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Steve rubbed at his eyes slowly, sleepiness clinging to his movements, leaving him sluggish, head heavy against the sofa. It was late, the moon sitting high in the sky and Colombian heat filling his lungs with every careful inhale. His tongue still tingled with the fiery taste of whiskey, even though his drink was long gone, glass sitting empty at his feet.
Now was about the time he should excuse himself, should make his way back to his empty apartment and his cold bed, try to get some god damn sleep but he already knew it was a lost cause. He hadn’t had a good night’s rest since Connie left, could barely remember the last time he’d woken up with something other then the pounding ache of a hangover.
Besides, he didn’t want to move, couldn’t bring himself to when Javi was sitting right next to him. It wasn’t lost on Steve that Javi was sitting close, too close, with his, with their bodies pressed against one another, his partner’s elbow digging into his side, one foot hooked around his ankle like it was the most natural thing in the world.
They’d been spending a lot more time together, seemed to live in each other’s pockets, and he knows, like he knows his car is bugged and the man down the street is in Escobar’s pocket and he’d never see Connie again, he knows that tonight is dangerous. Steve hadn’t even said anything, but Javier is lookin at him with his face a little scrunched up, eyes a little searching like he can’t quite make sense of what’s going on with him, can’t quite make sense of them.
Its quiet, is the thing.
The clock had just ticked past the time when most of the obnoxious parties would end, when the shouts would die down and rumbling engines put to bed. Not that it would have mattered, not here in this too nice neighborhood that is supposed to keep them safe and sequestered away from the beating heart of the country, the city. Steve likes to think he is starting to understand the longing in Javier’s eyes, the caress of his words when he speaks of Colombia.
Right now, the silence is unsettling for another reason entirely.
Licking his lips, Steve watches Javier watching him, tracing the shadows from the single, dying lamp on the side table next to the couch, wishing it was his own hands doing it instead. Part of him felt terrified of breaking the fragile, shivering thing sitting like a stone between them, a bigger part of him wanted to find the words to push them just a little further, to send them tumbling off the cliff of uncertainty.
Javier’s expression smoothed out, lips twitching and Steve knows, he knows exactly what is about to happen a moment before it does and he only has time to inhale sharply before soft, warm lips are pressing against his own. The initial touch was just that, a brief meeting, an uncertain question that bellied the confident man Steve knew him to be and the moment he moved back, all he knew was that he wanted more, always, forever, more.
Javi was close to him, his breath fanning across his skin in a way that made it tingle, that made something heavy and emotional rise up in his chest and it was the easiest thing in the world to cup his cheek and draw him close again. There was a sound in the back of Javi’s throat, not quite a groan, not quite a sigh, and he was pushing forward just a little, familiar, calloused palm sliding around to cup the back of his head. The sensation of it, of his lips moving against his own, his wet tongue seeking entrance to his mouth, his touch so different to that of Connie’s, it left him dizzy with want.
He felt like he couldn’t breathe, between the way they moved in sync with one another and the rapid beating in chest, Steve wanted to gasp for air, but he couldn’t bear to let go of the other man, like the moment they parted, this would fall apart and shatter in their hands.
Javi’s fingers tightened in his hair, almost as though he could hear his thoughts, little moments of lightening like pain prickling across his scalp, quickly soothed by fingers loosening and running through his hair. He felt more alert than he’d been in months, exhaustion still laying heavily over his mind and body, but he no longer felt as though he were drifting through the days, the hours, the minutes, no he’d finally found a place where he could just stop.
Javi pulled away first, lips slanting to the side until they were poised right on the corner of Steve’s mouth, pausing there while they breathed into the quiet, foreheads pressed together, eyes squeezed closed for a long moment.
“Fucking hell Murphy,” Javier’s voice was strained, hand having slid down to the back of his neck, fingers absently playing with the hairs on his nape, making Steve shiver. “Seriously Murphy, what the hell?”
“Don’t call me Murphy,” he muttered, forcing his eyes open and taking in the sight of Javi’s widened eyes, their dark depths cast in shadows, expression a little lost.
Swallowing thickly, eyes dancing away, “it’s your name isn’t it?”
The thing was, Steve knew this was overwhelming, could only image the absolute anarchy in Javier’s mind, could feel his own stomach swooping with the reality of what they’d just done. Except, he wasn’t one to do anything by halves and all he really needed to know was that he wanted to do it again. Javier had already taken the first leap, had been the first one to breach the distance and kiss him, so the least he could do, was meet him halfway.
“Javi,” he didn’t respond, didn’t even glance at him, even though those damn fingers were still in his hair and his breath was still coming out in heavy pants. Steve felt his jaw clench as he reached over and gripped the other man’s shirt in his fist, finally earning him a startled look. “If we’re gonna keep doing shit like this,” and god he hoped they would. “You had better start saying my name Peña.”
Javi blinked, staring at him for a long moment, before he nodded slowly, “yeah…yeah, alright Steve.”