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Kaoru’s eyes tightened as his body slowly awoke. There was no more adrenaline rushing through him, and the medication he had taken had by now worn off. Every part of him ached to the point he was as convinced he was going to die as he was last night. Every muscle: overused. Every bone: ready to snap. Every joint: unable to move. It was excruciating and this meant Kaoru couldn’t think. So, when he finally opened his eyes and took in his surroundings, he almost didn’t notice that something was off. He recognised the decor and the smell and the way the light entered the room. It was entirely familiar and yet it wasn’t quite right. This was not Kaoru’s room.
As memories invaded his head, the daunting realisation that this was in fact Kojiro’s bed that he had found himself in was almost worse than the pain of his body. Okay, maybe he was exaggerating. After discharging himself from the hospital (he knew himself better than any doctor could), Kojiro was waiting in the car park, ready to take him home. Though, Kaoru refused. He knew that Kojiro would leave him alone to sleep and for some reason that was the last thing he wanted. He wanted company. He needed company. He wanted the person who’d always been there even in the worst of times to be there once again. He ignored how pathetic it made him look and feel. He was already injured physically, surely he could allow himself a break from the emotional wounds. That break involved a bottle of wine with the muscular baboon who he was too proud to admit was his best friend (and perhaps his only, if he thought about it too hard).
Kaoru wanted to turn his body, hoping to see the idiot sleeping next to him. He’d be able to see what a peaceful body looks like. Maybe he could live vicariously. Maybe it would lessen his own agony. With all his might, he breathed in. Exhaling, he moved. And there was a point where he thought every limb was going to fall off and he’d be left a completely helpless, mangled mess. But he achieved his goal. Staring across from him, he couldn’t describe the absolute fury that now overtook the pain in his chest.
“Kojiro!” he barked through the house. Kaoru wasn’t sure if he was more angry that Kojiro wasn’t next to him, or that he was upset about it. Of course, Kojiro didn’t need to be there — and quite frankly, Kaoru would have made his fair share of comments about it — but the fact that he wasn’t was infuriating nonetheless.
Kaoru heard a stir on the floor next to him. The lifeless lump that had curled up with a body pillow and a fluffy blanket had begun to rub its eyes. The floor?! The absolute audacity! Kojiro would rather break his back than simply sleep next to Kaoru. Kaoru couldn’t help but take this to heart. Mindless gorilla…
“What is it?” Kojiro yawned, sitting up. Kaoru could feel his eyes on him. He was now unsure of what to say. And unsure if he had anything to say in the first place. What did he want out of this again? He couldn’t recall.
“You forgot to charge Carla, didn’t you?” The accusatory nature of his words masked every part of him that would kill to feel warmth next to him right now. Though he was thoughtfully placed under a blanket, he still felt a chill through his body. It surely wasn’t making the pain any better.
“No, I didn’t forget. I knew you’d be temperamental this morning so I took care of everything.” Temperamental?! The fact that Kojiro wasn't wrong made this all the more awful. Kaoru felt his blood boil. He really was predictable, wasn't he?
“Moron…” Kaoru settled for. If he weren’t still in agony, he would have crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. He knew that Kojiro knew he would do that so it didn’t feel necessary to waste the energy.
“Good morning to you too… How are you feeling?” Kojiro’s voice was sickeningly soft. False fondness (that Kaoru couldn’t entirely determine as false) and a cheap smile no doubt accompanied the words.
“Sore.” He was sore. There was no point denying it. While he may have undersold just how sore he was, it wasn’t entirely untrue.
“Alright, princess. I’ll get you your stupid drugs.” Kaoru was fuming. But at least, after he’d taken something, maybe he’d have the physical ability to punch Kojiro in the face. Or at least stomp on his foot.
Footsteps thunked out of and back into the room. Finally, Kojiro placed himself in Kaoru’s view. And maybe just a little bit of the resentment he had been forcing, faded just a touch. Sleepy eyes, messy hair, gentle smile. As much as he hated to admit it, he was calmed by the sight. He felt his body relax ever so slightly and maybe… just maybe… his pain lessened the tiniest bit.
“You look awful,” Kojiro chuckled. Kaoru made the effort to roll his eyes this time, even if it burned.
“Shut up…” Kaoru mumbled, too impatient to think of a reply. He needed something else to quiet his body. Kojiro certainly wasn’t enough.
“Open wide, cheapskate.” The moron had taken the pill in between his fingers and dangled it in front of Kaoru, taunting and mocking him. Kaoru turned his nose up despite the shocking pain that ran through his neck, all the way down his spine. “This is no time to be like that. Can you even move your arms?”
Kaoru took this as a challenge. Despite the unbearable pain that bit at his shoulder, he reached for the pill. But Kojiro, the absolute bastard, pulled his hand away, out of reach
“You smooth-brain gorilla! Hand it over!” Kaoru grumbled, angrily. He couldn’t do anything by himself if Kojiro was going to make it difficult for him. Kaoru retreated his arm and held it close. That hurt more than he was going to admit. His eyes closed momentarily to regain his composure.
“Oh, Kaoru… Need me to kiss it better?” The cadence of Kojiro’s voice would have given Kaoru the strength to strangle him on a good day. And “it” would mean his whole body. Everything hurt. It wasn’t as if Kojiro’s lips briefly placed on a single part of him would do any good. No. If anything he’d need a lot more than that. But, Kojiro wasn’t serious. Kaoru couldn’t recall a time he had ever been. Well, perhaps for a moment last night. Perhaps for many moments last night. But that was hardly the point.
“You’d be lucky to get the chance, ape,” Kaoru forced out. The pain had begun to worsen. His eyes were shut tight again. A few more seconds and he might just die where he lay. He trusted Kojiro to recognise this. Thought he may be stupid, Kaoru knew he cared.
And just as he suspected, the pill was gently pushed into Kaoru’s hand. Kaoru didn’t wait for any water to be handed to him and instead, quickly shoved the pill down his throat. He heard Kojiro smile. It irritated him. Or comforted him. He couldn’t quite tell.
Kaoru breathed softly, trying his best to relax. It would take a second for his body to stop shouting at him so he valued the quiet that Kojiro provided him. Though, the quiet rustling of sheets caused Kaoru to open his eyes again. Kojiro had made himself comfortable next to him. And that was fine. It was his bed after all. But they hadn’t been this close to each other in a while. And Kojiro’s careful eyes upon him almost burned into him. Far too much kindness and care made itself comfortable in the man’s expression. Kaoru deserved none of this. Not after the performance he’d given last night. So much confidence and misplaced hope. What a fool he’d been. And Kojiro had told him to be careful. Kojiro had believed in him— told him that he’d laugh at him if he lost. Kaoru thought that maybe Kojiro should have laughed. What had Kaoru expected. Adam had moved on from him long ago. He had been holding onto something that wasn’t even there to begin with. He was the moron. He was the idiot. Kojiro’s soft expressions and gentle words shouldn’t be meant for him. But they were. Kaoru retreated behind his arms, covering his face. He didn’t deserve Kojiro’s gaze.
“What is it?” Kojiro asked, inching closer. “Don’t go all shy on me, now. Nothing I haven’t seen before.” It was true. No matter how stupid or stubborn Kaoru had been in the past, Kojiro was always there. He brought his arms away from his face and back to his chest. Kojiro smiled at him— a warm and familiar smile. “There he is…”
Kojiro slowly brushed Kaoru’s fringe from his eyes. Kaoru ignored the fluttering and blamed it on the medication kicking in. Though, he should note that this wasn’t the first time he felt it. Kaoru shivered. He didn’t mean to. And of course Kojiro noticed.
“Is it cold?” Kojiro seemed to be immune to cold weather as evidenced by his particular appreciation for wearing practically nothing. Kaoru on the other hand was cold a lot of the time. Now was no exception.
“Not all of us have a blanket of obscene muscles to keep us warm, you walrus.”
Without words, Kojiro moved even closer. And it wasn’t long before Kaoru felt strong arms take hold of him. He tried his best not to wince. He didn’t want to stop Kojiro’s gesture even if it hurt him. And so, he breathed gently against Kojiro’s chest. And he felt his body begin to warm. This is what he needed; the same warmth and care that had taken him to the hospital last night; the same kindness that had let him take the bed; the same fondness he’d been receiving since they were kids and he was too blind to notice. Kojiro had barely changed. Why hadn’t he noticed all this tenderness? He really was such a fool.
“This is okay, right? I’m not hurting you?” For someone so concerned about “going with the flow”, Kojiro sure talked a lot. If Kaoru really wanted to, he could make an attempt to withdraw, and Kojiro would, without hesitation. But he didn’t want to. He just wished Kojiro would shut up once in a while.
“You would never hurt me…” The words came out embarrassingly muffled and almost slurred. Maybe Kaoru hadn’t slept enough last night. Or maybe he finally felt like he could relax.
In any case, what he said was true. Sure there had been forceful nudges, maybe a kick or a shoulder punch that was a little too hard but Kojiro would never do anything to hurt Kaoru. Whether it be physically or emotionally, Kojiro knew what was too far and what Kaoru could take. He’d make it his mission to keep him entirely safe if Kaoru wasn’t so stubborn sometimes. He could count on Kojiro. Always.
“Kaoru?” He wanted to be annoyed that Kojiro still wouldn’t stop talking. But, of course, he was so comfortable and felt so at peace that it wasn’t going to happen. He let out a little hum that indicated he was listening. “I can cook for you today, right?”
“Well, what else are you good for?” Kaoru could list so many things. But Kojiro didn’t need to know. In reality, he probably already knew anyway. He hoped he knew. Kaoru felt him smile against the top of his head.
“And Kaoru?” This caused Kaoru to sigh. But he prompted Kojiro with another hum. “You really had me worried… I’m glad you’re here…”
Kojiro had no business making Kaoru feel like this. His heart thumped and his cheeks burned. Honestly, it was rude. And if he wasn’t so terrified that every feeling he had would pour out of him, he would have said something. But he instead stayed still, with his eyes closed, and didn’t even bother to try and open his mouth. Even when he felt Kojiro’s lips push against the top of his head, he couldn’t say anything. Kojiro knew what he was doing too. Stupid gorilla…