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As soon as Erwin walked through the door to his private chamber the expression of calm confidence and composure dropped to the floor like an ill-fitting mask. He grunted as a resisting, almost blinding headache was pounding behind his temples and his eyes burned.
Levi looked up from piles of documents he had worked through on Erwin’s desk and the sarcastic reply, he had already carried on his lips, died. Instead, he frowned concerned and stood up, covering the distance between them as quickly as he could.
“Is everything alright?” he asked as he covered the taller man’s cheek. He wasn’t used to see Erwin like this even though the commander showed his true colours to him. Erwin simply wasn’t a person to complain- or to grunt.
“Yes,” Erwin replied and let out a deep breath. The gentle touch of Levi’s hand was warm and comforting and he closed his eyes, while he snuggled his face into it. That seemed to concern Levi even more as the frown deepened and a worried expression clouded his grey eyes. “Just a splitting headache.”
Erwin huffed, but that apparently wasn’t a good idea as his own voice echoed inside his head and it felt like his bones were resonating the frequency, until they were transformed into a high tone shrieking through his hearing and he flinched.
Levi’s eyes softened compassionately and he gently brushed his fingers along Erwin’s sharp cheekbones.
“Come,” he said and took both his hands, which were so much taller than his own. Erwin followed the soft tug and his captain led him towards a couch, which was carelessly disposed somewhere in the room. It was old and brown, the leather worn out, but Levi made sure it was clean.
With a sigh, Erwin slumped rather than sit down and dropped all of his weight against the backrest. He closed his eyes and was glad that clouds were covering the sun so that it didn’t shone directly into his eyes.
The cushion feathered slightly when Levi sat down next to him, one leg tugged under his body as he wrapped his arms around Erwin’s chest and redirected his position so that his head came to rest on Levi’s chest, while his legs were dangling over the armrest due to their size difference, but Erwin didn’t mind.
Especially not, when Levi began to rub soothing circles on his temples. A deep, more relaxed sigh escaped him as he shifted his weight, settling more of it on Levi.
If it bothered him or was even too heavy, Levi didn’t show it. Instead, he silently continued his work and Erwin enjoyed the tender ministration. The rhythm that his captain found was opposite of the pulsing inside his head and soon Erwin felt how the tension disappeared more and more and he began to relax, almost dozing off.
It almost felt as if he could sense Levi’s smile behind him.
“Politics?” he asked while he continued.
“Hmmhmmm,” Erwin hummed deeply and slightly shook his head.
“Oi, stay still,” Levi chided him and gently slapped his chest.
“Okay, okay!” Erwin laughed again and lifted his hands in defeat, before he settled deeper in his embrace.
“What then?” Levi asked after some moments, which rather felt like minutes.
“Nothing in particular,” Erwin replied.
“Hmmm…” A thoughtful sound escaped Levi, almost as if he was wondering whether Erwin was telling him the truth or not. In the end, he concluded that he had no reason to and accepted that there was nothing greater to worry about.
Even the great 13’th commander of the Survey Corps could have a bad day now and again. Though that hadn’t happened often lately. Or rather, Erwin hadn’t showed it to anyone, but he trusted Levi blindly- just as much as Levi trusted him.
It was strange at times to let someone in, to share, but it was pleasant and Erwin knew that he could rely on Levi. Ever since that day in the Underground, when he had seen how he handled the 3d manoeuvre gear with ease, Erwin had known that he owned the wings of hope.
It still had taken a while until Levi trusted him, of course, but by now Erwin knew he wouldn’t be where he was without him. They were a perfect union, completing each other and he was glad about it.
“You’re still thinking,” Levi said grumpily and his sharp, steel-grey eyes glared down to him.
“I’m always thinking,” Erwin declared with a hearty laugh. “I can’t help it.”
“Just stop. Your synapses are likely burned out.”
“As if it were so easy.” A deep, exhausted sigh escaped him and suddenly it felt like his bones were filled with plump and his muscles ached.
“Leave the commander behind the door,” Levi whispered and tilted his head down to kiss his forehead. “Just be Erwin for once tonight.”
Erwin didn’t know what to say to that. It sounded so foreign to him. He always was the commander. Many lives depended on him and he wouldn’t forgive himself if they died, because he had put himself first once. Therefore, he rarely slipped out of the role, even lesser than he did out of the uniform, and it almost reached the point that his rank and his person had fused to one. That he didn’t know who Erwin was next to being a commander.
Levi knew that and he also knew how much he was asking of him.
“Worried?” He tried to ease the suddenly tensed situation with a joke and looked up with a smirk, but Levi didn’t buy this foolish attempt of distraction.
“Of course, you idiot,” he declared casually and kept Erwin’s blue eyes locked with a serious gaze. “I love you after all.”
Just like always, when Levi said those words, Erwin’s heart skipped a beat. It was rare that Levi expressed it as those words were still hard for him to say and there was no need to. Erwin knew what he felt for him and he didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable. Saying those powerful words always caused him distress.
Slowly, Erwin turned around in his arms and sat up, straddling his legs. Levi had blushed slightly and avoided the gaze of the blue eyes, feeling embarrassed. He was adorable like this, Erwin thought and he loved to see this other side of him.
He tipped his fingers under Levi’s chin, gently tilting his head up. Levi still hesitated, but finally his grey eyes searched for his, still a cautious expression in his eyes as if he waited to be punished for the confession.
Tenderly, he reached out and cupped Levi’s cheek. His hand was so big, it easily fitted into his palm. The blush on Levi’s cheeks deepened and Erwin could almost feel how fast his heart was beating.
“I love you, too.” A warm smile rested on Erwin’s lips, before he kissed him. “Thank you for everything.”
Levi scoffed, shifting on the couch and Erwin’s gaze softened at the sight, his irises shimmering like the ocean they longed to see together one day and with Levi by his side, times didn’t seem so hopeless anymore.
“You’re welcome,” he murmured, his voice nothing more than a hoovering breath, but Erwin heard it and it warmed his heart. At times, especially in the dark of the night, he often wondered if he asked and expected too much of Levi. He gave the command, but Levi had to carry the execution on his shoulders.
He had to pay with blood for Erwin’s dream. He had to endure the pain and often enough Erwin wondered if it was fair.
“Erwiiin,” Levi chided and his grey eyes glared warningly at him. Erwin huffed and smiled softly.
“I try my best, but stop thinking isn’t easy.”
“I chided you because you felt guilty for what you ask of me.” With a stern expression, Levi leaned back and crossed his arms. “Don’t do that.”
For a moment, Erwin starred at him with a surprised expression, but then a heavy sigh escaped him. Levi truly knew him.
“But…”
“No,” Levi insisted, his voice sharp as his blades and his eyes even more. A gaze, which even made the great commander of the Survey Corps startle, loosing his smooth composure for the moment. There was truly no way of hiding from his captain and lover. If Erwin was truly honest, he enjoyed it.
“Okay.” With a deep exhale, he accepted his defeat and Levi nodded content, but the concerned expression stayed on his face.
“Have you eaten enough today?” he asked and tilted his head, his grey eyes narrowed so that he wouldn’t miss a single reaction of Erwin. The commander of the Survey Corps leaned his head back with a frown, while he dug through the many pictures of the day. “So, too less.”
“What? I haven’t said anything.”
“You had to think for too long. That means you don’t remember if you have eaten at all today.” A heavy sigh escaped Levi and he glared reproachfully at him. “You truly have to take better care of yourself, Erwin.”
“Says the right one.”
“I’m replaceable,” Levi replied and crossed his legs. “But humanity needs you.”
“We’re all replaceable. It would be arrogant to think otherwise.” Erwin's expression was grim and his thick eyebrows cast a deep shadow over his eyes. Eyes which had seen so much and would many horrible things more.
“That’s true,” Levi agreed. “But we’re not replaceable for each other. I can’t lose you, Erwin.”
Those heavy, but true words hung between them as Levi reached for Erwin’s hand and lanced their fingers together.
“Me neither.” Erwin squeezed the tinier hand and a fond smile grazed his lips. “Who would have thought it would come to this in the beginning?”
“Not me. I tried to kill you after all.”
“You know, when you knocked me off my horse all I wanted to do was to hug you. I knew that expression of pain of guilt in your eyes and the feeling of anger which boils like molten lava in your stomach.”
“I let it out on the wrong person.”
Erwin shook his head.
“You didn’t. I used you as a chess figure to gain the finances for our expeditions after all.”
“I don’t blame you for it. Not anymore,” Levi said. “That day, I finally began to understand. To see.”
Before Erwin was able to dismiss it, Levi lifted himself up and placed a soft kiss against his temple, before he got up and held out his hand.
“And now, we’re going to get you something to eat.”
The sun had begun to set and grazed around Levi in a warm colour palette. The smile the captain carried was warm and Erwin just once again thought how beautiful he was. He might try to hide it, just as much as he tried to pretend like he didn’t care for others, but he was a kind person.
With a soft smile Erwin reached for his hand and let him be pulled up from the couch and while he walked down to mess hall, he thought how lucky they had been to have found each other. Hopefully, they would see the truth of this world together.