Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“You’ve what?!”

“I’ve never gone sledding,” mumbled Nagito. “I’m not entirely sure what sledding is. I don’t understand why this is such a big deal.”

Nagito, Hajime, and all the others were sitting around the table at breakfast. Even Ryota had been convinced to come out of his cabin to eat with the others. He’d been doing a lot better lately, even going so far as to participate in bonding activities with the others. Nagito was glad he seemed to be recovering, but this did pose a bit of an issue when he sided with everyone else in certain conversations. 

Conversations like Nagito’s lack of sledding experience.

“You’ve never gone sledding? Even I’ve done that…” said Ryota, looking up from his sketchbook.

“Nfagitoff, you’ff gffoot tfff dahff,” said Akane, who was busy stuffing her face full of omelette.

“Nagito, you’ve got to try that,” translated Nekomaru. “And yeah. Definitely agreed.”

“Seriously, dude. Did you, like, not have a childhood?” asked Ibuki through a bite of waffles.

The whole table went dead silent.

“Uh, no, not really,” said Nagito with a nervous laugh. 

“OH SHIT I’M SO SORRY-” Ibuki nearly spat out her water in panic as she tried to get the words out. 

“No, no, it’s alright!” said Nagito quickly. “Like I said, it’s fine. I really don’t mind. It was a long time ago, anyway. I’m not... Um, Hajime, what are you doing?” 

Everyone turned towards Hajime, who had gotten out his phone and had begun vigorously typing something. “One sec,” he said, and the sound of a number being dialed sounded through the phone.

After a moment, a familiar voice spoke through the speaker.

“Hi, guys! What’s all this about?”

“...Asahina?” Nagito turned his head to the side in confusion. “Hajime, why are we calling Asahina?” 

“I told you, you can just call me Hina!” said Hina from the phone. “But yeah, I’m not entirely sure why you’re calling me either. What’s up?”

“Nagito said he doesn’t know what sledding is,” said Hajime matter-of-factly. 

“He WHAT?! Oh, wow! This is a grade A emergency! Lemme talk to Makoto, and we’ll see if we can work something out. There’s a pretty secluded area in the mountains, and we have a small base there. Maybe you could give that a shot!” 

Before Nagito had time to respond, another voice spoke through the phone speaker, this one farther away as if it had just entered whatever room Hina was in. “What’re you gonna talk to me about? Oh, hey, is that Hajime? Hi, guys!” 

There was a chorus of “Hi, Makoto!” from around the table, and Makoto laughed on the other end. 

Hina cut in, and Nagito could tell just by her tone of voice that she was gesturing wildly around the room in apparent panic. “Makoto! Thank goodness you’re here. Nagito says he doesn’t know what sledding is!”

“I- Huh? How is that possible? ”

“I don’t know why you’re all so shocked. I mean, my parents couldn’t exactly take me, and my luck would probably end up causing someone to die, anyway. Besides, spending time on myself when I could be attempting to bring hope to this world would be selfish,” said Nagito calmly.

Fuyuhiko slammed his glass of milk down on the table, causing several people to jump. “I’m sorry, I think I need a minute to process the amount of UTTER BULLSHIT you just spewed. Even I fuckin’ know that’s not how any of that works.”

“Yeah, that was… kinda depressing, man. ‘Sides, you’ve got Hajime now, right? His luck balances yours out and stuff,” said Kazuichi.

“It’s a bit more complicated than that, but it does seem to tone it down to inconveniences and helpfulness instead of life-changing incidents. Even still, though…” Nagito trailed off, unsure of which excuse to use next. 

“Good news! No one’s using the base for the next few days, so we can send someone over there to pick you up! You gotta have first hand experience, ya know?”

“You really don’t need to…” Nagito trailed off again. Everyone was looking at him with the same hopeful expression in their eyes, and he could tell just by their voices that Asahina and Makoto were feeling the same way. He couldn’t deny the hope that they were feeling; it was practically radiating off of them. Declining wouldn’t be right, not in this position. 

“...Okay.” 

“ Yes! ” Nagito could practically hear the celebratory fist-pump on Asahina’s end. “Alright, other than Komaeda, how many of you are we taking?” 

“Well, I guess I kind of have to go in order to keep his luck in check,” said Hajime. “Raise your hand if you’re in. Actually, on second thought, raise your hand if you’re not coming. That’s easier.”

Himiko put her hand up, shaking her head. “I’m not the biggest fan of the cold.”

Mikan followed. “Y...yeah, agreed.”

“Quit copying me, you pig!” 

“I’m sorry!” 

“I’m afraid I’ll have to stay behind on this mission as well. I do not think my Four Dark Devas of Destruction would appreciate the snow,” said Gundham darkly.

“I’ll stay back as well, then!” chirped Sonia. “I’ll make sure that everyone has a good time here!” 

“Miss Sonia’s staying behind?!” Kazuichi gasped, then sighed. “I guess I’ll stay behind too, then.” 

“I’ll stay here with Himiko, but you guys had better make sure to get some good pictures while you’re there!” said Mahiru with a smile.

“I think it would be wise for Ryota and I to stay behind, as well as Teruteru,” said Imposter.

“Agreed,” said Ryota. “I don’t think I’m ready for that much activity yet.”

“Why me?!” Teruteru asked, apparently shocked.

“Food,” said Imposter. No more context was needed.

“Alright, that leaves me, Nagito, Ibuki, Peko, Fuyuhiko, Akane, and Nekomaru,” said Hajime. “Seven people.”

“Alrighty! I think we can get someone out there around five in the afternoon, if you’re all ready. You can spend the night at the base, and then come back in the morning!” Asahina said enthusiastically. “That work for you guys?” 

“Think so,” said Hajime. “One question, though.” He glanced at Nagito, and the two of them locked eyes for a fraction of a second before he turned back towards the phone. “How exactly are we getting there?” 

“Helicopter would be the easiest option,” said Makoto. “Does that work?”

Hajime’s eyes widened. “Um-” 

“It’s fine,” Nagito interrupted. “Don’t worry about me. You can tie me up if you have to.”

Hajime stared at him for a moment. Nagito gave a small nod, and Hajime sighed. “...Okay. We aren’t tying you up, though.”

“It’s fine,” Nagito repeated. 

Maybe if he said it enough times, it would be true.

#

It was not fine. 

At exactly 5:00, as the helicopter touched down on Jabberwock Island, Nagito began trembling violently and fighting the urge to vomit. He forced himself to step towards the door on shaky legs, watching as the others boarded obliviously. They knew by now that Nagito’s parents were dead, but they hadn’t heard the full story. The only one who really knew what was going on was…

“Hey. You sure you wanna do this?” asked Hajime quietly. “I know aircraft, um... isn’t really your thing.” 

“It’s f… fine…” Nagito choked out the words, eyes wide. “I’m just… being stupid… haha…” A laugh escaped his throat as he forced himself to take another step forward, suddenly wishing he was invisible.

Hajime shook his head. “I’ve seen stupid, and it’s not this.” 

Nagito felt Hajime watch him for a moment, as if weighing his options. Then he held out a hand to Nagito, looking at him with an unfamiliar expression. Nagito stared at him in confusion, unsure of exactly what he was expected to do. Hajime rolled his eyes, then stepped forward and took Nagito’s hand. The real one, not the one made of metal and wires. 

“Let’s go,” he said, pulling Nagito towards the steps leading onto the helicopter. Even after they’d boarded, he didn’t let go. 

“Am I missing some context here, or…?” Akane asked, turning her head to the side like a confused puppy as Nagito stumbled onto the helicopter.

“Yeah, you look like you’ve seen a ghost!” said Nekomaru.

“S… sorry. I’m… not the biggest aircraft person. Don’t worry about it,” said Nagito, trying to look as casual as possible while his entire body was trembling. 

It was during takeoff that the panic really began to set in. The helicopter’s propellers whirred loudly from above, and Nagito blinked and suddenly they were airborne. His breath caught in his throat, causing him to cough violently. He’d made the mistake of sitting in the very back so no one could see him. Hajime figured this out immediately and was currently watching from the seat next to him, concern written all over his face. Nagito squeezed his eyes shut as tears of panic began to form, threatening to spill over. An endless cycle of what-if’s ran through his head, getting louder and louder by the second.

He heard a noise, somehow breaking through the wall of thoughts. No, not just a noise. Someone was talking. 

“It’s okay, we’re safe. It’s alright. I won’t let anything happen. You’re safe.” 

Nagito felt a hand touch his shoulder. 

“Everything’s okay. We’re gonna be fine. We’ll land soon. It’s okay.” 

The hand squeezed his arm, then shifted and pulled him a couple of inches closer. Hajime. The voice belonged to Hajime.

“Nagito, can you hear me?” 

Nagito inhaled shakily, his eyes drifting halfway open. Hajime was next to him, his arm around Nagito’s shoulder. 

“Y… yeah,” Nagito whispered. “Are we… gonna die?” 

Hajime shook his head. “No, we’re safe. I’ll make sure we stay that way.” He pulled Nagito into a sort of half-hug, and a few terrified tears escaped Nagito’s eyes. 

“I thought… you didn’t want to go near me. Are you doing this... out of pity…?” Nagito asked through desperate gasps for breath.

“No... not pity,” said Hajime slowly. “You’re right... I didn’t want to before. I didn’t want to be around you at all a lot of the time. But... things are changing, you know? I understand more now.” 

“What… do you understand…?” asked Nagito, trying to keep his mind away from the fact that they were hundreds of feet off the ground. 

“For one thing, I understand better where you were coming from when you said… things that confused me,” said Hajime, as if struggling to come up with the right words. “...I can’t even imagine how horrible it must have been.”

“What… was horrible...?” 

“Your luck cycle,” said Hajime. “I’m not saying it’s bad,” he quickly added, “but being so close to happiness only to have it ripped away from you and crushed at the last second, over and over again… no one should have to go through that. I can’t even come close to fully understanding how awful that must have been. So, I guess... I understand that I don’t understand, if that makes sense.”

Nagito was silent, save for the sound of his shaking breath and occasional small sobs. No one should have to go through that. Did that include him, too? 

“...You’re a good person, Hajime,” he whispered. 

Hajime’s arm tightened around Nagito’s shoulder. “You are, too.”

Nagito felt like he should correct Hajime; say that he wasn’t a good person and never had been. But, for the first time in as long as he could remember, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He wondered if that was selfish of him. He didn’t deserve the compliment, but he took it anyway. Nagito closed his eyes again, leaning against Hajime. He’d think about it later.

“Chopper’s landing!” called Akane from the front. “Hajime? You guys okay back there?”

“Yeah, we’re good!” Hajime called back. There was a small shift as the helicopter slowed to a stop, then began lowering. There was a loud bumping noise and a soft rumble as it made contact with solid ground, then the sound of the pilot announcing through the speakers that it was safe to exit. Nagito slowly opened his eyes. 

“See, what’d I tell you? We’re here, and everything’s intact,” said Hajime. He stood up and held a hand out to Nagito.

Nagito let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “...Thanks.”

He took Hajime’s hand, and Hajime helped him up. A cold gust of wind blew in as the helicopter’s door opened, causing everyone to shiver as they stepped outside. 

“Makoto said that there are some jackets and stuff inside the main building, which I think is the one we just landed on top of,” said Hajime as he stepped off the helicopter, Nagito in tow. 

“G-good, it’s f-freezing out here!” said Akane, huddling near Nekomaru for warmth. 

“A-agreed,” said Ibuki, her teeth loudly chattering.

The seven of them quickly made their way inside and down the stairs, where a surprisingly homely-looking place awaited them. If they ignored the metal exterior of the building, the lower floor could have easily passed as the downstairs of a house. Stairs led up to a long hallway, which Nagito assumed led to the bedrooms. He sighed in relief as he looked around, getting a final confirmation that they really had landed safely.

“The jackets are over here,” said Peko, pointing to a large bin full of winter clothes. 

“Oh, good. Let’s not freeze to death. That would be kind of…” Fuyuhiko trailed off.

“Ironic, considering that we survived all that other stuff!” said Ibuki cheerfully. 

Nekomaru let out a booming laugh. “Yeah, that would be a little anticlimactic!”

Nagito smiled slightly as the others bantered. They were so happy. So filled with hope. Nagito briefly wondered if it would be better for him to slip away into the shadows and let them have fun without him. Surely he’d only dampen their spirits.

“C’mon, Nagito! You aren’t just gonna let yourself freeze to death, are you?” said Hajime, waving from the bin of jackets and scarves.

“Oh, sorry. I was just thinking.” Nagito made his way over to Hajime, who was putting on a pair of red mittens. 

“Yeah, stop doing that,” said Hajime. “Is your jacket gonna be thick enough for this temperature?” 

“Yeah, it’s fine. I’ll be fine,” said Nagito, watching the others try on various jackets and gloves. 

“Jeez, at least wear a scarf.” Hajime threw a bright green scarf at Nagito, and it landed on his face with a soft thwap. Nagito reluctantly put the scarf on. He didn’t like things being around his neck very much, but for some reason he listened to Hajime anyway. 

Hajime stepped towards Nagito, and he instinctively flinched back. Hajime paused and waited for him to let his guard back down before stepping forward and stuffing Nagito’s messy white hair into a beanie that matched with his scarf.

“Your hair is really soft,” said Hajime as his hand brushed against a tuft of hair. Nagito opened his mouth to make a typical self-deprecating comment, but Hajime quickly added, “you can’t correct me if I’m factually right!” 

Nagito sighed, a small laugh escaping his lips along with it. “Yeah, I guess.” 

Hajime grinned lopsidedly, adjusting his bright red jacket. “Let’s go, c’mon. I don’t want to hold up the others!”

Nagito followed Hajime out of the door and onto the deck, or what should have been the deck. Really it was more like a short balcony overlooking a long, steep slope. A few smaller pathways went off in separate directions, twisting and turning along the mountain. Pine trees surrounded the wide pathway, coated in thick snow so white it was nearly blinding. Sleds were sitting next to the door, which Makoto claimed were there for “emergency use,” which apparently included when he and the remainder of the Future Foundation got bored.

“So we just… slide down that?” asked Nagito, glancing at the sleds, then back at the long slope. 

“Wow, you... really haven’t done this, have you?” said Fuyuhiko, picking up a long red sled. He hopped off the porch and into the snow, sitting the sled down. “C’mon, Peko. Let’s show ‘em how it’s done.” Peko smiled and got into the back of the sled, Fuyuhiko in the front. 

“Wait, are we racing?!” Ibuki grabbed a bright pink sled and got in. “You’re on! Ibuki’s gonna kick your asses!” 

“Oh no, you won’t!” said Akane, grabbing a sled and climbing down from the porch.

Nekomaru got into the front of the sled, Akane in the back. “Yeah! Without our asses, how could we take a good shit?!” 

“Not… quite what I meant, but you’ve got the spirit!” said Akane with a grin. “Hajime? Nagito? You guys coming?” 

“We’ll be there in a sec, you guys go on ahead,” said Hajime.

“Alright, if you say so!” Akane held up her hand, counting down. “Three, two, GO!” 

“Hey, no fair! You skipped one!” Ibuki yelled as they began to slide down the hill, voices growing distant as they picked up speed.

“...How do we get back up?” asked Nagito, watching the group grow farther and farther away. 

“Uh… I’m gonna be real honest here, I didn’t think that far ahead,” said Hajime. “Supposedly, there’s a path leading back up here that’s not quite so steep, assuming we can find it.”

“Ah. Alright.” 

Nagito watched as Hajime dragged a sled over to the edge of the porch, then hopped down and pulled it into the snow. 

“I’ll go in the front this time, since you’ve never done this before,” said Hajime. 

Nagito blinked. He hadn’t processed the fact that Hajime wanted to go with him. Nonetheless, he stepped down and got into the back of the sled, Hajime in the front. It was a bit cramped, but it was less cold that way. That was definitely why Nagito suddenly felt warmer. No other reason.

“Alright, you ready?” asked Hajime, looking back at him.

“Nope!” said Nagito. “Go ahead, though.”

Hajime snorted. “Fair enough.” He dug his hands into the snow and pushed off, and suddenly they were moving, slowly at first and then picking up speed. Trees began to whiz past, snow spraying upwards on either side of the sled. As they hit a small rock, Nagito was thrown forward, landing with his arm around Hajime’s torso for support. Hajime laughed, and Nagito clung onto him, somehow finding himself beginning to laugh, too. It was absolutely terrifying, and he wouldn’t have traded it for the world. 

“Hold on!” said Hajime, steering towards a rock that formed a small incline near the trees.

“A...are you planning on jumping that?!” asked Nagito, wide-eyed. He didn’t need an answer; he already knew he was. Nagito was proven correct as they reached the rock, still gaining speed.

“Hold on!” repeated Hajime.

“You already said thaAAAAAAA-!” Nagito was cut off as they were thrown into the air, somehow still on the sled. Time seemed to slow down for a moment as they fell back downwards, both making a strange noise somewhere between screaming and laughter, which resulted in a sort of hyena-like noise. When they hit the ground, time seemed to start back up again. The sled spun around and around, and Nagito blinked and somehow they’d gone off the main pathway and onto one of the smaller ones. They slid down the path for a few seconds, then abruptly hit a tree branch and were both thrown off the sled and into the snow. 

Nagito slowly sat up, blinking as snow stuck to his eyelashes. Hajime sat up too. They stared at each other for a moment. 

Hajime began to giggle.

Nagito did too. 

And suddenly they were both roaring with laughter, because the sled was now the funniest thing in the world. 

“Oh… my god... the ROCK…” Hajime choked out between fits of laughter.

“The… you… the BRANCH…” 

“THE BRANCHHHHHH-” Hajime collapsed backwards into the snow, laughing uncontrollably. This made Nagito laugh harder, causing him to make a sort of snorting noise, which in turn caused Hajime to make a sort of squeaking noise, which caused both of them to laugh even harder. It was a full five minutes before either of them had gained enough composure to stand up. 

“...W… wow,” said Nagito, brushing the snow off his sleeves. 

“Agreed,” said Hajime, shaking snow out of his hair. “You know… I don’t think I’ve ever heard that before.”

“What? Heard what?” 

“Your laugh.”

“...My laugh? But I laugh all the time,” said Nagito, perplexed by the statement. 

“No, I mean… your real laugh. Like, the involuntary one.”

“...Oh.” Nagito looked away. “...I apologize.”

“What?! For what?” Hajime looked genuinely confused, which Nagito didn’t quite understand. He’d thought that it was obvious.

“Laughing. My laugh is weird.” Nagito sighed, then mumbled, “...Just like the rest of me.”

“Well now I know you’re lying,” said Hajime. “Your laugh is nice. I hope…”

“You hope what?” 

“Well, I was gonna say I hope I can hear it more, but that sounds really cliche and cheesy, so…” Hajime trailed off. “You have a nice laugh. That’s… what I was trying to say.”

Nagito felt his cheeks grow hot. Hajime sounded like he was telling the truth, which only confused him more. How could someone like Hajime possibly…

“Are you thinking too hard again?” asked Hajime. He stepped in front of Nagito, their eyes locking. Hajime’s eyes were so pretty. The red one looked unnatural against the snow caught in his eyelashes, but it was a beautiful kind of disturbance. The green eye looked soft and kind and happy, and it made Nagito’s chest fill with warmth for some reason. Hajime’s lips curved into a small smile as he stood in front of Nagito, who was suddenly very aware of how close together they were.

The words slipped out before Nagito could stop them. “Can I-” 

“ Yes ,” interrupted Hajime, his smile widening. 

And suddenly they were kissing. Softly at first; hesitantly. Nagito closed his eyes as Hajime’s hand reached up and cupped his cheek. This was nice. He leaned in closer, hesitation being replaced by another feeling he couldn’t quite identify. It was like the opposite of homesickness, like he had finally figured out where his home was after years and years of thinking it didn’t exist. They kissed harder; passionately. This was right. This was perfect. The cold in the air seemed to evaporate, replaced only by the warmth of Hajime’s lips against his own. Nagito hoped it would never end, but when it did, it was okay because Hajime was still cupping his cheek and they were still together. For the first time in as long as Nagito could remember, nothing bad happened to stifle the good feeling that was rising in his chest.

Hajime laughed, a sound that made Nagito’s heart flutter in a way that he couldn’t understand. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

“You have?” Nagito’s voice was barely a whisper as his wide eyes met Hajime’s again. 

“Yeah,” said Hajime, “I just wouldn’t admit it.” 

Nagito’s eyebrows raised in confusion. “But when I had the Despair Dis-” 

“ Listen-” said Hajime, an embarrassed laugh escaping his lips. “I was stupid. I literally had no idea until afterwards, and then I was too embarrassed to say anything because I assumed you didn’t feel that way anymore. Guess I was wrong,” he added with a smirk. 

“Uh, yeah. Very much so,” said Nagito, Hajime’s grin spreading to his own face. 

“I, uh… I hate to cut this short, but we should probably get back before the others start questioning where we went off to,” said Hajime, glancing up the hill. “But… this isn’t over yet,” he added, smirking again.

“Is that a threat?”

Hajime shook his head with a soft laugh. “Not a threat, a promise.” 

#

They did, in fact, manage to find the path that Makoto had told them about, but it was still a long way back up. By the time they got back to the base, the others were already inside. They opened the door to find Nekomaru and Akane on the couch, Peko and Fuyuhiko at the dining room table, and Ibuki in the kitchen.

“Gosh, you guys are slooooow!” said Ibuki, walking out of the kitchen holding two steaming mugs. “Does making out in the woods really take that long? Even Ibuki could do it faster!”

“Sorry, we- wait, you know about that?! ” Hajime’s eyes widened in shock.

Ibuki giggled. “Now we dooooo!” she chirped. “Here, have some hot cocoa. Akane made me make, like, an entire boatload of it.” 

“Uh… thank you…” Hajime stuttered, taking a mug. 

Nagito gratefully took the other mug. “Thank you,” he said, bowing his head slightly.

“C’mon, you don’t gotta act all formal with me!” said Ibuki, rolling her eyes. “That would be weird!” 

The irony of her sentence caused everyone to laugh, and the tension in the room began to dissolve. Everyone began talking amongst themselves, and Nagito quietly slipped out of the room and onto the porch.

It was mostly dark outside, the last glimmers of a sunset still etched in the sky. Nagito took a sip of his cocoa as stars began to appear.

After a few minutes, the door creaked open, and Hajime stepped out. “Hey,” he said quietly. “The others are conked out, they’re probably gonna go to bed soon. You alright?” 

“I’m fine,” said Nagito, shifting his gaze down to his mug. 

“I’m not falling for that,” said Hajime. He stepped next to Nagito, looking up at the sky. “Wow, the stars are really bright out here.” 

“They are,” said Nagito quietly.

“So… what’re you thinking about?” asked Hajime, sitting his mug of cocoa on the railing. 

Nagito took a sip of his own cocoa, sighing. “It’s stupid, really.”

“No, it’s not.”

“How could you possibly know that?” 

Hajime slowly shook his head. “If it’s bugging you, it isn’t stupid. Inconvenient, maybe, but not stupid.”

Nagito sighed again. “It’s… It’s just… how could you possibly like someone like me? I’ve done nothing to deserve your affection. If anything, you should hate me.”

“No,” said Hajime firmly. “You’ve done a lot of things. Listen… we all screwed up. You know that, right? It’s not just you.”

“Well, yes, but-”

“Let me finish. You’ve done a lot of things wrong, it’s true. We both have. But you’ve done a lot of things right, too.”

“Have I?” asked Nagito. “I’m not so sure about that.”

“Do you remember when you found me looking out at the ocean a few days after you woke up from the Neo World Program?” asked Hajime.

“...I do.”

“I was trying not to cry. You didn’t mention it, but I think you noticed. I’ve never been good at hiding that sort of thing.” Hajime fidgeted with the zipper on his jacket. “You didn’t say much. You already knew it was because of Chiaki. You just… sat there with me, looking out at the ocean too. I think that was the first time I truly saw you for what you were.”

“And what’s that?” asked Nagito, his voice laced with nervousness.

“A friend,” said Hajime. “More than that, now. But… I realized that you weren’t acting out of malice. You thought you were doing the right thing.” Hajime sighed softly, leaning on the railing. “And you made me feel like I wasn’t alone anymore.”

Nagito stared at Hajime, processing his words. He made Hajime feel like he wasn’t alone? He had always thought it was only the other way around. 

“I… I really wanted things to be different,” said Nagito slowly. “I thought that by saving the traitor, I would be ridding the world of despair. But... all I did was create more.”

“I don’t condone what you did,” Hajime clarified. “But I understand why you did it. And, if it helps…” Hajime took off his mittens, then held Nagito’s non-prosthetic hand in his own. “I forgive you.” 

Nagito felt tears sting the backs of his eyes, Hajime’s words echoing in his mind. I forgive you.

“...Why?” he asked hoarsely. “Why would you forgive me?” 

“Because you deserve to be forgiven.” Hajime squeezed his hand, then met Nagito’s eyes. “Your hand is really cold. We should really get you inside soon.” 

“Hajime,” said Nagito quietly.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.” 

Hajime laughed quietly, shaking his head. “No need to thank me. I’m just telling you how I feel.” he paused. “ Jeez,  you’re freezing. I should’ve forced you to wear gloves.” He interlocked his fingers with Nagito’s, running his thumb along his knuckles. “Let’s go in, yeah? The others are probably in bed by now.” 

“...Alright.” 

Nagito followed Hajime inside, his hand still grasped in Hajime’s. Nagito followed him over to the couch, and they plopped down next to each other. The room was empty and silent, save for the ticking of the clock in the corner and the occasional snore from one of the upstairs bedrooms. 

“Thank you. For today.” Nagito’s words were so quiet he wasn’t sure if Hajime would hear them, but as he gave his hand another squeeze, he knew that he must have. 

“Anytime. This was really fun.”

“Yeah,” Nagito agreed. “Maybe we could do this again sometime.” 

“Definitely,” said Hajime, nodding. “How are you still freezing?” He grabbed a blanket from the back of the couch and wrapped it around Nagito’s shoulders.

“I’ve always had higher heat tolerance than cold tolerance,” said Nagito. “I’ll be fine, don’t worry about it.” 

Hajime rolled his eyes. “Stop talking and come here already.” 

He pulled Nagito towards him, wrapping his arms around his thin figure. Nagito stiffened for a moment, unsure of how to react to the sudden contact. Then he relaxed, hesitantly leaning his head against Hajime’s chest. Hajime picked up the blanket and wrapped it around both of them, forming a sort of cocoon. Nagito’s eyes slipped closed, and he felt Hajime’s breathing begin to slow. 

“Night,” murmured Hajime. 

Nagito smiled, his own thoughts beginning to slow down as he drifted off to sleep. “Goodnight, Hajime.”

The two of them slept peacefully through the night, awoken in the morning by loud laughter and an “I told you so!” from Ibuki, as well as a “ha! You owe me ten,” from Fuyuhiko and a “dammit, fine…” from Akane. They all laughed and talked and bantered, and the waffles they had for breakfast were the best thing Nagito had ever eaten.

The helicopter ride back to the island was still scary, and Nagito would have preferred another method of transportation. He was still nervous and jumpy, and the flashbacks weren’t great either. But, wrapped up securely in Hajime’s arms, Nagito felt a little bit better.

Chapter Text

The next couple of weeks were pretty uneventful for most of the former Remnants of Despair. Things were fairly normal, or as normal as they could be. Akane and Nekomaru had taken to attempting to create some sort of slide to simulate sledding, but they were yet to succeed. 

The Remnants who had gone sledding had agreed to keep quiet about Hajime and Nagito’s “Hallmark Movie Makeout Scene,” as Ibuki called it, although this seemed to be mostly due to the fact that if they said anything, Teruteru would probably make everyone uncomfortable. 

The only two Remnants who hadn’t slipped back into their usual routines were Hajime and Nagito themselves. Things hadn’t exactly been awkward between them, but there was a glaringly obvious question that they’d both been dodging ever since the trip. What were they? Dating? Friends? Boyfriends? The last word was so foreign to Nagito that he could barely bring himself to say it out loud. 

Nonetheless, the two of them hung out with each other more than they did with anyone else on the island. Sometimes they’d have long conversations about the meaning of life or the validity of mint chocolate chip ice cream, and sometimes they’d spend the entire time in a comfortable silence, reading or walking or just lost in their own thoughts. It was something Nagito had never had before, and he didn’t know whether to bask in the amazing feeling it gave him or freeze up in fear of ruining it, just like he had ruined so many things before.

Currently, he was pondering this while watching the sunset, having finished his dinner before most of the others. He sat on the beach and listened to the slow sound of the waves lapping on the shore, fiery reds and oranges reflecting off the surface of the water.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” 

A voice from behind him startled Nagito, and he whirled around to see Hajime, walking towards him from the overgrown entrance to the beach. 

“Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you. I just wanted to make sure you were okay, since you left before everyone else.” 

“Ah- I’m fine! I apologize if I worried you,” said Nagito quickly.

“It’s all good, just checking.” Hajime plopped down next to Nagito in the sand, watching the sky turn from an angry crimson to a dark pink, shining on the water in a way that made it hard to tell where the sky ended and the ocean began. Stars were already beginning to appear in the endless void above them, twinkling in a way that reminded Nagito that they were real. 

“The stars are bright here,” said Nagito as more stars came into view, the sky slowly turning to a dark purple.

“There’s less pollution,” said Hajime. “We don’t have a lot of lights on, and there aren’t a lot of gasses, so they’re easier to see.”

“Ah,” said Nagito, not fully understanding but listening nonetheless. 

“You know, they made me learn the name of every constellation as part of the Kamukura project. I’m still not sure why,” said Hajime with a small laugh. As the sky turned an even darker shade, the stars were no longer scattered loosely around. Instead, they covered every bit of the sky, as if someone had spilled salt on a black marble table. Hajime pointed to a group of stars just above the ocean, spread far apart and shining brighter than the others surrounding them. “That’s Ursa Major,” he said. “The Big Dipper’s in there too, see?”

“I think so,” said Nagito. “Isn’t Ursa Major the bear?”

“Yeah, the Great Bear.” Hajime pointed to another cluster. “That one’s Scutum. It’s a shield, see? Although honestly, I think it looks more like a misshapen domino.”

“What about that one?”

“Oh, that’s Canes Venatici! They’re dogs, see- this one’s running behind the other one.” 

“Ah, I see…” said Nagito, thinking of a particular big white dog and wondering if he was running amongst the stars right now.

“And that right there,” said Hajime, pointing almost straight upwards, “That’s Hercules, also known as the man with the dump truck of an ass.” 

Nagito snorted. “Oh?”

“It’s not my fault they always draw him that way! It’s like his butt has abs. It’s… really weird.” He paused for a moment, then mumbled, “I bet Nekomaru has butt abs.” 

Nagito attempted to choke back a laugh, and Hajime flexed his muscles dramatically. “Shitting my pants would totally shame me as a maaaan! ” 

Nagito was unable to stop himself from laughing this time, and Hajime grinned. He always seemed proud of himself when he was able to make Nagito laugh. A contented sigh escaped Nagito’s lips, and he closed his eyes. He and Hajime sat in comfortable, unbroken silence for a few minutes, listening to the waves crash on the shore and overlap with their own thoughts.

Eventually, Hajime spoke again, his voice notably more timid than it had been before. “I’ve been thinking.”

Nagito smiled softly, opening his eyes to gaze at the crescent moon in the sky. “You do that a lot.”

Hajime laughed quietly. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“May I ask what you’ve been thinking about?” 

Hajime fidgeted with his hands, shifting positions in the sand. “The future.” 

“Mm.” Nagito sighed. “It’s strange for me to… actually, never mind. It’s stupid.”

Hajime raised his eyebrows. 

“It’s just strange, that’s all. To have a future, I mean. I… didn’t really think I’d have one, before they found that cure thing. I thought I was going to die in a matter of months.”

There was a long silence. Nagito rarely talked about his former illnesses. The experimental cure that had been administered had stopped them from progressing, but it couldn’t undo the damage that had already been done. Sometimes Nagito wished it could have.

“I’m glad,” said Hajime slowly. “I’m glad you’re not dying.” There was a pause. Then, “Wait, that, uh… that sounded weird. What I meant was that I’m glad because… well, obviously I don’t want you to die, but I also wouldn’t have had time… to…” Hajime trailed off. “Y’know, I think my capability to properly produce words is not working very well today.”

Nagito nodded, trying to suppress his nearly-overflowing curiosity. “What would you not have had time to do?”

“Realize my feelings. So I could. Tell you. That. Uh.” Hajime awkwardly rocked back and forth, and his hands were shaking as he picked up a handful of sand, as though trying to distract himself from getting the sentence out. 

“Tell me…?”

Hajime sighed. “Yeah, okay, I’m just gonna… say everything that’s in my head right now. Which is an unbelievably stupid idea, but… I don’t know.”

Nagito felt a smile tug at the corners of his lips. “Feel free.”

Hajime took a deep breath, closing his eyes. “I think… you’re really nice. Like, in several senses of the word. I think you’re nice to talk to, even if sometimes what you say makes absolutely no sense. I think you’re nice to look at, and sometimes I catch myself staring at you which sounds really creepy when I say it out loud but you get the point. And I think you’re nice to be with, and I would go out of my way just to hang out with you. That… came out really corny. Anyway. I just. I want. I want to be with you. More. Officially. If that’s okay.” 

Hajime tensed, as though waiting for a rejection. 

Nagito tensed, waiting for him to say it was a joke.

They just sat there for a minute. 

“…I would like that a lot.” 

Nagito’s voice was barely a whisper, but Hajime seemed to hear him perfectly despite the night wind and the sound of the softly lapping ocean.

“…You would?”

“Yeah.” Nagito allowed the smile that had crept into his face to show itself further, and he felt tears begin to sting his eyes. A strange combination, but not an unwelcome one.

“Why are you crying?” asked Hajime, a hesitant giggle escaping with the last word.

“I don’t know,” said Nagito. “I just didn’t think…” He trailed off, but Hajime nodded.

They stared up at the stars for a moment, lost in the endless void and in their own thoughts. Nagito felt something brush against his hand, and he instinctively flinched- then reached for it again. Hajime’s fingers interlocked with his own, and his heart sped up slightly. 

“So… officially… what do you want to be?” asked Hajime, not letting go of Nagito’s hand.

“Anything,” said Nagito. “I just want to be with you.”

Hajime laughed, and the air seemed to grow warmer. “That was, like… Naegi-level corny. I agree, though.” He turned his head to look at Nagito, and their eyes met in the darkness. “Boyfriends? Partners?”

“Either. Both. Us.”

Hajime smiled, slowly shifting over to lean his head on Nagito’s shoulder. “Us.”

#

Hajime would go on to tell Nagito all about the different constellations that night. Nagito knew he wouldn’t remember all of them, but he made a mental note to remember as many as he could. Us repeated over and over in his head, as though reminding him that he was wanted, that someone cared. 

Us. Us. Us.

It was like a heartbeat, steady and slow.

Us. Us. Us.

The word was old, but the meaning was new. Nagito knew in the morning he would have to double check to make sure it hadn’t been a dream.

Us. Us. Us.

It was messy and imperfect, and scattered and splattered. But Nagito decided, as he leaned his head on top of Hajime’s, that he wouldn’t have it any other way.