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Merlin sighed as he laid back against the picnic blanket. Arthur had invited [read: dragged] him out on a picnic that afternoon. It was nice, the weather was perfect, Arthur was… Arthur. They’d just finished eating and put away the leftovers.
Now, they relaxed beside one another on the blanket. Arthur laid on his back next to where Merlin did, as they both watched the clouds roll by.
The peace was nice. Something they weren’t very used to anymore. Ever since Merlin had come to Camelot, and destiny had decided to make itself known… Well, things had been hectic. Now, though… Now was good. Now was calm.
Though, perhaps he shouldn’t jinx it with that thought. Merlin bit his lip, as a low bird-call could be heard in the distance. Before he could let the words pass his mental filter, first, he began to speak, breaking the relaxing quiet between his lover and himself.
“Sometimes I wish…” Merlin trailed off, staring up at the sky where birds flew overhead.
Arthur tilted his head. “Sometimes you wish what?”
There was a moment of calm, comfortable silence before Merlin sighed and shook his head.
“Nothing, nothing, it’s stupid.”
Arthur rolled onto his side to face Merlin with a grin.
“Well now I have to know!” He insisted.
Merlin rolled his eyes and turned to match Arthur’s position, locking eyes. “Fine, but don’t laugh… Sometimes, I wish I were a bird. An actual Merlin… I could fly and be so free… but… Ah, I told you it was stupid.”
Arthur quickly shook his head.
“It’s not stupid…” He told him. Merlin couldn’t help but smile at the surprisingly soft tone to his voice. “It’s… It’s interesting. That, of all the things you could wish for, it would be to be a bird. Do you not feel free here, in Camelot, with me?”
Merlin wondered when their relaxing picnic turned into a serious discussion about his happiness where he was. Ah, yes, of course. It happened when he opened his big mouth, something he couldn’t seem to stop doing.
“No, no! No, I love it here, in Camelot, with you. I love you,” Merlin assured him, moving closer to wrap an arm around his waist. “It is… It’s just, it can be suffocating. The weight of destiny, and all that. It feels like there is so much riding on my shoulders, so many people depending on me and… Well, I’m just one man. I am just one man, and so many people act as if I am meant to be this great savior when… When I’m just Merlin. I want to be just Merlin.”
Merlin sighed softly, watching throughout his explanation as Arthur’s expression shifted to a frown. “I just want to be Merlin. Not… The greatest sorcerer to walk the earth, or Emrys—man of prophecy, or whatever else titles they stick me with. I admit it. I don’t want the weight of an entire people riding on my shoulders, and I don’t care if it’s selfish,” he continued, “I just want to be Merlin. Prince Arthur’s secret lover, that one sorcerer Uther accidentally hired. Assistant to the Court Physician. Hunith’s son. Just… Merlin.”
Arthur nodded slowly as he listened.
“And that’s what you mean by freedom?” He asked, “just… Being you, free of the responsibilities thrust upon you that are not truly yours?”
“Yes, yes, gods, I just… It’s too much for one man to bear the weight of, Arthur,” Merlin sighed, “if I were a bird… I’d have no responsibilities. I could fly free and… And not live in fear or constant stress, not always waiting for something bad to happen. I could just… be.”
Arthur’s eyes searched his face for a moment. Then, he hummed and rolled over suddenly, onto Merlin. Merlin let out a startled noise as he was pushed onto his back in the process of Arthur rolling onto his chest. The prince looked down at him with a serious face, laying on him with his arms on either side of Merlin’s head.
“You can be free with me,” he whispered, “you don’t have to be all those things. Not with me. When we are here, together and alone… I shall shed my title as you may shed your responsibility. Responsibility you’ll one day not have. What they want, you said it was for the ban to be lifted, yes? I will do that, I would do it for you, and I would do it because it is what’s right.”
Merlin wrapped his arms around Arthur slowly as he spoke. He listened closely, his heart swelling with affection.
“Then, this destiny nonsense will be fulfilled, and you’ll be free,” he promised, as though it were something he could promise, “you could be a bird. Not literally, of course, but you could be free. Free of the weight on your back. And you could soar. Rule at my side as my consort, and soar free of destiny’s chains.”
He leaned down and pressed a gentle, chaste kiss to Merlin’s lips. The sorcerer smiled softly, closing his eyes. “You can be a bird with me. When I am king, we shall fulfill this destiny, and you can be free… I promise it.”
Merlin let out a small sigh. He wished it worked that way. Yet, he knew he could never be truly free from destiny’s chains. Not until he found a way to change fate and save Arthur when he was meant to die… Still, Arthur’s surety was oddly reassuring. Not for the first time, he wondered how he could be so confident about the future when he knew he was destined to die unless they could find a way to save him.
“I love you,” Merlin murmured in lieu of a real response to his promise. Arthur placed another kiss on his lips in silent reply.
“Any other secret wishes we should talk about?” Arthur hummed, his tone taking on a teasing lilt. Merlin caught onto him trying to change the topic to something lighter, and appreciated it. He knew if he lingered any longer on the thoughts of the future, he would get lost in them.
“Well, I do have this one wish…” He began, letting a playful grin spread on his face. “I’ve always wondered… how I’d look in a crown.”
“Merlin, we’ve talked about this you can’t wear my crown—”
“Ah, ah, you asked, I answered,” Merlin cut him off, his grin becoming more genuine at the exasperation in Arthur’s voice. They had, in fact, discussed it before. They would not stop discussing it until Merlin got to wear it, once. With permission, and in front of Arthur, that is. He’s already tried it on when Arthur was gone. Now, he was more just arguing it for the principal of the matter.
And it was a good change in subject.
“Just once, and the cape. The ceremonial one you’re so picky about,” he told him. Arthur took a deep breath and let his head drop down to Merlin’s chest.
“Why not just wear the whole outfit?” he muttered into his tunic.
“Well, if you insist…”
Perhaps Arthur was right to an extent. Of course, he couldn’t promise he’d be free of destiny even after the ban is lifted, not even after they found a way to keep Arthur alive… But he was free now, in this moment with his lover. So carefree, and happy…
And for now, that could be enough…