Archive of Our Own

Patrick stared out at the rolling lawn of his in-laws garden, the California breeze was warm on his skin, and he enjoyed the moment of quiet. He closed his eyes. When he opened them, he was looking at...a llama.

He blinked, wondering if some ridiculous side effect of all the medication was causing hallucinations. But the llama was still there. Quietly wandering around the manicured lawn like it owned the place. Maybe it did.

‘O-kay’ he heard his Mother in Law’s voice behind him ‘Never too early for a glass of Rose-Rose am I right?’ she was carrying a tray which she set down on the table. ‘Honestly dear you didn’t have to stay and entertain me! You could have gone with the ge-nt-le-man to the airport.’

Patrick smiled ‘That’s ok Mrs Rose, it was nice. And I was a bit tired from the drive yesterday.’

She frowned ‘Everything ok my love? Do you need to sit down? Can I get you anything? Pills? Water?’

Patrick smiled, ‘No Mrs Rose, I’m fine honestly.’ he smiled at her she’d been fussing over him in a way that he’d never thought Moira Rose would since he arrived yesterday afternoon, making sure he ate, had enough water, had a ridiculous amount of pillows on the patio furniture. Though given that he was still fairly underweight, and also not up to full strength, it was welcome. As was the little bit of Mothering- even if it was Moira Rose style with offers of stronger pills and wine.

‘Just thought David and his dad might want some alone time, you know they were grabbing lunch on their way to pick up Alexis and all…’ he shrugged.

The alone time for him hadn’t been so bad either, after all the time he and David spent together while he was sick, and jumping right back into the day to day of running the store. They’d started deliberately taking the odd hour or afternoon to themselves, or David with Stevie, realising they needed a bit of space occasionally. And honestly, there were worse things than an afternoon alone in the Roses’ more than comfortable house, with views of the ocean.

‘You’re very quiet out here all alone I thought I’d better check.’ she poured the wine, ‘Also Mr Rose sent a text, they’re nearly here.’

‘Oh I’m fine, just you know, reading, enjoying the garden and the sunshine.’

Patrick smiled, glancing over at it and suddenly doing a double take. Unless he was very mistaken there was something a bit odd happening in the garden.

‘Uh Mrs Rose can I ask you something?’

‘Of course my darling boy.’ she said, handing him a drink.

‘Mrs Rose, why is a Llama eating your shrubs?’

She laughed ‘Oh that’s Larry!’ she smiled as if just noticing he was there ‘Larry! Larry dear!’ the llama didn’t respond. She shrugged, ‘Ignorant beast.’ the llama seemed to hear that, looking up with a slightly indigent look on his face, twitching his ears. ‘You see he was in that darling little mini-series I did, and the owners of the farm were selling up and you know what Mr Rose is like for taking in strays…’ she gestured sort of in Patrick’s direction then the llama and he had to laugh, ‘So we have a llama in the garden! Isn’t it darling?!’

Larry wandered a bit closer and Patrick shook his head. It was cute he reasoned, a shade of pale blonde with dark splodges over its eyes that were not unlike eyebrows...maybe Mr Rose saw a family resemblance. It was small too, he assumed as llamas went, not being that familiar with them, and he supposed if you could, why not have a llama? The Roses also had acquired a haughty tabby cat in similar circumstances- it had lived at one of the Motels they’d taken over and the cat had somehow come home with Johnny, much to Moira’s outrage at the time, but he’d also seen it contentedly curled up in her lap. Maybe Johnny’s retirement plan could be an animal sanctuary.

‘He’s pretty sweet.’ Patrick smiled while the llama-Larry seemed to hear the compliment and tossed its head, before going back to the shrub he was working on.

He settled in while Moira began a series of in-depth stories about on-set adventures to him. He watched Larry the Llama wander around and at one point swore he rolled his eyes at Moira. It was nice, sipping the wine in the California sunshine as the sun just started to set. He’d spent a quiet week with David at the cabin he’d rented and felt fully rested for the first time in months. It had been a joyous week of food, and lazing around reading, lie-ins and yes a number of ‘early nights’ where they’d enjoyed each other’s company in bed in a way they hadn’t in months. It had been perfect. But as they drove down towards LA and his in-law’s house he was excited to see them, to be in the company of the loud, ridiculous Rose clan in full. And it was in full as David and Mr Rose were on their way to fetch Alexis from the airport.

Yesterday was a lovely reunion too. David had insisted on surprising his parents and had got the housekeeper to unlock the side gate for them, and they’d come out onto the patio just as Moira and Johnny were settling in for an evening drink.

‘Is anyone going to pour me a glass?’ David had demanded and his dad had looked up and broken into a huge grin. But David had gone straight to his mom. She hadn’t seen him in person since Thanksgiving, and it had been a long difficult six months.

‘Darling.’ he’d heard Moira say as she threw herself around David’s neck. Johnny had rested a hand on his shoulder before moving to Patrick.

‘Looking good son.’ he said kindly and pulled Patrick into a hug. ‘Really good.’ he’d added in a softer voice, and held him tightly.

Johnny had seen the very worst- in a very literal sense, he’d cleaned Patrick up, forced him to eat, and a whole lot more. He also wouldn’t lie to him and Patrick appreciated it. And the chance to hug his father-in-law under better circumstances. The last time they’d said goodbye he was at his worst. Moira hadn’t ever seen him in person while he was having treatment. Releasing David she walked to him.

‘Let me see you.’ she said with a sympathetic tilt of her head, ‘Handsome as every Patrick dear.’ she smiled, pulling him into a hug. ‘You look very well dear.’

‘Thanks, Mrs Rose.’ he said as they pulled back.

‘Doesn’t he look well John!’ she exclaimed, ‘Doesn’t he look good! And his hair, and he’s put on weight and his skin is looking wonderful.’

‘Ok, ok Moira.’ Johnny was at his wife’s side, ‘he looks great.’

‘Well, the skin thing is a lie.’ Patrick said, his skin still veering between teenage acne and painfully dry, a side effect he couldn’t shake, ‘As your son will attest.’

‘It is indeed a disaster.’ David said, working his arm around Patrick’s shoulder, but leaning in to kiss his cheek ‘But we’ll fix it.’

Patrick grinned up and kissed him lightly. He heard a soft noise from his right and caught Moria fanning her face.

‘Mom!’ David rolled his eyes.

‘Oh let your mother have a moment you utter scoundrel of a child!’ she said, waving a hand at him. David rolled his eyes.

‘Drink Patrick?’ Johnny asked and he nodded allowing himself to be led towards the kitchen, glancing back to see David pulling his mom into another hug, and whispering something to her as he did. He smiled.

‘Good to see you Mr Rose.’ he said

‘You too son.’ Johnny grinned, ‘As you can see my wife is...pleased too.’

Patrick grinned, and looped an arm around Johnny’s shoulders, giving his husband a moment alone with his mom outside.

They’d had a wonderfully normal evening- as normal as anything was with more than one of the Rose family present- with dinner, and wine, before Patrick, had slipped away to bed, professing tiredness from the drive, but really wanting to give David some alone time with his parents. David had shuffled up to bed a couple of hours later, and Patrick hadn’t minded being woken up by his wine-fuelled and happy husband burrowing into him. Apparently also the teenage thrill of sex under his parents’ roof had far from worn off and David had made that wake up more than worth it to his husband. And once again first thing this morning.

The next morning, after a long lie in and the kind of wake up Patrick could never object to, followed by an equally long and adventurous shower, Patrick had also enjoyed a day relaxing in his in laws beautiful California home. They’d long ago left the real luxury of their old life behind- this house was big sure, by Patrick’s standards, and the land around it ridiculous, but it was actually a fairly simple four-bedroom house up on the coast. They’d lucked out with the size of the garden around it, and proximity to the beach. But otherwise nothing about it was extravagant- sure some of the furniture was probably worth more than Patrick’s car- but it was modern and simple, and he realised calm. Despite the whirlwind that the Rose family were, this house had always felt calm to him. And so much like home even though it had never been his home exactly.

This was cemented by David dragging them downstairs- still in pyjamas because he couldn’t wait for breakfast, but also because there was no ceremony there. Patrick reasoned also that because his father-in-law had seen him covered in vomit in recent months there was little pretence left. Moira in a dark blue satin robe with a scarf tied around her hair was reading a book, glasses perched on her nose. Johnny was the only one dressed- no surprise as he was usually awake first- but in grey slacks and a linen shirt, and he was barefoot. Patrick had grinned pouring coffee for everyone, at just how calm a scene, it was and how lucky they were.

That evening he thought it again; he looked out at the garden and considered it was a pretty perfect weekend already and they were staying the rest of the week. Alexis was arriving today and staying too until Friday before they headed home on Sunday. Patrick was glad his husband got the time with his family he’d missed out on, during his illness, and glad of the time with them too.

On cue Moira’s phone pinged. She smiled at it, and Patrick noticed how different she looked, in a good way. She was older sure, they all were, her hair was shorter and a darker shade of blonde now. She rarely wore wigs now except for appearances, and her make up was natural- or like right now non-existent. She was a little bigger than she used to be too but in a healthy-looking way that went with her year-round tan. Patrick found himself smiling at her, she was radiant and beautiful and his wonderful eccentric but caring Mother in Law.

‘Nearly here.’ she said ‘I placed an order for dinner at seven so they can freshen up.’

‘They?’ Patrick asked.

‘Oh uh, David and John as well. Give Alexis time to unpack. Not that she will, never does the little minx.’ Moira grinned, and then softened her gaze ‘You look good Patrick dear.’ she smiled ‘You look like yourself again.’ she said softly, reaching a hand across the table.

He nodded ‘I almost feel myself again.’ he said. ‘It took a while, I stupidly thought after the treatment I would feel ok but…’ he shook his head ‘It really knocked me in ways I didn’t realise.’ he had hoped when treatment stopped, when he got the all-clear, things would somehow snapback. But the last few weeks in particular had been tough. He was free of all but a few more supplementary medicines- he was getting vitamin shots weekly still, taking some lighter painkillers and occasional sleeping pills because things still hadn’t evened out. He was off his antidepressants and feeling good, but still taking the anxiety medication, and noticing even with them a creeping sense of unrest now everything was normal but not. But he was getting there, and two weeks away with his husband was helping.

‘You need to get your strength back- slowly.’ Moira nodded ‘Take it slow.’ she looked over her wine ‘Make my son do some of the actual work at the Store too. It wouldn’t kill him to pick up a mop.’

‘Oh you want to tell him that?’ Patrick laughed. In reality, David had been wonderful- though still lacking in the mopping and vacuuming department. ‘Still I’m getting there.’ he said, taking a sip of his wine.

‘Give it time.’ she smiled ‘And two weeks of sun-shine can’t have hurt, am I corr-ect?’

Patrick smiled ‘Yeah it doesn’t hurt- especially compared to the snow we left behind!’

‘You know you’re welcome here anytime.’ Moira said ‘Don’t wait for my son to actually decide to bless his parents with a visit.’

Patrick nodded, he knew she wasn’t serious and David visited as often as he could. But actually maybe they should make more of an effort to take a break, come down here.

‘You know he misses you.’ Patrick said.

‘Well then tell him to vi-sit more often!’ Moira grinned ‘If only so you take my husband to a Baseball game now and then to get him out of my hair, honestly I for-got-ten what a liability the man is without a hobby!’

Patrick grinned imagining Mr Rose had been tough to entertain since he took a step back from the business. He was about to ask how he was doing, really when they heard Johnny’s voice from inside.

‘Sweetheart? We’re here!’

‘Out here!’ Moira called.

‘Mom!’ he heard Alexis’ cry and the tapping of heels on the kitchen tiles and Alexis bounded out and to her mother’s arms. It was endearing to see how loving they were with each other, she held on and buried her head in Moira’s shoulder for a minute before detangling herself.

‘And you!’ she said with a grin, holding out her arms to Patrick ‘Looking so handsome, and with hair growing back and everything.’

He self consciously ran his hand over the tiny bit of hair on his head and smiled sheepishly. She swept him up into a tight hug. They hadn’t seen each other in person since his diagnosis, only over video chat, but he knew he had looked awful for much of that. She pulled back and looked at him again, with a satisfied nod.

‘We got you a little surprise from the airport.’ she poked at his chest and grinned, looking at her brother with barely contained glee.

‘Can I eat it?’ he asked.

‘There’s an answer to that which is entirely inappropriate in front of people I’ve just met.’ a voice came from the kitchen.

‘Since when has that stopped you.’ came another familiar voice. ‘Mr and Mrs Rose, I apologise for my husband, something no doubt that will become a theme for the weekend.’

‘Quite alright dear, we raised David.’ Moira waved her hand.

‘Mom!’ David objected.

‘Oh my god!’ Patrick said, breaking into a grin.

‘Well introduce me then.’ Moira said, ‘Honestly.’

‘Mark’

‘Tim’

Patrick looked from one of them to the other then at his husband, who was looking very pleased with himself about now.

‘Of course my loves, I have heard so very much about you.’ she looked Tim up and down ‘Timothy you are looking most well I must say.’

‘Thank you Mrs Rose.’ he said with a smile, ‘Feeling it at the moment. And you are even more beautiful in person.’ he said, going to her and kissing her hand.

‘Oh, he is wonderful.’ Moira said to David who grinned. ‘And your handsome husband here too.’

Mark leaned over and kissed her cheek. ‘A pleasure to meet you.’ he said and Patrick realised he was suddenly shy.

Unlike Tim, who threw his arms open and headed towards Patrick saying; ‘Does a sick guy get a hug or what?’

Patrick went in for a hug, feeling Tim envelop him. It had only been about three weeks since they’d seen them, but it felt like an age. They’d both got used to Mark and Tim being around after they’d both been there for all of Patrick’s treatment and beyond. They’d taken a little trip too, with Tim being a little better than he had been, and off chemo for the time being. He looked good too, as he planted a kiss on Patrick’s cheek and handed him off to his husband. Mark grinned and pulled him into a hug, dipping his head in line with Patrick’s to make up the height difference- he was taller than David even- and Patrick was pulled into his familiar warmth too. He felt Tim’s hand on his back.

‘Looking well kid.’ he said fondly. Tim was only about ten years older than Patrick, Mark about fifteen, but he liked to tease him about being the baby of their little group.

‘This is a surprise.’ he grinned at David

‘It was Dad’s idea.’ David grinned back.

Mr Rose looked sheepish, and looked down, and Moria went to him, taking his arm.

‘Well I just figured Mark and Tim here helped you guys out a lot, and I’m sure a week in the sunshine would do them both good as well.’

‘We’re heading out to San Diego on Monday.’ Mark said, ‘We’ve got a couple of old friends out there, figured while we’re down here.’ He looped an arm around his husband’s shoulders and Tim smiled up at him, the subtext of while he was a well matter of fact but there. ‘And your parents kindly invited us to stay again next weekend.’

‘And they’re on our flight home!’ David said with a gesture.

‘Well you really thought of everything didn’t you.’ Patrick grinned. David looked smug.

They settled in with wine, while they waited for dinner, chatting easily among them all, when suddenly, through the chatter they heard.

‘Oh my GOD!’ followed by ‘Is that a LLAMA?!’

Patrick looked over just in time to see Tim jump out of his seat and clasp his hands to his mouth.

‘Honey, honey, it’s a LLAMA!’ he exclaimed all but punching Mark’s arm. Mark broke into a huge grin at his husband’s response.

‘His uh name is Larry.’ Johnny said with a smile, ‘He’s friendly, go ahead you can pet him.’

Tim’s eyes widened with glee, as he looked from Johnny to his husband to the llama, who was staring at them all with an air of bemusement. Then returned to snuffling in a bush.

‘He’s a total sweetie.’ Alexis said ‘Though he doesn’t like Mom in her wigs much, he ran away.’

‘There was a noise Alexis.’ Moira huffed.

‘Oh uh hold on.’ Johnny said, rushing inside.

Tim edged closer to the end of the patio, looking at the llama as if it was the most wondrous thing he’d seen. Larry looked back over his shoulder with an air of expectancy and sure enough Johnny came hurrying out with a bag of carrots. Patrick watched David raise a hand to his face covering the grin. A combination of his dad rushing to feed a llama and Tim’s face which was locked in an expression of utter wonder and glee, was a sight to behold.

Johnny handed Tim a carrot and he held it out, Larry all but skipped over to him, gave the carrot a quick sniff then took a bite. Tim’s face burst into an even bigger grin, and Johnny handed him another carrot while holding a hand out and petting the animal. It was clear who in the family he thought of as ‘dad’ as it quickly nuzzled Johnny who spoke to it quietly, while Tim fed it another carrot.

‘You can pet him.’ Johnny said and Tim reached out a hand to its neck, again with a glance back at everyone behind him and a grin. Larry seemed to enjoy it and peered around at Tim who worked his hand up to his ears.

Alexis went down to join them, and Moira wandered over but stayed a safe distance from the animal. Alexis was feeding him too and booped his nose ever so gently while he chewed. Larry seemed to guess Tim was his source of food, snuffled him and virtually ‘kissed’ him too. More confident now Tim reached over and started scratching his neck then his ears, talking to him softly too. Patrick grinned, it was a joy to watch. He glanced behind him and pulled up short by the sight of Mark softly crying, David’s arm over his shoulders.

‘Sorry.’ Mark said softly. ‘Stupid.’ he buried his head in David’s shoulder for a second and Patrick threw his husband a questioning glance.

‘Kids come on!’ Johnny called, waving at them.

Mark straightened up and wiped his eyes. ‘His life list.’ Mark said to Patrick knowing he’d know what it was. Tim’s list of things to do in life- a bucket list but for ways to ‘live’ not things to do before he died, it was an important distinction.

‘Hang out with a llama!’ Patrick said ‘Of course!’ he’d totally forgotten, he’d seen the list months ago mid chemo session when Tim thought he needed cheering up. This had seemed the more simple ones among strange food he wanted to try, places he wanted to visit and people he wanted to see perform. But maybe finding random llamas to pet wasn’t that simple. Or maybe it was just bringing more joy than either of them thought.

‘Fuck he’ll kill me if he sees.’ Mark said and rolled his eyes, wiping them again.

They made their way to the little gathering, David hanging back with his mom. Mark went down to where Tim was now firm friends with Larry.

‘It’s a llama honey!’ he said, his voice full of soft wonder. ‘Did you know that they communicate by humming?’

‘I did.’ Mark said with an air of someone who knew lots of llama facts whether he liked it or not. He held out a carrot and fed him though.

‘And Johnny, they adopt other animals so you could have a whole herd of sheep or goats or something and he’d adopt them like his own.’

‘No sheep Mr Rose!’ Moira’s voice came from behind them.

Johnny laughed and scratched the llama’s neck, ‘Well I guess no farm for me.’ He said ‘But Tim, we don’t know much about llamas really, I wondered if you wanted to, you could be his unofficial keeper, you know whenever you visit us.’

David came down the steps now next to them, resting a hand on Patrick’s back.

‘You know I figured you might want to uh visit again with David and Patrick. And Mrs Rose and I still travel a fair bit, if you were feeling up to it you could look after him while we’re away sometime maybe…’

Tim grinned at Mark like a kid being offered a puppy. Except the puppy was a large llama in California. He seemed to ask his husband for permission.

‘We’d love all of that Mr Rose, very kind of you.’ Mark said, as if he could refuse.

‘Oh no problem.’ He said, ‘Larry likes you.’

Tim beamed and turned his attention back to the llama which sniffed at him and nuzzled his shoulder.

‘Do you buddy?’ he asked, it nuzzled at him in search of more carrots and he grinned, looking happier than Patrick had ever seen him. He leaned in and fully hugged the llama, who truly had decided he was a friend- not least from the number of carrots he’d ingested.

Patrick saw David wipe a tear away too, before going to join in fussing the animal, who really did seem to relish it. After a while Tim and Alexis sat on the step and he came over and nuzzled them, picking at the bushes while coming back for attention.

‘I’ve somehow ended up with an adopted llama.’ Mark mused with a shake of his head. But Patrick saw how happy he looked seeing his husband so happy.

A while later Johnny was escorting Larry and Tim towards Larry’s stable a the bottom of the sizeable garden, and the rest of them returned to the table.

‘Mrs Rose I can’t tell you how happy that made my husband.’ Mark said sitting down ‘He’s always loved llamas - we actually fed them on our first date, at Central Park Zoo, there are pictures and everything. Honestly, it’s llamas and penguins with that guy in a way I can’t wrap my head around.’ he laughed and Patrick reached for his arm, knowing that the stuffed animal penguin from their first date was what Tim kept with him whenever he was in hospital. ‘Anyway, weirdly he added the llama thing when he last got sick, last got really sick anyway, just before we met you guys and I’ve been thinking for months ‘fuck I have to find a llama’ and then one just shows up.’ he shook his head.

‘Weird coincidence you just happen to have a llama in your garden Mom?’ Alexis said with a blink-wink.

Moria smiled, ‘Alex-is’ she rolled her eyes. ‘It was a coincidence the llama needed a home.’ she said ‘But I do think Mr Rose might have heard about someone’s love of the beasts beforehand.’ She lifted her glass to her lips as Tim and Johnny were walking back across the lawn.

David became very interested in pouring some wine suddenly.

‘David Brewer-Rose is this your doing?’ Patrick asked with a grin.

‘No.’ David said then looked sheepish, ‘Maybe.’ he rolled his eyes, ‘Mom you mentioned the poor little llama and Patrick had mentioned that Tim loves llamas, and then Dad got involved and well you know what he’s like for adopting strays.’ he looked at Patrick ‘No offence.’

‘That’s what I said.’ Moira said, gesturing her glass at Patrick.

‘Am I a llama now?!’ Patrick objected and Mark laughed.

‘Anyway Dad meets Tim and Mark, decides without even asking they’re part of his extended family, then next thing you know... llama in the garden!’ David declared gesturing with his wine glass.

Patrick looked at Mark who looked confused for a second and burst out laughing.

‘Welcome to the family.’ Patrick said, shaking his head ‘You and the llama.’

Mark laughed and laughed hard. Until Patrick saw he was crying again. He gestured at David who was closer, who wrapped an arm around him. Moira who was next to him too reached for his arm.

‘Mark dear, you’ve been through so much. But you also helped our boys so much. If my husband bringing a ridiculous barnyard animal home helps, then we’re glad to.’ she squeezed his arm. ‘For a few years, we had nothing at all, and people took us in. We haven’t forgotten that either.’

‘Damn right.’ Johnny said behind her, having arrived back with Tim. ‘And I mean it that you’re welcome here any time. With or without these two.’ he smiled. ‘They consider you family now, so do we.’

Mark couldn’t answer, but he nodded his thanks and wiped at his eyes. Tim draped himself over his husband and kissed his cheek.

‘Honey you’ve had one glass of wine, no need to drunk-cry yet.’ he said ‘The shame of it.’ he ruffled his hair fondly and looked at the Roses. ‘Thank you.’ he said softly. ‘David probably told you we don’t have any family left, not really, and friends don’t always stick around when times are hard.’

‘That we all have experience of.’ Moira said, raising a glass.

‘Yeah like people can be real fucking bitches about it.’ Alexis said, flicking her hair.

‘Alexis!’ Johnny said.

‘What? It's true!’ she pouted ‘We all know people are fine when stuff is good, but you lose your money and can’t pay for stuff, or like charter a jet or whatever, or you get sick and aren’t like fun to them...people are-’

‘Dicks.’ Tim finished. ‘Excuse my language.’

‘I like him.’ Alexis grinned. ‘But like sorry people did it to you. People were mean to me and David and Mom and Dad when things were bad.’ she straightened up, ‘But people were also super nice, and helpful and we’re in a pay-it-forward situation here.’ she frowned. ‘Which means Dad getting a llama, which isn’t the weirdest thing he’s ever bought.’

‘I mean aside from a town.’ David said.

‘Oh we heard about the basketball court.’ Tim grinned.

David groaned, head in his hands, and Patrick reached a hand over to his back and laughed.

‘It’s ok David, you got your new nose out of it.’ Mark added.

Moira and Johnny grinned at each other across the table, and Alexis tossed her hair.

‘I do believe we have pictures of his Bar Mitzvah too. He had a powder blue suit.’ Moira smiled.

‘Which you dressed me in!’ David lifted his head long enough to say.

‘And the hair it was.’ Johnny gestured to show the volume.

‘And who do I have to thank for that?’ David said with a glare.

‘Oh, he’s not wrong dear.’ Moira said with a pointed glance at his hair, ‘As the evidence from the 70s attests.’

‘Sweetheart I don’t think you’re one to comment on 70s hairstyles either.’ Johnny grinned, ‘Or 80s for that matter.’ he winked at Alexis.

Moira was saved from further fashion deconstruction by dinner arriving. And they spent a pleasant hour or two more chatting over a spectacular array of Mexican food. Something David had to admit he missed at home. He also caught himself as he often did, smiling when he realised he thought of ‘home’ as not LA or New York or even the fancy Toronto Suburbs...but their little town instead. He looked over at his husband who was eating tacos like they were going out of style and smiled even more. He glanced up across the table to see his mom looking at him and smiling. He shrugged and turned his attention to his burrito.

****

David fussed with the breakfast tray he was making in the kitchen, his dad hovering over his shoulder with pancakes at the ready. He arranged the fruit on the plate one last time, added the pot of cream for the coffee and nodded at his dad for the pancakes which he flipped onto the plate expertly and handed it over. David was just about to leave with it when his dad called him back.

‘And this.’ he added, holding up a tiny vase with two flowers in it. He placed it on the tray and grinned. ‘Perfect.’ he said.

‘Smooth Dad.’ David said with a roll of his eyes but a smile.

‘I know a trick or two.’ Johnny winked.

‘Ew Dad.’ David rolled his eyes and nodded thanks, then stopped ‘Can you take some coffee out to Mark and Tim?’ he added nodding to where they were on the patio.

‘On it.’ Johnny nodded.

He went upstairs with the tray and opened the bedroom door. Patrick was still under the covers, but he moved at the slight noise of David entering. He shuffled upright, rubbing his eyes. David smiled at him looking ruffled and half awake. Patrick yawned and blinked a bit then registered David’s presence properly with the tray and grinned.

‘Breakfast in bed?!’ he said, his voice croaky and soft with sleep ‘Wow David, I must be still dreaming.’

‘Well don’t get used to it.’ David said, coming to the bed and setting the tray down.

‘Oh, I don’t know you brought me many meals in bed the last few months.’ Patrick saw his face fall, ‘Oh hey, no c’mere.’ he gestured half-awake still but getting there. David sat, carefully so as not to disturb the tray. ‘As much as it sucked- particularly the whole throwing up every meal thing.’ Patrick reached for David’s hand ‘I loved that you took care of me, and I loved getting to curl up in bed with you every day.’

He smiled, as awful as the whole thing had been, getting to stop and be that close with David, after years of their busy lives, had its upsides. Spending long hours in bed with him, even the times he was barely conscious, he’d realised were also weirdly precious.

‘I also got to sit with my husband for many more hours than usual. That was a silver lining in it all ok?’ David nodded and kissed him. ‘Bring that tray up here I need coffee.’

David nodded and complied, shifting the tray and then moving so he was sitting next to Patrick. He grinned when Patrick fed him a strawberry and watched with satisfaction as he devoured the pancakes. His appetite had come back and then some, but after watching him struggle to eat for months, it was a joy to watch him enjoy food again. And he was enjoying these pancakes.

‘Oh my god, David these are…’ he licked maple syrup off his fingers in a way that could only be described as erotic.

‘Well I would try and take credit but my dad will very quickly correct me.’ David grinned. Patrick offered him the last forkful and he took it with a smile. Patrick picked up the fruit plate to pick at and the coffee before shifting the tray. He paused touching the flowers delicately and threw David a glance, and a smile. David shrugged. Patrick sat back and pulled him into a deep kiss, one that tasted of coffee and pancakes, which was, David mused, perfect.

‘Breakfast in bed.’ Patrick said, ‘My husband knows how to treat a guy.’

‘Well if you will sleep until 10 am I didn’t have much choice.’

‘Fuck! Is it that late?’ Patrick went to get up and David put an arm out.

‘Sit.’ he shook his head ‘You needed the sleep, the guys are having coffee outside with my parents, we’ve only got plans to go to the beach, and feed the damn llama.’ Patrick laughed ‘Stay put.’ he leaned in and kissed him ‘Enjoy a lie in.’ he kissed him again, softly but purposefully. ‘Just slow down husband.’ he said, it was a reminder he needed often, not to try and plough on through. Given he’d all but crashed for twelve hours last night was an indication of that.

‘Well, I might need some help with that.’ Patrick murmured, kissing him lightly, feeling David take his mug from him, break away just long enough to move it and the tray, pulling him down into a deeper kiss. They lay there kissing for long minutes, until David worked a hand under his shirt, expertly pushing him onto his back as he did so. Patrick reached for David’s t-shirt and relieved him of it taking a moment to flick his eyes over his body in a way that he knew drove David wild, sure enough, David reached for both his t-shirt and his boxers in what felt like one move. Patrick found himself giggling, actually giggling at it.

‘Oh I’m funny am I?’ David asked with a raised eyebrow and proceeded to kiss him in a way that firmly shut him up.

Patrick enjoyed the slow deep kisses as his husband ran a hand over his chest and back. He returned the gesture running his hands over David’s shoulders, his back, clinging onto him, and pulling him close. He felt David’s hand on his hip and automatically his hips buckled towards him.

‘Please just touch me.’ he managed. There had been time for long languid explorations, for getting to know his body again after surgery, and chemo and everything that had changed. These past two weeks had been perfect for that in fact. For the first time since he’d been diagnosed Patrick felt almost back to normal in this department. Not totally without a few body hang-ups or fears about how things had changed. But in moments like this, it all managed to fall away and all he could think of was his husband touching him. Except he still wasn’t. David put a hand firmly on either side of his hips and started to trail kisses down his body instead. Patrick groaned part in frustration part in pleasure. David looked up at him from under his eyebrows and smirked, then continued his slow, agonising journey. He paused, just at the bottom of his stomach, and ran a finger lightly over Patrick’s scar, and kissed it. A habit he’d quickly formed and one that was turning something Patrick hated, into something he loved. He reached a hand to David’s hair and smiled. Then groaned in pleasure when he finally reached his destination.

David prided himself on the efficiency of getting his husband off. And he smirked at the fact his husband hadn’t yet worked out he’d made it a mission to give him an orgasm every day of their vacation. On a one-man mission to get him feeling better about his body, and about sex. Both of which had taken a battering along with the rest of him during his treatment. Watching him now, happily curled around him naked on the bed, he’d say he was getting there.

‘I hate to be the responsible one.’ David said, ‘But we should probably shower.’

Patrick groaned, but complied, hauling himself upright, and searching for some clothes- as close as he was with his in-laws post-coital shuffling to the bathroom was not what they needed to see at 10.30 on a Saturday morning. He stretched a bit and leaned over to kiss David, before hauling him up too.

‘Faster together.’ he said.

‘Past evidence suggests otherwise.’ David grinned.

‘We don’t have time for number 18 now.’ Patrick winked.

David’s eyebrow went up, and Patrick grinned.

‘Oh yeah I’ve been counting.’ he grinned. David rolled his eyes, and Patrick grinned wider ‘C’mon we’ll get enough stick from the guys as it is for being so late.’

He was correct, when they wandered out onto the patio they were greeted by the whole family waiting, Tim and Mark chatting easily with everyone.

‘Well look who managed to drag themselves out of bed.’ Tim grinned.

‘Yeah uh Patrick was tired.’ David said, petting Patrick’s shoulders.

‘I bet he is now.’ Tim quipped with a smirk, Mark swatted at his arm but was unable to keep the grin off his face.

‘Now now.’ Moira said ‘I’m sure they were just enjoying a les-iure-ley breakfast...that took a while to get dressed after.’

‘Mom!’ David protested, and Patrick smirked and shrugged at him, figuring they were already beaten.

‘Ew aren’t you two supposed to be past all that by now?’ Alexis interjected ‘You’re basically fifty David.’

‘Hey don’t knock sex with a fifty something man.’ Tim said, ‘As my husband is proof of.’

‘Oh I’ve totally gone there, don't worry, silver foxes am I right?’ Alexis high fived Tim across the table.

‘Ok ok that’s quite enough of all that.’ Johnny said, holding his hands up.

‘Apologies Mr Rose for my husband.’ Mark said, flushing a deep shade of crimson.

‘Oh no I was just going to say you know nothing until you’re all at least 60.’ Johnny grinned devilishly.

‘Dad!’

‘Ew!’

Patrick grinned and laughed along with Tim, Mark and Moira and the Rose children’s outrage.

***

Mark had followed David into the kitchen to make some tea, everyone else was- noisily - in the living room, with the tail end of a baseball game on for Patrick and Johnny, Moira and Alexis chatting in a corner and Tim drifting between both groups, David quickly followed by Mark had made a brief escape to the kitchen.

‘My husband can find a way to loudly join in anything….even a sport he doesn’t understand.’ Mark smiled.

‘Mine on the other hand can find sport to watch wherever we are.’ he shook his head ‘I dread to think where we’ll end up on our Europe trip, football, rugby...the hockey you play on a field not ice?’

Mark laughed, and got some milk out of the fridge while David put the kettle on and arranged mugs.

‘Be thankful he doesn’t get you to try the sports. Not so much sports but things like dance classes, art classes I have been dragged to them all when Tim has taken an interest.’

‘Llama husbandry.’ David smirked.

‘I blame your dad for that.’ Mark said.

‘If it helps I blame my dad too.’ David grinned.

‘It’s really lovely though.’ Mark said, serious again ‘I mean don’t get me wrong it’s ridiculous we now have an adopted llama- in California- but your parents saying we can come out here- hell bringing us out here now.’ he shrugged ‘it’s just nice.’

David gave him a lopsided smile. He knew things were tougher on Mark than he could sometimes let on. He also recognised a lot of himself in him- for different reasons not having many people on his side. He was also, like David, more introverted than his husband even though in David’s case that surprised people. But in Mark’s case there was a quiet shyness to it behind his easy manner.

‘Well you’re welcome to adopt as many llamas and parents of mine as you like.’ David grinned pouring the water, he glanced over at Mark ‘They all but adopted Patrick on sight you know, and Stevie...and they have this weird thing with Roland and Jocelyn who are like the siblings they either never had, never wanted or are better than Mom’s ridiculous sister.’ he shrugged ‘Might as well add you two into the mix.’

Mark grinned ‘Sounds like a good mix.’

‘Roland takes a lot of feeding, I resent being left with him at home.’ David dropped his gaze ‘But I’m really glad to have you two around.’ he smiled shyly.

Mark looped an arm over David and he lent in, it had only been a few weeks without seeing them but he found himself missing him- both of them- like he did nobody else but Patrick really. He rested his head on Mark’s shoulder briefly and felt him kiss his hair. An entirely different physical language to the one he had with Patrick but still an easy one, with Mark, just as Patrick did with Tim, but a welcome one just the same. Mark was a steady, safe place to land, and having him here with his parents felt as natural as having Patrick here.

‘How you doing?’ Mark said, his quiet presence as ever reassuring, and calm, keeping an arm resting on his shoulders.

‘Good I think.’ David said, leaning back on the counter ‘I mean I realised I hadn’t stopped in...months, when we got to the cabin I sort of crashed for a few days.’ he knew he could be honest with Mark about this stuff, ‘It was like all the exhaustion hitting at once.’

‘Now you know why Sam always intervenes to send him to the hospice for a week or so.’ Mark smiled. ‘Did you talk to him about it?’

David looked down, knowing he was found out, that Mark saw through him easily, he nodded, thinking it over, when he said he crashed, he meant everything. Patrick had assumed it was David in ‘downtime’ mode which was often a far quieter version of everyday him, but in reality he’d started to struggle.’

‘It’s like all the worry, and what if, and it all started to spiral into this ball of anxiety and I just...shut down.’

It was what he did he knew, Patrick knew too but after a couple of days he’d forced himself back ‘up’ again, and then a couple more days of vacation time had started to take effect and he’d felt more himself again. Here at home with his parents, he hated to admit he felt safe, the most relaxed he had in months. But he was worried it would come back.

‘That’s normal.’ Mark said, ‘It’s exhausting but it's normal. Like I told you the day he got his results, you’ve been on high alert for weeks, and then you stop. You’re gonna crash.’ he shrugged ‘Sometimes you crash harder than others.’

‘You ok?’ David asked.

It was Mark’s turn to shrug, and he looked down, shifting away slightly and dropping his arm, suddenly very interested in the tea he was brewing. David reached a hand to his back and he looked over and smiled.

‘I want to say ‘of course’ and ‘everything’s fine’ because it is- as fine as it’s ever going to be, and you know we agreed to not dwell on that stuff, we’re here living our lives for now because...well.’ he looked down again, and David rubbed his hand up and down his back ‘Sometimes I just can’t push it all away you know?’

‘Yeah.’ David said quietly, rubbing his hand up and down. He leaned in and rested his chin on Mark’s shoulder. He could imagine all to well how exhausted Mark must be living with it constantly, in the endless cycle he did. They did so well, but there had to be breaking points. He stood up properly again and reached for Mark’s arm, giving it a squeeze. ‘Come hang out with us more, when we’re home. I mean I think it helps right?’ David also knew that Mark had been alone, and fairly lonely for some time.

He gave him a lopsided smile tilting his head. ‘Yeah it helps David thanks.’ he looked up properly, ‘Actually there’s a chance we might be ….closer soon.’

‘The house?’ David asked, Mark and Tim had been looking to move and had started looking nearby- very nearby in fact just up the road.

Mark grinned ‘Tim doesn’t know it’s almost all gone through, he thinks it’s tied up in legal stuff, I’m going to surprise him on our trip.’

‘Well, then as neighbours, you’ll just have to come over all the time.’

David grinned and pulled him into a hug, Mark kissed his cheek and leaned into him.

‘Honestly get a room you two.’ Tim joked coming into the kitchen with Patrick ‘Or at least invite others to join you.’ he winked at Patrick who agreed by kissing him lightly with a smirk at his husband.

It had taken a lot of unlearning to realise that lines of physical affection weren’t as black and white as he’d spent a lifetime learning. Despite dalliances with others, Tim and Mark were the only two where those physical expressions took on extra weight. And the only one where Patrick wrapping his arms around Tim as he did now, felt as natural as doing the same to his husband, and somehow different to doing the same to Stevie, or Alexis or even Twyla or Jocelyn. It was a particular kind of shared language, for him and Tim- and he reasoned Mark and David- an ‘in the trenches’ kind of love and affection, that the physical became an extension of. He found himself grinning at the two of them, David leaning easily on Mark at the sink like he belonged there. An easy, different kind of love too. Tim wound an arm around Patrick too and he leaned in. David saw Patrick’s easy smile at him and enjoyed how happy his husband was in their company too.

‘You know this feels like coming home to meet Mark’s parents for the first time.’ Tim said with a grin. ‘I was terrified they wouldn’t like me.’

‘You were effortlessly charming.’ Mark said ‘Until you dropped your dinner on the floor.’

Tim laughed and went over to his husband. ‘They still loved me.’ he grinned.

‘That they did.’ Mark said with fondness.

‘As do my parents.’ David said with a shy smile. He wasn’t sure why his parents liking Tim and Mark was important to him, and although his dad had already met them, it felt somehow important they like them, and now they were here it felt so natural, like they’d always been part of the strange extended Rose family.

‘They’re lovely people David.’ Mark smiled.

‘Do you want to adopt them?’ David asked. ‘I’ll throw in the llama for free.’ he winked and Mark shook his head.

‘Speaking of! We’re going to see Larry!’ Tim announced. ‘We’ll be back to get ready for dinner, I need to scrub up!’

The Roses, despite Mark and Tim’s protests, were insisting on taking everyone out for a fancy dinner. David had told them to let them treat everyone, his dad in particular had gone so long without being able to do things like that for people he loved it was nice to see him do it now. Whether that was taking Alexis and her boyfriend with them to Italy for a week, or the way Johnny always had cases of wine ‘spare’ to deliver to Roland when he visited. Mark shook his head and smiled fondly at his husband.

‘He’s good.’ David said. ‘You can relax for a while ok.’ he reached over for Mark’s hand, and squeezed his fingers. Mark squeezed back.

‘Only if you promise to as well?’

David nodded ‘Deal.’ He said ‘Now I might take advantage of my parents’ ridiculous bathtub before Alexis gets in there and starts primping.’

Mark smiled, ‘Excellent plan.’ he nodded ‘Mr Rose wanted to chat business, so I’ll go find him.’

David kissed his cheek ‘Then I shall come rescue you in an hour, because you will still be there.’ he winked.

Patrick and Tim were measuring out Larry’s food and refilling his water. Turned out Mr Rose had become quite the dedicated llama owner and his stable (actually a converted garden shed) was more spacious and comfortable than some places Patrick had lived. So while Larry watched them carefully making sure they were up to his standard, they talked.

Mostly about nothing to start with, it was weird to think but Patrick missed the long hours they’d had in Chemo, the chance to talk about nothing. It had been years since he’d had the luxury of time to get to know someone like that. Actually he’d realised David was the last person he’d got to know like that- long hours putting together the Store they’d talked about nothing and everything, similar to how he and Tim talked. From shared love of films, to food they wished they could eat, to the deeper things, like their relationships, family and of course their shared illness.

Tim drifted into more serious conversation asking ‘Was it weird meeting his parents the first time?’

Patrick turned the tap off finishing filling the bucket, and considered.

‘Well Mrs Rose had trouble remembering my name for a while.’ he grinned, then shrugged ‘It was weird when things changed...they knew me as ‘Patrick from the Store’ and I think Johnny was wary at first-maybe not of me, just of David getting involved with someone at work.’ he leaned on the wall, ‘I remember the first time I knew they liked me, I’d gone to the town hall with some paperwork, and Mrs Rose kept me talking forever- which isn’t unusual obviously’ Tim smiled, ‘But she started talking about David, and how proud she was of the Store, and how she knew he had it in him.’ he shook his head ‘And then she said ‘nobody has ever seen that in him. You see him Patrick.’ he shrugged ‘That was weirdly the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.’

‘That is nice.’ Tim said softly.

‘I mean I fucked it up royally later that same day when my ex-fiance showed up at a family barbecue.’ Patrick offered.

‘That was the same day?’ Tim made a face. ‘Ooops!’

‘Oops indeed.’ Patrick shook his head ‘Alls well that ends well and all. Did you get on with Mark’s parents?’

Tim nodded, ‘His mom particularly. Me and my mom were never the best of friends, we were fine but we weren’t ever that close, Penny- Mark’s mom- liked so many of the same things as I did, she had a wicked sense of humour too. I miss her.’

Patrick nodded and took the water into Larry pausing to give him a scratch on the neck.

‘I never thought I’d have a whole new family.’ he mused, ‘I figured you grow up, get married, have a kid or two and see the extended family at holidays. That’s not what I got...but I got, more somehow?’

Tim nodded ‘More than one way to be a family.’ he smiled, picking up the feed he’d been measuring out and handing it to Patrick who set it down to much appreciative grunting from Larry, and let himself out.

‘I was thinking- which my husband says is dangerous.’ Tim said ‘But remember a while back, David said about doing something about gay cancer paitents and resrouces or support or whatever.’ Patrick nodded leaning on the door ‘Do you, I mean I know you guys are super busy, but do you think you’d want to- do something I mean? I mean maybe just a website, or a way to connect people or something?’

He looked nervous and Patrick grinned ‘I think that’s a great idea.’ Tim looked relived ‘You will have to deal with David bossing you about, but I have learned many tricks to getting him to do what I want.’

‘What are you suggesting I do to your husband?’ Tim winked.

‘I’d say it’s the only way to shut him up, but evidence suggests otherwise.’ Patrick winked back and turned his attention back to Larry, who was crunching his way through his dinner. ‘It’s a good idea Tim, maybe we even find a way to, you know...raise some money, help people. Mr Rose might want to help too, he needs a project now. You know one that isn’t llama husbanarry.’

‘Husband-Larry.’ Tim quipped, putting an arm around Patrick and kissing his cheek. ‘Thanks.’

They watched the llama for a bit until he finished and Patrick retrieved the empty bucket and bolted the door. Tim was staring at the animal with a bemused expression.

‘Hey have you noticed how…’ Tim looked at Larry, his head tilted.

‘He looks like Johnny?’ Patrick grinned and nodded ‘Why do I feel like that’s the reason Moira let you stay buddy?’ he scratched Larry’s ears and he gave him a look that quite clearly said ‘yup’ they both laughed.

****

‘Here it is.’ Johnny gestured at the computer, ‘Alexis got it shipped to me, but I’m damned if I can set the thing up properly, and my son has no patience with me- he nearly threw my new phone out of the window when I asked him where silent was.’

Patrick grinned, people’s ineptitude of all kinds was not David’s strong point. As he found to his detriment every time he used the wrong combination of skincare products, or changed the layout of their till.

‘Sure thing.’ Patrick said booting up the very fancy looking new laptop, hoping his technical skill was up to it as well. ‘Hey Mr Rose can I pick your brains on an idea that Tim and I had too?’

So while he waited for software to install to set up the various programmes he knew Johnny needed, he talked about their ideas so far- some kind of website for gay men with cancer with tailored advice, or links to rerouces. A place-either online or in person- for them to chat, meet each other.

‘I know it sounds weird, and even if being gay has no impact on being sick I don’t know, Tim and I finding someone like us...helped.’

‘Of course, of course.’ Johnny mused, ‘Look the world isn’t perfect, I get that you guys still get people who aren’t as accepting...reminds me of how my dad would talk about how great finding another Jewish guy at work was...someone to go to...just in case.’

‘Yeah exactly.’ Patrick smiled, then considered ‘Mr Rose did you ever- I mean was that ever a problem for you?’

Johnny nodded slowly, ‘Sure, off and on.’ he shrugged, ‘You know people don’t think mostly, so the odd careless remark, sometimes people don’t even know it’s offensive.’ he shrugged ‘I’m sure I lost out on business deals over the years or jobs, but hey I know I was lucky-nobody ever put a brick through my window or anything. Other folks I know, well not so much.’

‘I’m sorry Mr Rose, people are terrible.’ Patrick knew he’d been lucky too, David told him stories from his past sometimes, he let slip little bits of the abuse he’d get, a few times things had gotten violent. Patrick knew he’d been lucky to live a life mostly without any prejudice for who he was or who he loved.

‘The worst thing.’ Johnny mused ‘Was nobody would marry us.’

‘What?’ Patrick frowned the thought had never occurred to him, and it clicked; Mrs Rose wasn’t Jewish. The family always celebrated it, their mixed heritage, but back in what the 70s? 80s? People would have thought differently.

‘Mrs Rose and I.’ Johnny said ‘Even in the early 80s, none of the Rabbis would, and it wasn’t important to Moira and I to have a religious ceremony- actually Moira suggested Vegas.’ Patrick grinned, wondering what wild tales that might have resulted in. ‘But it was to my mom so we tried to get a Rabbi- Mom didn’t mind I was marrying a Gentile, she just wanted her big Jewish Wedding.’ Johnny chuckled then grew serious ‘I wanted it too. I mean eventually we found this lovely liberal Rabbi who was based in New York, so he came up and did the ceremony at the country club… It was lovely but…’

‘It shouldn't have been that hard.’ Patrick said.

‘Exactly.’ he looked at Patrick seriously ‘I’m glad you and David met at a time you could get married and nobody objected.’

‘Me too.’ Patrick smiled. He turned his attention back to the computer and finished setting up the last of the shortcuts on Johnny’s new computer and checked them through one last time.

‘All done!’ he declared and gestured at the screen.

He started walking Johnny through all the basics, remembering all the stuff he knew he used for the Motels, factoring in using Facetime and messenger on the laptop, even going as far as reminding him YouTube was there and had a lot of old baseball clips. To the point, they got lost down a rabbit hole of classic World Series moments. Which then descended into more and more obscure baseball moments that Johnny remembered, or Patrick did, before they knew it an hour had gone by.

‘Oops.’ Johnny said, ‘Moira and David will not be impressed if we’re late for dinner.’

‘Very true.’ Patrick said ‘And I feel I still have to get my outfit approved. Apparently my packing choices are not ‘LA appropriate’ enough.’ he rolled his eyes.

‘Forty five years and I still get told off for the wrong tie.’ Johnny smiled ‘Once because it was the wrong direction of diagonal stripe…’

Patrick laughed and offered Mr Rose a hand up as he eased himself out of the chair. He could see he was slowing down a bit- despite being incredibly sprightly for his age. It brought up mixed things in him, a sadness for his father-in-law who he knew struggled with being forced to slow down, and a little stab of sadness at his own dad never getting to grow old. Johnny hesitated a moment and Patrick paused.

‘Hey Patrick I wondered- and if you’re busy with work and whatnot it's fine, but uh, one of the other vendors gifted us a couple of season tickets to the Blue Jays….Obviously we’ll have to fight Roland for them, but I know Moira wants to come and visit a little more now, and we could time it around the games for the season…’

Patrick smiled and put a hand on his arm. ‘I would love that Mr Rose.’ he smiled, ‘Hey if we make a weekend of it David and Mrs Rose can go shopping in Yorkville or wherever is cool now that I didn’t listen to.’ he paused ‘Baseball or not you’re both always welcome. David misses you- we both do.’

Johnny nodded and pulled Patrick into a hug, he pulled back and rested his hands on Patrick’s shoulders.

‘My doctors say I have a condition with the valves in my heart.’ he said softly ‘It’s nothing to be alarmed about-but they’re keeping an eye on me.’ he shook his head ‘It’s why Moira suggested I take a step back, uh slow down a bit, she’s right I suppose.’

Patrick nodded, ‘I would say Mrs Rose selfishly wants as much time with you as she can.’

Johnny nodded, understanding what Patrick was saying, he went to say something else but from the doorway an exasperated dual sigh was heard. Moira and David, both dressed for dinner, were standing in the doorway arms folded with similar expressions of exasperation on their faces.

‘I bet Alexis isn’t ready either.’ Johnny ventured, ‘Ok ok honey I’m going.’ he held his hands up in defeat.

‘David you’ll have laid out my outfit for me, this will take exactly five minutes.’ Patrick protested. He took one look at his husband's impatient look and hurried to the door, kissing his cheek on the way.

‘Five minutes sweetheart.’ Johnny promised hurrying after him. On their way back up the stairs he heard David’s cry of

‘You were watching BASEBALL!’ from downstairs and laughed. He also knew he’d be sacrificing half his dessert for this.

***

David smiled at his dad and Patrick over at the barbeque. The cooking was both a team effort and a competitive sport, but a friendly one.

‘I got Martha’s son to look over his notes.’ Moira confided, ‘And he agrees all looks well. He said exactly what Patrick’s oncologist said they’ll monitor him a bit closer for the first bit, so I’m afraid that’s a few more months of unpleasant testing for him.’ David hummed a response, ‘But once he gets to a year less so, and once he gets to five years everything should be normal forever.’

‘What about the genetic stuff?’ David said quietly, not taking his eyes off his husband.

‘Again, she said Alexander said that yes there was an additional risk, but actually this might be a blessing- he’ll be monitored for the rest of his life, and anything that happens they’ll catch it early again.’ she looked over at his son who looked worried still ‘I know it’s not fun, and we all wish dear Pat didn’t have to think about all this, but in the circumstances…’ she let it hang, it was best case scenario stuff, as worrying as it would still be.

David nodded slowly. ‘Thanks.’ he said quietly ‘for doing that. His doctors were great and Sam goes above and beyond but…’ he trailed off. He felt his mom’s hand on his arm and looked over at her. ‘I just worry.’ he said ‘Not just about him dying, which I utterly refuse to let him do.’ his mom smiled, ‘But if he gets sick again, the kinds of surgery- I think about things like him getting an ileostomy, needing a stoma bag. Or I think of secondary cancers we miss because we’re too busy looking for that one back.’

‘And what does Patrick say dear?’ Moira asked.

‘He says he’s going to get on with living his life and worry about that when it happens.’ he smiled in his direction ‘He says that’s what his dad always did, so he will too.’

‘But you worry he’s going to go down the same path.’ Moira said tightening her grip, David nodded not taking his eyes off his husband ‘Sweetie that was ten years ago that he died, things have changed since then. Hell, it was what twenty years ago he was first treated?’ David nodded, ‘I hate to say it for Patrick’s sake, but today they probably would have saved him ok?’ David sniffed and nodded. Just as Alexis bounded out.

‘Um hey?’ she said, then looked between her mom, her brother and the barbeque duo. ‘Um hey.’ she said flopping down on the sofa next to David and resting her head on his shoulder, looping her arm through his. ‘Everything ok?’ she said softly.

He nodded and smiled over at her. There was a time when she’d have made fun of him first, teased him before getting to the serious part. They still teased, they still fought, but they could also be this.

‘I was really scared, David.’ Alexis said quietly ‘I can’t imagine what it was like for you.’ he hummed and watched his dad flip a burger. ‘But you did amazing looking after him, and now look!’ she gestured.

‘Alexis is right Dav-id.’ Moira agreed. ‘I always said there was a lot of your father in that man.’ Moira said ‘But there’s a lot more of your father in you than you let on too.’

David smiled into his drink. ‘Well, I guess there are worse people to be like.’

On cue his dad turned around and waved.

‘Almost ready!’ he called.

‘Oh bring it here John! We aren’t an-i-mals!’ Moria called ‘And fetch some wine.’

They watched Patrick obediently go inside for the wine. David smiled, he really was as much a part of their family as anyone now. He went via the barbecue for a plate while holding the wine, and shared a joke with Johnny and David smiled fondly.

‘Here we go.’ Patrick said, delivering both ‘Be back with the rest in a second.’

He bounced away, oblivious to the conversation they’d just had about him, about how his husband still spent hours sometimes worrying about it all, and oblivious to the fact his sister still got late-night texts where she had to talk him down off a ledge while Patrick slept. Alexis pulled herself up.

‘I would be totally scared too David.’ she said ‘But you can’t let the whole maybe-one-day-getting-sick-again ruin the right now ok? Patrick deserves better.’

David nodded. She was right, he was letting the fear of what might be eating into the now. He’d given himself the three months until they got an official all-clear to worry, it was time to stop. Enjoy the fact he was ok.

‘You got him here David.’ Moira said ‘And don’t you for-get that.’

‘Forget what honey?’ Johnny said arriving with the rest of the food.

‘For-get how skilled a chef you’ve become Mr Rose!’ she exclaimed.

‘I mean it’s like an improvement on when he first barbecued.’ Alexis grinned ‘Remember all the meat you couldn’t even identify because it was burned.’

‘Burned AND raw.’ David added ‘The best combination.’ He screwed up his nose. But took another slider off the plate.

Later that night, they were still outside enjoying the spring evening. Alexis and Patrick under a blanket, David having got his thicker sweater out of his suitcase. Johnny went inside and got a bottle of whiskey and some glasses, Alexis made a face and waved it away, picking up her wine.

‘Kids.’ Johnny said, handing Patrick a glass, ‘Your Mother and I wanted to talk to you.’

‘Oh my God what’s wrong?’ Alexis said sitting up, ‘did you lose the house again?’

‘Did Mom get fired?’ David asked.

‘Guys!’ Patrick interjected. ‘Mr Rose.’ he said ‘Why don’t you talk.’

David shot his husband a glance sensing conspiracy, Patrick looped an arm around him. While they cooked Johnny confided he wanted to talk to his kids, and what about, so Patrick was prepared.

‘Kids we’ve been thinking about when we die.’ Moira said with classic bluntness.

‘Way to ease into it Mom!’ Alexis explained.

‘Wait is anyone-’ David sat bolt upright and had to be restrained by Patrick slightly.

‘Everyone is fine.’ Johnny said ‘I promise. Just we’re not getting any younger, and well I’ll be honest, Patrick getting sick gave us something of a wake up call.’ he nodded to Patrick which suggested to David they had indeed talked already. ‘Look it’s pretty simple stuff, but we’re in the process of updating our wills and we just thought we should talk you thought it.’

‘Ok.’ Alexis said ‘Should we be taking notes?’

‘You’ll have all the information, dear.’ Moira said. ‘John why don’t you lead with the more business stuff, let’s ease the kids in gently.’ she nodded at Patrick making it clear he was included in this.

‘Alright then.’ Johnny said ‘if we’re ready?’ Alexis, David and Patrick all nodded. ‘Ok, uh well for the Rose Motel business, there’s a whole lot of legal stuff there obviously being a partnership, but the short version is my stake in the business will transfer to Alexis and David.’ he paused ‘And Patrick.’ Johnny waited as if expecting an objection.

‘Mr Rose, are you sure?’ Patrick asked.

‘From a business point of view it makes sense- you know the business better than anyone from the side of the Store supplying us, and I’m sure David won’t object to you taking over the numbers.’

‘Not one bit.’ David said.

‘And although it’s technically splitting things three ways instead of two-’

‘Dad I don’t care about that.’ Alexis said, with a look over at Patrick. ‘Look, to be blunt, I have my own money, I assume that yes ok there’s some inheritance coming my way, even if it’s like Mom’s rings or something- David don’t even think you’re getting them.’ she shrugged, ‘For Rose Motels the most important thing is that they continue- for Roland and Stevie and for Rose Apothecary, and everyone who works for them.’ she shrugged, ‘It’s not like we’re going to sell your stake in the business, we’re just going to look after it.’

Patrick nodded along, glad it was going over so well.

‘As for my le-ga-cy that’s more complicated.’

‘Who would have thought.’ David said.

‘David.’ his dad said

‘What? I’m kidding?’

‘Dav-id you will be in charge of the legal logistics- who holds the right to various things, what royalties there are etc etc. while Alexis can do the PR around my life and death.’

‘Mom, ew.’ Alexis said.

Moira fixed Alexis with a firm gaze. ‘Alexis my dear, who else would I possibly trust to report on my life and career accurately. Do we want more lies about me in the papers? Or on the interwebs?’ she sighed ‘Look they’ll make stuff up they always do, but I’d like at least one story to be true.’

Alexis locked eyes with her and nodded. ‘’Kay.’ she said softly, and Patrick reached over and squeezed her arm. ‘I don’t know why we have to have this super depressing talk now.’ she said with a huff.

‘Because none of us, not even me, are immortal.’ Moira winked. ‘I died once and the PR just wasn’t what I’d want.’

‘Fine.’ Alexis huffed. ‘Ok Mom fine, I will make sure people remember you right.’ she flicked her eyes down ‘Of course I will.’

‘I know you will, dear.’ Moira straightened up ‘All the money stuff is in the lawyers documents. But one for you all, I’ve requested that any Royalties from The Crows movie- three and four- go to the town. For you know, keeping the town hall, or fixing up things or whatever.’

‘Mom?!’ David said, with a glance at Patrick.

‘Jocelyn needs somewhere for the Jazzagals to rehearse, and you know they need the roads and the playground for the chi-l-d-ren to play in. I just thought you know, a little bit of cash stashed away.’ she shrugged.

‘That’s very nice Mrs Rose.’ Patrick said ‘Hey maybe we even extend the Rose garden.’ he grinned.

‘Now that I like.’ Moira grinned and Patrick grew serious then.

‘We’ll plant you a rosebush, Mrs Rose, Mr Rose. You know, like Dad’s.’ David looped an arm around him, kissing his head.

‘Now the tough stuff.’ Johnny said.

‘That wasn’t?’ David said, and Patrick petted his arm, stilling him.

‘Actual funeral arrangements are all in the folders in the safe, ok? And it’s all paid for bar the odd incidentals, but we have extra cash set aside.’

‘Dad we can like pay for flowers and stuff.’ Alexis looked genuinely upset now and David put an arm around her.

‘Can I say something?’ Patrick interjected ‘Sorry Mr and Mrs Rose.’

David smiled knowing Patrick must have a serious point when he deferred back to ‘Mr and Mrs Rose’ his parents nodded. And he saw Patrick take a breath.

‘If you are ok with it, let me take care of that- unless of course David and Alexis want to- what I mean is, I’ve done it, for one parent, all the admin, the logistics. Let me do it, for them.’ he jerked his head at his husband and the sister he’d never had, ‘For you, for all you’ve done for me.’

Moira wiped at her eyes, and Johnny took her hand.

‘Thank you son, that’s kind. I’m sure David and Alexis appreciate it.’

David kissed his husband’s head and Alexis burrowed into her brother a bit.

‘The last part John.’ Moira prodded her husband and took his hand, he looked at her and nodded, but Moira continued ‘We updated our advance directives too.’ she said evenly, ‘It’s all in there, so you don’t need to concern yourselves, but the short version is we don’t want to be kept alive on machines. Your father and I are old enough to know when we’re beaten ok, so let us go.’

‘Mom.’ Alexis said, wiping her eyes.

‘Patrick.’ Moira said.

‘It’s what I would do.’ he said softly, ‘It’s what I told David to do for me. It’s what…’ he faltered ‘It’s what I think my mom wishes she’d done for my dad. I know I do.’ he shook his head, ‘It’s tough, but guys you want Plan A for your mom and dad.’

‘What’s plan A?’ Johnny asked, looking over at Moira.

David smiled and took his husband’s hand. ‘Tim.’ he smiled ‘he’s got literal folders of different death plans...plan A is your ideal, whether it’s at home in your bed, or instantly by lightening or whatever. It’s the best case worst case scenario for you and everyone who loves you.’ he shrugged. ‘Plan A.’

‘I like the sound of that.’ Moira said, ‘In which case I choose to go with my husband by my side, that's all I need.’ she leaned over and kissed him.

‘Let me not know it's happening.’ Johnny added. ‘And after my wife so she doesn’t have to be without me.’

‘Ever the gentleman, but I think I should be the one left behind Mr Rose, you know you don’t do well alone. Also you’ll look dashing at my funeral.’ she kissed his cheek.

‘Well that’s settled then.’ Johnny said ‘Fashion over funerals.’ Moira smiled and he kissed her hand. ‘I think if nobody minds I’m going to turn in.’

‘Be up in a moment dear.’ Moira said.

‘Hey Dad?’ Alexis asked ‘Will we have to lie to the Rabbi?’

‘About what sweetheart?’ Johnny asked standing and leaning over to kiss Moira’s cheek.

‘How many pork chops you ate in life?’ she grinned.

Johnny grinned back ‘Maybe just gloss over it a bit yeah.’ he smiled and made his way back into the house. Patrick watched him go, conscious of how much Johnny Rose cared for his family. He looped an arm over David and glanced over at Moira. She looked serious again.

‘Look after him for me my darlings.’ she said softly, ‘If he’s left on his own. Mr Rose really is not very good on his own.’

‘Mom.’ Alexis said quietly, and Moria got up, put her hands on her daughter’s cheeks and kissed her hair.

‘We will Mom.’ David said, and she put a hand to his cheek. ‘You’re good kids.’ she said squeezing Patrick’s shoulder on the way past too.

They watched her go in silence before Patrick reached for the bottle of whiskey.

‘More?’

‘SO much more.’ David responded. But Patrick saw him keep an arm around his sister, and let her quietly lean into him for a bit.

Later that night, curled up in bed, Patrick played with David’s hair for a moment, getting his attention.

‘You ok?’ he asked softly.

‘Mmm.’ David answered.

‘That talk with your parents was a lot.’ Patrick said, twisting a lock of hair, giving him permission to talk it out. David shifted into him a bit more, playing with his shirt under the covers a bit and fidgeting a bit.

‘They’re not getting any younger.’ David mused and flicked his eyes up, ‘It doesn’t bother you...me maybe getting sad about that because…’

Patrick shook his head, ‘Of course not. I’ll be sad...when it happens too.’ He ran a hand through his hair ‘David they’re as good as my parents too now, especially…’ he didn’t want to say ‘your dad’ but David knew it was true. Patrick kissed his forehead as David shuffled upwards and snuggled into his neck for a second. ‘This stuff is tough to talk about ok?’

David hummed a response. He’d seen Patrick go through it, he knew it was ugly, painful. Having missed so many good years with his parents, he felt a weight of guilt for it. One thing kept weighing on his mind- something he’d thought of off and on over the last decade or so.

‘I worry about either of them alone.’ he said softly and looked up again. Patrick leaned down and kissed his forehead again.

‘I know.’ he said. His mom had been ok, after the initial shock. Sure she still missed his dad, missed what their life might have been like. But he figured a combination of both being prepared for it happening one day, and the fact his parents led quite independent lives- not that they didn’t love each other, but between hobbies and work and friends, his mom had a full complete life without his dad. They weren’t like the Roses that way, so entwined it was hard to imagine one without the other. She missed him, but she carried on. He knew the Roses were different, they’d barely spent a week apart in nearly fifty years, he worried for them too.

‘Is it bad that I sort of hope….they won’t be without each other very long?’ David looked up at him from under his eyebrows, and Patrick could see the tears pricking at his eyes ‘Is that terrible?’

Patrick shook his head. ‘No, I think it’s kind.’ he said ‘I think, it’s what they’d want too.’ He put a hand to David’s cheek and thumbed away the tear that managed to escape and David nodded slightly before Patrick released him and he could snuggle back in again. He got it, not wanting to talk about it any more than they had to. They’d cross the rest of those bridges when they had to. ‘Hey David?’ he added, David hummed into his shirt ‘You know I’ll be there right? Every moment, every time you need picking up off the floor, or you need to cry or throw things or whatever however messy and ugly, I’ll be there ok?’

David didn’t answer, but he found Patrick’s hand under the covers and interlaced their fingers.

The next day the house bounced back to rowdy life again when Mark and Tim arrived at lunchtime. Bringing gifts of various wines they’d got on a wine tour with their friends, as well as an array of chocolates and cheese they’d also picked up at various vineyards and farm stores on their travels. Apparently the amount being shipped to their new house was also one Mark was not willing to do the maths on. David got very excited by several of the wines and was already Patrick could see plotting to contact them as potential suppliers.

Alexis was flying home that evening, so they made the most of a late lunch at Moira’s favourite little cafe. Which Patrick realised after a while reminded him of somewhere more familiar. David and Alexis disappeared inside to look at the cake selection. While the waitress was boxing up some for Alexis to take home, she tugged at her brother’s sleeve.

‘Hey.’ she said ‘You know I’ll help, if Mom and Dad, you know get sick or whatever any time. Or if you know Dad is all alone or something, I’ll like help.’

David nodded, ‘You don’t have to.’

‘Da-vid!’ she exclaimed in frustration, ‘It’s not like 2007 any more ok? You don’t have to be the only one looking after us!’ she huffed and he leaned over and looped an arm around her, suddenly he was pulling her into a hug.

‘Thank you.’ he said softly.

She pulled back a bit, ‘Wait David you were really worried?’ she frowned.

He waved a hand ‘No, not in an ‘Alexis won’t help’ way just in an ‘I’m the oldest it's my job.’ way.’ he shrugged ‘You know how I always did, with mom, with you.’

She nodded, her face serious. ‘You kept me from seeing the worst of mom’s bad times.’ she said softly ‘And you always like, rescued me and stuff.’ she poked his shoulder. ‘Maybe let me do some rescuing now...or your little button husband...it’ll be like teamwork.’ she grinned.

David nodded, and felt his eyes well up, Alexis caught it and steered him into a booth. He bit his lip for a second and looked down willing himself not to cry.

‘It was really fucking scary.’ he said ‘And really fucking lonely, looking after Patrick and if Mom or Da-’ his voice squeaked, and Alexis took his hand ‘If Mom or Dad need someone to look after them I dont know if I can do it again. If I could for Pat-’ he dissolved into tears and she switched sides of the booth. Putting an arm around him, letting him cry into her shoulder. She looked up and saw Patrick coming in, maybe looking for them, or the bathroom. Alexis jerked her head over and he came over to the booth, she extracted herself and he dove in with a clumsy but almost seamless move.

‘Hey.’ Patrick said rubbing David’s arm with his hand ‘What’s all this.’

David sobbed hard into his chest and clung on.

‘David, you don’t have to be the only one looking after us any more, ok?’ Alexis said, reaching for his hands across the table. ‘Brother-Sister dream team ok?’

He looked up and nodded, his eyes still red, but he smiled weakly.

‘See you back outside.’ she said with a wink-blink.

David leaned into his husband for a long moment, taking the napkin Patrick offered. Grateful that his husband sensed he didn’t want to talk about it now. Instead he let him sit, before leading him back outside. Rejoining the thankfully rowdy lunch table, he slipped in unnoticed, except for Mark, who looped an arm through his quietly as they sat at their end of the table.

‘Talk later?’ Mark asked softly.

David nodded. ‘Thanks.’ he said, covering Mark’s hand with his and giving him a small smile. Patrick to his left heard and leaned over kissing his cheek.

‘Love you.’ he murmured so nobody else heard.

David hugged his sister tight before his parents drove her to the airport. Mark had volunteered to cook dinner for everyone, which meant also that David, Patrick and Tim were recruited to help. He was cooking an elaborate chicken parmigiana for the main, but had set them to work on vegetables, breads, salad and dessert. Actually Tim was the one protectively making his ‘secret’ tiramisu recipe, which from what David could see just involved an excessive amount of booze, a fair bit of which also seemed to be making it into his glass.

‘At least share.’ Patrick said, swiping the bottle and pouring it into his coffee mug. He caught David make a face.

‘Very incorrect I know.’ he smirked and downed it ‘I think I need a detox after these two weeks, too much good wine and whisky.’

‘Indulge yourself.’ Tim said, licking mascarpone off the spoon he had in his hand to make a point, before handing the bowl to Patrick. ‘I hate to be a walking cliche but life’s too short.’

‘You may have a point.’ Patrick said putting a finger in the bowl and licking the cream ‘Fuck is there booze in this too?’ Tim winked at him, and Patrick ran a finger around again and licked it. This time David’s expression was something else. ‘Yes husband?’ Patrick giggled, feeling the effects of too much sampling the cooking alcohol on an empty stomach. He did it again, slower, more deliberate ‘See something you like?’

‘Oh behave.’ David said, pulling him in for a messy, cream-filled kiss against the counter. He then stole the bowl himself and groaned with pleasure as he sampled it himself.

‘Now that was filthy.’ Tim said ‘Do it again.’

‘Am I the only grown up here?’ Mark asked, opening the oven.

‘Yes.’ his husband replied ‘You’re boring and I love you for it.’

Mark pouted at him, folding his arms, leaning on the counter.

‘Ok you aren’t boring, but I still love you.’ Tim conceded ‘Now sit for a minute, everything is under control.’ He topped up the wine Mark had been drinking as he joined them at the kitchen table, David retrieved the white wine from the fridge and topped up his Patrick and Tim’s. ‘Forgive my husband, he doesn’t know when to stop looking after people sometimes.’ Tim smiled.

‘Really.’ Patrick said with a pointed look at his husband, who was very interested in his wine suddenly.

‘How are you doing David?’ Mark asked softly, shifting the tone a bit, but not forcing things.

Patrick looked over and saw David thinking, he reached up for his neck, and played with the strands of hair there.

‘Moira and Johnny talked to us about their...wishes, for after they’re gone last night.’ Patrick filled in, for Mark and Tim. David looked at him gratefully. ‘It was a tough talk- David I’m sorry I feel responsible.’

David shook his head and waved his hand indicating it was ok and Patrick nodded.

‘They’re ok though?’ Tim asked concerned.

David nodded, looking up at last with a little smile ‘Yeah fine.’ he said ‘I think just with Patrick and everything…’ he shrugged ‘It’s fine, it’s good to know these things but still.’ he shrugged.

‘When you’re already burnt out.’ Mark offered, ‘It would take something less than that to break me when I’ve felt like that David.’

‘He once cried for a full evening over a burned casserole.’ Tim said, ‘Or the time you bumped the car in the supermarket parking lot and I had to come rescue you from a panic attack?’

‘Or the time I spent a weekend rewatching Gilmore Girls and crying because you picked up a stomach flu and convinced myself you were dying.’ he shook his head ‘Or the time I had a kidney infection and spent a week giving myself an anxiety attack convinced I was dying.’

‘Every time he falls apart, a week later he realises it was because he hasn’t stopped since the last time I needed him. Or that he thought he could do ten new work projects and be on chemo duty.’

Mark smiled fondly, and let his husband pull him into him, he leaned on him. Looking over to see Patrick looking confused.

‘Wait David, are you? I mean do you feel like that? You’re at breaking point?’ he frowned.

David shook his head. ‘Not exactly.’ he looked at Mark and Tim, ‘I think I’m still burned out.’ he looked down, embarrassed, ‘I know we’ve had these two weeks, and it’s good, I’m good-better than I was but….’ he looked over at Patrick and bit his lip ‘Sweetheart I don’t know my brain feels broken, I’m so tired and I cant seem to get untired.’ he knitted his brows together and looked at his husband in anguish. ‘I worry about little things past the point of sense and yeah…’ he rolled his eyes ‘I’m maybe close to sobbing at Gilmore Girls episodes.’

‘Well we know that’s just a normal day.’ Patrick gently took his hand. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t notice honey.’ he shook his head softly ‘If things have been rough, why didn’t you say something?’

David didn’t answer, he just flicked his eyes down.

‘Because he thinks it's his job to look after you.’ Tim interjected ‘and he forgets it’s also your job to look after him.’

Patrick kissed David’s head and smiled gratefully at Tim.

‘Not to sound like a cancer support group.’ Mark interjected ‘But sometimes it's harder for the caregiver to ask for help.’

Patrick nodded, ‘That’s what we need you guys for.’ he smiled, and scooted closer so he could pull David under his arm, ‘Speaking of, I spoke to Johnny and he had lots of ideas for our support network idea, and a few places that might maybe make a donation.’

David lifted his head properly and beamed at him ‘You asked my dad for help?’ followed by ‘My dad wants to help?’ he grinned wider.

‘Of course, and of course.’ Patrick said. ‘We can wait, you know if you need some time-’

‘No.’ David shook his head, ‘This is good, great I have so many ideas- Tim, Mark if you come to the Store next week we can start planning.’

And David was off, bubbling with ideas, Tim joining in fast. Patrick smiled at Mark across the table. It wasn’t a solution, David still needed some more proper rest, and probably nudging towards some extra sessions with their therapist. But projects and creativity fuelled David, and this one, helping people as well, seemed like the kind of thing to give him his spark back. Patrick beamed as he nearly got smacked in the face by one of David’s gestures, and again as he barely took a breath while kissing his cheek as an apology.

A short while later, when he heard his parents come in David leapt up and all but ran to the hall. His mom was shrugging off her jacket and his Dad was putting the keys in the bowl by the door. He all but knocked his dad off his feet sweeping him into a hug.

‘David, what’s all this?’

‘Thanks Dad.’ David said feeling his dad uncertainly pat his back. He straightened up and wiped his eyes.

‘Mom? Dad? Do you guys want to come visit soon? I know we technically haven’t left yet and you’re probably sick of us….but maybe you come up for a couple of weeks? Mom you aren’t back to filming until the summer, and maybe you take a little longer off this year and-’

‘That sounds like a plan to me.’ Moira said, putting a hand on his arm. ‘What say you Mr Rose?’

‘I say baseball season starts soon and Patrick and I already planned some games.’

David rolled his eyes. Of course they did, and of course his husband was one step ahead of him in getting his parents out there.

***

They spent a lazy final Sunday at home, with a long lie in (One in which Patrick got his count up to an even 35). Followed by some time at the beach, and a lazy afternoon of David napping, a head in Patrick’s lap while he read, Mark and Tim mirroring them lazing on the patio furniture. David’s parents had insisted on ordering an array of food for dinner, and while they were inside having a long standing Sunday catch up with Jocelyn and Roland over the phone, they were enjoying one more bottle of wine in the California sunset.

‘I could get used to this.’ Tim declared. ‘You know if I didn’t appreciate snow and slush several months of the year. And a house the size of Larry’s shed.’ he grinned at Mark. ‘At least I did have.’

David grinned, and Patrick looked confused.

‘How do you feel about some new neighbours?’ Tim asked.

‘Well a short-ish walk away.’ Mark grinned.

‘What isn’t in their town?’ Tim asked.

‘Well look at that.’ David said with a grin ‘Neighbours.’

Mark nodded with a smile. And Patrick looked between them, this was obviously something they’d discussed, he looked at Tim.

‘Don’t look at me, he surprised me.’ he shrugged ‘Did a whole blindfold thing and everything before we went on our trip.’

‘Oh, he did huh?’ Patrick smirked at his husband ‘I wonder where he learned that trick?’

‘I have no idea.’ David said, raising his eyebrows and taking a drink.

‘Then last night, in this fancy restaurant, he gets out a box and presents it to me, with a key inside.’

‘He thought I was proposing in public.’

‘For which I would divorce you.’ Tim kissed his husband. ‘I told him we couldn’t afford it.’ Tim said, and smiled ‘It’s beautiful.’

‘We can afford it.’ Mark insisted, ‘And you deserve it. We deserve it.’

Patrick felt David reach for his hand, as their friends kissed. David looked over at him with a hint of sadness and a small smile. They both knew there was an unspoken element of for what time Tim had left in this, and while they knew not to dwell on it it was there. David too, Patrick knew, felt Mark’s particular pain in this, as the caretaker, as the one who would eventually be left behind, acutely. Patrick squeezed his fingers, but if it meant having their friends close, that was a good thing too.

‘So when are you moving?’ he asked brightly, breaking the brief spell of melancholy before it could descend.

‘Next week.’ Mark grinned. ‘We’re going to rent out our place, and this place is empty so …’

‘Why waste time?’ Tim said with a grin. ‘So we hired that guy Ray to help us with his removal company.’

Patrick laughed, ‘Oh god, so you’ll be needing our help too.’

‘Uh, I’m more of an interior design help than a heavy lifting help.’ David said, an eyebrow raised.

‘And for the housewarming.’ Tim said.

‘We’ve got spare rooms now too.’ Mark said ‘You know in case the long walk home is just too much.’

‘Open door policy, always. Obviously.’ Tim said.

‘Oh you haven’t met the town properly, just you wait!’ Patrick laughed and shifted while Tim swung his legs up onto his lap leaning on Mark, looking out onto the lawn. ‘You’ll be fending off Ray’s help with the gardening, and Roland dropping by to bring you pot roasts before you know it.’

‘Or Jake building you furniture.’ David said, raising an eyebrow.

‘Well, that’s a welcome to the neighbourhood I look forward to.’ Tim smirked, Mark playfully nudged him. ‘Don’t worry I know your rules, ‘only with feelings’’ he glanced at Patrick ‘Such a spoilsport though denying a man someone like Jake…’

‘You don’t get to pull the dying card just to see Jake naked!’ Mark protested with a roll of his eyes, suggesting this wasn’t the first time such a complaint had been filed.

‘I mean he’s an impressive dying wish.’ Patrick smirked, getting him a high five from Tim.

‘Oh hold on I can help fulfil that dying wish…well close enough.’ David got out his phone and quickly handed it to Tim.

Patrick over his shoulder peered at it, the image of Jake, naked save for a strategically placed tool belt in one image and...from the rear in another. He tried to glare at David.

‘Do we need to talk about how quickly you found that?’ he said.

‘It’s on his Instagram.’ David shrugged. ‘I mean you don’t get the main attraction in that but you get a good idea…’

‘That’s a large toolbelt.’ Tim agreed.

‘Very.’ David said and rolled his eyes ‘Which is entirely superficial.’ he glanced wickedly at Tim ‘And besides I’ve seen more impressive.’ he raised an eyebrow in the direction of his husband.

‘Reaaaaally.’ Tim said.

‘Enough!’ Patrick laughed, ‘You two are…’

‘Correct?’ David smirked.

Patrick shook his head, taking David’s phone and clicking it shut. ‘Look there’s no denying Jake is very impressive to look at, and he might have a particular skillset.’ he found himself blushing slightly at the memory, ‘But that’s not everything.’

‘Here here.’ Mark agreed.

Patrick grinned, ‘But as much fun as Jake is.’

‘And he is a lot of fun.’ David interjected, this time Patrick rolled his eyes.

‘I think I have to agree with your husband Tim... I can only do feelings too.’ Patrick smiled, ‘Call me old fashioned I guess.’ he shrugged.

‘How old-fashioned?’ Tim asked, a slight shift in the air.

Patrick flicked his eyes down. ‘Well you know we fooled around, with Jake, a couple of his buddies.’ He looked at David ‘My husband had a ‘special’ massage on our wedding day.’

‘It’s a really funny story.’ David grinned. He shrugged, `We went to a few ‘parties’ with Jake...went over to Jake’s for a ‘whiskey’ once or twice.’ He shrugged ‘Sort of fizzled out.’ He locked eyes with Patrick, knowing he wouldn’t mind sharing this with them, but checking in. Patrick nodded. ‘I guess for both of us too, we needed feelings there.’

‘Such romantics.’ Tim smiled and nudged Patrick as he did, but his smile was fond.

Patrick found himself looking down embarrassed suddenly, feeling like the attention was on him. In this instance it was Mark he shared the similarity with, so he looked at him, sat the other side of David, a familiar configuration by now, his arm slung behind David, whose arm was looped through Patrick’s.

‘I thought for a while that it was my you know, very heterosexual heteronormative upbringing that was getting in the way. And you know maybe it is.’ he took a drink, ‘It’s not that it wasn’t fun with the other guys, it’s not that it feels wrong, there’s this space where sex is over here and love is over here and that’s fine. It didn’t feel wrong or even like one was a threat to the other like I always thought.’ he glanced over at David who smiled at him softly.

Mark nodded ‘There’s different kinds of love too. And affection, or ways to express that.’

David glanced over at Mark and held his gaze for a moment before looking back at his husband who nodded.

‘And Jake wasn’t that for me.’ he glanced at David ‘For us.’

David nodded, his thumb tracing a light pattern on Patrick’s arm, and locked eyes with him for a second, Patrick gave him an almost subconscious nod.

‘But that doesn’t mean a different version is...off the table in the future I guess.’ David said with an almost protective kiss to Patrick’s cheek, looking back at Mark, who nodded slowly. Patrick felt Tim’s hand on his back, a familiar, practiced gesture, that caused him to turn and look at Tim, who offered him a soft smile. Patrick nodded at him, and leaned into his touch again, reminding himself how easy and familiar that language was between them. He saw David and Mark exchange smiles too, before Mark kissed David’s hair in that way that the fractional height difference between them always made seem the most natural of gestures.

‘One thing I’ve learned by now.’ Patrick said carefully, his heart racing a little, ‘You don’t always know what you need until you have it.’

He felt Tim lean his head on him then, David squeeze his arm as Mark mirrored Tim’s gesture. In the garden, as if on cue, Larry wandered into view. Patrick chuckled, whether a llama or something else, sometimes unconventional was what you needed in life.

‘Bo-ys!’ Moira called from the house, ‘Di-nn-er time!’

They all laughed.

‘I never thought I’d need Moira Rose calling me in for dinner.’ Tim said ‘But I’m fucking glad I get to.’

‘Just be thankful she’s not cooking it.’ David quipped.

They detangled, and made their way up to the house. Halfway there David stopped Patrick, and kissed him deeply, out of nowhere. Patrick pulled back and gave him a nod, slipping under his arm as they walked back to the house.

***

David held his mom tight for a few more moments.

‘I love you.’ he said sniffing her perfume and shampoo and feeling already a wave of homesickness. Foolish he told himself, he was as his sister reminded him, close to fifty. But he still missed his mom when he wasn’t around her. More now than he used to.

‘See you soon my darling.’ she smiled, holding him at arm’s length ‘Look after your sweet husband.’ she leaned in again to his ear ‘And let him look after you.’

He nodded, and went to his dad. ‘Love you Dad.’ he said. Conscious of saying it to both of them often still to make up for all the times he couldn’t.

‘Love you too son.’ Johnny said, pulling him into a hug. ‘See you very soon ok?’

David nodded. With another little wave, he went to join his husband and the others two, waiting at the bottom of the escalator. He gave one more wave along with them as Patrick took his hand and they made their way towards security.

***

Their flight got in at midnight, and so after a wait for bags, and for some inexplicable reason an actual traffic jam in the parking lot, it was almost 1am by the time they were in their cab on the way home. David, Mark and Tim piled into the back of the car and Patrick took the front seat with the driver.

Patrick was telling him about their trip, and the cabin they’d stayed in, enthusing about the small towns in Northern California they’d visited.

‘Anything to get out this snow.’ the driver agreed, gesturing at the messy slush filled roads in front of them. ‘My husband and I used to go to San Francisco every February, just to escape it. Of course also to live our best lives imagining we were in Tales of the City.’

Patrick laughed, ‘You know I’ve never read it. Or been to San Francisco. My husband says I can be kicked out of the club for both those things.’

The driver laughed, ‘Did you live under a rock or something? Manage to miss the classic gay coming of age story.’

Patrick chuckled, ‘Something like that.’ he glanced over at the driver. ‘Let’s say I was a late bloomer.’ He looked down, wondering why he was still embarrassed after all this time.

‘Tell you a secret.’ the driver said ‘I didn’t come out until I was 35 either, and about to marry my husband.’

Patrick smiled and nodded. ‘Sometimes takes a while I guess.’

‘Amen to that.’ the driver said and extended his free hand, ‘Victor by the way. We live out in Elm Glen.’

‘Patrick.’ he said ‘we’re in Schitt’s Creek. We run the Store there, you should come to one of our events- wine tasting, crafts if that’s your thing.’ he shook his head ‘Sorry that wasn’t a sales pitch just...sometimes I know, small towns not…’

‘Not San Francisco?’ Victor asked, with a smile. ‘But thanks, that sounds good. I’ll tell Charlie. You’re right sometimes we don’t meet many...like minded folks around here, nice as everyone is.’

Patrick nodded. And smiled to himself.

‘What?’ Victor asked.

‘Nothing.’ Patrick said ‘I just realised I have a habit of ...trying to adopt people that way. Adopting strays my husband might say, like someone else we know.’

Victor chuckled. ‘Worse habits to have.’

Patrick glanced into the back all three of them were asleep; Tim tucked under Mark’s arm, who in turn was resting his head on David’s shoulder. David who could fall asleep anywhere had used a scarf as a pillow against the window, Patrick could also see his arm was looped through Mark’s.

‘Which one belongs to you?’ Victor asked.

Patrick smiled ‘All of them I think.’