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You weren’t old enough to remember anything about your biological parents. Lan Zhan was, but he doesn’t talk about it.
According to your documents, you and Lan Zhan weren’t actually related, but the rescuers found you together, and couldn’t get you to part. This is what the rescuers told the orphanage, what the orphanage told your parents, and what your parents told you.
“And we thought, we had to take you both, at least then you’d have each other for company in this strange and foreign land.”
Your parents never hid the circumstances of your adoption from you. Even though you were too young to remember much, your brother still did, and it’d have been unfair to ask him to keep this secret from you.
You started remembering around the age of six, not memories of your parents, but memories of a much older time. You knew, immediately, that these were memories and not your imagination, because your brother shared the same ones, and because you would never make up stories so sad.
In your memories, Lan Zhan was the younger brother.
In your memories, you had two other younger brothers.
It was a secret that you and Lan Zhan shared. Even at a young age, you knew, somehow, that no one else would believe you. You cultivated together, meditated together, or at least you tried. It never took. Your bodies were those of mortals, and you could never get very far.
At the age of six, you broke your leg in an attempt to fly.
You were 12, and an 8.0 magnitude earthquake in Sichuan shook the world.
Sichuan was just south-west of Qishan, google told you so. You’ve never been there, not during the Sunshot Campaign and not before. The world you lived in was a small one. Back then, you could fly from Qinghe to Gusu in a couple of hours, now you could fly across the world in a day.
Still, you watched the video footage on the news and couldn't help but stare. You were looking for something amongst the rubbles, but you weren’t sure what. Perhaps a hint of ancient architecture, a column or beam from the Cloud Recesses.
Or maybe, if you just look hard enough, you’d find yourself and Lan Zhan, or your biological parents.
You were 22 when you met them at the supermarket, Mingjue, Meng Yao, Huaisang. And you thought…
You didn’t really know what you were expecting, or what you wanted, but as you stare at Meng Yao’s sad smile and retreating back, as you stare at him talk quietly with Huaisang, you’re 12 again, and you’re scanning through video footages of rubbles, looking for something you didn’t know the shape of.
Huaisang told you that he needed some time.
“Why Huaisang and not me?” Was the thought you could never speak aloud.
“It’s hard for me to speak to Da-ge, you know?” Huaisang confessed to you through text. “I missed him too much.”
You’re 24, and your brother's worried sick about his boyfriend who’s quarantined in China
You think you’re a little obsessed with disasters and tragedies, because that’s the only time you feel any connection to the place that was once your homeland.
You were looking through your contact list when he called.
“Hello? Lan Huan?”
Even after all those years, you can still recognize that voice instantly.
“Meng Yao.”
“Is this a good time?”
“Of course.”
There's a period of silence on the line.
“How are you?” He asks.
“I’m good, staying inside.”
“Good, that’s good.”
“And yourself and Huaisang?”
“We’re both healthy. How’s Lan Zhan?”
“He’s alright. He misses Wei Ying.”
It's Meng Yao who breaks the silence again.
“It’s good to know that you’re safe,” he says, “I’m sorry it took so long.”
“Yeah,” you hear yourself say, “It’s good to finally speak to you.”
At Lan Zhan and Wei Ying’s wedding, Meng Yao smiles at you from across the aisle.
You smile back.