Chapter Text
Monachopsis (noun)
[mon-a-cop-sis]
The subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place
People sucked.
It was a universal truth that Tommy learned firsthand when the older kids trapped him in a damp cave, with nothing but a low durability wooden sword that they'd thrown at him, laughing as they ran. It'd been a cold night spent trapped, unable to get through the multilayered cobblestone wall that kept him from the outside world. A little four year old trapped in a scary place.
When Tommy died to a witch, a mob so rare in his county that their bounty was twice a creepers, they'd gotten in trouble. But it didn't make up for the new scars from broken glass shards imbued in his arm or the new heart-stopping fear of short, high-pitched laughter. The extra few days of chores wasn't the same as having nightmares every night for months, waking up screaming or sobbing or in his own piss. They could move on from it after a week, Tommy couldn't.
Everyone in the world (except maybe Tubbo) sucked, it'd been the first lesson he had learnt.
Another universal truth was that Tommy was a bad different. He was special in only the bad ways.
It wasn't like Tubbo's odd quirks, the ones that people thought of fondly. People laughed at his bizarre bits, they saw his soft demeanour and they accepted him and they liked him. No. Tommy's different was annoying. He was a bother, selfish and stupid. His laugh was too loud, his jokes were too offensive, his everything was grating on the nerves and everyone thought he'd be better off dead.
It was something he came to accept as family after family passed by, everyone rejected him eventually. Some later than others, but always eventually.
Besides Tubbo. But Tubbo had always been an exception to the rules. His chaos could never be contained to a simple "universal truth".
Tubbo was an exception even to his third and final universal truth, platonic soulmate bonds were doomed for failure.
His best friend found his new family easily. When he was three and Tommy hadn't even met him yet, he was found on the side of the road by his soulmate siblings, Niki and Eret. Their father, Schlatt, wasn't apart of the bond, but he'd taken Tubbo in anyways.
Schlatt was a good man, even if he had a bit of a drinking problem. He took care of Tubbo.
He didn't care about the effects taking in a platonic bond would cause. Schlatt didn't care about other's people opinions about anything else either. Above them and not afraid to show it. Cocky but with the skill to back it up. He was idyllic in Tommy's eyes, even if the man acted like a dick sometimes.
And people didn't seem to mind the bond. Not when it came to Tubbo. People took one look at Tommy's best friend and declared him a good kid, a kid Tommy's devilish self was 'tainting'.
Tommy had heard the old matron talking about it with the other old hags that congregated in the bookshop every weekend. She went on and on about how much of a bad influence he was, "Tommy's kind shouldn't be interacting with a nice boy like Tubbo."
She was right. Tommy wasn't a good person. He had hellish luck that seemed to follow him everywhere. And worst of all he even had a platonic soul-bond with not one or two, but three people.
Tubbo had a p-smb with two people, sure. But Tubbo was Tubbo. And Tommy was Tommy. It was really no question on why it mattered for Tommy and not him.
"If Tommy really cared about Tubbo, he'd leave him alone before he gets sent to U.I.S.D. I'd hate for Tubbo to be dragged down with him."
But Tommy was selfish. He'd cling to his brief illusion of friendship as long as he could. And when U.I.S.D does come for him, he'll leave them behind as his final gift to Tubbo.
Tommy can still remember the clattering of shifting bones echoing in the tiny cave. The slick slide of the bow against the stone floor as the mob dragged it beside them.
He couldn't look away as he sat in a ball, huddled into a corner and trying to stay hidden as the enchanted bow was swiftly continued on a drag.
It had been so distracting that Tommy ignored the sounds of soft footsteps getting closer until he felt glass dig into his legs, a thick green potion coating his jeans like sludge. It sunk in, making his world twist and turn as he wobbly tried to escape.
The haunting cackling of the witch echoed in the cave as she threw another potion, scraping her nails across the glass and aiming at Tommy's head. He narrowly pulled up his arms to protect himself, feeling the sharp pain of a instant damage burn skin. Lighting up every nerve like lightning was coursing through his veins.
Tommy tried to fight back, swinging his sword with reckless abandon. She gave a brief shriek of pain, the only sign that he actually did something in his panicked fighting. But it wasn't enough obviously, her hands were quick enough to grab another potion.
The thick glass shards cut through his skin like paper. It hurt horribly. The painful aching of his body had to be ignored though. Tommy wasn't going to stay alive by crying. He knew better than to hope for someone to save him. People didn't help him. Those assholes locked him in for fuck's sake.
Tommy swung wildly, trying to ignore the ache in his head and the tremble of his hands as he still tried to desperately get away. It was foolish, maybe. But it there was a chance, why wouldn't he take it. Even if he died, at least he died trying. It was more than any of those fuckers could say. They just fucking trapped Tommy with cobblestone they probably found on the surface.
When the skeleton finally remembered him, their arrow struck his shoulder with a powerful strike. He collapsed, the wooden sword clattering uselessly against the stone floor.
The witch took this opportunity to strike him with another instant damage potion. The bitter taste in his mouth was nothing compared to the gut-wrenching twist his stomach gave, his nails clawing at glass shards that no longer existed on his respawned body.
He continued clawing at his stomach, trying to reach into the pit in his stomach that felt like molten lava, it burned his insides and it felt like ash and his mouth stung with the horrible taste of soot.
He hated how harshly the respawn hit him. It made his head spin and his heart stutter uselessly. The panic laced every cry, his bones and his cells. It sunk deep into his veins and it drilled into the adrenaline and mixed horribly. Tommy wanted to run and he couldn't move, wanted to cry and beg but the only one there was a panicked volunteer who has never respawned in their life.
Tommy could hear as the other kids settled by the door, watching his painful respawning and freak out. They'd just gotten back, right in time for his traumatizing rebirth.
He could feel blood starting to soak his fingers, and the sharp sting of pain that he knew meant he's bleeding.
Bleeding.
The disturbed cries of the onlookers made his head ring, it was uncomfortable for him to hear their startled, pained cries. They had done this to him. They scarred him. All of them.
He could feel the smooth bumps over his arms as the volunteer held them together, away from where he was trying to get rid of the heat.
He was four...
It was a vivid memory ever since it happened. Every second of that hour, it was ingrained in his head. It was burned permanently into his mind. He couldn't forget if he wanted to.
Tommy could hear one of their panicked cries get even sharper as he slammed against the volunteer, trying hysterically to get free. They held on, crying too. They were in pain, their bloody nose dripping onto his soaked red sheets, staining the bright red a deep crimson and mixing with his own, large pool of blood.
He hiccuped, finally going limp at their hands. He let them usher away the others when they realized he had no more energy to do anything. The adrenaline drained from his body. He finally lost all fight.
He saw how the older kids looked so incredibly guilty every time they saw him, he could hear their horrified, guilty whispers about him during supper. He hoped they felt worse when they finally got to see all the scar marking his body that they caused.
Tommy settled into a chair in a corner booth of Niki and Puffy's, their aunt, cafe. It was a nice place, somewhere Tommy, Tubbo, Ranboo and Purpled often ended up after school.
If their life was a high school teen drama show, this would probably be their designated 'spot' that they went to after every larger than life event to unwind.
Tommy found it relaxing enough, so it wasn't too farfetched. The bakery was a nice little place in town, relatively popular but it was always open to Tubbo and his friends even if it was busy.
"How have you guys been?" Ranboo read out, glancing over at the rest of them before he continued reading the writing that Sam had shoved in his face. It was a familiar routine. Especially since Ranboo was the only one ever allowed to read his text, as the others always fucked it up/fucked with it in some way. "I've been good, Sam!"
"I'm dead inside, but it's nothing new." Purpled shrugged, scrolling through Instagram. Sam grinned at him, such a familiar routine that he already had a note ready. "So extra sugar in your coffee."
It wasn't a question, but Purpled still nodded. Tubbo excitedly started his own answer. "Sam! I saw a few bees by school today!"
Tommy zoned out, his eyes caught on the corkboard Sam had hung up a few months ago. A pretty flyer, advertising some random band that was apparently going to play at Bad's bar. The flyer looked like a train station, covered in dark colours that just caught his eyes. It was planned around 7 pm, which gave him enough time to watch them and a few other bands before curfew at 9.
"And you, Tommy?"
Tommy was brought back by his name, giving a small, questioning hum. Ranboo repeated it hesitantly. "I'm incredible, Sam Nook! I'm actually interested in this band night at Bad's bar tonight, so I might go check that out."
Sam nodded, glancing over to where Tommy's eyes kept straying. His eyes lit up when he realized it was the flyer. Momentarily dropping the animal crossing sounds, Sam gladly told him about the band. "That band's Wilbur's. He's an old friend who moved away. He's a very good songwriter and an even better singer, so I'm sure you'll have the best time!"
When Sam left to get their order, Tommy started tracing his soulbonds absentmindedly. He'd forgotten his armbands today, so anyone who glanced at his wrists could see the blue-lined but colourless signs that supposedly represented them.
A guitar, a crown, and wings. Such a basic set of things. Tommy hopes that his soulmate mark is at least cooler than theirs. I mean obviously it will be, he's Tommy Danger Careful Kraken Innit and he's cooler than everyone.
"So," Tubbo whispered to him, catching his attention. Ignoring whatever Purpled and Ranboo were arguing over ("Yes, it is a felony, Purpled."), Tommy's eyes were caught on Tubbo's own soul marks. His coloured-in soul marks were proudly displayed over his cheeks, laying over his pale freckles. "Are we going to the Badlands later?"
"Fuck yeah we are," He grinned, relaxing at the silent promise of staying together. Oh, he was so selfish...
Wilbur tuned his guitar, focusing on that noise instead of the growing noise of a crowd. No matter how many times he did this, it'd be full of anxiety and stress until the music started.
He knew that nothing would go wrong, things had a likelier chance of being normal than just randomly descending into chaos. But that didn't mean that every group that walked in didn't make him want to just leave right there and then.
The only thing keeping him in the Badlands was the reunion with his old pals like Niki, Eret, and Fundy. Also his loving twin brother who was knocking some common sense into him.
"Wil, tonight will go fine. You'll play a few songs, the crowd will love it, and then we'll go get a few drinks." Techno soothed, Wilbur almost wanted to reach out to hold his hand and calm down. "It'll be like every other bar we stop at."
"But what if I blunder and mess up the lyrics or, or-," Techno did reach out for his hand this time, rubbing soothing circles on the back of his hand right where the colourless music discs were. Taking a moment to stop and breathe, Wilbur nodded quietly. Techno spoke softly, "I know you're gonna do amazing no matter what. You're incredible, WIl."
Smiling weakly at him, Wilbur nodded. He continued his breathing exercises with Techno's presence like a blanket for the noise. He leaned against Techno and decided to just search the crowd while he calmed down.
And strangely, a group of kids walked in. They were laughing, instantly beelining towards Bad like they've been here before.
Wilbur frowned as they instantly started chattering their heads off to Bad. He hoped they weren't trying to get beer, they looked like 12. Except that one kid who was probably taller than Wilbur, the boy with the two-toned hair.
Wilbur yawned accidentally when he saw the blonde in a purple hoodie yawn and rest his head on his arms. He glanced over at the other kids, the pair who were holding hands and jabbing each other with random snickers.
The brunet's platonic soulbond was obvious, markers over his cheeks and coloured in.
It was strange to see them so open, even coloured in. Wilbur gripped Techno's hand tightly, glancing towards his guitar mark that was barely peeking through Techno's shirt.
Wilbur hummed a random song, giving up on looking through the rest of the crowd. These random kids were interesting enough when they made Bad splutter indigenously, calling for Skeppy and going off on a language rant.
It was nostalgic. A reminder to when they were kids and Bad always had the stick up his ass. Wilbur gave an airy laugh when Skeppy instantly sided with the kids.
Techno's attention was finally back on him. He had been zoned out for the past few minutes, staring at the door. He followed his gaze and hummed curiously.
"Wilbur, Tech!" Phil calls suddenly. They both instantly turn towards their older soulmate, smiling instantly. "Are you guys ready for today?"
"Of course," Techno says, wiping his face of any trace of the smile. Wilbur pinches his brother, "Yeah, we're doing good. But maybe a drink before we go up would be good?"
Phil sighs, "I suppose just today."
Wilbur and Techno share a smirk.
They stretch slightly as they make their way to the bar. Wilbur calls Antfrost's name. "Hey! Ant! Me, Tech and, Phil need a few beers."
Ant nod, giving them a quick smile as he heads over to the where the beers sit in a small area. Wilbur notices the blonde one's eyes settle on his soul mark on his hand. It's slightly uncomfortable, but Wilbur is used to strangers staring at his platonic bond mark. Most did, no matter how old.
As they drank, time passed quickly. Before Wilbur even knew it, he was on stage with his guitar in hand and Techno's reassuring presence
Wilbur loved the feeling of just finishing a performance. The ache in his throat and the slight cramp in his fingers. It was a good type of painful.
When he stood up there, with dozens of eyes watching him in awe and respect, it was everything.
He smiled, relaxing into the pleased adrenaline that coursed his veins. Wilbur gave a fancy bow to the crowd, walking down with an air of confidence he only ever had after these moments.
Phil was smiling proudly at him, a half-finished beer in hand as he and Techno gave him a small clap.
Techno gave a low whistle, "Wowed the crowd again, Wil."
"Ah, well, it's just music." He flushed. Phil shook his head, handing him a bottle of water. "It's you, Wilbur. You're incredible."
Wilbur smiled widely. With flush cheeks, he took a long sip from his water to ignore it.
And right before he could cap his bottle, a loud voice near yelled in his ear.
"Hello! I'm Tubbo and this is Tommy!" The brunet from earlier smiled politely at him. The blond next to him gave a chipper "hi" and Wilbur tried to reorient himself.
"Wilbur," he replied incredulously. He finally capped his water, handing it off to Techno as he turned fully towards the teens. "Is there a reason you're here?"
"Tommy really likes you music!" Tubbo happily exclaimed. The blond nodded, his cheeks flushed red. "Sam was right, you're a good singer."
"Sam! How's he?" He said. Tommy shifted uncomfortably. "Good, he said he knew you a long time ago."
"Yeah, me and Techno used to live here as kids."
Tommy's eyes slid over to Wilbur's twin. Wilbur almost laughed at how obviously startled he was at the fact. Instead of commenting on it, he focused on the perfect thing.
"Techno?"
"Short for Technoblade."
"That's a shit name."
Wilbur laughed, at the remark and the panicked look of realization on the kids face. Techno huffed next to him, taking a sip from Wilbur's water. "Blame it on Phil."
"Hey! You asked for a new one and it's all I could think of." Phil complained, smiling anyways. Tubbo and Tommy burst out laughing at the same time.
Wilbur looked away for a second and caught the three people they were getting reuinted with.
"Eret!"
"Wilbur!"
The children present startled, quickly turning to look at the three adults they already knew making their way over.
"You played amazing, Wil. Niki teared up." Fundy said. Before Niki could rebuttal, they noticed Tommy and Tubbo.
"Tubbo?" Niki frowned, looking around. Her gaze met Tommy's and she sighed. "Where are Ranboo and Purpled?"
"They got tired so they left early." Tubbo sheepishly answered, already melting into the hand Eret placed on his shoulder. "But I thought Tommy might want to talk to Wilbur so-?"
Fundy shook his head, grinning. "It's fine, Tubs. As long as you're not doing drugs-, I'm looking at you Tommy, it's fine."
Tommy playfully scowled. Wilbur couldn't help but laugh as he swatted away Fundy's ruffling hand.
Techno was chatting with Niki, tensely glancing at the kids occasionally. Wilbur took his twins hand in his own and let himself relax.
"So, kid, which was your favourite?" Wilbur leaned forward, taking a quick sip of his water afterwards.
Tommy awkwardly looked away, "Uh, probably Your Sister Was Right?"
"Oh," Wilbur smiled. That song wasn't the most popular in his album but he was glad it had a few fans. "I had taken you for a Losing Face fan."
Tommy shrugged, a small grin building on his face. "What can I say, I live to be unpredictable."
Wilbur laughed softly, squeezing Techno's hand. His brother squeezed back and Wilbur was glad that his previous worry was unfounded.
Tommy was happy and it was weird. These people were nice and kind and they weren't Tubbo. They made him feel good.
They laughed at his jokes and they ruffled his hair and they teased him back. They were weird and it was almost unnerving.
He needed to go before he got attached to them like Tubbo.
It was hard to get up, making flimsy excuses about a curfew he ditched hours ago. He turned to leave, Tubbo would probably call the matron to make sure he got home safe soon anyway.
"Wait, you-" Wilbur cut himself off, sounding like all the air just got knocked out of him.
Tommy followed his gaze to his glowing wrist.
Tommy feels his breath hitch as the guitar on his wrist slowly coloured in. A brown guitar, with silver accents and tiny yellow flowers. He pulled his arm back, knowing that everything was different.
They didn't chase after him, but when he glanced back as he ran out the door, he saw their pained and shocked expression.
These people ruined everything. They broke his rules.
.
.
.