Chapter Text
"No! You don't get it! I'm stupid! I'm stupid, I'm stupid, I'm stupid!" Nico yells loudly, his hands pulling savagely at his unruly black hair. His eyes were squeezed closed and he paced anxiously back and forth in the space between the wall and his bed in the Hades Cabin.
Leo could only stand there and watch helplessly from the foot of the bed. He didn't know what to do. What was he supposed to do? Especially with the way Nico was yelling desperately? Because it was obvious he just didn't get it and Leo didn't understand what more was there to get. Nico had depression, bad depression. He hated himself and apparently so should (does?) Leo so what more was there to get?
"No you're not stupid it's just- I know you can't see it but you're not, you're really not, Nico." Leo said quietly, almost begging as he approaches Nico with his hands up as if walking up to a caged and feral animal. It was then that Nico stopped and stared at him, tears filling his gaze. His hands kept their tight hold on his hair as he watched Leo talk and take small steps towards him.
"I am Leo, you're the one who can't see it. I-I'm horrible, I don't know why the gods haven't just killed me or even bother accepting my offerings. I'm a horrible horrible person. I basically deserve what I got in the pit." By now, Leo had stopped and stood about two feet from Nico, frozen in place. Tears welled up even more and slipped silently down Nico's cheeks as small tremors began to shake his shoulders.
Leo was frozen for a moment as he processed that. Even then though, he just couldn't believe he'd say that. Couldn't possibly understand why he’d think that. When Percy and Annabeth came back from that-from there and for months after the war, after returning from there, they had terrible gut wrenching nightmares. So bad it wasn't an uncommon sight to see them running to the bathroom to throw up in the mornings after they’d just eaten, or really anytime of day. Nico was the same way. The three of them would start panicking during random moments of the day with no obvious triggers and flinch if you made certain movements. Gods! Nico almost wouldn't let anyone touch him unless it was absolutely necessary! And to think he deserved it?!
Leo could only stare at him shocked and horrified. Words were unable to crawl out of his throat without the fear of his last meal racing out instead, he could only shake his head at the younger boy and hope he’d understand.
In response though, Nico let out a quiet sob that seemed loud in the dead silent cabin. He stumbled to the corner away from the bed and curled into a ball, bringing his knees up tightly to his chest and tucking his head down as his arms hugged himself tightly.
It was horrible to watch as Leo managed to disjointedly wobble (or did he float? It’s difficult to keep track of his own movements right now.) closer and slide down the wall beside him, making sure not to touch him.
"No one deserves to go down there Nico, no one, especially not you." He whispers quietly as he begins to feel tears pinching the backs of his eyes.
"I do. I deserve it. I should go back. I'm bad, Leo. I'm really really bad." The younger boy half sobs back, as quietly as he can, (which isn’t much.) with his face still buried in his legs.
Leo in response hides his face in his hands trying not to cry. He needs to find a way to make Nico understand that he's wrong, that he's so so wrong.
"No you're not, Nico. You're not! What do you think you've possibly done to be so 'horrible'?!" Leo snaps quietly, turning to stare at him through his tears..
"I-I push ev-everyone away and ma-make them feel bad 'not themselves even i-if they've do-done nothing wr-wrong." Nico spills out, hiccuping silently through his words before lifting his head to stare at Leo desperately and swallowing back most of his hiccups before continuing. “I couldn't s-save Percy and Annabeth or close the Doors and I co-could barely get that fucking statue here without taking for-forever! I'm useless! I'm a mistake! I never should of been fucking born! " Nico flings back.
Leo stared at him as if he were crazy which only proved to make Nico more angry. Because the stupid fucking kid didn't get it. Nico was useless. He couldn't get anything right. No one understood that.
Leo couldn't do it anymore and tears started slipping down his face in droves. Seeing this makes Nico's fragile wall break even farther as he started crying even harder, tucking his face back into his legs as Leo kept staring at him.
He awkwardly scooched closer and sat cross-legged as he pulled the tense and sobbing son of Hades into his lap to hug him tightly. Nico didn't help or hinder, he just simply cried into the mechanic's shirt that smelled like motor oil and smoke.
The two cried together without words in probably the most vulnerable state either have been in for a long time while still being safe.
It wasn't till a few hours later when their eyes hurt and throats burned that they both tiredly got up, still clinging to each other and flopped messily onto Nico's bed before curling around each other to try and find safety and falling asleep.