Archive of Our Own ^beta

Killua’s hands shook as he gripped one with the other. His knuckles ached from punching the solid concrete wall only minutes earlier. Normally, he just ignored the pain, body accustomed to working through it for the entirety of a mission, but now he clung to it.

It was the only thing keeping him in his right mind.

It was the only thing keeping him from attacking the Spider in the room.

“Is Leorio okay?” Gon wondered aloud. “I hope he found Zephiel….”

Killua didn’t answer.

“Killua, are you okay?”

“… Yes,” Killua said, even as he tried to tune out the words of his brother. They rang in his ears, whispers of inferiority and weakness. He tried to concentrate on Gon’s aimless chatter, but he couldn’t get his mind to work with him. The Void that he hadn’t felt since the island called like a siren in the storm of his thoughts.

He needed to get them out.

But the Spider in front of them posed a very dangerous problem.

“Gon,” Killua said quietly as his gaze rose from the floor. “I’ll be the decoy. Wait for it, and then try to escape.”

“What are you talking about?” Gon asked, brow furrowed in confusion.

 “Look, seriously, forget all about it.” Nobunaga groaned. “You’re good enough to recognize the difference in our abilities. You won’t catch me off guard.”

I know that already! Killua gritted his teeth. This room only has one exit. He can see all that we’re doing. We’re facing someone who can watch us without creating an opening. He’s probably an iaido master. With his Shodachi, his range is at least twice mine. If I take one step too close, he’ll strike a fatal blow. But that’s the point!

That’s the point.

“You can’t do it, can you?” Illumi’s voice hissed at his ears. The Void called, low and haunting. It would be so easy to give in, to just not feel… “It’s impossible.”

“Shut up!” Killua shouted. “I won’t know until I try!”

Nobunaga let out a disappointed sigh and shook his head.

 “Killua, what are you thinking?” Gon demanded. The hand he placed on his shoulder was restraining. Ha, wasn’t that a hoot? Gon. Holding Killua back.

“I’ll stop his Shodachi even if it kills me,” Killua said, teeth grinding together on his constants. “Use that moment to run away!”

Gon cuffed him on the back of his head.

“Haa?” Nobunaga blinked at them, confused.

Killua turned on Gon, hand dragging him up by his collar. “What was that for?!”

“Don’t be so selfish!” Gon reprimanded.

“Haaa!?” Killua hissed.

“Don’t talk about dying like it’s nothing!” Gon demanded.

“What?” Killua growled. “You did the same thing earlier!”

“I’m allowed to do it!” Gon reasoned in his arbitrary way. “But Killua isn’t!”

“Huh!?” Killua back-pedaled, because where was the logic in that?!

Nobunaga laughed. “You can’t use logic with an Enhancer.”

“We can’t escape unless we’re prepared to die, idiot!” Killua tried again to reason with his friend, because if either of them could make it out, it had to be Gon. Killua wouldn’t be able to deal with himself if he let his friend die in front of him. For one, it would break his promise to his dad, but for two…

For two, it was Gon.

“You have no idea what I was thinking!” Killua grunted as he shoved Gon away. “Now who’s being the selfish one!?”

“Yeah, I have no idea because I’m stupid!” Gon shouted back, sounding more and more like he was just arguing because Killua was.

“You kids are hilarious!” Nobunaga laughed again. “Hey, I’m not going to hurt you or anything. Just behave. I know you’re serious. Don’t throw your lives away.”

Killua’s fist tightened, drawing blood from tiny crescent moons.

“Just wait until the leader gets back,” Nobunaga advised. “If he won’t give his approval, you can leave. But if you try to escape, I’ll kill you.” He lifted his weapon in show. “Don’t make me draw my sword. If I pull it out, you will die.”

Killua could sense the Spider’s Nen. He could feel his bloodlust fill the air.

The Void crashed into him like a wave on rocky cliffs.

It receded just as fast, its grip loose and fleeting, but it still sent him staggering. His legs shook under him, then collapsed. He only just managed to make his fall back onto his seat look like it was on purpose.

“Eh? What’s wrong with your friend there?” Nobunaga asked.

Killua couldn’t let him know. He couldn’t let the Spider know that Killua was going Down, that the Void was clawing at him. The other was a Dom, no doubt.

Even if he didn’t touch Killua, he was sure to know other Doms that would have no qualms in doing so. Killua knew what usual Doms were like. He wanted no part of that, didn’t want pain even if he had learned to ignore it. So he absolutely could not let the Spider know that-!

“Killua’s going Down,” Gon said, bringing Killua’s thoughts to a screeching halt.

“Going Down?” the Spider repeated with a look of surprise. “This kid’s a Sub? He can’t be more than twelve!”

Killua wanted to deny it, wanted to erase the other man’s knowledge, vehemently claim otherwise. But his tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth, clenched between his teeth. His throat closed around the words bubbling up.

“He is.” Gon nodded. “He’s still pretty new to going Down though. He tries to fight it.”

“Oh? Is that so? From the aura around him, I never would have guessed, but…” Nobunaga scratched the back of his neck, looking put out. “Okay, kid. Get over here. I’ll put you Down.”

Killua felt his fingers go cold. The order came with a hint of Dominant Tone. It pushed Killua to his unsteady feet even as he fought against it.

The Void clawed at him ruthlessly, demanding he submit, but he knew the second he did —he or Gon would be dead. Killua because he had decided to attack Nobunaga and the other retaliated. Gon because Killua had attacked him and the other didn’t put up a fight. Killua knew he wouldn’t. Even if he did, Gone was nothing to Killua’s claws.

Neither outcome was good, but the Void was screaming at him, yawning wide to swallow him whole. Killua wouldn’t have a choice.

A hand wrapped around his, keeping him from taking more than a step in the Spider’s direction.

“No,” Gon said, tone non-negotiable. “You don’t touch Killua.”

Killua turned wide eyes onto him because what was this idiot doing?! He was going to get both of them killed!

“Hah?” Nobunaga looked annoyed. “Kid, if he doesn’t go Down, he might Drop instead. I know you haven’t experienced that, but I’ve seen it happen several times. It is not pretty.”

“You don’t touch Killua,” Gon insisted again. “I’ll do it.”

Killua inhaled sharply, his lungs giving a burning at the fresh air. He hadn’t realized he’d been holding his breath.

“You’re a Dom?” Nobunaga looked mildly surprised, then sighed. “Of course you are. But I’ve got years of experience on you, kid. I can put your friend Down in a matter of seconds. You’ll probably take forever and he’ll still-!”

“Killua will attack you,” Gon admitted, even as he tightened his grip on Killua’s wrist. “His family trained him to kill when he goes Down. He will try to attack you if you put him Down and then you’ll kill him because he fought back.”

“Someone trained him to kill in Subspace?” Nobunaga looked disgusted. “I know the Phantom Troupe are internationally wanted criminals, but we’ve never done something like that. That’s just sick.”

Killua turned his gaze to the ground. They weren’t talking about him, not really. They were talking about his family, what they made him into, what they made him do. Still…

“What makes you think you would be any safer though?” Nobunaga’s questions broke Killua from his introspection. “If he’s going to try to kill someone, won’t he just target you then?”

Killua had wondered that before, but...

“No,” Gon said. “Killua is my friend. He won’t hurt me.”

“As much as you want to believe that…”

“And we’ve done it before.” Gon turned his gaze on Killua, heavy with expectations. “Right, Killua?”

Killua swallowed around the lump in his throat and gave a short nod. It was true. On the island, Killua hadn’t hurt anyone, none that Gon confessed to. But that was then and this was now.

“If you’re sure…” Nobunaga shifted on the ground. “But if I see things going south, I’m stepping in.”

As much as Killua was terrified of the Spider, having someone there who could stop him was a small relief. He didn’t want Gon to get hurt. He didn’t like the fact that he would probably die, but it was the better option.

“That won’t be necessary,” Gon promised. Then he gave Killua’s wrist a tug.

Obediently, Killua followed, letting Gon pull him along until Killua was sat across his lap. One of Gon’s arms wrapped around his shoulders and the other at his knee. The position was embarrassing, especially in front of another person. Killua found his gaze locked on the ground, cheeks red as he ducked his head beneath Gon’s chin.

Like this, the Void was quieter. It wasn’t clawing anymore, but it was tugging insistently. Still Killua fought against it. He wasn’t safe, Gon wasn’t safe, no matter how much the Void whispered to him otherwise. They had to figure out a way to escape.

“Killua,” Gon whispered, voice hurried. It didn’t sound like the soothing tones Killua had heard before. It made his adrenaline spike and made him sit up a little straighter. “I have a plan, but I need you to act along.”

Gon had a plan? Gon had a plan. Killua was tempted to veto it on principle, but the Void was getting louder again and he couldn’t think past the twisting tendrils at the back of his mind. It was Gon’s plan or nothing.

He pushed into Gon, turning so he could block Nobunaga’s view and get close enough to whisper his response. “What do I need to do?”

*             *             *             *             *

Nobunaga was seriously judging the young Dom’s technique.

He wasn’t restricting the Sub’s movements in anyway or ordering him about, things that made up about 75% of any scene. Nobunaga couldn’t actually hear the words coming from the Dom’s lips, but they looked more like sweet nothings with the way the kid was playing with his friend’s fingers.

He wasn’t even causing bruises with his grip where his arm lay at the other’s hip –then again, from all the scars Nobunaga could see on the pale boy’s exposed limbs, he wondered if pain actually did anything for the Sub or if he had been desensitized to it over the years.

It would make the boy a challenge to put Down for sure.

And it seemed the dark-haired kid was having trouble. He frowned down at the boy on his lap before looking over to Nobunaga.

“Need help?” Nobunaga asked, without surprised. He wondered why he had let the boy try in the first place. Surely the pale kid would have crumbled immediately to Nobunaga’s years of experience. But no, Nobunaga had to be an old fool with a soft heart for an Enhancer kid.

“No, but… I need my bag,” the boy admitted reluctantly. “I have a couple special toys in there we usually use. I don’t think Killua can go down without them.”

Toys? For twelve-year-olds? The youth started pretty young now, didn’t they?

“And you just carry that stuff around with you?” Nobunaga raised an eyebrow at the boy’s unashamed look.

The kid shrugged. “Never know when I’ll need it.”

“Your Sub doesn’t tell you?” Nobunaga looked to the pale boy.

“Killua is stubborn,” the kid said as he tightened his grip on the other, though still not enough to bruise. “Can you get my bag for me?”

Nobunaga was about to comply when he paused. He knew this distraction technique. The Troupe had used it multiple times in the past. Nobunaga had no doubt the kids would take off the moment he left them alone.

The pale one could be faking his Drop for all Nobunaga knew. This could all be a trick… but if it wasn’t, then he’d have a Sub in a Drop on his hands and a frantic young Dom trying to help and protect against Nobunaga at the same time. No other Troupe members were left, so he couldn’t ask for someone else to get the bag or have them watch the kids while he searched. That only left…

“We’ll go together,” Nobunaga decided as she stood. “You and your friend will stick close to me. If you put one toe out of line, I will cut you down.”

“That’s fine.” The kid nodded and gently prodded the Sub off his lap.

The Sub wavered in place, looking a little glassy-eyed, but not all the way Down. He did seem off-balance though, typical of a Sub starting to slip into Subspace.

Nobunaga thought about offering to carry him, but decided against it. With his hands full, he wouldn’t be able to reach his sword. Then again, he highly doubted the Little Dom would leave the Sub or try anything while his friend was within Nobunaga’s strike range. If he did, he didn’t deserve to be called a Dom. In Uvogin’s opinion, he wouldn’t deserve to live. Uvogin…

“Killua, hold on,” the little Dom prompted, crouching low so the Sub could lay his arms around his neck, back to the pale boy. “Up!”

The pale kid’s skin flushed pink, but he complied with the command. Nobunaga almost felt sorry for him. Skin that pale, any embarrassment would be plain on his face.

The dark-haired kid stood with only a slight struggle with his balance. For how easy he moved, the Sub must have weighed practically nothing. With the Sub on his back and his hands under the other’s thighs, the kid wouldn’t be able to fight if he wanted to. His entire focus was on his Sub.

Uvogin would have liked this boy.

“Stay by my side,” Nobunaga instructed. “Don’t try anything funny. I can strike you down before you finish taking a step.”

The little Sub’s grip tightened on his friend, even as he pushed his face in the other’s neck. Nobunaga winced and made a mental note to correct his tone, at least while the Sub was susceptible to orders.

“Got it,” the little Dom agreed, same determined gaze as Uvogin had. They really were two peas in a pod.

Nobunaga kept his eyes on the two kids as they walked through the maze-like setup of their current hideout. True to his word, the little Dom didn’t try anything, even when they got to the main room that held his bag. He had trouble stopping to pick it up, but managed without Nobunaga’s help. He passed it off to his Sub who clung to it tightly, then turned to Nobunaga.

Without a word, Nobunaga led them back through the old hallways until they returned to the room they had started in. It seemed like a useless trip to Nobunaga, but he was sure whatever was in the dark-haired boy’s bag was important. He really didn’t want a Dropping Sub on his hands.

As Nobunaga took his spot against the door again, the dark-haired boy gently set the pale kid on his feet, then reached for his bag. Instead of opening it, however, the dark-haired boy shrugged it onto his back, then turned to Nobunaga. His eyes blazed with that same gleam Uvogin used to get before he did something stupid.

At his side, the pale kid’s was just the same, not a hint of his Drop from before.

“Killua?” the dark-haired boy called without fear.

“I’m with you,” the pale boy replied.

“Are you serious? That was all an act?!” Nobunaga let out a disappointed sigh. How could he have gotten all caught up like that? He fell into a crouch, hand poised over the hilt of his sword. “What did it even get you? You’re still going to die.”

The two boys glared at him, eyes dark.

“I’m not skilled or merciful enough to control my strength,” he said as a last warning.

The boys darted forward as one.

“Fools!” he shouted, lunging forward.

Before he could draw his sword –Boom! The walls to his left and right exploded outwards, each boy smashing through a foot of solid concrete.

The wall! He cursed himself for his surprise at their play. Which one should I chase? We’re on the fifth floor…

He remembered a staircase to the right, where the Sub had disappeared, so that meant… The black haired boy to the left! Now he has nowhere to run.

He locked the door and headed back to the gaping holes. What am I, an idiot? They can break through walls to escape!

He climbed through the hole, then through the next one on the other side. The pale one is below, so I’ll follow the black-haired one…

“Killua, are you there?” He heard the little Dom yell. Where was he? The door and walls were intact!

“Yeah, I’m here!” the voice of the Sub echoed back.

The last hole was a decoy! The black-haired one hid in the room until Nobunaga passed, then back-tracked to the other room!

“We can beat him together!” the little Enhancer insisted, his voice loud and right on the other side of the door. Nobunaga wasted no time.

With one fell kick, Nobunaga broke through the door to find… the hallway bare?

Where had the little Enhancer disappeared to? Was he concealing his presence? Was his Zetsu that good? The two had managed to track Machi and him quite a distance before they were revealed…

Nobunaga activated his En and stalked down the hallway.

Come at me. He thought as he waited for the little Dom to strike.

*             *             *             *             *

“Stupid!” Killua groaned as the two ran away.

“Damn, I wanted to beat him up.” Gon pouted as he kept pace with Killua.

“That was impossible,” Killua warned with a side-eyed look towards his friend. Honestly, did Gon want to get killed? “He would have fought you off and killed you.”

“Really? Are you sure? For certain?” Gon wheedled. They came to a fence and leapt up the face of it.

“We don’t have a chance by only knowing the basics of Nen,” Killua explained flippantly as they dropped to the ground on the other side.

Gon looked over at him, wide grin splitting his face.

Killua felt his cheeks heat. “What is it?”

“You finally sound like yourself again!” Gon said, without an ounce of shame. “It’s my job to say crazy stuff. You job is to stay cool and stop me!”

Killua wanted to deny him, but hadn’t he been thinking the exact same thing before they had enacted their insane plan? Instead, he could only harrumph and turn his gaze away.

Gon laughed and clapped him on the shoulder. “So I’m counting on you!”

“You’re so selfish!” Killua grumbled as he took off after his friend.

“Well, what do we do next?” Gon asked.

“That depends on what you want to do,” Killua said evasively.

“I want to defeat those guys,” Gon said, single minded as always.

“Well, that matches our original objective… but we’ll need to improve our Nen to do that.” Killua thought back to all the Spiders that had been in the room, along with their mysterious boss whose powers he didn’t know. “Nen has the potential to give us the power we’d need to stand a chance... and the fastest way to learn more would be to ask Kurapika.”

“But… why?” Gon shot him a confused look.

“Because Kurapika is the chain user who defeated one of them.”

“Eeeh?”

“Don’t you realize it?”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m pretty confident. If it’s true, we have a chance. Because we learned Nen around the same time Kurapika did. We need to learn the techniques related to our abilities. And most importantly, we need the strength to fight the Troupe.”

“And Kurapika is the key to find those answers?”

“Yes.”

Gon grinned at the answer, happy to have a path forward, but Killua didn’t feel so sure. Master Wing had made it a point that Gon and Killua were learning Nen at a highly accelerated rate. For Kurapika to be even faster than them?

What kind of training must he have undergone? And what price did he have to pay?

Killua couldn’t help but let those thoughts run rampant as the two caught a subway and headed deep into the city. Leorio should be in their hotel room, so that would be where they would meet up and work on a new plan. They needed one, for the Spiders and Greed Island, and not just because Killua needed something to take his mind off of the Void.

Now that he wasn’t in the presence of that Spider, it had quieted, but it hadn’t faded like before. It lay like a beast in wait, watching for a single mistake. He couldn’t let it get the upper hand.

They managed to get a call to Kurapika in before they went back to the hotel room, but Killua didn’t have high hopes for the evening. The rest of them were dashed by what he found.

“Seriously, they were drinking while we were kidnapped?” Killua growled when he saw Leorio and Zephiel in heaps on the floor. Next to them were several beer cans and a single bottle of wine.

“Hey, you’re back!” Leorio greeted them cheerfully. “Join the party! Come on, have a drink with us!”

“Idiot, we’re not old enough to drink alcohol!” Killua admonished him, then sent him a very suspicious look. “And I’m pretty sure you’re not either, are you?”

“Who cares if I’m not?” Leorio flapped one hand uselessly and raised his glass. “Hey! Where I come from, you can start drinking as soon as you’re 16!”

“I see.” Killua just hung his head in defeat.

“So, where were you two?” Zephiel asked.

“Well, it’s kind of a long story,” Gon answered as he took a seat in front of the two. Killua claimed the spot next to him and let his friend explain the majority of their afternoon/evening adventure. He added tidbits when Gon’s version got a little exaggerated or skipped over parts, but a majority of his focus was keeping the Void from acting up.

With three innocent lives in front of him now, Killua didn’t want to take any chances.

By the end of it, they had a plan in place and Killua had something new to focus on…

Then one call from Kurapika and everything flipped upside down.

“I don’t know. He just said that the Troupe was dead. Then he hung up.” Gon stared down at the phone, a look of disconcertion on his face. Killua felt the same.

After all, hadn’t they just been in the presence of one of the Spiders less than an hour ago? How could the entire Troupe be gone, just like that? Or did one surviving member not count, as far as Kurapika was concerned? Killua highly doubted that.

Leorio took the message as good news though and tried to wheedle everyone into another round of drinks. Gon and Killua begged off for bed, still being several years under-aged.

Killua was just debating whether he actually wanted a shower or if he could just fall into bed and sleep, when Gon stopped right inside the door of their room and turned to him.

“What?” Killua asked. The look on Gon’s face was strange and unfamiliar, but at the same time, Killua had definitely seen it before. A quick parse of his memories brought up the bathroom on Whale Island, Killua fully dressed and Gon just out of the tub. It was right before they…

Oh no.

“No,” Killua said out loud. Even to him, his tone sounded petulant. “That was all an act. You told that Spider that so we would get sympathy and he would let his guard down.”

“I wasn’t lying Killua,” Gon said sternly. “You need to go Down.”

“No, I don’t!” Killua insisted.

“Killua…” Gon stared at him with those eyes, the ones that always made Killua do whatever he wanted. It wasn’t fair! “You were surrounded by a lot of powerful Nen users today. I think that’s a trigger for you. You said Illumi uses Nen, right?”

Killua didn’t answer. He knew Gon knew he was right. Killua had voiced his suspicions before. Stupid as he was, Gon was not forgetful. “But I went Down back on the island! That was only, like, two weeks ago! I shouldn’t need to go Down again. I can last longer than that!”

“It’s not a question of how long ago you went Down. It’s a question of needing it now,” Gon explained. “Some Subs need to go Down every other day. Some need to go Down only once a month. Even then, there could be circumstances where those schedules get flipped. Each Sub is unique to themselves.”

“What if I’m the second example? What if I only go Down once a month?” Killua challenged.

“I don’t think that’s the case, but…” Gon straightened his shoulders, gaze hard. “If Killua can look me in the eye and say he doesn’t need it, then I won’t ask again.”

“Just like that?” Killua questioned doubtfully, because it was never that easy, not with Gon.

“If Killua says no, then I won’t,” Gon reiterated. “Aunt Mito says the best thing a Dom can do is listen to his Sub. Forcing someone is bad and can make people sad. I don’t want to make Killua sad.”

Killua stared at his friend for a long moment, turning his words over and over in his head. He knew of the consent issues Gon was talking about, even if his friend didn’t seem to grasp the concept. He could even appreciate the fact that Gon would never force him Down. Killua had had enough of that from his own family.

Killua still didn’t think he needed to go Down.

He had gone for six months before, Void clawing at him all the while. Two weeks was nothing, and yet… he didn’t have to deal with the Void, with the ringing in his ears, with the constant tugging at the back of his mind.

Gon could take that away.

Killua could have the blissful quiet he had lived with since the time on the Island, calm and subtle until it was torn away from him. Torn by hands on his ankles and a too-sharp card at his neck and the whispers of you’re not enough, don’t fight someone stronger than you…

He had never realized how exhausting it had been to endure all until he didn’t have to. Honestly, if Killua didn’t have to live with that, why would he?

So instead of the denial he felt he should give, he found his mouth forming the words, “I need it.”

The shame in his stomach wasn’t nearly as heavy as Killua has anticipated, especially not in the face of Gon’s bright grin.

“Then I’ll help Killua!” Gon said as he went for the bag he had insisted they go back for.

“Oi, oi!” Killua gave him a flat look. “Don’t tell me you really were carrying stuff in there to take me Down!”

“Nothing like what Killua or that Spider was thinking,” Gon assured him as he pulled out a first-aid kit, a metal bar of some sort and—

“Choco Robos!” Killua exclaimed at the sight of five boxes of his favorite candy. “You’ve been holding out on me!”

“No, I was saving them! I was always going to give them to Killua,” Gon reasoned, though he gave Killua’s hand a light slap when he reached for them.

“Hey!” Killua snatched his hand back. He gave his skin a light rub, even though it hadn’t actually hurt. His knuckles tingled under his touch.

“Those are for after I bind your legs,” Gon said.

Killua stiffened on instinct before remembering the bruises that ringed his ankles. Yeah, they should probably be wrapped, but… “You don’t have to do that. They aren’t that bad. Didn’t even break the skin.”

“We don’t want them to swell too much, else Killua can’t wear his shoes,” Gon said. “We also need to ice them to bring the pressure down.”

Killua grimaced at the thought of cold feet. “Then I don’t see why you have to do it. Isn’t Leorio the one training to be a doctor?”

At that, Gon sat back and looked up, eyes troubled. “Does Killua not want me too?”

“I-I didn’t say that!” Killua huffed, flustered. “Don’t automatically assume things!”

“Then Killua should say what he means,” Gon said, without a hint of reproach. Like he didn’t care if Killua chose to or not, it was entirely Killua’s choice. He patted the bed and turned to the first aid kit. “Sit here while I get the gauze out.”

Killua didn’t register the Dominant Tone until he was already on the bed, feet on either side of where Gon was crouched. The realization made him frown.

The Dom earlier had been obvious in his commands. Killua had actively fought against them, even as his body betrayed him.

With Gon… with Gon, he listened without thought.

Was Gon gentler with his commands? Were they subtle or the tone hidden in the simple words? No, Gon didn’t do subtle. He was blunt to the core. So it had to be something else.

Was it just that Killua wanted to listen to him? Because Gone was his friend? Because he trusted him?

The thought made Killua’s stomach flip.

“Found it!” Gon held up the gauze in triumph.

Even though Killua knew Gon wouldn’t tie him up without permission, a small part of him couldn’t help but note the medical binding looked like it wouldn’t last long against his assassin claws, should he need to break free. Killua hated the part of him that thought like that.

“Okay, before we begin…” Gon laid out the medical supplies, the strange metal bar and the Choco Robos in a line in front of him. “I’ll tell you what I want to do and you’ll give me green, yellow, or red.”

“This again?” Killua groused as he leaned back on his hands.

“I will always ask, Killua!” Gon explained with passion. “Not doing so is non-con…. Consen…?”

“Non-consensual,” Killua said, knowing the word his friend was trying for.

“That’s it! That’s the word!” Gon pointed at him with a bright grin. “Killua’s so smart!”

Killua felt his cheeks heat at the easy praise. He really did appreciate his friend’s caution in this, especially since Killua had so many triggers even he didn’t know them all. But the actual process was something Killua loathed.

Having to listen to what Gon wanted to do and articulate whether Killua was okay with it or not? Ew, no. He would rather Gon just do it so Killua didn’t have to worry about it.

But Gon had been taught by Mito and Killua hadn’t been taught at all, so he wasn’t going to stop. Killua would just have to suck it up and follow along. “Okay, what ideas do you have in that empty brain of yours?”

“First,” Gon started in, completely missing Killua’s insult. “I want to try some command-based bondage.”

Killua tensed at the last word. His immediate answer was no, but the qualifier was throwing him off. Gon knew he didn’t like to be tied up, so he knew he was safe from that. It did make him curious. “… What kind?”

“Command-based,” Gon said. “There are no actual ropes or ties. It’s based solely on Killua’s will-power.”

“So, like… Simon Says.” Killua gave him an uncertain look.

“Basically.” Gon nodded and picked up the metal bar. His grip took up nearly half the length. “Some people prefer to keep their hands busy or have something as a physical reminder. Though if Killua doesn’t want it, we don’t have to use it.”

“Gimme that,” Killua ordered as he grabbed the bar from his friend’s hand.

It was cool to the touch, only slightly warmer where Gon had held it. It was round, no sharp edges anywhere. Even the ends were round, making it look like a large metal pill than a bar. It was heavier than it looked, definitely noticeable, but nowhere near how heavy the third Gate of Hades was when Killua last went home. The weight was almost… comforting.

Killua tossed it up, watching it flip end over end before catching it. “I don’t mind. We can give it a try. I can always red out later, right?”

“Of course, Killua can!” Gon agreed effusively. His smile faded into a frown. “But will you?”

Killua looked up from the black bar, brow furrowed. “What?”

“Killua didn’t red out last time, even though he looked really uncomfortable,” Gon explained.  “You know you can, right?”

“Of course, I know that! It’s just-!” Killua’s cheeks reddened of their own accord. Having this conversation to his friend’s earnest face was so embarrassing. “It’s just… you, okay? I knew you wouldn’t do anything.”

“Killua?” Ugh, now Gon had those stupid sparkles in his eyes.

“Just because I know I’m stronger than you, dumbass!” Killua sputtered before Gon could get the wrong idea. “You couldn’t hurt me if you tried!”

“But I don’t want to hurt Killua.”

“I didn’t say you did!”

“… Killua is confusing,” Gon decided as he turned back to the items in front of him. “While we do the command based bondage, I’m going to put some cream on your ankles before I bind them.”

“What kind of cream?” Killua asked, trying to peer around at the bottle Gon had in hand.

“It’s a special kind to help bruises heal faster,” Gon held up the bottle so Killua could see better. “Aunt Mito made it. I used to get into trouble a lot, so she always made sure I had some on hand.”

“Helpful,” Killua commented.

“Color?” Gon asked, looking up with wide eyes.

Killua rolled his eyes. “Green. Wait, does it smell weird?”

Gon paused, then uncapped the bottle. His nose twitched as he gave it a sniff. “I don’t think so, but… Killua, smell!”

Killua held out a hand, to which Gon easily conceded the bottle of salve. Gon’s senses were stronger than his own, so if it didn’t bother Gon, it probably wouldn’t bother Killua either. Then again, Gon could be used to the smell. He knew how much his friend got in trouble on a daily basis. Gon must have gone through a dozen of these bottles, at least.

His worries were for naught. When he brought the bottle up to his nose, Killua couldn’t smell anything other than cool mint. Not the most relaxing scent in the world, but not the least.

“Yeah, that’s fine,” he decided, handing the bottle off to his friend again.

“After the cream is on and your ankles are bound up, I’ll get ice on them and we’ll rest up by the headboard,” Gon finished explaining as he capped the bottle and set it down beside the last item. “Then, for every five minutes you endure the ice packs, I’ll feed you a piece of chocolate from the Choco Robo.”

The mention of the Choco Robo had Killua licking his lips before his mind tangled on one word in particular. “Wait, f-feed?”

“Yeah,” Gon said, nonchalantly, as if he hadn’t just confessed to planning such a… lovey-dovey act with Killua.

“Why are you feeding me?” Killua sputtered, face embarrassingly red. “I can feed myself!”

“Because I don’t want you to move too much once the ice packs are in place and your hands will be busy with the command-based bondage,” Gon said. When Killua continued to sputter in conflict, Gon frowned in concern. “You didn’t seem to mind it last time. Do you not want me to do it? I won’t if Killua doesn’t want to.”

Had they done it before? Killua couldn’t quite remember. His memories of that time were a little foggy and he didn’t exactly try too hard to remember. The thought that he might have enjoyed it just as much as Gon implied made his face flush further.

“Wh-why are you so insistent on it?” Killua demanded instead. He turned a cough into a scoff when his voice inadvertently cracked. “It’s not like you have to-!”

“I want to,” Gon stated with ease.

“You… want to,” Killua repeated.

“Feeding Killua would make me happy,” Gon affirmed. “But if feeding Killua won’t make him happy, then I won’t.”

“I… I…” Killua snapped his teeth shut before he could sound like a broken record. His eyes flicked to the Choco Robos.

Honestly, it wasn’t that he was against it. It wasn’t like Gon wouldn’t give him the Choco Robos if Killua asked. Gon had said they were for him in the first place. If Killua refused, he wasn’t missing out on anything but the act of Gon fee… feeding him. And, well… Gon had said that Killua liked it before…

“It… It’s fine,” Killua finally decided, face hot with nerves. “You can.”

“Killua.” Gon ducked down so he could catch Killua’s fallen gaze. “Are you sure?”

Killua felt a flash of annoyance flare up. Gon bluntly put his feelings out there, then dared to question Killua when he did the same? “I said it’s fine, so it is!”

“Killua…”

“Ugh, what do I have to do? Say the magic word?” Killua shoved his heel into the other’s forehead. “Green. Please. Give me chocolate. Wrap up my ankles and ice them so I can have my Choco Robos already!”

“Killua!” Gon whined as he tried to stay upright and wildly over compensated.

“Are you going to question me again?” Killua demanded.

“Nooo…” Gon clung to Killua’s calf in a struggle not to get pushed over.

“Then get to it!” Killua ordered. He tried to retrieve his leg, but Gon’s hold remained tight on it. Instead of dropping his foot to the floor, Gon placed it in his lap, making Killua’s heart give a nervous flutter. “O-oi.”

“Killua said to start, so I will,” Gon said as he pointed to the metal bar at Killua’s side. “Killua, pick that up.”

“Right, this.” Killua grabbed it, surveying it once again. “I don’t see how this is supposed to help…”

“Hold it.”

The order made Killua gasp in surprise. An involuntary shiver slid down his spine. Panicked, he turned sharply to find Gon staring at him, brown eyes watching his reaction.

Killua swallowed thickly. “What… what was that?”

“An Order,” Gon said simply, voice vacant of whatever tone he’d used.

“I know that!” Killua hissed. “But why was it so…”

“Doms have a tone that Subs respond to better than simple words,” Gon explained. “It’s supposed to help them go Down easier, when used correctly. It’s why Subs have a reputation of following orders… Does Killua not like it?”

Killua bit the inside of his cheek and turned away. “… You haven’t used it before.”

Gon blinked and tipped his head back in thought. “Mmm… I have used it, but not very strongly. I haven’t done command-based bondage before, so I’m not sure how much to use. If it’s bad, I’ll stop.”

It wasn’t… bad, per se, just… unexpected. It didn’t cause Killua to freeze up in fear or to start sweating bullets like the mere sight of his brother did. It just made him… more aware. It made him take notice. It commanded his attention.

It made the Void abruptly fall silent.

“It’s not bad,” Killua said slowly, testing each word. “But it was a surprise. Try not to come on so strongly, okay?”

“Okay!” Gon nodded eagerly. For once, it looked like he was taking Killua’s words to heart.

“Now…” Killua looked over the metal bar again. “How am I supposed to hold it?”

“Behind your back,” Gon said, Dominant tone softer, but more present than Killua was used to. “Hold it with both hands. Press your knuckles to your spine.”

Killua followed each instruction in step, feeling his breath slow with each motion. His hands ended up at the lower curve of his spine, not held too harshly or stiffly. He felt his spine automatically straightened with the forced pose. It wasn’t the worst position he has had to hold and certainly not the longest time either. It was nothing compared to some of the tortures his family had put him through.

“Now, stay like that.”

And like that, his muscles locked into place. The world around him blurred slightly, his peripheral going hazy. He blinked rapidly, as if to clear it.

A set of calloused fingers drew themselves down his calf, eliciting goosebumps in their wake. “How are you doing, Killua?”

He pressed his tongue to the roof of his mouth and worked his jaw a bit. The fingers on his skin paused. “Good. ‘M good… Green?”

“That’s good.” Gon’s voice came again. “Killua will tell me if he’s not, right?”

He answered faster this time. “Yeah. Yes…”

“Good. Killua is good. So good for me.”

Killua shivered at the praise. On a normal basis, Gon’s words of praise and admiration embarrassed Killua to no end. Now, when he was doing nothing but what Gon asked of him… his cheeks reddened in a different emotion.

“I’m going to apply the cream now,” Gon said as a faint hint of mint filled the air. The touch to his ankle was cooler than before, but not as cold as it could be. “Killua, how far away is it?”

Without question, Killua knew he meant the Void. He didn’t want to go looking for it, didn’t want to prod the beast, but Gon had asked, so Killua had to answer. To his surprise, it was further away than when they’d first sat down. “… Far. Not s’bad… better’n b’fore.”

“You mean with the Spider?” The words elicited another shiver, but it was not as pleasant as before. It brought memories of cold and dark and not good enough. He shouldn’t… Gon shouldn’t…!

“No. Red.” Killua spat through his teeth. Gon’s hands froze on his ankle and he caught a glimpse of wide brown eyes. Killua glared sluggishly at him. “Don’t like that… that word.”

“… Spider?”

“Stop,” Killua ordered. He dug his toes into Gon’s thigh, like that would make the other listen to him. “Don’like it.”

“Okay. Okay. If Killua doesn’t like it, I won’t say it.” Gon gave a nervous laugh, but that was fine. As long as he understood.

The cream was starting to tingle now. The pain he had mostly blocked out was beginning to fade. It was… nice.

Killua grunted and dug his heel into Gon’s knee. Gon made a noise of pain. “… You want me to keep going?”

“Green.” Killua let out a low sigh when those hands returned to their work. Deft fingers smoothed salve over the dark rings encircling his ankles, then stroked lightly to rub it in. The motion was aggravating to the skin, but at the same time soothing, like a massage. It was just enough pressure to notice, but not enough to hurt.

Killua liked it.

The metal bar started to slide from his hands, making him stiffen up again. He clung to it, Gon’s earlier words of praise ringing in his ears. He was good. He was doing good. Killua didn’t want to disappoint Gon by letting go. Some voice at the back of his mind begged to be praised again.

Subtly, he shifted his fingers to get the metal bar back in place.

“Okay, I’m going to bind the bruise now.”

He twitched at the words. They were both right and wrong at the same time. They were right because he and Gon had discussed this. They were wrong because… because…?

“Killua, remember that it’s just gauze,” Gon said. A thin strip of cloth was strung up between pinched fingers. “And it’s only one leg at a time. I won’t tie them together.”

The sense of wrongness vanished as he let out a low breath.

“Color, Killua.”

“… Green.”

The hands returned, this time with warm, silky cloth between them. The action of binding his skin was a familiar one, less so in more recent years, but familiar none-the-less. The care with which the action was done was foreign. He was used to cold, clinical touch, accompanied by ‘advice’ he never asked for. He liked this a lot better.

And when it was done, he was left with… it wasn’t a weight. The gauze had no actual weight to it, not really, not compared to his strength. But there was a… pressure there. A reminder. He was reminded, unfairly, of a parrotcat being scruffed.

When Gon released his leg, it fell back against the bed like a dead weight. He couldn’t move it, even though he knew there was nothing physically wrong with the nerves and muscles.

“Did I tie it too tight?” Gon asked. “Killua?”

He licked his lips and swallowed with a little trouble. “… ‘s fine.”

Gon let out a discerning hum before trailing fingers down his shin. Another, pleasant shiver raced up his spine. He rolled his shoulders and pressed his knuckles into his back. “Well, it doesn’t look like it’s cutting off circulation. Let me know if your toes go numb, okay?”

“… ‘kay.” He wasn’t sure how quickly he had responded, but by the time he had, there were fingers on his other leg, smoothing more cream around his ankle.

“Killua, how far are you?”

The words sounded a little like gibberish, right up until they clicked into place. Then Killua felt the Void, right there, breathing down his neck, teeth bared to tear into his flesh.

His fingers popped as they clenched tight around the cool metal in his hands. Sharp fingernails dug little holes into the smooth finish. His breath came too quickly to his lungs; he wasn’t able to keep it in.

This wasn’t good. This wasn’t good!

He couldn’t fall. Not with Gon here. Not with Leorio and Zephiel right outside. Not where innocent people could get hurt!

He should have fallen back at the abandoned building. Back at the place where the Spiders hid out. Then, even if he did manage to kill someone, at least they wouldn’t be innocent. They wouldn’t be Gon.

“Killua, put your head between your knees.”

The order was firm, strict, like an iron band around his neck.

He tried to bring his knees up, but one leg felt like a dead weight and the other was held in a firm grip. He bowed his head instead, his body following quickly. His chest pressed along the length of his thighs, knuckles still digging into his spine. The position made it harder to breathe. He had to focus extra hard to draw breath.

“Don’t move.” The order came like another shackle and he tried not to panic. The Void was right there, barely a hair’s breadth away. It felt like one wrong move would bring it crashing down on him. His hands wrenched the metal in his grip.

Fingers wound their way through his hair. His rasping breaths halted. The Void loomed like a building wave over him. His legs felt useless, his fingers bound. He couldn’t… he couldn’t-!

“Killua.” Soft words, a warm voice. Breath against his ear. “I know you’re scared. Every other time has been bad. Every other time, they forced you Down and used your Space against you.”

The Void teemed behind him, roiling like a living thing.

“But not this time.” That same voice, calm, supportive. “This time, Killua’s space is Killua’s. No one else’s. No one can make you do anything here.”

The Void slowed, harried movements lulling to the voice. Strange. It didn’t seem so scary now. (Gon always did have a way of calming wild animals.)

“I’ll be here with you the whole time. I won’t let anything happen.”

His fingers twisted the metal column in his hand as he slowly, tentatively, let himself be drawn back.

“Now, close your eyes.”

He did.

The Void engulfed him.

*             *             *             *             *

Gon carefully ran his fingers through Killua’s hair. It was so soft and silky, different from his own. It tangled easily, so he tried to be careful not to catch his fingers on any knots. He didn’t want to accidentally trigger Killua when he was so close to going Down.

It was when Killua took a shuddering breath that he knew they were in the clear.

Or, well, as in the clear as they could be.

“That’s it.” He soothed, trying to keep the dominance out of his tone now that he had accomplished his goal. However, he couldn’t help the pride and happiness from leaking in as he praised his friend. “Killua is so good. Very good for me. You did so well going Down. So very, very good.”

If Killua had been his usual self, such remarks would be met with a red face and lots of sputter insults or excuses. Now, though, he just let out a low noise and pressed into Gon’s hand.

“That’s right. Very good,” Gon said. He drew his hand through white locks one last time, then stood. “I need to get the ice packs from the fridge, so stay right there-!”

“Red,” Killua called, voice plaintive and scared. “Red. No-!”

Gon rushed back over, hands frantic and heart pounding in his chest. “What’s wrong? What’s red? Killua? Can you hear me?”

“Don’t…. leave…” the words were slurred and slow as molasses, but the message came over loud and clear. Gon smacked his forehead.

What had he just finished promising? He said he would be here for Killua, that he wouldn’t leave him alone. And then he went to leave.

“No, Killua’s right,” Gon agreed. He ran a hand down the other’s back, neck to where his hands were bound only by command. The metal bar he’d bought was twisted beyond recognition. He’d have to buy a stronger one next time. “I said I would stay here, so I will.”

That didn’t help with the problem of getting Killua’s bruises iced. He had left the ice packs in the freezer, so they wouldn’t melt before he could use them. He hadn’t thought about how he would bring them back while Killua was in Subspace.

Raucous laughter rang from the other room, suddenly giving Gon an idea.

“Killua.” Gon pressed his palm to the other’s shoulder. He felt the muscles there tense, flex, and then relax. “I want to go to the door.”

His friend’s body stiffened.

“I want to open it and ask Leorio to bring me the ice packs. I promise not to leave the room. Killua can watch to make sure I don’t,” Gon said, lifting the order he’d given before. His thumb rubbed a gentle line in the crook of Killua’s neck. “Color, Killua?”

“… Yellow.” Killua croaked, head still pressed to the space between his knees.

Gon took a steadying breath and moved his hand to the other’s hair. He felt his friend relax at the touch. “Can I ask what is yellow?”

“I… follow?”

Gon frowned. Was Killua asking if he was supposed to follow? Or if he was allowed to? Either way, the answer was still… “I don’t want Killua on his feet. I’m worried your bones might be fractured. I don’t want you on them until Leorio has a chance to look at them.”

He felt his friend tense again, felt the air shift as he began to struggle with his Subspace. Gon ran his fingers through the other’s hair, nails dividing the short locks at the back of his neck.  He thought for a minute before deciding. “How about this? The door is right in front of the bed. If I lean Killua up on the pillows, he can see what I’m doing. If I leave, then Killua can follow, but only if I leave!”

Which he had already promised not to do, so Gon didn’t feel bad about making such a promise.

A few seconds crawled by before Killua gave a small, barely-there nod and whispered, “Green.”

“Good job, Killua.” Gon grinned at his friend’s progress. This was already going a lot better than last time. “Killua, sit up?”

The Sub obeyed, body slinking back in one smooth motion. His head was still bowed, eyes closed, breath soft. If he didn’t know better, Gon might have thought Killua to be asleep. He looked so relaxed.

Crouching, he silently urged Killua to lean against his chest as Gon put a hand under his knees and between his arms and back. Lifting Killua with his super strength was easy and carrying him from the foot of the bed to the top, even more so. There, he set Killua down again and arranged the pillows around him. He elevated Killua’s feet to further prevent swelling of the bruises.

“Killua, do you want your hands in front of you?” Gon asked. He had given the other more support with the pillows, should he decide to keep his hands behind him, but he wanted to make sure rather than order contrary. It took a few seconds for Killua to shake his eyes, eyes still closed from Gon’s last command. “Okay then. I’m going to open the door and call for Leorio. Open your eyes slowly so you don’t blind yourself.”

Confident Killua would follow his command, Gon turned to the door and opened it gently. The lights from the other room were much brighter than the single lamp in the bedroom. It made Gon squint at the sudden change.

“Hoo-ie!” Leorio laughed drunkenly. “This one really is the best!”

“You said that about the last one too!” Zephiel giggled as he downed another glass. His shirt had somehow ended up unbuttoned and Leorio wound up wearing his own tie like a bandana.

“Leorio!” Gon called. “Hey! Leorio!”

“Oi!” Leorio wobbled as he turned towards the sound of his name. “You’re still up? I thought you and the brat went to sleep, like, an hour ago!”

“Not yet,” Gon confirmed. “We will soon, but I need ice packs first.”

“Ice packs?” Leorio seemed to sober at the sound of an injury. “What did you do? Are you hurt? Is Killua hurt?”

“He has some bruising from the… from earlier. I want to take the swelling down,” Gon explained. “Can you get the two ice packs from the freezer?”

“Sure, sure.” It took two tries for Leorio to get to his feet. Zephiel giggled and flopped over now that his support was gone. Gon risked a look backwards, to check on how Killua was doing.

A dead-eyed stare watched him from the shadow he cast.

Gon frowned at the initial wave of discomfort. He knew what to expect from Killua, even the creepy stare his friend got from time to time. It always sent a shiver down his spine, even though he knew Killua would never hurt him. Still…

Seeing it peer out from a nest of pillows, looking like most murderous, rumpled kitten he’d ever seen was disconcerting. And kind of funny.

“Got ‘em!” Leorio called as he stumbled over to Gon. He handed them over without fuss, but then squinted into the room. “Do you need me to take a look at him? See if we need to go to the hospital?”

Feeling the stare on his back intensify, Gon shook his head. “Not tonight. Do you think you could check in the morning though?”

“No problem!” Leorio slapped his forehead in what Gon thought might have been a salute. “Well, got to get to bed then. Can’t… doctor right on a hangover.”

“Drink plenty of water!” Gon called after him. He watched Leorio step over a passed-out Zephiel and make it to his room before Gon retreated back to the Sub waiting on him. “I’ve got the ice packs. Let’s get you set up.”

Killua’s eyes never strayed from his form as Gon set up the ice packs. He had two, which he wrapped fully around one ankle. The plan was to rotate and switch them to the other ankle every fifteen minutes. If he fed Killua a Choco Robo candy every five minutes, he’d have enough for at least two hours –if he could get Killua to sit still that long.

His friend could survive any torture, but always complained about the cold.

Once the ice packs were set up, Gon snatched the Choco Robo boxes and scrambled over to the other side of the bed. He slid into the empty space and reached to rearrange his friend. Killua went quietly, allowing Gon to squeeze them both into the pillow nest. They ended up with one of Gon’s arms wrapped around Killua’s shoulders, a pale head of hair tucked into the crook of his neck.

Gon reached up rip open a Choco Robo box and feed Killua his first piece. The noise Killua made was one part surprise, one part utter delight. He really wasn’t lying when he’d said Choco Robos were his favorite.

Gon smiled and settled in to watch the clock.

He knew he and Killua would have to discuss things more –they all would. Kurapika would have the most to discuss and they would all need to figure out their next plan now that the Spiders were out of the picture.

But Aunt Mito had always said to ‘let tomorrow worry about itself’, so Gon did just that.

He let his world narrow down to the ticking of the clock and the pale figure in his arms, if only for a few hours.

And it was exactly what he needed.