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i. much clap, ton of repressing
techno was fascinated by mythology. it wasn't really a secret, he had mentioned it vaguely a couple times to the others, and had accidentally referred to tommy as theseus once, which, hey, not his fault!
he liked to talk about it, because it was interesting. sometimes he had to remember that some people weren't as interested in his stuff like he is. maybe that's why he didn't notice how wilbur was only absently nodding along now, attention focused elsewhere.
"it's really interesting and all!" techno clapped his hands together, like he had seen wilbur do before. it made him feel happy, so he did it again.
that's when he noticed the lack of attention, and his joy dropped.
"oh, shit, i forgot that you don't really care for this stuff. sorry." now he felt awkward, knowing that he had been rambling about greek mythology even though it was clear that wilbur hadn't even been listening.
wilbur refocused on the conversation that had been one-sided for the past half hour, "yeah, sorry tech. it sounds really cool though."
techno tried at a grin, but fell short. he went to clap his hands together, this time more out of frustration than excitement, but stopped. why is he doing that? isn't it weird?
right, put that on the list. the list that's he's going to make. eventually.
no clapping
ii. stealing my family's stuff because they're comforting to me but i don't know how to ask for affection
techno snuggled into wilbur's sweater, typing away at his laptop with a light feeling in his chest. phil's bucket hat nearly fell down and blocked his vision, but he didn't take it off. one of tommy's plushes is snuggled up next to him, a dog that techno hopes above all things tommy doesn't notice is missing.
it feels nice, to have all these things that remind him of the people he care about. if he sniffs them (which, okay yeah he did) he can almost pretend like their actually here alongside him.
he wishes they were, but he has no idea in hell how he'd start a conversation asking if his family wants to cuddle in his room.
(wait, cuddle? now that's weird.)
but this is a fine, a good replacement for the mean time.
iii. oh no don't repress how you feel you're too sexy haha
sometimes techno feels childish.
he doesn't like what that means, but it's the only way he can explain it.
sometimes techno wants to stomp his feet, and whine, and not have to talk and give big words. he wants to just curl up in a blanket and not have to do thing, to hug something soft close and not be called names. he wants to be hugged like he's still a child that needs comforting.
but techno is not a child, in fact he's a damn teenager. and so he's going to act like one, even if it kills him. (which it already is.)
and so he talks even when he wishes he could just resort to not talking at all, only communicating through sounds he makes. and he doesn't wear headphones to block out the noise, and he doesn't stamp his feet, or fidget, or whine at all. he doesn't hug his plushies and he doesn't curl up with his blankets.
it all makes him sick, because he desperately wants to do these things. but it's childish, and god dammit techno is not childish.
iv. that moment when you hyperfixate on something you like for a second because you need to feel good but it backfires
he had practically begged for them to watch the movie because he liked it, and he felt like he had to watch it. he needed to, otherwise he won't be able to feel much other than terrible.
which is why he hated that he didn't want to watch the movie now.
hell, he had even gotten tommy to give up watching 'up', which was a big accomplishment! and now he didn't even want to watch the movie?
the pictures moving on the screen made him feel empty, and he just wanted to get out.
"i'm feeling sick, can i stay in my room?"
v. panic attack? from me? more likely than you think
he was seriously getting stressed out right now. he didn't want to be in a group project, phil had specifically told the school not to force him into social interactions. but this was his shitty science teacher mrs. watkins, who didn't care at all and had paired him up anyway.
the boy he was with was being incredibly bossy, and rude, and when techno tried to reason with him he was shut down. it didn't help that this boy was normally always a jerk, especially to him for some reason. it made now sense, but techno was on the verge of a panic attack and that was not happening. not now, not during school.
the girl he was also with, she was the leader of the group, looked pissed off and was rubbing her temples. she had originally tried to stop the boy, but found it to be useless. there was no way.
he felt a bit of sympathy for her, because she had to deal with this obnoxious asshole too.
he had begun bouncing in his seat, feeling too antsy. his body was warm, but not in a good way. a way that made him uncomfortable.
"hey weirdo, why are you bouncing? it's annoying."
techno was about to cry. he raised his hand up, until the teacher finally called on him.
"can i go to the bathroom?"
he needed to calm down, he couldn't do this otherwise. no use in panicking, it'll be fine.
+ vi. hey man, we've all had a panic attack at school, no biggie
when techno gets home, he drops his backpack on the floor and locks himself in his room. he doesn't want to go outside, too caught up on what happened earlier in school. he can't stop thinking about it, even though he desperately wants not to.
the door cracks open, and the bickering of his younger brother comes with that.
"hey, techno, tell wilbur that's he wrong-"
"i am not!"
he nearly lets out a whimper from the loudness. he's not having a good day, and it doesn't help that his family naturally makes a lot of noise.
instead, he starts to bounce his leg up and down. stops. and then starts again because fuck it, he's really tired and sad and anxious.
"techno?"
wilbur and tommy's heads pop through the door, peering at him curiously. he can't stop the amused smile spreading over his face.
techno taps his ears, and thankfully they seem to understand.
"do you want me to get the headphones?" wilbur asks, voice much softer now.
techno nods, and he scurries out of the room.
tommy sits next to him, "touch?" he whispers.
"y-" he's too tired to say anything, so instead he just nods. tommy grabs his hand and leans his head down on his shoulder. techno almost sighs with relief at the contact. it's warm and safe and caring and better than anything else.
wilbur returns with the headphones, and techno shakily puts them on. he feels better, now that all the sounds are muted. it makes him feel better, calmer, with his brothers at his side. school is instantly out of his mind.
techno taps on wilbur's arm, and he leans on techno as well. it's a bit awkward, because wilbur's taller than him, but it makes him feel warmer.
a relieved sigh leaves his lips, his eyes fluttering shut contentedly.
++ DADZA
"boys! i'm-" when phil peeked inside techno's room, he was surprised to see his sons bundled together. it made his heart melt.
he chuckled, and pulled the blanket over their jumbled up forms.
"love you."