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zhongli's gaze falls on the sleeping figure next to him, the shallow rise and fall of the man's chest, breathing calm and quiet. when kaeya's asleep like this, he always looks peaceful. unguarded. as if he's blissfully unaware of his surroundings.
it's unlike when he's awake, gaze sharp and cold, knowing. it reminds zhongli of a particular day when kaeya looks at him like he just solved a puzzle, one that's complex yet so simple. one that you can picture, but can't piece together. it scares him.
kaeya isn't stupid. he's most certainly not naive, and zhongli expected kaeya to find out soon enough. but what he didn't expect is how kaeya never mentions it. he keeps it to himself and even at the most opportune moment he never brings it up. he knows. he's always known and yet, his silence to it was deafening.
the night pass by in a blur and the next thing zhongli knows it's morning, and kaeya is still sleeping. kaeya is so close but the distance between them feels like worlds apart. it has been this way, ever since that knowing scrutiny fell on him.
zhongli's hand itches to reach out to kaeya's turned back and to wake him up, just to hear kaeya's voice. would kaeya say anything about it then? would kaeya spare him a glance that doesn't scream suspicion again? he doesn't know. it scares him.
kaeya. a mere mortal. how could zhongli, a god, fear such a being?
is it the blank stare kaeya gives him sometimes, like he's reading zhongli like a book he's read a million times before or is it the wry smile that never falls from the other's face?
zhongli isn't stupid. he's most certainly not naive, either. but the ever-growing garden in his heart whenever kaeya provides him love says otherwise. the lingering sense of guilt stays in the garden like a weed, but zhongli is far too blinded by the beauty of the flowers growing around it to make note of it. it's there, but zhongli wishes to bask in the love before he faces reality.
but he can't evade it forever, just like how a weed won't stop growing until taken care of.
when the time comes, zhongli will not question kaeya should he bury the memory of him in the garden that zhongli grew for him. after all, zhongli is a liar and a god who abides by contract and not heart. zhongli is a liar, and he's nothing like he thinks he is, and no doubt nothing like how kaeya sees him.
"zhongli?" kaeya calls out to him, the same way he does every morning after they spend the night with each other.
amber eyes bore into azure and opal ones. strong yet gentle hands hold his and kaeya doesn't move. there it is again, actions so calculated and knowing it makes zhongli feel foolish. zhongli takes the initiative to bring them close together.
he doesn't say anything for a while, and kaeya waits. waits and waits until zhongli is brave enough to croak out, "would you just tell me what i'm meant to do?" his voice is uncharacteristically quiet, lacking the normal certainty and firmness of it.
for a moment, it feels like kaeya is waiting for him still, but when his expression doesn't change even a bit from the question, zhongli knows that that's the end of the conversation. there is nothing left to do and they both know it.
kaeya leaves the question unanswered and does nothing to lift the tension between them. it leaves a bad taste in zhongli's mouth.
zhongli almost begs for an answer, but he knows better. because neither of them are stupid, and most certainly not naive.