“And what is that word?” Coran asked, eyeing Hunk suspiciously.
“Fuck!” Pidge’s voice rang through the lounge area, following a loud banging sound. They all turned around to see Pidge standing at the doorway, hopping on her left foot while clutching her right one close to her chest.
“That word.” Hunk nodded as Pidge limped over to the rest of the group, taking her place again in between Lance and Allura. “Okay, princess, your turn.”
“Okay, Lance,” the princess turned to him, “truth or dare.”
Lance remembered how this game was played. He remembered that if you picked truth the only question you’d get would be some variation of ‘who do you like?’ With that in mind and a shit eating grin on his face, he leaned back onto a hand and said “truth.”
“Are Keith and Shiro in a romantic relationship with each other?”
Well.
That came out of quiznacking nowhere.
“No!” Well, actually, wait, “Maybe? I…” He thought for a moment then sharply turned to Hunk, “Are Keith and Shiro a thing?”
Hunk raised both of his arms in the universal ‘beats me’ motion. “Your guess is as good as mine. Like, I guess? I mean, it’s not like they ever really do anything without each other. And even back at the Garrison Shiro totally had a thing for Keith.”
“What?” Lance demanded, eyes going as big as saucers. “Shiro had a crush on Keith back at the Garrison?” A quick glance to Allura and Coran was all it took to gather their confusion. “We all used to go there, kind of. It’s complicated. But Shiro was an officer and Keith got kicked out.” He refocused on Hunk. “You really think that he had a thing for Keith way back then? I mean, I didn’t even know that Shiro or Keith were gay.”
“What’s that?” Coran whispered to Pidge.
“It means they like dick.” She said back bluntly. “And what do you mean ‘you didn’t know Shiro and Keith weren’t straight?’ I mean, you were at the Garrison the same time that Matt and Shiro were there, right?”
Lance’s jaw dropped. “Were they…” He made a lewd gesture with his hands.
“No!” Pidge shouted, “Lance! Jesus! What the hell that’s my brother! I just meant that Matt always told me these stories of these crazy parties that they’d go to and Shiro was infamous for being overly flirtatious with any gender when he was drunk enough to be flirtatious in the first place.”
“How is it that Pidge knows more about the Garrison in-crowd than we did and she didn’t even go there at that point?” Hunk asked to nobody in particular.
“So are they in some sort of relationship?” Allura restated.
“I don’t think so?” Lance said it more like a question. “I mean, I’ve never seen them be couple-y around each other. If they were dating you’d think that they’d be more romantic about it.”
“I mean I’m pretty sure that they were dating before the Kerberos mission, and they weren’t super over the top about it back then.” Hunk shrugged.
“What do you mean ‘dating before Kerberos?’” Lance felt like screaming.
“Oh, come on, Shiro and Keith were always sneaking into each others rooms. You can’t tell me you didn’t notice that!”
“They still do that now, too.” Pidge added, “Not super often but I just always thought they liked having sleepovers.
“Oh my god what if they’ve been fucking this entire time?” Lance yelled. Coran tilted his head as if he was trying to figure out how that could mean the same thing as quiznacking. Pidge started laughing. Allura looked mildly offended, and Hunk simply paled.
Just then the doors for lounge slid open, revealing Keith, who had his sword slung over his shoulder, and Shiro, the air around his hand still faintly purple. Both of them were ridiculously sweaty, white towels draped around their necks.
“Hey guys,” Shiro greeted cheerfully, “What’re you talking about?”
You could hear a pin drop in that moment, and then suddenly all five of them were desperately shouting nothing in an attempt to get the two men to move on.
“Whatever,” Keith in all of his Edgy-ness rolled his eyes before nodding his head to Shiro who followed him to changing room. “Let’s hit the showers, Shiro. Leave them to their nothing.”
“Okay,” the black paladin chuckled and Lance could’ve sworn he saw him pinch Keith’s hips, “if any of you guys need us we’ll be in the showers.”
Just as the door to the changing room opened and shut, Keith looked up as Shiro looked down, both with stupid large grins on their face. All that, and then suddenly the blankness of the door sliding closed.
Lance screamed.