Chapter Text
Karkat is not one for fancy dinner parties. Most of the time, said dinner parties are full of all the magical bullshit Karkat near on religiously avoids. The only problem with his evasion tactic is the fact that his best friend is coven leader of the vampires of his home state, New York. And this party is her bachelorette wedding. And Karkat is her best man. And Karkat has always wanted to go to a bachelorette party. The list goes on, but really, this is the one bullshit magic party he will go to besides the actual wedding. It’s days like this that Karkat almost forgets that he didn’t ever want to know about the magical veil that very few humans can cross over. He is, regrettably, one of said humans.
He’s also the only human here. Everywhere he turns there are different creatures. He sees at least one other vampire, who looks like Kanaya’s older sister. Over in the corner is Vriska, the fairy. There’s Tavros, an elf with actual moving trees for legs, who is currently trapped in a one-sided conversation with Vriska. Up at the buffet table is Kanaya herself, talking with some other people from her coven. Karkat can see Sollux, a psiionic, talking with Aradia, a ghost. Gamzee, one of the rare demons that prefers to relax instead of cause mayhem, is slumped in a chair next to Karkat, stoned out of his mind. Nepeta occupies the other chair, her fluffy cat ears twitching as she eats a raw carcass off her plate. Equis, her best friend/boyfriend mix and a satyr with incredible strength, sits one more seat over. He watches in disgust as Nepeta cracks the small animals ribs to get at the internal organs. She’s surprisingly clean about it and Karkat has yet to get blood sprayed on him. Feferi is in her tank on wheels a few tables away, scaly tail swishing in aggravation as Eridan tries to talk to her. Eridan looks close to desperate tears, his pale blue skin flushed in embarrassment. Karkat almost feels bad for the sea nymph, but he knows better at this point. He hears a splash before Eridan mopes his way over to their table, soaked for now, and sits across from Karkat.
“Don’t even start, Eridan, you had it fucking coming, douche bag,” Karkat huffs when the other opens his mouth. “She’s rejected you seven fucking times. She’s clearly not interested.”
“You’re so mean, Kar. And it’s only four times,” Eridan complains.
Karkat grumbles and sips his drink, thankful as all fuck that Kanaya remembered that he can’t have most of the stuff she can and bought accordingly. He wonders if Kanaya’s fiance, a witch by the name of Rose Lalonde, has more humans at her party and if he is better suited to going to that bachelorette party. He then remembers that Rose is annoying and the only reason Karkat puts up with her ungodly amount of snark is because A. she can hex him six ways from Sunday, and B. she is the love of his best friend's life and Kanaya deserves to be happy with her. It certainly doesn’t mean he has to hang out with her or her friends. He’ll see them at the wedding.
He leaves the table when Sollux sits down and starts squabbling with Eridan. Karkat knows where this is going and does not feel like getting drenched or zapped in the eventual fight that will break out between the two of them.
He makes a beeline for Kanaya, who looks grateful for his sudden appearance and excuses herself from the conversation she was having.
“Can’t even get a break from leading on a special party like this,” She sighs. “I’m glad you’re here, Karkat. Some people ...” she trails off with a huff.
He’s also glad that he’s here, because he has a speech he needs to deliver. And it better move some people to tears or he will flip a table with all the feeble strength in his out-of-shape, barely exercised body. He offers a friendly, reassuring pat on Kanaya’s shoulder and snags a glass of probably champagne.
“I’m gonna make my speech now, so sit your ass down and rest your feet,” He commands, pushing Kanaya towards a chair. Well, more like, tries to push her towards a chair. Unfairly strong vampire strength is such bullshit.
He steps up onto an unoccupied table, and feels people’s gazes start to land on him. His face feels hot and his hands feel sweaty, but he needs to get this out. He clinks a fork loudly on the glass and clears his throat.
When the room is silent he swallows roughly and recalls the speech he practiced many times in the mirror.
“Today is a precursor to a very special day. In a week, Kanaya Maryam, my best friend and an amazing person, is getting married. I’ll keep it short and sweet because speeches fucking suck when they drag on forever, but I wanted to say two things. Good luck, because I’ve met your soon to be wife.” A few people laugh and Kanaya snorts. “The other thing about your soon to be wife is she makes you happy. And you deserve to be happy. I’m glad you found each other, and i’m totally saving all your texts from the pining days about Rose for blackmail.”
Kanaya smiles as people clap. Karkat steps off the table and sits down next to her, giving her the drink, since he shouldn’t drink alcohol as the designated driver for Gamzee. Kanaya gives him a one armed hug and a pat on the cheek. She’s glowing with happiness, literally.
The rest of the night passes in a blur of smiles with fangs and ceaseless chatter. Karkat drags Gamzee out to his car later and drops him off with his older brother, Kurloz, to ride out his high. Then he drives to his dingy, little apartment that he can just barely afford on his teachers salary and curses out his neighbors parking like assholes. He finds a parking space after ten goddamn minutes and gets out. The trek back is long, dark and uninviting, but he really doesn’t feel scared. Kanaya says it has something to do with the fact that he can walk through the veil between the worlds, kind of like a beacon that says he’s special and not food for the man eating creatures. He shivers a bit when the breeze picks up, shoving his hands into his pocket to avoid the chill that nips at them.
Karkat slams the door when he gets home and drops his keys in a small bowl and slips his shoes off on the plush, plastic carpet. He breaths in the smell of home and relaxes on the exhale. Tonight was surprisingly fun for him. Karkat allows himself to smile before slumping down onto the couch. Thankfully he doesn’t have to work for a few more weeks. September fifth is marked on his calendar and it beckons ominously whenever he remembers it. For now, Kanaya’s wedding is the closer important date and he chooses to ignore the scarier date in favor of that one.
Karkat doesn’t remember falling asleep, but he wakes to his phone buzzing in his pocket. He wipes drool off with his sleeve and answers blearily.
“Hello?”
“Karkat, where are you?”
It’s Kanaya. The hell is she calling this early for? “I’m at home. Why?”
“Did you forget? You promised you’d hang out with Rose and her bridesmaid so you’re not total strangers the wedding day.”
Oh shit. “Oh, shit.”
He checks the time. It’s nearly one in the afternoon. “I’m sorry Kanaya. I slept in. I can be at the cafe in like ten minutes.”
“Ok. I’ll let Rose know. You remember her bridesmaids name right?”
“Uh. It’s… Uh.” Shit. “It starts with an R.”
“Roxy. She’s Rose’s older sister.”
“Right. Yeah, I’ll be out the door in five,” Karkat assures, already making his way to his room. He hangs up with a hasty goodbye.
True to his word, Karkat arrives at the Cafe Grandé about ten minutes after hanging up on Kanaya. Sitting outside, looking edgy as ever, is the witch herself. Rose sits with grace and beauty. Very much unlike her guest, who looks to be loudly emoting and practically buzzing with energy. Rose has a small smile and looks like she’s trying to listen. Karkat, to put it frankly, looks like he just rolled out of bed, which he pretty much did. Kanaya comes out the door with a tray of coffees, looking as she usually does with a wide brim hat covering her face from the sun. This is one of the only cafes in town that caters to beings of the nonhuman type. It’s run by a werewolf named Jake English, and his aging grandmother. Karkat is good friends with his cousin, Jade, who’s a shapeshifter.
Kanaya spots him sooner than Rose does and waves at him. Karkat meanders over, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. The adrenaline from this morning/afternoon’s scare faded on the walk over and he’s feeling the bite from staying out so late. The vampire holds out a coffee cup that Karkat gratefully accepts.
“Sorry for him, he’s groggy when he wakes up,” Kanaya murmurs. If Karkat were more awake he would curse and deny it, but sadly he is not.
“It’s like one thirty, what the hell did you do last night?” The other blonde asks, her voice far to bright and cheery for Karkat.
“That’s my fault. I had my bachelorette party last night and it lasted well into the morning hours,” Kanaya offers when Karkat just blinks in response.
“Oh, not a night owl, then? Did you at least have fun? How much dick confetti was there?” She asks, aiming a brilliant smile at him.
The caffeine is starting to kick in and the Famous Vantas Curseword Factory is finally turning on it’s production line. “The fuck do you mean ‘dick confetti’? They make that?”
“Hell yeah they do! Rose had some at her bachelorette party. They make dick confetti party poppers. That or Rose made them with her witchy magic,” Roxy rambles.
“You know it doesn’t work like that, Roxy. Besides, it was Dirk who made the dick confetti poppers. I’m not well versed enough in alchemy to do that,” Rose counters over her coffee.
Karkat watches with some vague sense of wonder at what the hell Rose’s family must be like.
“Yeah, but you’re good at making new shit, Rose, don’t sell yourself short. Compared to my stupid little party trick, you’re like, the best at magic, it is you,” Roxy assures.
“Hey at least you got magic,” Karkat cuts in. “Regular, old, boring human here.”
Roxy gives him a look. “Really? I thought you were a witch too. How come you’re hanging out with us magic beings if you’re a human? Aren’t y’all supposed to be tightasses about magic and stuff?”
“Ok first off, fuck you, Kanaya’s great. Second, stereotype much? Apparently I’m special and can ‘perceive the world beyond the veil’.” Karkat puts finger quotes around the last part of his sentence to show his distaste for putting it into words that way.
“Oh.”
Yeah. Fucking oh. Karkat keeps his grumpy thoughts to himself for a little longer. Rose and Roxy chat while Kanaya watches and Karkat stews. He doesn’t interject much, just observes, getting to know Roxy so when he sees her four days later it won’t be unbearably awkward.
Roxy is apparently a low level wizard. She works at a brewery turning nonalcoholic liquids in to quality liquor and beer, Jesus style. She has a cousin on her mother’s side named Dirk who’s a tech geek and a necromancer. Apparently, he’s made an android cyborg run by an AI that calls itself Hal. Hal is considered Dirk’s brother, there for another cousin of Roxy’s. She has one more cousin on her father’s side named Dave, who might be a human, but she hasn’t ever met him, so she doesn’t know. She is Roses adopted older sister and inspired Rose to get into witchcraft. She seems like a bubbly person with too much energy and not someone Karkat would hang out with out of anything but obligation. He does like her lack of filter. He’s learned all of this from about ten minutes of conversation. Roxy overshares like crazy.
Karkat doesn’t say much else the rest of the day, not even when Kanaya leaves for some important last minute wedding thing. Kanaya has stated, no, stressed to Karkat that it needs to be perfect or she will fail her fiance. Karkat thinks that Rose could care less about decorations or even weddings and is only doing it for Kanaya. Karkat also privately thinks that adorable and straight out of a romance book.
He spends as much time as he sees fit to ‘get to know’ Roxy (it’s closer to having facts about her shoved into his face). He leaves with a quiet goodbye and a ‘see you later’ as he walks away. Karkat heads home to an empty apartment. The quiet walls remind him of how much of a social person he is, despite how crude he can be. He wonders briefly if he should get a roommate and realizes that he has a tiny place that’s hardly big enough for him, let alone another person. Maybe he should try an online dating site.
Karkat files that thought away for another time and promises to himself he’ll look into Tinder.