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Athena shudders, resisting the urge to clamp her hands over her headphones and push them harder against her ears. These things may dampen the sounds of other peoples’ hearts, but it doesn’t stop it completely, and they do nothing against hideously loud noises like this. She nibbles on her bottom lip, tearing a loose piece of skin and sending shooting pain through her face, and squeezes Juniper’s hand tighter.
“Thena, are you okay?” Juniper says, looking at her.
“Y-Yeah, I’m okay,” Athena says, but she has to force her words out and Widget is permanently blue. Basically, she doesn’t fool Juniper. She doesn’t even fool herself.
It’s just… so annoying. At fourteen, Athena is finally old enough that Mommy Metis and Mommy Aura have let her leave the Space Centre without an adult accompanying her, but she feels so crappy that she can’t enjoy this newfound freedom. All she and Juniper have done is take the bus into the local town, but there’s some sort of festival going on today and there are people everywhere and it’s so loud she thinks her head might explode.
“Hey, Thena, l-let’s go into that store,” Juniper says, pointing towards a bookstore with her free hand.
Athena looks where Juniper points, her eyes focusing on the front windows of a moderate size bookstore, and she remembers going to these sorts of places before; kind of like when you’re in a library, bookstores always seem quite quiet. She manages a smile and nods, and Juniper squeezes her hand.
As it is autumn, the stores all have their doors closed to keep the chilly fall air outside. So the moment she and Juniper enter the bookstore and the door swings shut behind them, the horrific overwhelming noise from outside just… vanishes.
She lets out a long sigh, so much discomfort bubbling away in a few seconds. Athena actually manages to relax a little, and squeezes Juniper’s hand.
“Thanks, Junie. This was a good idea.”
Juniper smiles, her cheeks red. “I’m glad you’re feeling better.”
“Now, while we’re here, wanna look for some books?”
“That sounds good to me. What do you want to look for?”
“Oh, I want to get volume 50 of One Piece!” Athena says, grinning.
As the two of them head upstairs to the section of the store that sells comics and manga, Juniper says, “You’re still working through that series?”
“Yeah, but I’ve got way more to go. What about you? Do you wanna try some manga, Junie?”
“I, um… I’m not sure. Do they sell… gay manga here?”
Athena squeezes her hand tighter. “Hey, no need to get embarassed, Junie. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to read Boys’ Love or Girls’ Love manga. And you’re bi, so you’re, like, perfectly entitled to read some yuri.”
Juniper smiles. “O-Okay. Thanks, Thena.”
On the top floor of the bookstore, they find the aisle full of manga and other non-American comics. There aren’t as many manga here as Athena would like, but she easily locates the shelf full of her favourite manga, whilst Juniper crouches down to look at the small BL and GL section. Athena glances at her girlfriend, and smiles when she sees Juniper flicking through a GL book, a blush on her cheeks.
“You’re adorable, Junie,” she says.
Juniper goes to reply, but they both get cut off by a loud, crackly voice over the intercom.
“In three minutes, we will be performing the weekly fire drill,” the voice says, and Athena freezes.
“Shit,” she mutters.
Before Athena has a chance to react, Juniper shoves her book back on the shelf and stands up. She dashes over and grabs Athena’s hand.
“Come on, Thena, let’s get out of here before the alarm goes off.”
Athena nods and puts the book back. She hates how loud it is outside, but a fire alarm is about a million times worse. Squeezing Juniper’s hand, she hurries towards the stairs.
But things don’t go to plan. Athena and Juniper get stuck behind an old person on the stairs, wasting precious time before the alarm goes off. By the time they reach the first floor, there must only be thirty seconds left. The pair dodge around people who walk too slowly, getting closer and closer to the doors, when—
A deafening, shrill bell echoes through the entire building, and around Athena’s skull. On reflex, she drops into a crouch and presses her face against her knees, her hands pushing her headphones hard against her ears. But it’s not enough to stop the agony.
Juniper’s calling her name, but she can barely hear her over the alarm. This is just like at school, when a fire alarm goes off because some idiot set the science lab on fire, and all she can do is hunch in on herself and pray someone can help her get out of here, because she sure as hell can’t do it herself.
“Shut up shut up shut up,” she says, but she doesn’t know how loud her voice is. Is she whispering? Or screaming at the top of her voice?
All she knows is that this noise makes her head pound so much it might explode and she wants to get away but all she can do is curl up like this.
It’s a shutdown. She always shuts down when stressed or overwhelmed, and she often loses the ability to speak.
If a stranger were to come over and try to move her, Athena would scream until her voice vanished. But when she is with someone who understands her (like her two moms or Simon or Juniper), she’s okay. Because they know how to help.
Juniper, who’s probably crying but Athena won’t open her eyes to confirm it, puts her hands on Athena’s upper arms, squeezing firmly but not enough to hurt. She rises to her feet and brings the incredibly passive Athena with her (even in this state, when she can barely breathe, Athena trusts Juniper enough to let her move her body like this). Athena stumbles and slumps against Juniper, eyes still screwed up and hands still pressed against her headphones.
Once Athena can stay on her feet, Juniper puts her arm around her waist and moves them forwards, and Athena hopes hopes hopes Juniper is taking her outside. She can barely put one foot in front of the other and her brain screams with agony as the alarm hammers nails inside her skull, but the rush of cold air tells her the door is open.
Juniper leads her outside, and the door shuts behind her. The alarm… is gone.
Of course, it’s still loud out here, but she can cope with it. It’s nothing like it was in there.
Juniper guides her to a bench near the store, and they both sit down. Immediately, Athena tucks her feet up onto the bench and wraps her arms around her legs, face against her knees.
“Thena?” Juniper whispers. “Are you feeling a bit better?”
“Y-Yeah,” Athena says, and being able to talk proves she isn’t lying. She sniffs and shuffles closer to Juniper, and she whispers, “Please… please stay with me.” She flings her arms around Juniper and hugs her instead, and she presses a desperate kiss to her girlfriend’s cheek as she mumbles, “Please stay.”
“Of course I’ll stay, Thena,” Juniper says, hugging Athena close.
And Athena hugs her back like she can never let go.