Archive of Our Own ^beta

The world didn’t really change when Techno woke up.

Change came and went whether he was conscious of it or not.

And so, change came and went whether he was conscious or not.

As he woke up, he’d have to become aware of things that had happened, and sometimes that was for things that occurred long before he even fell asleep. 

Most times he just wanted to leave things be, hold his grudges and stick to his ideals and forget the past when he could. But the past always had a way of coming back to him. Take the Butcher Army, or Tommy still being upset about those damn discs of his, he always thought these things were well over and done with, but life’s never that simple. 

It shouldn’t have been surprising to hear about the Festival again. 

Hearing it from Phil was unexpected though. 

Techno had finally gotten up after what felt like a year-long slumber and made himself a quick bowl of stew before heading outside. The arctic air is always a little colder than he remembers, which makes his cozy home all the more inviting to want to stay in and sleep forever. But in the hazy afternoon sun, it wasn’t too bad. He heard some rummaging from Phil’s, and that’s what ultimately dragged him from his thoughts of heading back to bed and had him heading to the adjacent doorway.

Knocking twice, he made his way inside and the two of them shared simple greetings. Phil teased him on finally being awake after all this time, Techno bit back about Phil being older than time, and the conversation continued until Techno heard a slight murmur upstairs. 

“What was that? You get another dog and not tell me?” Techno jested, but it went ignored as Phil hurriedly climbed up the ladder and peered into the room above. He stood there for a moment, just watching, before climbing down with a sigh of relief. 

“Oh yeah, uh forgot to tell you about that. You’ve missed a lot mate.”

Techno let out a hum, urging him to continue. 

“Wil, not Ghostbur, Wilbur, he’s alive again.” 

Techno’s eyes widened, “Heh?” 

“It’s a long story. Too much to explain right now, but basically Dream revived him and so while he gets his head screwed back on his shoulders from, ya’know being dead, I gave him a place to sleep here.”

To say that’s a lot to take in would be an understatement. Techno had a lot of very complicated feelings about Wilbur that he was more than happy to bury deep down and was absolutely not ready to dig up right here and now. 

And seeing that look on Phil’s face, his best friend who’d lost his own son , he can tell he’s feeling a lot of complicated things too. 

“You sure he’s not a zombie?” Techno finally asks, light humor in his voice. The tension in Phil’s shoulders drops a bit and he laughs.

“Pretty sure. He’s- well he’s not the same, stuck in the afterlife for a while- but he’s the same Wil who wrote me all those letters and the same one I… You know.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Urhm-” Phil coughs, turning back to tinkering with the chests as some sort of busywork for his hands, “Speaking of those letters actually, there’s something I wanted to ask you about.” 

“Yeah?” Techno resided to fiddling with his jewelry and shifting the weight between his feet, “I’ve only really gotten one letter from Wil before so I wouldn’t know if I’m the expert opinion you wanted on this.” Technically the letter had been from Wilbur and Tommy. It was the letter that sent him to this SMP in the first place, with them asking for his help. Yeah, some help they wanted. All of those hours of grinding to waste. 

“Well, it’s less the letters and more what’s in them. I thought I had a good grasp on what had happened before I got here because Wil had been telling me everything that’d happened, but I was talking with Fundy and Wil and it turns out he’d lied. Totally screwed with my perception of everything. Like- he didn’t even win the election, Tech. Pogtopia wasn’t some ‘new nation’ like I thought it was, rather just some runaway thing, and I don’t know what else…” 

Phil closed the chest and turned to Techno, who met his eyes easily. 

“So I guess I’m just wondering if you could catch me up on what happened before I got here? I don’t really need to know all the details about Tommy and his discs, I’m sure he’d tell me a hundred times over if I asked, I just want to know what happened while you and Wil were there.” 

Techno nodded, that was it? He could do that. “Uh- I don’t know how reliable I’m going to be, I spent a lot of time farming and getting materials and stuff so I didn’t get a total overview of everything.” 

“Always the tryhard,” Phil smirked. 

Techno smiled, then leaned against the wall, “Of course, it’s what I do best. In any case, uh let’s see. So as far as I know Wil and Tommy got exiled by Schlatt, so they made that place in the ravine, Pogtopia. Very small, by the way, and Wilbur just refused to put railings so they kept falling. Uh, they asked me to train them- I did a little bit of that. They asked me to get food-”

“Let me guess, potatoes?”

“Always the wise one Mr. Minecraft. Yeah, I had a farm set up there. Tubbo was a spy for us I think? He’d always be in and out through the tunnels that connected to the main part of Manburg. Wil started acting uh- a little nuts to put it lightly. Talking about how nothing but chaos mattered, and you know I’m always a fan of chaos but even that was a little much. Then there was- oh- right. The Festival.” He stopped, shifting from his comfortable place on the wall to move on his feet again. 

Phil’s eyebrows quirked, “Yeah what happened with that? Fundy told me that Tubbo got executed?” 

“Yeaahhhh-” Techno dragged on, pulling his eyes away from Phil’s, opting he’d much rather look at that odd photo of Tommy on the wall than have to look at him in the eyes with this. 

“So- Schlatt held this festival. Something about celebrating Manburg, everyone but Tommy and Wil got invited. And I’m not what most would call a ‘social person’ so I wasn’t planning to go, but then I thought ‘hey maybe I could find out some state secrets to bring back’, so I did. The games were very underwhelming I have to say, but overall it wasn’t too bad. I ran into Wil and Tommy early on, even though they weren’t supposed to be there, so I knew they had something planned but I didn’t know what.”

Techno’s hands tugged a bit on his various rings and earrings. Phil’s eyes flickered to the movement, but only hummed for him to continue. 

“Uh- after the games they had everyone gather near the podium ‘cause Schlatt and Tubbo were gonna give this speech or something. I don’t even remember what Schlatt said but Tubbo- he talked about ‘the good of the nation’ and all that stuff. He was honestly pretty good at lying through his teeth, but I guess Schlatt knew anyways.” 

“What do you mean?” Phil turned, attention drawn entirely to Techno’s words. 

“Tubbo ends the speech, I’m just in the audience, I didn’t think too much of it- I didn’t get nearly as many state secrets as I would have liked-” he stammers out. “But then the mic picks up Schlatt laughing, and I’m first thinking ‘am I gonna get demonetized’, but then it kinda got serious. They blocked Tubbo in with concrete, he couldn’t move or anything and Schlatt just starts yelling about traitors and how he knew all along that Tubbo was a spy.” 

“Jesus.” 

“Yeah- I was just watching this all go down, and then all of a sudden Schlatt calls me from the audience to stand on the podium with them. I do and I can just see Tubbo in there, and Phil there’s- there’s no room to move, he really is just boxed like a fish-”

Techno forces out a chuckle. 

“Uh- then Schlatt turns to me and asks me to take Tubbo out. Just wants him dead, and like, I don’t know why he picked me, I’m not even a citizen of Manburg, you’d think he’d go with someone else. So I’ve got my crossbow and I’m just waiting, I’m just stalling Phil, 'cause I saw Tommy and Wil earlier right- so there must be some sort of plan. But I can feel it, just everyone’s eyes on me. Schlatt wanted me to do it, and there are people decked out in netherite on his side too, and the voices just kept getting louder, Phil.”

“They’re never satisfied, huh?” 

“Understatement of the year,” he heaves out. “I’m thinking maybe he just wants Tubbo to be punished in front of everyone, you know, to send some sort of message, so I nick him with my pickaxe, but it just wasn’t enough. Schlatt wanted him gone . So I loaded up the crossbow and I waited and I just kept waiting for something. For Wilbur, Tommy, any sort of diversion or just something telling me what I’m supposed to do. But there’s nothing. And all I know is there are people here equipped that’ll kill him if I don’t, and they might kill me too, and maybe this is a part of the plan- so I fired it.”

He turned to make eye contact with Phil again, who only held concern in his eyes. 

“So you killed him. You’re the one who killed him, I mean-”

“Yeah,” Techno breathes out. “The recoil ended up hitting Quackity and Schlatt too so at least I didn’t have to worry about them anymore. That’s when Tommy decides to burst in, by the way.” He rolls his eyes, “I ended up just sort of firing at everyone after that. Wil showed up, again little late , but then everyone headed back to Pogtopia. Tubbo seemed fine surprisingly, they’d already bandaged him up though which- I didn’t even realize that wounds carried over after respawns. Tommy was upset on his behalf, Wil had us fight in the Pit to sort things out.”

“So that’s what the Pit was. Fundy would not give me a straight answer on that,” Phil chuckled lightly.

“Yeah. I won of course. Wil told everyone that he had been planning to blow up L’manburg that night which would have been nice to know before I went there for Pogtopia but it’s fine. You know the rest. I get materials, build up a bunker, they use it to win the war, Schlatt dies, they form a new government in front of the anarchist , Wil does his thing, I set off some withers, and you were around for the rest.” 

“Got it,” He nods, shaking his head lightly. “That is definitely more than I was told.” Phil stretches from where he had been standing and started walking towards the door, nudging for Techno to follow. 

A part of Techno was reluctant to go after, but only out of confusion. This was far from the reaction he expected from Phil when he told him this. If he’s upset he’s very good at not showing it, and he doesn’t know why he wouldn’t be upset. Even Techno is upset that the Festival had come to that. 

Still, he found himself trailing Phil’s heels as he was led out to that frigid weather again. Phil rested his arms on one of the ledges and Techno followed suit, brushing off the snow that’d found its way across the top first. He felt along the sides of the smooth wooden railing and looked out over the snow-covered land that just kept going and going. 

“‘Appreciate you telling me,” Phil stated. “-Even if it was a little late.”

“Thought you already knew,” Techno muttered. 

“Fair enough.”

They just stood there for a bit, the silence more understanding than suffocating. Techno watched his breath cloud in the cold, and he thought back to the stuffiness of Pogtopia. They didn’t have much sunlight over there, maybe that’s what drove everyone to the edge of it all. He let the sun rest on his face. Even the slightest warmth it gave was nice. 

“You said sorry though, right? To Tubbo?”

He snaps from his thoughts, “No I just killed him and didn’t speak to him after that, of course I said sorry. I think I even apologized before I did it. He seemed fine, so I just dropped it after the fight with Tommy since he was more upset at me than Tubbo was.”

“Yeah but Tech,” Phil sighed, looking into his eyes. “Of course Tommy would get upset, it’s fuckin’ Tommy, alright? Kid started a whole war for some music discs, he cares a lot about things. But Tubbo he’s- less upfront about these things.” 

Phil looked down to the small pond below them, watching the different fish swim underneath the thin layer of ice. 

“I was there when Tubbo was president-” 

Techno groaned.

“I know, boo government. But he shouldn’t be underestimated, especially in his feelings. Hell, he pushed those down to exile Tommy in the first place, and Ghostbur told me how upset he was about that.”

“So you’re saying-”

“I’m saying that maybe he wasn’t as okay as he said. You took a canon life, Tech. That’s serious. I know you’ve taken your fair share, but that was one of the first on the server, and he was just fine? Tech, you almost died and we blew up a nation over it.” 

Techno pondered, thinking back to the snow and for a moment it’s like he could see Tubbo’s face in that ravine. Bandaged up to the brim where you could barely make out his eyes. He never wanted to hurt Tubbo, not then, not really. “Peer pressure” was such a lame excuse, but all those eyes and no direction and the President screaming in his ear with the chorus of voices in his head just left him lost for words for how else to describe it. 

“Not to mention Ranboo-” Phil murmured out, just under his breath. 

Ranboo? What does he have to do with this? Techno turned his head to look at his house across the snow. 

“Ranboo? That guy wasn’t even on the SMP back then, Phil. I know you’re old but your memory can’t be as bad as his.”

Phil’s eyes widened. Busted . Techno looked at him carefully, and Phil tried to look every other direction before inevitably ending up meeting his stare. Techno smirked, “I know he’s been to that place where Tubbo lives before, Snowchester. It’s fine- even if that place is just a little too close to government for my liking I can let it slide. So what’s with all the worry on your face?”

“I shouldn’t be the one to tell you,” Phil sighs. 

“Your face is telling me a whole story on its own Phil, so unless you want me to misinterpret what that means I’d like to hear the clarification.” 

Phil turns to match Techno. He waves his hands and drops them to his side, “Fine. Fine . I’ll tell you, but I don’t want any harm coming Ranboo’s way alright?”

Techno hums with a slight tilt of his head. Ranboo had been a pretty good neighbor, helped out when he could, tried to stay out of conflict, he trusted him- though he hated to admit it. 

“Ranboo and Tubbo are married.”

Techno blinked.

“HEH??” 

Out of all of the words that could have escaped Philza’s mouth, those were not anywhere near what Techno had been expecting. 

“Yeah, that’s what I thought at first too, but honestly, I think they’ve been good for each other. Ranboo, Tubbo, they both just really care about each other.” 

Phil turned away for a moment, looking back to Ranboo’s house before he met Techno’s gaze again with calm but stern eyes, “He’s not government anymore Tech, not as far as I know. And I don’t know- I just want everything to be okay. I want for Ranboo to be happy with him and I want him to be happy here, too.”

Techno’s eyes bounced back and forth from Phil to Ranboo’s house, just taking a moment to put all of this information together. 

“But,” Phil continued. “Ranboo trusts you. Just like you trust him. And chances are everything’ll change once he finds out from Tubbo what happened to get him those scars on his face. It’ll happen eventually, there’s no point in trying to avoid it. So I’d make sure that you are either completely fine with how you left things or you go talk to him.”

Techno tapped his fingers against the railing.

He forgets that Ranboo was a part of the Butcher Army too sometimes. So, it wasn’t like they were all irredeemable. There was a point for everyone to be okay in his book. But Tubbo...

What about Tubbo? 

What made Tubbo so different?

He wanted to chalk it up to the execution attempt and the fact that he was president of a country that had betrayed his only wish, and he knew that those feelings are real. But he also knew there was a guilt there too. A guilt that made him want to avoid Tubbo at any cost, and being enemies gave him a free pass to do just that. 

It was just one of those feelings that was easier to bury in the past.

“Why do you have to be right?” Techno groaned. 

Phil smirked, “Well I am wise beyond my years.” 

“Hey, you said it, not me” Techno jabbed, and Phil swatted at him with his hat.

“Go figure your shit out.”

“Only if you insist, Phil.”

Phil gave him a slight pat on the shoulder and grin before Techno made his way to leave. 

He hopped into the portal and prayed that he still remembered the path to Snowchester, thankful that it would be more fitting for his thicker clothes than the current heat the Nether brought. 

He made his way to the community hub without much hassle, but somehow making his way through the overworld was more difficult. Speed was the one thing he was grateful to the Nether for (-that and Netherite of course) because there he wouldn’t have to think for too long before he got where he needed to be. Here, when he’s headed somewhere far out, all he’s left with are the whispers of the voices in his head and the creaks of the wood path under his feet. 

The voices, speaking of, were having a field day with all of the information they’d been presented with. 

Half of them yelling for blood no matter whose it was, a portion uttering utter nonsense, and the other actually cheering for Techno’s plans to (hopefully) make amends. These voices were usually on his side when it came down to it, wanting him to kill to save his own life or save someone else’s, but sometimes they were insatiable. So while he was grateful for them at times, others he’d rather rip them right from his head strand by strand. 

This time, however, he could mostly tune them out as he made his way past the Big Innit (-Or the so-titled 'Jack Manifold') Hotel. 

Normally when traveling across this area he’d use his trident, but he didn’t mind the extra legwork too much today, especially after a long slumber. And finally approaching the soul speed tunnel, he was glad he hadn’t brought it and rather wore his typical armor. Taking a few steps as a head start he hopped into the tunnel and his feet were whisked across the sand, crashing him into a field of growing potatoes before Techno had even registered that he’d been shot out. 

Trying to detangle himself from the leaves and stems, he tripped over his cape and trampled a patch of ones still growing. Not the best foot to start off this apology visit but it’s fine. 

“Hey! Dude, be careful with the potatoes-” 

He didn’t even need to turn his head to know who that voice belonged to, but he did it nonetheless. There Tubbo stood a fair amount of feet away on the porch of his home. Techno lifted his head up properly from the garden, giving them both the opportunity to see each other a bit clearer. 

“Oh. Technoblade. I didn’t- Did you say you were coming?” 

“Nope, just kind of showed up. Figured a letter would’ve taken too long.” It’s meant with humor, but neither one of them are really able to give it that chuckle, so it just hangs in the air. 

“Yeah, alright. Give me a minute would you?”

Before Techno could even reply, Tubbo headed back inside his home and he heard a commotion of noises, none of which he cared to pay too much attention to. He preferred to look around, eyes landing on the potato farm in its entirety. It reminded him of Pogtopia again. Tubbo was the one to automate the farm he’d first made, making it much more efficient than it had been before. He remembers being grateful for that, being it saved him tens of hours harvesting from before. He wondered if he’d ever really thanked Tubbo for doing that. 

Taking in a deep breath he felt that familiar chill of cold air again. He was much more used to this sort of environment than he used to be, but now it just reminded him of home. Reminded him of Philza and Ranboo and-

Right.

That’ll all change if he doesn’t stay on track for why he came here in the first place, he can’t forget. 

“I’m back,” Tubbo called and Techno saw the door shut behind him as he walked down the stairs. He made his way over as well, trying to meet him halfway without trampling any more of the foliage. They ended up both standing near the front of Tubbo’s home where the snow didn’t fall on the dirt anymore from repeated feet traveling this path. 

The whole area was really nice, and not just for the aesthetics of it all. Each of the buildings showed that they’d been around for a fair while, with scrapes and marks from mobs showing just how worn it all was. It was all so practical and yet so beautiful. It had hard work and genuineness built into its foundation which Techno couldn’t help but respect. 

“So- what did you want?” Tubbo asked, and it’s now that Techno finally pulls his attention away from the scenery to the boy himself, and god he really does look different. 

He’d never really gotten a good look at Tubbo’s face since the Festival. Techno remembers that look of absolute terror on his face as he lined the crossbow up with his temple. He remembers that boy stuffed in a suit with a tie that didn’t fit him, trapped for everyone to see. 

But now was different. Tubbo’s face held traces of uneasiness but nothing like that fear he’d seen before. Now he held fury in a coat that he’d tailored himself, and the scarring across his face only highlighted that pain in his eyes.

And that’s not just it, what really solidifies it, and it’s such a little thing he thinks- but it’s that Tubbo is wearing armor. Full enchanted netherite, just like himself, wrapped around his wool coat.

Wil always tried to uphold the ‘no armor policy’ he never really understood from L’manburg’s old days, so he’d never really gotten the chance to see him protected in anything until he made the armor himself. But this was different. Tubbo had gotten this all with his own hands. And what’s more, is that Techno could have sworn he hadn’t been wearing armor over that coat when Techno got here moments before. But maybe that’s all in his head.

“I just wanted to talk to you. I know we haven’t really uh- gotten the chance to with everything,” Techno stated. It’s far more casual than he wants to sound, but it’s what comes out anyway. 

Tubbo’s eyebrows drew a completely lost expression on his face, “Didn’t you just come here a couple of weeks ago? What- did you forget to tell me something?” 

“No it’s different, nothing to do with this whole quote-and-quote ‘not a government-’”

“It’s not.” Tubbo interjects, “I told you it’s a militarized commune, there’s no hierarchy of power, just defenses in case we need them.”

“Defences like nukes? That seems a bit extreme.”

“Oh, like tens and tens of withers is any better,” Tubbo snaps back.

This isn’t going as smoothly as he’d hoped.

“Moving on, this isn’t about that,” Techno sighed. “Man I do not know how to start this, I’m going to be honest with you. The journey here was long enough, why do you literally live on the opposite side of the map?”

“T’ get as far away from you as possible. Well, you and Dream,” Tubbo recalls. Techno can’t tell if he’s joking or not, so he tries to go with a sense of humor.

Barking out a quick laugh he says, “Guess that didn’t work out too well then, with the prison being right next door.”

Tubbo chuckles, but it’s bitter, “Yeah I guess it didn’t.” 

Silence falls between them. This isn’t like the silence with Philza, where he could rest in the lull of conversation, this is tense. Neither of them are letting their guard down despite the fact neither of them had been making a threat. It’s uncomfortable, and heavy. 

Techno fiddles with his hands, gripping his axe tighter on reflex. He didn’t even remember pulling it out. He catches Tubbo seeing the movement and grabbing his retractable shield from his pack. 

“Use your words big man-” Tubbo finally breathes out, like he had been holding his breath, “Surely Technoblade, destroyer of countries- and my potatoes apparently- can find the right words to use.” Techno actually lets out a breath from his nose in a sort of snort. 

“Alright- I’ll try and see what I can piece together.”

Techno realized that maybe holding an axe which is the only thing that could break a shield isn’t the way to go about saying you mean no harm. In one fluid motion, he put the axe into his back holster. He noticed Tubbo continued to keep a steady grasp on the shield. He didn’t mind. 

“Should we sit- I- how long do you think this conversation is going to take?” Tubbo jested. 

“No, I think it’s better to stand, even out the playing field-” Poor choice of words. “I mean- I just want us to be eye-to-eye with each other.”

“Okayyy..” Tubbo drawls, keeping his eyes right on Techno who is avoiding meeting his eyes at any turn. Techno taps his foot in the snow and finally turns to see him, that scar cascading across his face. 

All he can see are blue, red, and yellow. 

“Look, I’m sorry.” 

Tubbo’s face goes from hesitance to confusion in a heartbeat. 

“Wh- for what?” 

There are too many thoughts and too many feelings, and Techno feels like he’s not going to utter out any of those if he keeps Tubbo waiting. Keep it simple. Keep it honest. That’s all he can do. 

“The Festival, you know the first one?” He gestures to his face and he watches Tubbo’s frame tense. His shoulders stiffen, and now he’s the one avoiding eye contact, but it’s less of an active decision he makes and more Tubbo can’t find himself to look him in the eyes.

“Oh, that?” He half-heartedly motioned to his scar. “It’s fine, Techno.” 

But Techno caught it. That thing Phil had been telling him about. The way his shoulders stood stiff rather than relaxed at his sides. The way it was like Tubbo had to force himself to look at Techno before again looking away. His body language betrayed his words, and he caught it. Tubbo was refusing to share anymore, but he knew there had to be more he wanted to say.

Techno’s instincts told him that this was good enough already. He’d apologized, Tubbo said things were okay. He could leave now, just leave everything be, not have to worry about this anymore and it’d all be fine .

But it wouldn’t be. He recognized that now.

It would be fine, but It’d be in the way Tubbo has always seemed “fine”.

And that wasn’t the best indication of the truth.

“You’re not even a little upset Tubbo?” He started, scoffing slightly. “No offense, but I find that very hard to believe.”

“Why should I be? It happened a long time ago Techno- right? Water under the bridge .”

There was a bitterness in the way he said that last part. Something Techno had only heard come out once before, with him spitting his heart out to Tommy at the shambles of what remained of the Community House. 

“Tubbo I took a canon life from you!” He yells out, taking a step closer, which immediately gets a reaction from Tubbo, him stumbling back a step to match him. “That isn’t just some little thing! I was so upset when you even attempted to take one from me I-”

“-I know!!” Tubbo bites back. He bares his teeth a bit in his words. “I know what you did after that Technoblade, I was there , you don’t need to tell me. Just like you don’t need to tell me about what happened at the Festival because I was there and it’s- it’s alright, it’s whatever-”

“I executed you in front of everyone!” He takes another step forward, “I wasn’t fine after that anvil- how can you expect me to believe that you were?” 

Something snaps. 

“Well what do you want me to say Technoblade??” He throws his shield to the ground and takes a step closer.

“That I still get nightmares about that night?” 

A step forward. 

“That I can’t even look into your beady fuckin’ eyes for too long because I’ll get sent right back there?”

 Another step. 

“That I can’t even celebrate what I do accomplish anymore because I can’t stand being anywhere near fireworks?”

He shoves Techno. 

“That those last nights in Pogtopia were absolute hell because of those tight spaces?”

He pushes him again. 

“What do you want from me, Technoblade? Just let me be done with this! Why don’t you go run off back to your home and let me stay in mine?”

Techno just stares back at him, holding his ground as Tubbo shoves him again. 

“-And would you stop fuckin’ looking right at me like you’re about to kill me again?” 

Techno took a step back, holding his hands up lightly from his sides.

He’d really messed up. 

There’s a reason these feelings were easier staying buried down. 

When they’re buried down it’s easier to pretend this all didn’t happen. In his mind, he’d never have to finally confront the fact that he’d shattered the ideals he’d set for himself. 

‘Treat others how they treat you.’ That was practically his mantra nowadays.

Funny how he doesn’t remember Tubbo ever shooting him. Ever hoisting him up for the world to see, uttering out some excuse of an apology, then barely talking to him again. 

He wasn’t government then. 

He wasn’t one of the people who’d betrayed him then. 

He was an ally. Almost a friend.

How do you repay someone a life? 

There aren't enough apologies in the world he could give that would match up to a whole essence of Tubbo’s self being taken away. It wouldn’t be the same. It would be pointless. It wouldn’t be equal. 

It wouldn’t be equal if it was anything else. 

Dream saved Techno’s life, so Techno owed him a favor equivalent to a life. And to the same extent, he took Tubbo’s life, so Tubbo needed to take something from him that was equivalent to a life. 

That would be-

“Absolute reciprocity,” He stammered out. 

Tubbo paused, fed up and threatening to shove him into the ice below them both.

“-What?”

“You tried to kill me,” Techno asserts. “It wasn’t fair- I didn’t even get a trial or anything.”

Tubbo bares his teeth again, “Oh shut up-” He goes to make that last push into the freezing water below, but Techno grabs his wrists before they make contact with his chest.

“-I wasn’t done.” He lets go of his hands and takes a few steps away from the water before continuing, “I didn’t get a trial, but neither did you .”

That blazing anger fell from Tubbo’s face, now edging to that wariness from before again.

“I’m no expert, but I know that attempting to kill someone and actually killing someone are two very different crimes, and yet you’re the only one who died. It’s- That’s just not fair,”

“No… It’s not…” Tubbo hesitantly agreed. 

“So let’s make it even then. Do you have an ender chest?”

Tubbo points to one sitting on the steps to his home. Techno walks over to it, takes a deep breath, and grabs what he meant to. It’s lighter than he remembers it being.  

“Here,” he says, handing it to Tubbo. His eyes gleam as he grabs ahold of it 

“Wait- waiwaitwait hold on,” Tubbo backpedals. “What does this mean?”

“That’s what saved me before. Not the same one obviously, but it’s the only thing I’d have ‘on me’ that could save me now.”

Tubbo’s mouth opens, but he trips over his words as they make their way out of his mouth, “You mean- you’ll just allow me to kill you?”

“A life for a life, right?” Techno hums. 

“A canon life?”

Techno’s breath hitches at the word. 

As much as he hated to admit it, he was afraid of death. 

That’s why he spent so much time grinding, getting resources, potions, gapples, anything he could to decrease the chances of him dying. It’s why he spent hours and hours training until his knuckles bled to be able to handle any conflict that came his way. Hell, his fear of dying is partially what led him to pulling the trigger on Tubbo that day. 

It’s all the more reason he needs to do this.

“A canon life.” He affirms. 

“Well how- how are we going to do it?” Tubbo asks. 

“However you want as long as it’s not one of those nukes. Uh- I’ve still got that firework launcher if you want to use that-”

“Nonono-” Tubbo stumbles, grabbing the totem just a bit tighter. “I don’t think I’m ready for that much yet. Uh, How about an axe then? That was what we were going to use with the Butcher army, it’d be quick enough.” 

“Sure.”

“-And,” He continued. “I want you to take off your armor, You can pocket it, put it in the chest if you want, but just, I want it to be the same. Equal- like you said right?”

“Right.” Techno began to unbuckle his armor piece by piece and placed it into the enderchest. 

“-And, last thing I promise,” Tubbo stated. “Is there anything we can do to try and, I don’t know, make you more restricted? Less ‘I’m big ol’ powerful Technoblade and I could wipe out the server if I tried’?” 

“Actually-” Techno reached into the chest again, pulling out a splash potion, “Here. It’s weakness, as maxed as it can be though I don’t think you’ll need it that long.”

“You always come prepared, huh, Blade?”

He cringed at the nickname but shrugged nonetheless. “Doesn’t hurt to have things on hand.”

“Yeah, I bet.” 

Silence came again. The tension was there but different. Tubbo’s hands shook slightly against the netherite axe in his hands, and Techno shivered in turn, anticipatory dread in his heart. (But if asked, he’d claim that it was just the cold making him shake, despite all the layers he was still wearing.) 

“And no- no nothing after this anymore? We'll have- whatever you said with the r-” Tubbo voiced.

"Reciprocity, absolute reciprocity. And for lives, yeah. I may still get on your case about the whole government thing, but you won’t have to worry about me coming to your house just to kill you or anything.” 

Tubbo turned the axe over in his hands. He looked away, finding himself facing the direction Pandora’s Vault was in, that dreadful prison. 

“...And what about Dream?” 

“What about Dream?”

Tubbo turned back to face him, a ‘no-bullshit' look in his eyes if Techno had ever seen one.

“Tommy said you owe him a favor. What if he asks to kill me?”

“Not the same,” Techno clarified. “I owe him for saving my life, so I need to save his in some other way to repay that. This is not an extended offer to friends and family I’m offering you know?” 

Techno saw a light flicker back into Tubbo’s eyes and could have sworn he caught a huff of a laugh. 

“Alright then- and you’re sure about this?”

Techno got on his knees and put his arms to his sides, ignoring the way the voices began to pick up in volume yelling at him to get out of there. It didn’t matter what they said, he had to do this.

“I’m sure,” Techno confirmed, pulling his trembling fingers into fists. “Go when you’re ready.”

Tubbo took a deep breath, steadying the axe between his hands and just watching the light bounce off of it. The cold of the metal heavy and even more chilling seeing its purple gleam. 

His reflection with that scar peered back up at him from the blade.

And that’s all it took. 

He ran towards Techno, hurling the splash potion at his legs and watching as it shattered to the ground as he raised the axe high above his head and swung when he saw that haunting, familiar pink.

Techno squeezed his eyes shut. 

Pain shot through his skull as he felt it split open for the second time, feeling his thoughts split with it. It’s a cold so intense he swears he can feel it burn. He can barely register the blood slowly pouring from the gash when he remembers how much damage the hit would do.

It wasn’t going to be enough in one hit. 

Tubbo pulled it back out, going for the final blow from the side, using the momentum from the first swing to carry it. The blade sliced through the top of one of Techno’s tusks before finally landing firmly in his skull.

And that was it.

Pain seeped throughout his entire body, his head pounding and tears trickling out of his eyes from the shock alone.

And then there was nothing. 

And then he was back in his bed. 

The thought of it possibly being a dream was immediately denounced as his brain felt like it was going to pour right out of his head. He pushed himself off the bed and tumbled his way downstairs, struggling to not see double as he knocked over anything in his path. Eventually, he was able to find what he'd been scrambling for and grabbed his mirror with shaky hands, just trying to focus on his face.

The reflection that he saw was the sure-fire proof he’d repaid his debt to Tubbo. 

Two scars- both deep and still red since he’d respawned so desperately fast- spread across his skull. One extended to his upper cheekbone, where the top of his tusk had been sliced clean off. 

No wonder it felt like he could hear his heart pounding in his ears.

He still wasn’t done yet. 

Slowly he pulled himself out of the house and step by step, made his way to the Nether portal again. He wasn’t in any way equipped to handle the Nether- having nothing on him now- but he couldn’t bring himself to put his armor on to pass through. There was no way he’d be able to handle the pressure of that helmet on his head, let alone the rest of the set. But he had to go back, he had to, so he resigned to leave the armor and just make it to Snowchester in one piece.

The heat of the Nether made his headache even worse, but he knew the sun in the overworld would be no better, so he pushed on. The voices were thankfully understanding to the pressure in his mind and busied themselves whispering sweet nothings. 

He couldn’t just keep walking as he had before, in long strides with his forged confidence. Now he needed to stop every couple of feet just to not overwhelm his still-pulsing head. Some part of him thought it was funny. Respawning, finally having to face death wasn’t as terrifying as he’d thought. No, it wasn’t respawning, it was waking up. Waking up and still remembering , still feeling. That was all so much worse than he’d ever anticipated. 

Another part of him wondered if these were exactly the thoughts Tubbo had when he’d made the trudge back to Pogtopia. 

Getting back to Snowchester was a pain, and he’d wished he’d brought at least his soul speed boots for the tunnel. Without them, he was forced to craft himself a boat and took twice as long as he normally would have just rowing across to the commune.

He stumbled over his footing as he made his way over the hilly place until he reached where he’d shot out of the tunnel originally, and spotted Tubbo. Still holding the axe. Just looking at it, or maybe the reflection shown in it. 

“So-” he called out to Tubbo before coughing. “How do you feel?” 

Tubbo broke his gaze with the weapon to look at him. 

“How do you feel, Techno?”

Techno tried to laugh, but didn’t have the energy, “Honestly- like crap.”

Tubbo eyed the scars on Techno’s face, and Techno mirrored the motion.

“Then I’d say I’m feeling alright.” He smiled. 

Techno couldn’t help it, even if his head felt like it was going to crumble into pieces, he felt some sense of goodness, some lightness to him, and smiled. 

Maybe he was just going woozy.

Not wanting to test that theory, he retrieved his items from the chest, making a point to eat a golden apple so the absorption would hopefully help him for the trek home. He also begrudgingly put on his armor, as heavy and overwhelming as it was. It made him feel safer, and he felt like he’d be strong enough to make it back now. 

“Technoblade,” Tubbo started, holding up the totem he’d given him earlier. “Can I keep this?” 

Techno squinted at it, vision still a bit cross-eyed.

“The totem? Sure. But- why would you need it? I know Ranboo’s got plenty, does he not share with you? Who knew Ranboo was such a stingy husband.”

Tubbo’s face flashes concern, that fear again, but only for a second before he sees the way Techno’s smile spreads across his cheeks, and he lets himself laugh. And they laugh. And it’s the first real laugh they’ve shared all day.

“No,” he chuckles out, “He says I’m irresponsible and would use totems like candy if he gave them to me. And he’s probably right.”

Techno smiled. His cheek hurt, but right now he couldn’t care less. “Ranboo’s a good guy. If there’s anyone I’d be okay with marrying an ex-president, it’d be him.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Tubbo shrugs.

“Smart choice,” Techno jabs, and it looks like Tubbo means to respond, but before he does, Techno places his hand gently on Tubbo’s shoulder. Firm, but careful.

“Before you say anything and before I go, cause I feel like the effects of this gap’ aren’t going to last that long, I uh-” he sighs. “I just want you to know that I’m sorry. I really am. And we’re even now, but still, just, for before ‘cause I never properly said it.” He then lets go of his shoulder and starts making his way to the soul sand tunnel. 

“-With that, I think I’m just gonna go, I’ve got this weird pounding headache I’ve got to take care of.”

Tubbo grinned, “Yeah I get that. Go do whatever you do Technoblade.”

“Byee-” Techno called out before swooping his way through the soul sand.

Tubbo just stood there. Looking at where Techno had been standing a moment before, just thinking to himself. 

That’s when it hit him. 

When Techno held his shoulder and apologized, that was the first time Tubbo hadn’t felt afraid to look him that close in the eyes. 

It was a little step, such a little thing to not feel his legs wobble looking into his stare.

But it mattered more than he’d say. 

They still weren’t proper friends, each with ideals too conflicting at times, both too stubborn to try and win over the other. But it didn’t matter, not today.

All that mattered to Tubbo was that night after he tucked Michael into bed and tried to get as comfortable as he could underneath the blankets, he shut his eyes to rest and saw nothing.

No images of Techno with that god damn firework pointed at his face.

No feeling of that stinging pain on his skin from the gunpowder. 

Nothing, just a calm, serene darkness like an empty night sky. 

His thoughts were full of the sounds of Snowchester. 

Full of Ranboo softly snoring beside him.

Full of a relief unmatched, finally seeing eye-to-eye with a man who’d towered above him for so long.

It was the first time he’d slept the whole night through in months.