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Derek was explaining to Chris exactly what had happened, arms beside him, his fingers formed into a fist like he was closing them around the last bit of control he could muster up. His eyes were focused, his features reacting to the story he was telling in a non-alarming way, but Stiles could see how tightly coiled he was, could trace the clenching of his muscles, the tension in his shoulders, the way his lips trembled sometimes when he was allowed any time where he didn't have to speak. Stiles even asked him, right before he was pulled aside by Chris, and he shrugged it off, told him he was fine. But Stiles never needed supernatural senses to figure out what was going on with Derek, he could always just tell. And it bothered him a little how no one else seemed to, despite how achingly clear it was that Derek was struggling.
The past few weeks had been mostly uneventful, except for that omega that underestimated Scott and was dealt with in maybe a few hours. They should have known though that it wouldn't always be this easy, this quiet. This time, it was hunters. They flipped Derek's car with him inside of it, and when he came to, he was in his childhood home, locked in what used to be his parents' room, before it burned down on top of them. Cora and Isaac were in the house too. Derek and Isaac came out with minor injuries that were on their way to healing, but Cora was still being worked on by several doctors and they just.. didn't know. They didn't know what would happen to her, or to Derek if anything were to happen to her, because he was not going through that again. He could barely keep himself upright just thinking about it.
Chris eventually let Derek be, started discussing with the sheriff what the next steps needed to be. Stiles started to move around the small group, trying to find an in, but Scott started talking to Derek, and then Derek was checking on Isaac, and then Melissa was coming into the waiting room to assure everybody that Cora was stable and that she just needed a bit more time to flush the wolfsbane out of her system before they could give her the all clear. Derek continued to look like he was on the verge of something ugly.
Derek's eyes finally caught up with Stiles', in the middle of Malia's ramblings about all the ways they should have just torn through those hunters. Stiles raised his eyebrows in questioning, in wonderment, like he didn't understand how Derek was doing it, was functioning and involving and being, despite everything feeling like it was going to shit, and how much he was despairing for an out that Stiles was so willing to offer, if only Derek would let him. And without a second – or a first – thought, Derek was nodding, accepting whatever Stiles was offering, excusing himself from the conversation when he saw Stiles starting to move towards one of the exits.
They silently climbed down the stairs, to a basement-storage area type of place, stopping for some water and snacks from the second floor, since Stiles said they had the tastiest tap water for some reason, and Derek just trusted him on it. Once they got to the basement, Stiles grabbed two disregarded seats, put them upright, and sat down. Derek followed suit without really questioning it. He was suddenly feeling drained.
" How do you even know this place?" Derek asked, not knowing where to put his eyes, or what to do with his hands or with any of it, really.
" Back when mom was here a lot, I used to wander around, this place actually used to be the finance department of the hospital, before they were moved to the other building. I wasn't even sure this place still existed, but at least it's quiet and no one will bother us here." Derek weakly nodded, his eyes taking too long to blink open. He was tired down to somewhere deeper than his bones.
" Melissa said you had to hydrate, do you – "
" I'm fine." Derek's knees started nervously bouncing, body unwilling to succumb quite yet, fear filling him up to the brim.
" Derek," Stiles sighed, shook his head, like Derek was letting him down too.
" What?" Derek gritted out, his head swimming with all the things he had no way of processing.
" I think we've established that you're not, and that's okay. They are not here, you don't have to have your shit together."
" I can't afford not to, Stiles."
" Yes, you can. You kind of have to. Listen, bottling things up is a short-term resolution with long-term, sometimes, irrevocable consequences. And take it from someone who knows, you don't have to wake up every day for the rest of your life and have this weigh on you like it'd just happened."
" You don't even know what happened in there. You have – you like to act like you're an expert on all things trauma, but you're not. You have no clue what this is like. You – you have your dad and your best friend and – you have a fucking life. I don't. My – everything burned down in that house, everyone died, and – the one person that I – she almost – "
" Okay, okay, okay," Stiles started moving when Derek's figure started trembling like he was carrying something that was too heavy, like it was going to give out any minute, " breathe, Derek. You're right, I'm sorry, just breathe now." Stiles put his hand on Derek's shaking hands, as if trying to pour some steadiness into him. Derek let his head fall against Stiles' shoulder, breathing him in and trying so hard not to cry out every time he had to exhale too soon.
" They had us separated. I was in the main bedroom, Cora was in the living room, and Isaac was in the kitchen. I – everything was laced with this fucking wolfsbane, but it wasn't anything I've seen before, and – it was all just a joke to them, they kept giving me clues, taunting me, and asking me trivia questions about my family and just – by the time I made it out of the room, I was ready to wolf out, then I saw her. Cora. And she – " Derek's breathing staggered again. It sounded like he was drowning, something inside him falling away, dying a little. Stiles didn't know what to do but to hold on tighter.
" You don't have to talk about it, it – it doesn't matter. You already told the people that matter, I don't need to know."
" No, I need you to know, that I – I would have pulled their hearts out of their chests, if she wasn't tied to a chair, with a home-made bomb and a timer wrapped around her. They said that there were sensors and if I got too close, I'd set off the bomb too early and it'd explode and kill us all. The bomb was filled up with that wolfsbane, so that any injuries we'd have, there would be no chance of healing, and – it took everything in me to not just – hold her to me and let it all end already. Everything, Stiles."
" I get it, yeah. I mean, I guess I don't, not really, but – I just don't know what to say."
" I know. I'm sorry. I don't know why I couldn't just – "
" No, no. Don't apologize. Tell me what happened next, I've got you, it's okay." Stiles moved a hand away from Derek's, laid it against his neck and tugged, until their foreheads were against one another, and Stiles could feel Derek's heaving chest every time it fought to keep him alive.
" The hunters gave me clues until Isaac was set free, which is why me and him weren't nearly as bad as Cora. And I – I couldn't figure the rest of it out and she was losing consciousness because there was too much wolfsbane in her system already and – they'd banged her up and she couldn't fucking heal and – they started dispersing one at a time, and I didn't know what to do. I couldn't leave her to go after them, and Isaac on his own didn't stand a chance, and – I told Isaac to leave, but he wouldn't, so I just asked him to look for something that would be as heavy as Cora with the chair she was sitting on. He came back with my mother's trunk that had like jewelry and old clothes, and he moved it into the living room just as I carried Cora out, which didn't trigger the timer on the floor, but triggered the one on her body, that we didn't know about. So I just – I pushed Isaac out of the house, bit through the wires surrounding her and threw us both out, just as the bomb went off and hit Cora's back. It – it smelled exactly like the fire, Stiles, I thought – I was back there and I couldn't move and everything was burning all over again. But Parrish showed up and drove us here and they took Cora away and washed us down and – we should be fine. I mean, we're okay, but – I don't feel okay. I can still smell it, and those burns on my hands and mouth will take a long time to heal because they were caused by the wolfsbane so – I can't get away from it. Like, I am in the middle of the fucking fire, and I can smell my parents' skin flickering away, and the wood turning to ash, and once everything is completely burned down and there's nothing left, I have to do it again, and again. I don't – it's everywhere and I am losing my fucking mind because I keep losing them. I keep letting this happen to them, to her, and – "
And then he was overcome with something so vicious and cruel, as the first agonized cry fell past his lips, then another, and he didn't know how to withstand the flood, didn't know what else to do to keep from going completely under. Stiles held him through it, closing in on him every time he felt him fade slightly more away, and loosening his grip around him when things started sounding like they weren't fitting in the tight space between them. He let him unload years upon years of grief and fear and a sense of doom that never went away, since everything felt like it was part of a post-apocalyptic reality and he was always just about to die. And every time it sounded like maybe Derek was almost Derek again, something else would pull him under and he'd sink. And Stiles let him, and never once wavered to think of what it would do to him later on.
Eventually though, Stiles' phone started ringing at the same time as Derek's, and they were brought back to where they were. Stiles told Derek to take a seat, to drink both their cups of water, and that he'd get the phones. It was Scott, and he was telling him that Cora was out of the woods, and they were just waiting for her to wake up now, which Stiles immediately shared with Derek.
" Alright, let's go." Derek stood, wiped down his face once more.
" How about I go and you wait here?"
" Stiles – "
" I'll come get you myself as soon as she blinks her eyes open, okay? Just – take a minute to yourself, do whatever you need to do to feel like yourself again, and I'll let you know if anything changes at all. I promise." Derek sighed, didn't feel like fighting so he didn't, as he sat back down with a silent nod.
" Drink your water and I'll get you some more. I'll ask Melissa for something for the burns to help with the smell at least. Be right back."
" Thank you, Stiles. Really. I don't – yeah. I don't know what would have happened if you hadn't pulled me out of there."
" Don't worry about it, Derek. You're good. I'll.. let you be now. But if you – you can call me, if you need anything, or text me, I can get here in a few minutes." Derek opened his mouth, tried to formulate a response that could do Stiles justice, but his brain was overflowing and his breathing wasn't all that strong yet, and he didn't think anything would ever be enough for Stiles.
" Actually, wait," Derek stood, took a few steps towards Stiles, and wrapped around him before Stiles could try to find meaning in the motion. It took Stiles a few seconds to start hugging him back.
" I am sorry for lashing out on you. I didn't mean it. I know you've gone through.. the worst. I shouldn't have said what I did. I was just reeling because I don't have half the grace that you do when I go through shit and I don't understand how you do it. How you're still doing it." Stiles snorted, pulled back a little to have more access to Derek.
" You're doing it too. You've lost so much, Derek, and it was never done kindly or considerably, and the fact that you still care so deeply for the people around you, still feel so responsible for things that are out of your control, that's just – insane. You've kept your heart intact, and – it's a good heart. You're a fucking good person, Derek, nothing I've seen so far has managed to changed that about you. Okay? Just – trust that. Trust me." Tears started falling against Derek's face again, and Stiles went to wipe them away, but Derek beat him to it.
" Yeah, I do. I trust you. Uh, thank you. Again."
" Oh my God, okay, no worries, now please go rest up and I'll come back as soon as I can." Stiles gave Derek a gentle push back into the storage area, waving goodbye before closing the door behind him. Derek fidgeted until he completely ran out of energy, sitting down and trying – and failing – not to cry. It'd been a long time since he'd let any of it out and now that it'd started coming out, he didn't seem to be able to stop, which he assumed was healthy, but so fucking exhausting. True to his words though, Stiles came back down before hitting the three hours mark, with another water bottle and a cup of jello, nothing too disturbing for Derek's upset stomach.
" Cora was waking up and Melissa called the doctor to check on her one more time, so I thought I should come and get you. Are you feeling any better?"
" Yeah, Stiles, I'm – " Derek went to dig up his casual, nonchalant, automatic response, but Stiles was staring up at him like he was expecting more, better, " I'm working on it. I just need to see her and make sure she's okay. That'll help."
" Understood. Just a little heads up, she's still visibly banged up, but that'll take its time to heal no problem." Derek nodded, almost wanting to start running through the hallways to get to his sister faster, but knew that would probably be excessive. So, he listened to Stiles talk about what had happened during those few hours where they were separated, until Stiles was pushing the door to Cora's room and letting Derek in first.
Derek's eyes filled up with tears before he could take in the little drain they attached to her stomach to get rid of the last of the wolfsbane, or the bandages covering her entire back, or the bruises on her face that weren't faded enough for him to forget about. He thought he felt Stiles' hand moving across his back, but he couldn't really tell. He didn't know what he was feeling. His shaky hand moved to cover his mouth, to keep from crying out, but also, he was feeling nauseated by the overwhelming smell of something burnt.
" Took you long enough." Cora's voice sounded hoarse, like she'd screamed herself raw before losing consciousness, like the wolfsbane had burned through her vocal cords.
" I'm going to start crying again." Derek declared, taking three big steps before he was enveloping his sister in his arms.
" Again?" She questioned against his chest, weakly wrapping her arms around his back, trying to find a grip when she was still feeling quite loose.
" Shut up. You're okay. God, I – I thought I was going to lose you. I thought I'd watched you die too."
" No, I'm – I'm okay." Cora buried her nose in her brother's shoulder, muffling the sound of her own cries. Derek pulled away, took her face in his hands, and tried so hard not to trace all the scars and bruises and fading burn marks.
" I'm – what the hell did they do to you? How did I let that happen? Cora, I'm – fuck, I'm sorry. I should have – "
" Stop. You saved my life. Isaac told me what happened after I passed out. You saved me and you saved him and you saved yourself. You got everybody out this time, Derek. That was all you." Derek started crying just as he pulled his sister back into his arms, trying to find her scent underneath all the medication and bandages and burns, wishing he could have done the same for his parents, wishing they could see him now, see all the lives he'd saved since then, and how theirs still kind of counted for more. Hurt all the same.
" Since when are you such a crier anyway?" Cora joked, when Derek started sniffling instead of full-on weeping into her shoulder.
" I don't know. I think Stiles broke me." Derek inhaled, pulled away, and wiped at his face to attempt to get himself back together.
" I – you know what? I'm not going to fight you on anything today. You can say whatever you want, I'm cool."
" That's a privilege I am too tired to take advantage of but thanks." Derek smiled, taking a seat by Cora's feet, getting more comfortable.
" Your loss. Anyway, I am going to head out, my dad and Chris need help, so I'm going to meet them. Glad everybody is okay."
" Wait, did they find the hunters? Maybe I should come with." Derek went to sit up, Stiles put a hand to his shoulder, silently willing him to stay where he was.
" It's a humans-case this time, and if we need any help, I'll give you a call. Lydia is going to meet us out there, and a few of Chris' friends, we're good, don't worry. You just spend time with your sister, and heal up, okay?"
" No, but Stiles – "
" Derek," Stiles sighed Derek's name out like he was reminding him of their promise, for him to trust him, like Stiles knew that Derek understood that the risks of going after the hunters would cause even further damage and put them all in more danger but was being too stubborn about it because that was what he did. Derek knew that Stiles was right, about all of it, so he groaned, fell back against Cora's bed and put an arm across his face like he was shutting himself down.
" What the hell?" Cora exclaimed, laughing weakly, at her brother's behavior, and how he relatively easily gave in and let Stiles win the argument.
" Don't ask." Stiles snorted, leaned down to give her a quick hug, then he was on his way. Scott, Isaac, and Malia scattered around the room, trying not to make their presence too invasive, but unwilling to leave them to themselves yet.
They slipped in and out of naps for a couple of hours, had some soup, watched the news on two different channels, and then settled on Friends reruns to pass the time, but when it was completely dark outside and the nurses were changing shifts outside Cora's room, Derek decided that enough time had gone by with no news from Stiles, so he called him, and it went straight to voicemail, so he called the sheriff and Chris and neither of them answered. He was about ready to go frantically search for them, when the sheriff called him back.
" Derek, we're kind of in the middle of something, is everything okay over there?" The sheriff questioned, sounding distracted.
" Yeah, we're okay. Sorry to bother you, sir, I just – is Stiles still with you?"
" He is."
" Can I… talk to him? It'll only be a second." The sheriff didn't really respond, but soon, Stiles' voice replaced his, and Derek breathed out in relief.
" Why didn't you call like you said you would, Stiles?"
" My phone died, and we're still not even done here."
" Here where?"
" We're in the woods, they rented out a cabin. Apparently, they'd been keeping their eyes on you for a while, they knew your schedule, knew exactly when you'd be in your car and everything. There's a bunch of notes here on Cora's and Isaac's moves as well. Scott's, even mine. It's weird."
" There's stuff there about you? They could have – fuck, Stiles, they could have taken you too."
" But they didn't. Wolfsbane wouldn't have worked on me, Derek, I'm sure they were just doing their research. Taking me, would have meant nothing to them, they're hunters, they don't care about me."
" Can you please come back to the hospital and let your dad and Chris handle this?"
" I can't do that, and there's no reason for me to."
" Yes. There is."
" I'm listening."
" I just – I don't want anything to happen to you without me being there to stop it or just – help, somehow. I can't blame myself for almost getting you killed too."
" You haven't gotten anyone killed today. Nothing is going to happen to me, Derek, and even if – "
" No, no. Don't say that. I don't – I don't want to think about it."
" I'll be extra careful, don't worry. We found 3 of them already, Chris' guys are locating the other 2, and then I'll come back to the hospital."
" Okay. Yeah. I'll be here."
" Okay. You're okay, right?"
" Right. Just – get back here in one piece."
" Will do. They're calling me back, so I'll just talk to you later."
Before the sun came up, Derek woke up to the sound of Melissa and Stiles arguing outside their door. Malia and Scott had gone home for a change of clothing and a few hours of sleep, and Isaac stayed behind but was deep in his sleep. Derek opened the door to find Stiles on the chairs across the room, with Melissa on top of him, a wet towel pressed against his seemingly bleeding head.
" Holy shit, what happened? Are you okay?"
" Nothing – dammit, Ms. Mccall, that hurts."
" Yeah, well, stop fussing and we can all be done with this sooner, you big baby."
" Ms. Mccall, is he going to be okay? How can I help?"
" Oh, he's fine. I just need to get a few things to stitch him up, can you hold this towel to his head in case he starts bleeding again?" Derek nodded immediately, putting his hand over the towel and pressing down despite Stiles' exaggerated groan.
" What part of come back in one piece didn’t you get?"
" I got your message, loud and clear, I just didn't remember to share it with the hunters."
" How did this happen? I knew I should have fucking been there."
" Dad was handling the 3 we found and Chris, Lydia, and I went looking for the other 2, they were in a car and almost ran me over, but when I jumped out of the way, I tripped down this hill and banged my head against a tree. Chris said I was unconscious for like 10 minutes, but his guys stopped the hunters and Lydia had to drive me here before going back to meet up with them and see what they're going to do about the hunters situation."
" You fell head first against a tree? How do we know it's not any worse than just a few stitches? Like, maybe you have an internal bleeding or a concussion or – " Melissa reappeared, ushering Derek to the side, and starting to numb the general area of where she'd need to work in Stiles' head. Stiles took Derek's hand in his, stopped him from pacing himself to the ground.
" I'm going to be okay, Melissa knows what she's doing, but just – stay with me." Stiles knew that if Derek was left to his own head, he would drive himself mad with that sense of failure he never managed to shake. Like he was always a step behind, always running out of time. Derek didn't want to be away from Stiles anyway, so he thought he'd make himself useful, be there in case he was needed, and hope it would ever be enough. And every time Stiles' face started contorting in pain, Derek would inch a little bit closer, hold a little bit tighter, and Stiles would hold back in acknowledgment.
" All done." Melissa finally announced, caressing Stiles' cheek, smiling down at him like she was trying to show him that she was glad he was okay without having to verbalize it.
" Thank you, Ms. Mccall." Stiles stood to fold around Melissa, needing something motherly and familiar after the day he'd had. Something that Melissa had been for him since he lost his mother.
" Sure thing, kiddo. You did good. I'm going to call your dad and give him the updates, you get some sleep." Stiles nodded, letting go when she started pulling away.
" You too, Derek. The cream for your burns is under the TV so that it doesn't get mixed up with your sister's meds, use it whenever they start bothering you too much."
" I will, and – she's okay, right? I mean, there's nothing to worry about? With her or with Stiles?"
" Nothing to worry about with anyone here, everyone is fine." Melissa pulled Derek into a hug similar to the one she gave Stiles, only, she didn't rush it, gave him all the time in the world, until he was the one to initiate the distance between them, whispering his gratitude. Derek then collected the last of Stiles' belongings, taking his hand when he started walking away, and told him to lean on him, to let him help, so he did, until they made it into Cora's room without disturbing Isaac or Cora, they fell into the couch, with Stiles' head against Derek's shoulder, and Derek's leg on top of Stiles' and they fell asleep almost immediately.
When they woke up, Cora was getting discharged, and Scott was waiting to drive them all back to Derek's loft. Derek helped his sister out of the car first, then waited outside of Stiles' door, patient and expectant.
" Oh, I think I need to go home. Dad has been driving me crazy all morning and he's expecting me for breakfast, to make sure I'm okay himself. I kind of need a shower and a good night sleep in my own bed, then I can come over tomorrow, if you need me." Derek looked around until he found Isaac, asked him if he could help Cora up to her room, which he agreed to. His focus was then all on Stiles.
" I wish you didn't have to go." Derek confessed, eyes moving between Stiles', trying not to miss him already.
" I would have stayed if it was up to me. But, I mean, if you actually need me for something, I can figure it out with my dad, seriously, I wouldn't – "
" No, no, it's nothing like that. You should go home. Your dad needs to see you and you need to check up on him too. I just – it's nice. Having you around, I mean. It helps."
" Yeah? Well, you can call me any time. Or text me. And I'll come over as soon as I can."
" I will do that. You too."
" Me too what?"
" Call me or text me. If – if you need anything. Or just – for no reason, really. Just call me whenever. I want to hear your voice."
" You've come a long way from threatening to rip my throat out with your teeth for talking too much."
" Shut up." Derek rolled his eyes, laughing breathlessly at the irony of it all.
" There he is." There was something in Stiles' eyes, a touch of something in his voice as Derek shook his head, opened the car door for him, and guided him back inside.
" Are you going to come over when Chris does later tonight? I want to know how it went with those hunters, and discuss precautions to keep from these things happening to any of us again." Derek asked Scott, all serious and solemn again.
" Yeah, I'll pick him up later. Malia and Lydia are probably going to be there too." Derek nodded, pulling his head out of the car window, and watching it drive away.
Stiles texted Derek as soon as he was home without really knowing why. Derek responded almost immediately, and couldn't stop smiling for an entire hour after. That night, Stiles and the sheriff showed up to the meeting, since apparently Stiles wasn't shutting up about it and it was stressing the sheriff out even more than attending the meeting would, so he just let Stiles win this one for the sake of his own sanity. And if Stiles and Derek sort of gravitated towards one another throughout, then no one called them out for it. And if they sometimes held hands when everyone else was too busy arguing, then that was their business, and no one else's, no matter how many knowing looks or cocky grins they received. It was still just Derek and Stiles, and most of the time, nothing else truly mattered more.