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Abed watched sparks swirling above the fire and tried to determine if they were more swirly than usual. Everything looked swirly when people got high in… every movie. He was having a hard time thinking of one specifically at the moment, but that didn’t bother him. It would come back when he was less sleepy.
The world was kind of soft and pleasant. His friends were talking; the words were all blurry around the edges, but he liked the sounds of their voices, until they trailed off into silence. Normally Abed didn’t mind silences, as long as it wasn’t one of those bad silences after he said something when everyone was staring at him or refusing to look at him. This wasn’t that, but it wasn’t a good silence either. The air felt colder. His gaze wandered around the circle. Everyone seemed so far away. I should say something, he thought. They would feel closer if someone said something.
“I’m in love with Troy,” he said simply, because sharing secrets around a campfire was like a cheat code to found family cohesion. “In a romantic way. But he’s still dating Britta, and love triangles always get overplayed, so I’ve kept it secret.”
“Abed,” Jeff said, head tipped towards the sky above them. “That is the opposite of a secret.”
“Really?”
“Duh-doi,” Britta snorted. “Everybody knew you two were…” She tapped her index fingers together. “Except with your hearts.”
“Another flawless analogy.”
“I still think it’s really sweet,” Annie cooed.
“Mm, that’s nice,” Shirley said dreamily, but Abed wasn’t sure if she was actually paying attention or not. He had a feeling she wasn’t, because sober Shirley didn’t seem to be a fan of gay people.
He looked at Troy next. Troy had been looking somewhere around Abed’s sneakers with half-lidded eyes, but he felt Abed looking at him and made eye contact with a smile that made everything go fuzzy. Abed smiled back. Troy scooched closer. In the process, he lost his balance and fell against Abed’s shoulder, nuzzling against his neck.
“Hey, man.”
“Hey.”
The fire was feeling warmer again. Abed closed his eyes and rested his head against Troy’s. Jeff was talking again. Something about secrets and it being good to share them. Everyone mumbled in agreement. Abed was quiet.
—
“Wait, Abed, you never told us your secret.”
Abed’s eyes flickered around the table and then down at his puppet. His friends had all been surprisingly candid with the use of the puppets, but he felt no compulsion to do the same. His puppet stared back at him with blank, judgment-free felt eyes.
“I didn't share one that night. After we got back from the woods, everyone was being silent and not making eye contact. I didn't know why, so I mirrored your behavior.”
Annie and Shirley found this adorable, for reasons he didn’t totally understand. Then again, Annie and Shirley found a lot of things adorable. They all collected their things and left the study room. As they were about to leave the library, though, Abed noticed that Jeff was subtly herding him off to the side. They hung back just outside the entrance and let the rest of the group walk by.
“What’s up?”
“Abed,” Jeff said with a frown. “I don’t remember a lot about that night… but I do remember all of us talking. You shared a secret. Didn’t you?”
“No,” Abed said quickly. His heart was thudding harshly in his chest, and Jeff raised his eyebrows.
“I thought you didn’t lie to your friends.”
“I didn’t lie. I shared something, but you said it wasn’t a secret because it was something everyone already knew, so if it wasn’t a secret, I don’t have to share it again.”
Jeff was still watching him. Then he looked over his shoulder at the group. Then he looked back at Abed. His heart dropped somewhere around his ankles.
“Abed,” he said slowly.
“It wasn’t a secret, so I don’t have to share it,” Abed repeated firmly. He hefted his bag and walked past Jeff. “Come on. Let’s go get food.”
He caught up with Troy at the back of the group, and Troy looked up with an easy grin on his face.
“Hey, man. You good?”
Abed tried to smile. It wasn’t his best smile, but it must not have been his worst, because Troy just nodded and went back to talking to Britta.
It wasn’t a lie. Abed hadn’t actually said anything. So it couldn’t be a lie.