Work Text:
“I really don’t see how you enjoy this so much?” Harley could not hide his smirk as he placed yet another LEGO in the wrong place.
I reached out and moved his LEGO piece over to the correct spot, “y’know it would help if you actually, I dunno, looked at the instructions.” I raised my eyebrow at my boyfriend.
He grabbed the piece I had just fixed and moved it back to where he had originally placed it, “naw, I don’t think so.” I rolled my eyes fondly at him as my mentor walked into the common room we were sitting in. How can someone so annoying be so cute at the same time?
Harley beat me to greeting him, “whaddya want old man?” He called out, now it was Mr. Starks turn to roll his eyes. He came over and sat on the couch behind where my boyfriend and I were sitting on the floor in our mess of LEGOs.
Looking over our disaster of a Star Wars set, Mr. Stark answered, “actually I had a proposition for you boys. Or rather, I have one for Peter and Harley, you can be the tagalong,” he teased as I once again tried to fix the misplaced LEGOs.
I leaned back against the couch, looking up at my mentor, “what’s this so called proposition?” I pretended to ignore Harley switching around all the pieces I had just placed. He’s such a dork, an adorable dork, but a dork.
“Well I have a conference this weekend, it’s down at Myrtle beach,” before either of us could ask where that is, he told us, “it’s in South Carolina. I was thinking how incredibly boring it would be to be on a beachfront all alone. So Petey, wanna come on a weekend getaway?”
Wait what? He really wants me to join him on like, like a vacation?
Harley gave a scandalized gasp before I could even think of a response, “and what about me ? Your original son?” I could not help but let out a laugh at his antics, smiling at both him and the man he accused.
Mr. Stark smirked, “I said you’re the tagalong, didn’t I? I couldn’t leave my Spider alone during all my meetings, I do have a heart after all.”
It would be nice to have a real break from everything. Queens can last without me patrolling for one weekend and I’ve never been down south before. It would be like going to Harley’s country.
My mentor looked back to me, “what do ya say, kid?”
But it’s on the beach. I can’t go to a beach, I can’t. It’s literally called Myrtle Beach , there’s no way to avoid the water there. There’s no excuse I can give to not go near the water on a beach.
I tried to keep my smile up, “thank you but no thank you, Mr. Stark.” I can not just deny spending a vacation with both my father figure mentor and boyfriend without an excuse. My voice lowered, “I don’t want to be a bother. And I can’t pay you back for something like that anyway.” I could not get myself to meet either of their eyes. I mean it’s not a lie, it’s just not the main reason why I can’t go, I will be a bother if I go. It’s inevitable.
His tone turned serious, “Kid, you are not and will never be a bother,” though Harley didn’t say anything he reached out and held my hand, “I want you to come with, I wouldn’t offer if I thought you would be a nuisance.”
How can I deny him when he’s being so incredibly generous? What other excuse do I have? Well, what other excuse do I have that I can actually tell them? And this would be me and Harley’s first vacation together, how can I be selfish and take that away from him?
I squeezed my boyfriend's hand, “if you’re sure.” God, how am I going to get out of this? How can you just not swim on a beach vacation? But I can’t let Harley think I don’t want to go on vacation with him, god knows he has enough trust issues and abandonment issues as it is.
With a soft smile, Mr. Stark instructed, “I’ll pick you boys up Friday after school. Make sure you’re both packed and ready to fly out, I’ll pick up your suitcases during school.” With the directions given, he left us alone, saying he had to get back to work.
Only after ‘The Mechanic’ as Harley often calls him, had left did he speak up, “you actually wanna go?” Though he tried to sound casual and nonchalant, I could still hear the nervousness lacing his voice.
God, why do I have to screw everything up?
I squeezed his hand in what I hoped was a reassuring manner, “I do wanna go, yeah.” How could I be so selfish as to make him think I don’t want to go on vacation with him?
He cleared his throat, any sense of timidity vanishing, “good. Now, how much longer are you going to force me to build this monstrosity?” I should not be surprised when his walls came back up. Even with how long we’ve been dating he still can’t help but hide behind the walls he built so tall.
“Harls, if you don’t like it we can do something else,” I offered, smiling as if I don’t know what his answer will be.
His jaw dropped at my ridiculous suggestion, “of course not! How dare you suggest I give up!” With that, we continued our building and rebuilding of what should have been a fairly simple set.
I only have a few days to prepare for this, a few days to figure out how in the hell I can be able to go near the water without my lungs losing their ability to work.
And yet, in those next few days I did not in fact learn how to not be so stupidly afraid of the water. I’m actually pathetic. What I did do instead, was totally not on purpose leave behind my swimsuit so that I could have an excuse not to swim. At least it’s better than no plan at all.
When Mr. Stark came to pick Harley and I up from school, it’s still crazy to think he’d transfer schools for me even though he insists it was for the superior cafeteria food , the only thing that prevented my entire body from trembling was holding my boyfriend's hand.
I need to not think about the beach, I need to not think about the water. The water and how if I go in it I know I’ll panic and I’ll freak out and freaking out means I won’t be able to breathe and if I can’t breathe then I’ll be drowning and and then I’ll drown I’ll drown oh god I’m gonna drown oh god-
Thankfully my sweet southern beau, as he has dubbed himself, cut off my thoughts, “you excited for our first vacation?” I didn’t have to look up to know he was smiling, I could just hear it in his voice. I should be excited, I’m supposed to be. I want to be excited, I want to be, I just I can’t. What is wrong with me?
I forced a smile, “yep,” I popped the ‘p’, “are you?” Please let the attention go off me.
As the overly extravagant car pulled up, Harley answered with, “obviously.” But his sarcasm did nothing to hide his genuine excitement bubbling up just beneath the surface.
Of course this trip had to start with a lie. As soon as we got in the car Mr. Stark was asking if we were sure we had packed everything, and I couldn’t just be like actually no Mr. Stark, I purposely left behind my swimsuit, which I know is like arguably the most important thing to bring to a beach but I just couldn’t bring it because I’m scared of water like a pathetic little child. Yeah nope.
He has enough on his plate anyway and I’m just being stupid. I mean a lot of people fear drowning but everyone else can drink water without issue, I’m just stupid. I’m stupid.
The ride to the airport was anything but silent, as expected with us three together.
“I’m just saying that if a beach is called a plage in French then how can you expect me to believe it doesn’t have the plague?” Harley insisted, to which I had to bite down a smile at my mentor's exasperated sigh.
Eyes flitting between the road and the rear view mirror, Mr. Stark retorted, “first of all, no . And second, when did you learn French? Aren’t you taking Spanish?”
Casually wrapping his arm around me, he answered coolly, “I’m full of surprises Tin Man, get used to it.”
Mr. Stark let out a somehow even more exasperated sigh, “can either of you guys ever just call me Tony?” Nope.
“I think you mean y’all-”
The ‘Tin Man’ cut him off, “no, I do not.” The rest of the car ride went accordingly, and you could visually see the regret on his face for letting Harley join us. Admittedly, their banter was a good distraction from me inevitably drowning, god I’m gonna drown I’m gonna drown I’m gonna drown, but also from the fear of getting on another stupid plane.
Thankfully though, that is a trigger both my boyfriend and my mentor know about. Even without saying anything, Harley laced his fingers with mine and did not let go even after we boarded the private plane.
Trying to distract me from my too loud mind as we sat down, Harley asked, “how long till The Mechanic banishes me from all future vacations?”
I managed a small smile, distractions are good, “I think we’re long past that point. But don’t worry, I’ll hide you in my suitcase if he doesn’t let you come next time.”
Mr. Stark groaned, “I can hear you guys,” he added on before the southerner could correct him, “And no I don’t mean y’all.” To that I actually let out a laugh, shockingly given how hard I was squeezing my boyfriend's hand to gain any sort of grounding. It never gets old seeing two of my favorite guys at it like this, obviously Ned is my third favorite guy. I could never forget my Guy In The Chair.
Though my laugh ended up as a cough, but it’s okay it’s normal, not a problem. Though Mr. Stark still asked me if I was okay and needed water, somehow pulling a water bottle out of who knows where. Like an overprotective dad. When I refused the water Harley gave me a look but he didn’t comment. I looked away, pretending not to notice.
Distract, I need to distract, “Harls, have you been to the ocean before?”
Though he was still trying to look through me, he never fails to give some snark, “there’s not exactly a coast in Tennessee,” he shrugged.
Yeah, I should have known better than to ask. I know what his family situation was all too well to not know better than to ask something so stupid. Of course I know he didn’t go on vacations, let alone to a coast across the country.
But he didn't let my stupidity phase him, “I’m definitely pumped,” he ran his hand over my arm comfortingly. I know I should be happy how excited he is, and I am, I really am. But I’m just going to ruin his vacation because I’m pathetic and stupid and can’t just get over the dumb Vulture.
Only after we had landed safe and sound was I finally able to breathe deeply and stand without trembling. Getting in the rental car waiting there for us, Harley kept his arm around me. Upon arriving at the hotel I couldn’t help but gape at the extravagant building. Sometimes I forget just how healthy Mr. Stark is.
Harley did his awe with a joke, “c’mon old man, I thought we were getting a nice hotel.” My mentor ignored him as we parked the car and got out, grabbing our luggage on the way. My eyes must have been as big as saucers looking around the overly large lobby.
When the clerk handed Mr. Stark the room keys, or rather placed the keys on the counter and he picked them up, I asked, “why are there two sets of room keys?”
He handed me one pair of keys, already walking towards the elevators, “I’m not going to share a room with you boys. But don’t worry, there’s two separate beds in your room,” he winked at us.
Before Harley could come up with a clever comeback, I asked, “how are we gonna spend time together if we're in different rooms?” No that’s a dumb question, I’m just full of stupid questions today.
Getting in the elevator, “they’re connected rooms Petey, I can walk in anytime,” he clearly said that last part pointedly to Harley. A totally not obvious warning to my boyfriend.
Arriving upstairs, I was nowhere near disappointed in even just the hallway. Man do movies not portray fancy hotels accurately. I handed Harley one of our room keys while I pulled the luggage along, he opened the door to reveal a room a big as Aunt May’s apartment.
“Holy shit,” I breathed out, taking in the huge room. As Mr. Stark said, there was a door I assumed led to his room next door, and two queen sized beds in the room across from an overly large television.
Of course Mr. Stark would actually have two beds for us. I mean, it’s not like I expect him to endorse two minors in sleeping together. Not that we sleep together, of course not. Part of me is still surprised he didn’t make my boyfriend and I stay in two separate rooms.
I let out a small laugh when Harley ran and flopped onto one of the beds, before I could hop on my own bed there was a knock on the door to the side. I did not even get a chance to open it before Mr. Stark was walking in through the door connecting our two rooms, “you better not be kissing in here,” he warned as he entered.
Upon hearing that, Harley immediately jumped up, wrapping his arms around my waist, quickly pulling me into a quick kiss as my mentor groaned at us. Though I knew I wasn’t supposed to, I still kissed my boyfriend back until he reluctantly pulled back, after more than a few protests from Mr. Stark. “What did you expect Old Man,” Harls teased, “me to not kiss my own boyfriend? Yeah right.”
Rolling his eyes so hard I’m surprised they didn’t get stuck, Mr. Stark sat down on the edge of my bed, “I have a meeting today so I’ll have to leave you guys to your own devices. There’s a pool downstairs, and the hotel has its own private part of the beach, so as long as you don’t do anything stupid I don’t care,” I couldn’t hear anything after the word beach though. The words came in but nothing registered. A beach and a pool oh god oh god there’s no escape, there’s no escape.
I felt someone holding my hand but again it didn’t register, how- how can I escape the water when I can’t tell them how how absolutely petrified I am? How am I supposed to escape, I can’t, there’s no way, I can’t-
I was pulled from my thoughts, “you listening, Petey?” Mr. Stark asked, voice laced in concern.
I nodded before I stuttered out, “ye-yeah, sorry zoned out, what did you say?” How stupid could I be to let myself get lost in thought with both of them here watching me?
Though his eyes were still narrowed in suspicion at my reassurances, he still repeated himself, “I said you’re in charge while I’m gone.” I nodded along, trying to focus on him but trying to focus on focusing only distracted me more. He flicked his eyes down, letting out a swear, “I gotta go or I’ll be late, don’t hesitate to call if you need anything okay,” he made eye contact with me, voice serious. I could only manage to nod before he was back through the door into his own room.
He’s suspicious, of course he is, it’s not like I’m good at pretending. I couldn’t even seem okay long enough for him to go to his meeting. How can I be that weak? I’m nothing but weak and stupid, how can a superhero be so weak. I have no right to be a superhero, I don’t, I can’t-
I was pulled from my thoughts yet again, “-be, hey babe,” Harley’s voice was softer than normal, he took on that tone he has whenever I’m in a bad mindset. I’m so stupid, I’m already ruining everything, I’m already screwing up their vacation- I felt my boyfriend put his hands on my cheeks, holding my face and making me look at him, “sweetheart, talk to me.”
Though I cast my eyes down, I didn’t bother trying to shake him off of me, “nothing, is nothing,” I mumbled unconvincingly. How can I get out of this? “Just mad at me,” wrong answer, wrong answer, wrong answer wrong answer wronganswerwronganswerwronganswer , “I just, I forgot my swim suit cuz I’m stupid and now I ruined everything I always-”
Well that’s only partially a lie.
He cut me off, “hey, hey, darlin’, everything’s okay. You didn’t ruin anything, okay? You didn’t ruin anything, we’ll get you another swimsuit,” I was furiously shaking my head before he even finished, “what’s wrong, pumpkin?” All I do is mess everything up.
I didn’t mean to close my eyes, “nothing,” I insisted, even though I know it’s futile. “‘M making a big deal of nothing, I don’t need swim trunks it’s okay. Don’t wanna be a bother.” Please, please let him listen to me. Please let him just take what I say as it is, please no more questions. Please let him not make me swim. Please, please ple-
“It’s okay, it’s not a problem. We can go get you a swimsuit right now, yeah? Then we can swim, or go to the beach, or whatever you want, okay?” Before I could come up with another excuse to deny him, he exclaimed, “oh! I have an extra swimsuit! How could I have forgotten, you can you mine.” Why does he have to be so sweet?
I mumbled out something that resembled an ‘okay’ to his overly generous proposition. He let go of me and grabbed his suitcase. He zipped it open and yanked out a pair of swim trunks such a bright colored tie dye I’m surprised it didn’t blind me. I would have laughed if my mind wasn’t just a jerk. He gave me a soft smile, “they’re not the wrong size, but somethings better than nothing right?”
How can I deny him?
I reached out and he handed me the swim trunks, “wanna do down to the pool?” He asked gently. As much as my mind screamed to say no, I nodded. I mean, maybe maybe if I could go into the pool and be able to figure out how to not panic them maybe later I can go to the ocean without panicking? Even just my thoughts sound all too unsure. It’s not like I have any more excuses not to go, besides obviously telling the truth, but I can’t. I can’t tell him the truth, I can’t let him see how utterly weak I am.
What’s weaker than panicking over a swimsuit though?
But if I do panic while swimming, he’ll see right through me. He always sees through me, he always knows when something is up. And like, how can I even hide a full on panic attack if I get one? But like, the pool is a very controlled environment. Because there are no waves trying to kill you, clear water so I can see easily, walls all around me I can grab to stabilize myself, and I can control how many feet deep so I can control how much of my body to submerge.
Though I know Harley wouldn’t care if I changed in front of him, I still took the opportunity for a breath to myself and changed into his swim trunks in the bathroom. I ignored how utterly ridiculous I looked in the overly long tie dyed shorts. Though I tried to force my breaths to be even and deep, my chest was too tight to even get a regular full breath in. As tempting as it was to lock the door and hide in here the rest of the day, I made myself get up and exit the restroom. Casually slinging his arm around me, Harley grabbed a room key and led me out and to the elevators.
Oh thank god the pool is empty. It is actually ridiculous how scared I was for little kids to be in the pool splashing around.
The second we got there, Harley immediately jumped into the pool because of course he’s a southern boy and he grew up going to the local pool, he's completely comfortable in the water. Though he totally did not obviously try to coax me into following his example and leaping in, I insisted I’m good taking the steps. Because the pool is too cold. That’s the only reason, obviously.
But the cold still is a problem. With each step, more and more chills snaked through me. It’s too cold, I hate the cold, it’s too cold and cold means drowning drowning drowning.
Harley can’t know that though, he can’t. Part of me knows that jumping in would help me get used to the cold quicker, but being submerged like that, god that sounds like hell. After much too long, I finally got down all the steps and was standing on the pool floor. I’m not sure if my trembling was more from the cold or from my anxiety.
While focusing on trying to still my body, Harley swam up, trying to get me to come in deeper. Playfully, he wrapped his wet arms around me and pulled me into the water with him. Though I know he’s my boyfriend and would never hurt me, I could my help my thrashing. It was instinct.
Somehow I must have pushed myself deeper by accident because I stayed under the water, I couldn’t get to the surface, I can’t get to the surface, god I’m trapped. I’m trapped underwater again, again again again. I’m drowning, god I’m drowning drowning drowning. It’s just Iike- it’s like with the Vulture, I’m trapped under the water and can’t get out. I can’t get out, I can’t, I’ll die here.
Once again, those arms were around me, without thinking I pushed them off, he’s trying to kill me the Vultures trying to kill me, he’s trying to kill me, drowning isn’t enough he’s trying to murder me. The arms came back and before I knew what was happening, I was gasping in air, but it wasn’t enough it’s never enough. Can’t breathe, can’t, not safe. The surface isn’t safe either, it’s never safe, I’ll never be able to breathe safely, either choke on water or choke on the building dust above the surface. Never safe never-
“Darlin, hey, hey-” I pushed myself away from whoever was talking, not safe not safe not safe, this is it he’s found me I’m going to die. I knew he’d find me eventually, it’s inevitable, and maybe I deserve it. If I’m too weak to be able to swim then how can I ever deserve to live as a superhero?
“Hey, honey bun, babe please!” The voice begged but I couldn’t listen, I can’t, I need to get out of here, I need to escape. I frantically reached around, latching onto the nearest ledge and pulled myself up, even with my stickiness I managed to slip on the way out. I really am helpless.
“Peach, hey, hey,” the voice tried to calm him down but I can’t I can’t because I’m dying, aren’t I dying, I’m gonna drown, I’m not under anymore why can’t I breathe why won’t my lungs work?
“Peter-” Harley never calls me by my name it’s always darlin’ and sweetheart and babe and honey bun and stud-muffin and honey and peach and pumpkin, and that finally got me to finally look at him.
The tiniest bit of relief came over him as I finally looked at him, not through him, “You’re okay, you’re safe, you’re not gonna drown,” he tried to soothe me but I can’t calm down, I can't. He came forward slowly, wrapping his gentle arms around me. This time I didn’t fight him, oh god I pushed him, oh god did I hurt him? Conveniently I’m lighter than I look, and Harley picked me up, moving me further away from the stupid pool. I couldn’t help but wrap around him like a koala, “babe it’s okay, we’re out of the water, you’re not gonna drown,” but it’s not okay because I’m not supposed to be so weak, I’m a superhero I shouldn’t be so pathetic, especially in front of my boyfriend, how could Harley want to stay with someone so weak?
He pressed kiss after kiss to my face, kissing away the tears I didn’t even realize were leaking from my eyes, whispering comforting phrases between kisses as I held him. I’m showing enough weakness already, I can’t be this pathetic and actually cry , yet I tried and failed to keep my tears at bay. After seemingly endless whispers of ‘you’re safe’ and ‘it’s okay’ and ‘I’m here’ and ‘I love you’, he finally asked the big question, “Why didn’t say you’re scared of the water?”
Through my erratic breathing and crying, I mumbled stubbornly, “M not.”
“Darlin’.” Harley leaves no room for lies, he can see through me too easily. Is it bad that I love and hate that. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t insist I’m okay. “It’s okay to have triggers,” he whispered.
Instead of answering his original question, I asked, borderline begged, “Can we just go back upstairs? Please?” Though he was still looking at me with insane worry, he's never seen me panic like that before , he relented. But he did not let go of my hand the whole way upstairs. We stayed quiet in the elevator up which only made me feel more awkward, it’s not right for Harley Keener and Peter Parker to be silent together. My Fault.
I immediately took refuge in the bathroom once again, before Harley could stop me. As much as I tried every breathing exercise I know, none of them worked. Not counting, not the star breathing, nothing. I’m hopeless. After about ten minutes of trying to calm down my boyfriend knocked on the door “honey bun? You’ve been in there awhile.”
Shit. “Sorry, sorry, m coming,” I reluctantly exited the bathroom and Harley pulled me into another tight embrace, although Harley is still wet and now made me damp again. “M okay,” I murmured.
Still holding me, his voice was so deadly serious it was almost scary, “Stop lying. Does the old man know?” I shook my head into his chest. “How can I help?” You can’t help, you can’t, there’s no way to fix this, fix me.
Sometimes, my Parker Luck decides to not come to play. Crazy right?
Before I had to come up with an answer or excuse or distraction, or literally anything to get out of this, Mr. Stark knocked on the door as he opened it, “Hey boys,” he greeted, entering through the door connecting the two hotel rooms.
Harley refuses to let me go but I shifted away from him, which I know would only worry Harley more since I am typically more physical than he is, but isn’t a more worried Harley better than a suspicious Mr. Stark? “Hey Mr. Stark,” I tried to sound as casual as I could manage.
Though he kept looking between us, I’m sure with immense suspicion, he questioned, “Ready to go down to the beach?”
I choked down my panic, don’t raise suspicion , “mhm.”
But Harley, the literal angel he is, spoke up, “I don’t really feel like swimming, why don’t we stay here?” When my mentor furrowed his brows, he continued, “I know I haven’t shut up about the speech, but we tired ourselves out at the pool and I’d rather swim when we’ve had more time to recover.” How can he manage to lie without really lying?
Though clearly not completely buying it, he shrugged, “Yeah that better be what you’ve been doing.” I didn’t have the heart to banter, I was too focused on Harley protecting me, on Harley helping me without me asking him to. But he was so excited and now he can’t even go to the beach on the first day like he wanted to. All I’ve done is screw everything up and make everything worse and fight him on it, and oh my god I pushed him. I pushed my boyfriend, isn't that abuse? Am I abusive? Oh my god I screwed up, I can’t fix this, Harley needs to break up with me before I hurt him again.
Even though I was clearly zoned out for whatever they were talking about, neither of them said anything, instead Halrey led me over to the bed and made me sit down. I heard something about a movie and something about pizza but it didn’t really register. How can Harley say he loves me right after I pushed him?
The rest of the night seemed to go on autopilot, the two of them jokingly bickered over the movie to watch, they ordered pizza and Harley made sure I got at least one full box in me before I gave up eating, to make sure my metabolism wouldn’t like die or whatever. Though I kept my eyes on the screen, I wasn’t watching, too lost in thought. Every second Harley cuddled me only confused me more, he has no reason to stay yet he is. He could easily let me wallow in my anxious thoughts yet he’s still holding me and pressing kisses to my head and face. It’s so soft and sweet and god I don’t deserve him.
Though, maybe his plan worked because a strong tug of exhaustion began to pull at me, and he only continued to cuddle me, succeeding in making me more tired. But only after he whispered for me to sleep did I let the exhaustion win. Or rather, let Harley win in taking care of me.
Waking up the next morning was trippy to say the least, I didn’t even remember getting into bed yet there I was. Sitting up, Harley was still asleep in his own bed. Before I could figure out if I should get up and shower or not, he began to stir. He let out a groan, yawning while saying, “mornin’” to me.
He let me go take a shower first, in which the water may have been borderline burning, burning is better than cold, cold means drowning . By the time I was as ready as I could be for the day, Mr. Stark had already ordered room service for us. He sat with me while Harley took his own shower, eventually breaking the silence, “kid, you know you can tell me anything, right?”
I looked at him, I mean I shouldn’t be surprised but still, “I know,” I forced a smile. He’s far too generous. Thankfully the topic was able to drop once my boyfriend came out of the bathroom, somehow still yawning.
With all three of us here, Mr. Stark made his announcement, “I have meetings all afternoon, so if we want to go to the beach together, I suggest we go after breakfast.” Harley made eye contact with me, a silent question in his eyes.
But I looked away, I can’t ruin this vacation any longer, “yeah, sounds good, Mr. Stark,” I made myself smile again. When I looked back at my boyfriend, I couldn't tell what emotion he was expressing. He didn’t speak up though.
Instead of talking, we listened to some random sitcom channel on the television during our breakfast. I managed to eat the whole excessive amount of food my mentir got me, but I did not even try to drink the singular glass of orange juice in front of me. I just I can’t voluntarily have liquid go down my through, feel it fill me, feel it interfere with my breathing by choice. While they were distracted, I looked over Harley, trying to notice any signs of injury. If I had actually pushed him, he surely would be hurt right? Is it possible I didn’t push him?
After breakfast, Mr. Stark kept to his word and we all got ready for the beach. And of course the practical dad he is, he grabbed at least a dozen water bottles, insisting that heat plus sand plus salt water equals mega dehydration. But of course I’m stupid and when he told me to grab some for myself, my lack of filter got the better of me, “I thrive in constant dehydration.” Wrong answer, why am I so full of wrong answers.
Of course he was quick to respond, “what, kid no, that’s not good.”
Shit, shit, I screwed up again, “Sorry, sorry, it was a joke, it's nothing.” I looked between the two men but from the looks on their faces I knew neither believed me. For once, Harley stood silent, waiting to see what I would do.
“Then drink some water,” it wasn’t a question from my mentor.
I didn’t mean to step backwards, “What? No, I’m not even thirsty.” Please don’t make me.
“Kid-” he started, but I cut him off. Because I’m just that rude.
“Mr Stark I’m okay! And I drank water before you came in anyway,” I blatantly lied. Harley knows that’s a bold faced lie but I can’t take it back. I can’t ever take anything back as much as I want to, as much as I desperately need to. “We should head down,” I mumbled, eyes cast down, not even I have the audacity to look either of them in the eye after that mess.
I know they both can tell it’s a lie but thankfully they let the subject drop for now. Getting down to the beach I looked around, quickly finding an easy distraction. Instead of I dunno, going into the ocean like a normal person on a beach, I made myself busy picking up seashells.
Harley immediately bounced for the water, excitement taking over him despite everything. But Mr. Stark stayed on the sand with me, “what are you doing over there, kid?” He asked as I picked up another shell despite my arms already being filled.
Still grabbing more shells, I answered simply, “collecting shells for Harley and Aunt May,” then an idea came to me, “ooh! Mr. Stark, what if you got shells for Miss Potts?” I ignored how childish I sounded.
He gave me a fond smile, “good idea, kid.” Instead of joking about my childishness, he joined me in collecting various seashells. With each shell, I tried to press down the pit in my stomach hearing Harley laugh as he played in the waves. It’s not like I don’t want to have fun with my boyfriend, but I just, I can’t, not in the water.
After I had collected more than enough shells to be able to give some to everyone in the compound, Mr. Stark casually mentioned while I brushed some sweat off my brow, “you look hot there kid, why don’t you drink some water?” God no.
Though he had a bottle in his hand and was holding it out, I still refused like the ungrateful child I am, “no thank you I’m good.” Instead of inserting more like I expected, he asked if I wanted to go into the ocean. It’s like he’s testing me. I don’t wanna bring up more suspicion, but how the hell am I supposed to survive the ocean?
I couldn’t even handle the pool, and that water stood still, I can’t take constant waves trying to bring me under. I can’t, I can’t, there’s not even anything to ground myself on. Even with my stickiness, I can’t really stick to sand, it’ll just sleep through my toes as I’m brought deeper and deeper and god no I can’t I’ll drown.
Without thinking, volume so quiet I’m surprised he even heard me, I said, “please don’t make me…” I couldn’t manage to hide the quiver in my voice. I just don’t know when to shut up, “please don’t make me go.”
The sob escaped me before I could even think to bite my lip to try to stop it, he immediately rushed over to me, “I’m not making you do anything, okay? You can stay here, it’s okay, you don’t have to go into the water.”
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, so so sorry,” I rambled as I pressed my hands into my eyes, as if that would stop the tears from escaping. Mr. Starks arms came around me and helped me sit down on the hot sand.
As if my crying was a beacon, Harley was running over to me, “what happened? Darlin’?” He asked frantically, sitting down next to us.
I just could not help the apologizing from flooding out of me, “I’m sorry, I can’t- I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” but Mr. Stark attempted to assure me I have nothing to be sorry for. Lies. “I do, I have every everything to be sorry for, everything. I- I ruined the vacation, and I cry too much, and and Harley, yesterday, oh god, yesterday I pushed you.”
Once the floodgates were open, I couldn’t stop, despite both of the, trying to calm me down, “I- I’m freaking out over nothing when Harley, you’re the one that should be upset, I ruined everything and then I hurt you, and and I’m abusive, you don’t deserve this. You don’t deserve to deal with me, I’m awful, so so awful and-”
That is when Harley finally got me to shut up, “no. Peter no,” when he said my name, he grabbed both my hands from where I was still trying to hide myself, “Peter you are not abusive in any way. Yesterday was an accident and you didn’t even hurt me, I just went deeper into the water, I didn’t get injured at all.” I couldn’t stop my tears as he talked. Even though I knew I could pull away my hands from him and wipe at my tears, selfishly I still wanted him to hold me.
Mr. Stark spoke up this time, “Pete, you didn’t ruin anything. We don’t blame you for being scared.” He doesn’t understand, neither of them do.
I shook my head, “no, no shouldn’t be scared. It’s stupid, being scared of water is stupid.”
Somehow Mr. Starks voice got even more serious, “would you say my triggers are stupid?”
“Or mine?” Harley added on. Yeah I knew Harley has triggers, but those are real and valid, those are from years of abandonment and being left again and again, those are valid. This is different. But Mr. Stark has triggers.
Mr. Stark asked the burning question, ironic right, “are you afraid to drown?” He immediately added on, “It’s okay if you are, it’s okay.” But it’s not that simple, it can never be that simple. Even though water is scary, so so scary, it’s not that simple.
My voice so small, too small for a superhero, “‘Member when the vulture dropped me in the lake?” Realization dawned on Mr. Stark as his eyes widened. “I couldn’t get out, couldn’t swim. You saved me.”Harley held my hands tighter as more tears fell. When will I run out of tears?
“Oh kid,” he’s pitying me. I don’t deserve his pity, “the pool felt like drowning again didn’t it?” I knew I would let out another sob if I tried to say another word, so I just nodded instead. Thankfully Harley wrapped around me rather than asking any more pressing questions.
“It’s okay to be scared, and to have triggers, kid.”
It’s not, it’s not,mI’m pathetic, I’m a superhero and I’m scared of nothing, I’m scared of absolutely nothing, I’m nothing. But Mr. Stark said he has triggers too, and he’s the greatest superhero in the world. He’s like me but he’s so strong, it doesn’t make sense.
“Darlin, we’ll work through this. All three of us,” Harley comforted me. As much as I thought I should protest, I let him try to soothe me. Mr. Stark agreed we’d figure this out, together. I didn’t have it in me to argue anymore. If they don’t hate me after all that, maybe they really will help me through this. Maybe, maybe it can be okay.