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Ian's phone chimed and he looked down at it, smirking as he read the message.
"Hey." Mandy stretched out her leg to kick his thigh. "You're supposed to be watching a movie with me."
"Right." Ian held up the phone and made a show of turning it off. Mandy wasn't fooled though because he kept it in his hand while he settled back and looked up at the screen. He'd probably just put the damn thing on vibrate.
Mandy sighed and pressed pause. "I'm going to make popcorn."
She went into the kitchen and opened the cupboard, tossing stuff out of the way with more force than was necessary. Was one night with her best friend actually paying attention to her too much to ask for?
Mandy finally found the popcorn and threw it into the microwave. While she waited for it to pop she looked back into the living room at Ian and sure enough he was on his phone again. He was smiling at the screen like a love sick idiot. There was something seriously wrong with her brother prompting that kind of reaction. None of the other men he'd dated had made Ian look like that.
Okay, so she might be a little jealous. It wasn't that she wanted Ian like that—not anymore—but she missed being the center of his attention. It had been completely different when he was with Kash and those other guys. At least he'd talked to her about them, but he never talked to her about Mickey.
After he'd outed their relationship to her at the wedding it had just been one big elephant in the room until he'd left. He'd been hurting so much that she hadn't wanted to ask any questions and then when he came back she'd barely seen him. Mickey had practically moved into the Gallagher house and she'd been left behind. Now they'd moved back here, but there was still a gulf between her and Ian. She really wished that he would talk to her the way he used to.
Or at least spend two hours watching a fucking movie without texting Mickey. That would work too.
The microwave beeped and she cursed. She should have been paying more attention and stopped it before the time ran out. There was a faint scent of burnt popcorn noticeable over the constant haze of cigarette smoke in the house and when she opened the microwave the burnt odor got stronger. Oh well, some of it had to be edible.
Mandy took the bag into the living room and sat down next to Ian on the couch.
Ian wrinkled his nose. "That reeks."
"Fuck off," Mandy muttered. She opened the bag and pushed the burnt kernels aside, picking out a few good ones to eat.
"Are you mad at me?"
"No," Mandy answered automatically. It was true. She wasn't mad at him—not really. It was hard to be actually mad at him after everything that had happened. It felt wrong when she was still so grateful that he was out of bed and healthy again. She was just frustrated.
Ian took the remote from her, keeping her from starting the movie. "Talk to me, Mandy."
"I'm not mad." Mandy sighed and sat the popcorn aside. Even the unburnt pieces tasted like crap. "I just miss you."
"Miss me?" Ian repeated. His brow furrowed in confusion. "I'm right here."
Mandy's eyes darted to the phone in his hand. "I know."
Ian looked at the phone and set it on the arm of the couch. "Is that what's bothering you?"
"Why would it? I'm not some needy little girl, Ian." It came out harsher than she meant it to. She just didn't like feeling like she was weak and being jealous of her brother was not something that she was proud of.
"I fucking know that," Ian snapped.
Mandy leaned back and closed her eyes. She really hadn't wanted to start a fight and now she was going to have to actually talk about all the shit on her mind or risk ruining the rest of the night. "You never talk about any of it, you know? Not leaving. Not Mickey. You used to tell me things."
"You want me to talk to you about Mickey?" Ian asked his irritation giving way to curiousity.
"Yes? No?" Mandy shook her head. "I don't want to know about sex and shit, but it'd be nice to know what's going on in your life."
Ian was quiet for a long time and she finally opened her eyes to see him staring at his hands. "You know why I didn't talk about it before, right? It's not that I didn't trust you."
Mandy nodded. "I get it."
"There were so many times that I wished I could talk to you," Ian said. "But it wouldn't have been fair to Mickey."
Mandy got that. She really did, but it didn't make her feel better. She'd signed up to be Ian's beard and so she knew that she couldn't complain about him using her that way, but she still felt weird looking back at the last few years and realizing that she had been a third wheel. Those extra-long bathroom breaks made a lot more sense now. She hated that she'd been kept in the dark.
Maybe that was the real problem. She still didn't know if Ian actually wanted to spend time with her or if she was just a convenient stand in for Mickey since he had to work. The fact that Ian had been glued to his cellphone most of the night wasn't instilling confidence. She really hated being this fucking needy, but Ian had always been one of her only safe places in the storm that was her life and she wanted that security back.
"How often did you just use me to get to him?" Mandy hadn't meant to ask that question and certainly not that bluntly, but she was a Milkovich and tact wasn't something that ran in their family.
Ian's mouth dropped open. "Mandy is that what you think?"
She shrugged. "Sometimes? We've never talked about it. All those bathroom breaks when you visited junior year make a lot more sense now."
Ian laughed. He reached out and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her against his side. She resisted for a minute before giving in and resting her head on his chest. "Mandy, I won't lie and say that I never came over to see you, hoping to see him. But, I always wanted to see you too."
Mandy let herself snuggle against him. She hadn't really had much physical contact with anyone since she'd finally sent Kenyatta packing. Ian was one of the few people she felt comfortable getting this close to in the wake of that disaster and it was nice to touch someone. "I think I'm just lonely lately. And I'm trying not to get into another mess like Kenyatta."
She felt Ian nod, his chin rubbing against her head. "I know I haven't been here for you like I should have been."
"No," Mandy said firmly. "I'm responsible for me. You've had enough to deal with without my problems. I just miss the way things used to be. Back when we were fake dating." She laughed humorlessly. "You're still the best boyfriend I've ever had."
"It's not a competitive field," Ian commented dryly and she smacked his leg hard enough to make her hand sting. He should be glad she didn't make a fist.
His cellphone buzzed, vibrating against the couch. Mandy waited for him to check it, but he didn't even glance at it.
"So what do you want to know about me and Mickey?"
Now that she actually had an opening she didn't know where to start. She stared at the vibrating phone while she thought. In the end it all boiled down to one thing. "Are you happy?"
"More often than I'm not," Ian answered honestly. "It was hard for a while, but it's better now."
"You said at the wedding that you loved him…"
Ian sighed. "The wedding was not my finest hour."
"Do you?" Mandy pressed.
"Yeah," he answered softly. "Sometimes I wish I didn't. The last few years would have been easier."
"When you asked me how to tell if a guy liked you were you talking about Mickey?"
Ian chuckled. "Yep. I took your advice and stared at him so much that it creeped him out."
Mandy snickered. She could imagine the way Mickey would react to that and it was fucking hilarious. "Well I'm sure you've already realized that he doesn't hate you." She hesitated. "He's head over heels in love with you."
Ian didn't say anything and after a moment she looked up, but she couldn't read his expression. "What?"
"Do you really think so?"
Mandy pulled away and looked at him incredulously. "Ian, he came out to our father for you. Of course he loves you."
"I guess," Ian said. "I know he cares, but the one time I asked him went really fucking bad."
"Men aren't good with emotions," Mandy said. "Especially not Milkovich men."
"Understatement of the year." Ian grinned at her. "Anything else or is the inquisition over?"
Mandy wanted to know everything. Like how did Ian and Mickey get together in the first place and what exactly happened when he went AWOL from the army, but she figured that she'd give Ian a break. "Check your text and then start the movie."
Ian hesitated for about two seconds before grabbing his phone and reading it. "Mickey's going to be late. We'll probably have time for two movies."
Mandy settled back against Ian's side as he pressed play. She already felt like the gulf between them was a lot smaller than just an hour ago. A lot had changed in the last year and it might take a while to get used to the new status quo, but at least Ian was here and willing to try.