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“Flashlights.” Steve said. Dustin took off his backpack, digging for a moment before handing one of the silver cylinders to the older boy, turning back to hand one to Max.
She mumbled a thank you, ignoring the way Lucas reached past her to take one too, catching him out of the corner of her eye.
“Okay.” Steve blew out a breath, before looking back at each of them. “Ready?”
“No, but when are we ever?” Robin asked. Steve nodded as if to say ‘fair enough’ before turning back towards the large double doors in front of them.
“Now or never.” He mumbled, reaching for the doorknob. Max held her breath, expecting the hinges to scream when he opened the door, but it didn’t budge.
“Way to go Dingus.” Robin scoffed.
“Son of a—Cmon!” Steve yelled, throwing his shoulder against the door.
“Well that was anticlimactic.” Max heard Lucas groan from behind her. She bit down on her lip, suppressing a smile.
There was a crack of wood, but the door didn’t open.
“Watch out.” Nancy said, pushing past Steve as she hefted a brick in her hand, testing the weight. She looked back at them, gesturing them to scoot back. “You might wanna stand back.”
Max took a step back, watching her step as she fell back onto the lower step, Dustin and Robin falling in place beside her.
Nancy tossed the brick through the colorful glass door, the sound of shattering followed by what sounded like the brick breaking as it hit the floor deeper in the house. Steve stepped forward one again, cautiously reaching through the hole in the glass to twist the doorknob from the inside. The door swung open, the metal hinges screaming like they hadn’t been used in ages.
Steve stepped through the door frame first, clicking on his flashlight as Nancy and Robin followed, walking slowly into the old house. Max took a breath, mustering up her last bit of courage and following behind Nancy, the wood creaking under her feet as soon as she’d crossed the threshold.
Everything was covered in dust, the sunlight streaming in through the now open doorway showing them just how much of it was in the air, but didn’t do much else to light a path.
A beam of light lit the hallway in front of them, the click echoing off the abandoned walls beside her. Max turned towards Nancy as she waited for instruction, the older girl already moving, her gaze determined as she followed the path of concentrated light.
Max looked over her shoulder at Steve as the wood creaked under Nancy’s feet, leading deeper into the mansion. He shrugged, using his own flashlight as a gesture for her to follow.
“We should split up.” Nancy said as she stood in the middle of the living room, looking up as the beam of light crossed over every inch of the house she inspected.
“Are you kidding?” Steve half-laughed. “Have you ever watched a horror movie?”
“Yes, and I know for a fact nothing ever gets done if everyone is huddled together in a corner.” She said. “Besides. It’s just abandoned, not haunted.”
“Because the man that killed his entire family in cold blood is nothing to be afraid of.” Dustin mumbled sarcastically, before speaking louder. “I’ll go with Steve.”
“Fair enough.” Robin said, nodding toward Nancy. “You and me?”
Nancy caught Max’s eye. “You two good with that?” Max got the underlying message. Are you okay with it?
Max glanced at Lucas out of the corner of her eye, him doing the same. She didn’t need to make it some big deal.
“Yeah.” She hesitated. “That’s fine.”
“We’ll take the attic.” Robin offered. “Since I already know Shaggy and Scooby here will quite literally leave us all here if they so much as hear a fly.”
“Hey!” Dustin complained.
“You guys split the middle floor.” Nancy said, gesturing between the two groups. “We’ll all meet down here afterwards. Deal?”
They all nodded, splitting off. Max followed Dustin and Steve up the set of stairs, trying to ignore Lucas behind her.
That hadn’t really talked since…well since she’d dumped him again. It’d been over something stupid, it always was, and she knew that, but for some reason, this time was different.
She’d seen the way cheerleaders would eye him both on the court and in the hallways, the way he seemed so oblivious to it all yet enjoyed it more than anything. He didn’t get much playing time, only a few minutes a game, but everyone treated him like a superstar, so much that he’d just started to leave her behind.
She’d never admit to him that something as stupid as another highschool girl even glancing in his direction made her jealous, and maybe a little nervous, she couldn’t. Back then he would’ve told her to quit being paranoid, that they didn’t care, but she’d seen the way he’d grown over the summer, in both height and stature, the way his voice had dropped, the way his hair had grown longer so he could experiment with different styles.
She knew they cared, because she cared. Lucas wasn’t some nerdy middle schooler anymore.
She knew it was selfish to want to hold him back, to remind him that being a normal teenager wasn’t something they could do, but she hadn’t been able to stop herself from exploding when forgotten to help her with the homework she needed to complete unless she wanted to fail out of her class and be transferred to a more basic version. She’d felt so stupid, not being able to do it on her own, but he’d promised to help her, and she hadn’t seen that him being so caught up in sports and wanting to be normal wasn't his fault, that him accidentally pushing her to the side while she constantly pushed him away for fear of Neil seeing him wasn't his fault.
But it still hurt.
It hurt a lot. Not that anyone could know that.
He was still mad at her, wanted nothing to do with her. She wasn’t sure how they’d even convinced him to come in the first place.
“We’ll take left you take right?” Steve asked, looking over his shoulder as they reached the landing.
Max nodded, not really looking at him as she and Lucas peeled off from the two boys, heading in the opposite direction.
“Could you maybe…clarify what kind of clues were supposed to be looking for here?” They heard Steve say.
“The world is full of obvious things.” Dustin said in his flawless Sherlock Holmes impression. “Which nobody by any chance, ever observes.”
Max felt the ghost of a smile on her lips, instinctively turning towards Lucas to see his reaction, but he didn’t meet her halfway like he usually did, instead rolling his eyes and continuing to examine the room, shoving his hands in his coat pockets.
She swallowed, her smile fading as she shone her light in front of her, running it over the ripped wallpaper, still hanging off the wall.
“What happened here?” She asked softly.
“Some guy went psycho and killed his whole family.” Lucas deadpanned. “It’s all bull anyways, I don’t know why we’re here.”
“Nancy and Robin interviewed him.” She pointed out. “They went to the psych ward.”
“And that automatically makes everything that he says true?” He questioned, raising his eyebrow. “Because he’s totally not sick in the head?”
“Even if he is, it could be connected—”
“Not everything is some big mystery, Max!” He snapped, turning towards her. “Just because something weird happened doesn’t mean it’s connected!”
“I didn’t say every paranormal thing that happens is because of the Upside Down!” She said back. “But this seems a lot like what happened with Billy and—”
“Are you listening to yourself?” He asked, words weighted with disappointment. “This isn’t going to bring him back. You realize that, right? He’s dead, he’s not trapped, he’s dead. We all saw it, and just because you don’t want to believe that it’s true, doesn’t mean there’s a way to fix it all.”
She shook her head, keeping her eyes on him.
“What happened to you?” She almost whispered.
He shrugged, rolling his eyes again as he moved deeper into the room. “I grew up.”
She watched after him, feeling the same emptiness in her chest she’d felt leaving California, when the most important person in her life had been her dad. Now, it was him, or…it had been.
She’d screwed up.
“Hey.” She whipped around, light falling on Steve in the doorway. “Nance found something.”
Lucas pushed past Steve through the doorway without a word before the sound of his footsteps disappeared up the stairs.
Steve watched him go, before turning back to where she still hadn’t really moved. “You okay?”
Max didn’t answer, pushing past the older boy and following up the stairs, ignoring the sigh he let out before following.
An attic alone was creepy, but one that had been abandoned for decades with century old dolls, the eyes cracked and stares glossy, didn’t help. “Seriously. What is this place?” Max whispered, her voice louder than normal in the quietness of the house.
“The source.” Dustin teased. Steve smacked his arm with the flashlight, giving him a look that told him to shut up.
“Probably some home of a Victorian Era snob that got lonely.” Robin offered, holding up a renaissance aged painting of mostly naked men playing badminton, covered in dust. “Guess his art career didn’t work out.”
Max and Lucas cringed, turning away from it, Dustin letting out a chuckle at the older girl’s joke.
“Just put it down.” Steve said, waving her away as Robin tossed it into the abyss of items.
“Guys?” Nancy called. They all turned towards her voice, but didn’t see her. “Over here.”
The five of them made their way over to her, stepping around piles of boxes and old chairs until they found her, standing in front of the only thing that wasn’t covered in dust.
“How?” Lucas asked, probably referring to the cleanliness of it, but Max didn’t hear the rest of the others replies, pushing past all of them as she moved closer to the clock.
The beam of her flashlight highlighted the smooth, dark wood of the grandfather clock as she examined it, finally landing on the face.
She watched as it moved, the hands twisting in an unnatural way as she watched it. Her eyebrows furrowed together as she moved the light higher, highlighting the face of the clock.
It morphed, turning into an image, a face. A human face. He smiled, and she jumped, swearing as she dropped the flashlight to the ground. The others turned towards her at the noise, their conversations coming to an immediate halt.
“Max? You okay?” Nancy asked, setting a hand on her shoulder.
“I—it…did—did you guys see that?” She asked, her breathing fast as she looked back at the clock, now seeing the same thing everyone else did; just some old, normal clock.
“What did you see?” Lucas asked. Max could feel him step closer behind her as she picked up the flashlight off the ground, his body heat warming her back through her jacket. She tried to ignore the way his voice didn’t sound as annoyed as downstairs.
“It…it was Billy.” She said. “In the clock. I saw him.”
The other exchanged looks, and Max knew they were doubting her. Lucas’ words replayed in her mind;
He’s dead, he’s not trapped, he’s dead. We all saw it, and just because you don’t want to believe that it’s true, doesn’t mean there’s a way to fix it all.
“I’m not making it up.” She insisted.
“We never said you were—.” Steve started.
“No, but you were thinking it.” She bit, turning around to face him. He cringed when the light shone across his face, holding up his hand to block it. “You think I’m just seeing things. That I’m going insane.”
“I don’t.” Dustin said. Everyone turned towards him, the beam of Max’s flashlight landing on him instead. “What?”
“Of course you—of all people—believe her.” Steve teased, patting his shoulder.
“What’s that supposed to mean, Steve?” Dustin asked, slightly annoyed.
“I mean you’ve got a creepy little crush on her.”
“I do not!”
“Do so.”
“No I—”
“Shut up!” Robin said, spinning around. “Did you guys hear that?”
A low rumbling shook the floor underneath them, followed by a groan just as deep, the ground shifting beneath their feet.
“Earthquake?” Nancy suggested innocently.
Max swallowed, a coldness washing over her.
“No. He’s here.”
Lucas looked over at her, slight fear etched into his expression. “You’re sure?”
She nodded. “I feel it. Something—someone’s here.”
“Go go go!” Steve yelled, the six of them running as fast as humanly possible down the narrow set of stairs.
Their footsteps thundered against each step, dust kicking up under their shoes as they ran across the third floor, reaching the next set of stairs down to the second.
The front door was in sight when Max felt it again, the cold. She came to a stop as a thin layer of fog rolled over her surroundings, morphing everything around her into a new location, too dark for her to make anything out. She heard the others' voices fading away and felt herself start to panic. If she could just remember the route to the front door…
“Hello, Maxine.” A voice said, low and deep and mocking in a way only one person ever used to get under her skin.
Billy stepped into view, his hair matted with slime and the gaping hole in his chest like she’d last seen it. Dark, black blood dripped from his chin, an unnatural smile carved on his lips. His eyes were pure darkness, the pendant around his neck sparkling under an unknown light.
“Billy.” She whispered.
“The one and only.” He smirked.
“H-how?” She asked, her question hanging limp in the air.
How are you here?
How are you alive?
How? How? How?
“Lots you don’t understand, little sister.”
“I’m not your sister, remember.” She laughed bitterly, feeling her breath catch in her throat when he took a step closer. His expression darkened, even more dangerous than before.
“You were right, you know. I was a monster.” She swallowed, taking a step back when he took one closer. “Guess it was easier for you to kill me that way, with that thought in mind.”
“I didn’t kill you.” She said confidently, but even as the words came out of her mouth she didn’t believe them, and she knew he didn’t either.
Billy laughed, a deep low laugh that made her shiver. “Who told you that? Sinclair?”
She hesitated. “No—Lucas didn’t say—.”
“Surprised you're still together honestly.” Her step-brother continued. “Can’t believe he actually chose to stay this long.”
“We’re not.” She mumbled.
“You’re not what?” He pushed.
“We’re not…together.” She said, feeling the loneliness in her chest once again when she said it. She looked down at the floor, trying to stop the unwanted memories from flooding through her mind. Starcourt, their fight, losing him. “We broke up.”
“Figured.” Billy shrugged. “Not like he wanted to stay anyways.”
“What?” She asked, slight disbelief in her tone as she forced herself to look at him, like she hadn’t heard him correctly.
“Oh c'mon, Max. We all know how hard it is to be around you. How much of a burden you are.” She took a shaky breath, pulling her eyes away from him again. She’d said the same thing to herself a hundred times, to force herself to keep Lucas away, and after he was gone, it had stuck, but hearing Billy confirm it in that low, flat voice she always imagined her own thoughts in, made it hurt even more. Lucas had always been the one trying to get her back, and some sick part of her had enjoyed it, the power of finally being in control of something in her life, but now he wasn’t trying, and she was scared.
“Lucas is too good for you anyways.” Billy continued. “He deserves better. You know he does.”
“Leave me alone.” She whispered.
“But you’re selfish. Only want him for yourself. You’ll probably end up killing him too.”
“Stop.”
“He’ll be gone before you know it. Just like everyone else.”
“I said stop!”
“There’s nothing good enough in you to make him stay. You know that? You’re worthless.”
She turned to run, taking a step back as she felt the tears on her cheeks she couldn’t remember shedding, when she ran straight into someone, her hands landing against a firm chest as arms reached out to steady her.
“Whoa whoa. Hey. Look at me.” It was Lucas. “Look at me, Max.” She did as he said, her blue eyes meeting his chocolate brown as another shaky breath ripped its way out of her throat.
“It’s okay. Hey. It’s okay.” She saw movement over his shoulder, Billy’s body reforming just a few feet behind him.
“Billy—”
“Don’t look at him,” Lucas instructed gently, his hand guiding her face so that she was looking at him again. “Look at me.”
“Lucas.” She whimpered, her eyes flicking back to Billy.
“No. Don’t look at him, Max. Ignore him.”
“It’s no use.” Billy said, his voice echoey and louder than Lucas’.
“Don’t listen to what he’s saying. Just focus on me. Okay?” She looked into his eyes, noticing the pleading look deep within them. His hand softly touched the side of her face, tangling into her hair and she found herself leaning into it. “Focus on me.”
“What’re you gonna do when he’s not around to protect you from Mommy and Daddy’s disappointment?”
“Max.”
“What happens when he gives up too?” Tears were streaming down her cheeks now, and she pulled her eyes away from Lucas’.
“What happens when he’s dead?”
“Look at me, Max.” She felt his hand under her chin, leading her again, but this time when she met his gaze she flinched away.
His skin was clammy and pale, part of it pulled away from the bone, his eyes clear and glazed over. She felt his fingertips turn ice cold where he was holding onto her arm.
“You did this to him.”
“Max. C'mon. You gotta block him out. C'mon please.”
She closed her eyes, squeezing them shut.
“Max, look at me. Focus on me and nothing else, yeah? Just listen to me okay. Don’t listen to him.”
“I-I can’t.” She whimpered. She couldn’t see him like that, not like how Billy had looked when she’d been too late. She couldn’t.
“Yes you can.” Lucas insisted. “You’re strong, Max. Okay, I know you are, you’re so strong. Just look at me. You can do it. I’m right here, I promise.”
“He’s dead.” Billy echoed.
“I’m here.”
“He’ll leave you.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
She looked into his eyes, his cold, dead eyes, deep enough into them that Billy’s words started to fade, but not enough.
“Get him out of your head.”
“I’m trying.” She gasped.
“I know. You’re doing good. Just keep listening to me talk. Okay?”
“What’s the point? After this you’ll just go back to hating each other. To fighting, hurting each other every chance you get. What makes you think you’re any different than me. Than Neil .”
“Get him out of your head Max. He’s not real. He doesn’t control you.”
“You’re weak. You’ve always been weak.”
“Get him out!”
“I can’t do it, Lucas!”
“Yes you can! I’m not leaving you here. I lo—I can’t leave you here. Cmon Max, get him out!” Lucas begged, the volume of his voice rising in desperation.
“You’re nothing on your own.”
“Max, please!”
“He’ll die too. Then what use are you?”
“Max. Get. Him. Out.” She closed her eyes, letting the memories she’d been holding back wash over her.
She was 13, standing in between Lucas and Dustin in her Michael Myers costume as they strolled down each road, collecting candy.
“It’s—it’s like ‘totally tubular’” Lucas mocked. “What a gnarly wave, dude!”
They were at the snowball, both nervous as they danced together, but Max darted forward, kissing him before all the courage she’d built up went away.
“I like you, MadMax.” Lucas finally admitted.
“I like you too, Stalker.”
Billy was dead, she was crying, even though she didn’t want to. She sat on the stretcher, ice pack pressed against her face as she shared her blanket with Robin, trying to ignore the fact that the older girl was even next to her at all. She saw a pair of sneakers stop in front of her with her eyes on the blacktop, looking up to see him, because he was always there.
He smiled sheepishly and reached out for her, taking the ice pack from her hand and holding it against her cheek himself. She let him.
But now they were back in school, pretending everything was normal and Max knew she had to get rid of him, for good this time.
“Max, I don’t understand!” Lucas yelled, throwing his hands in the air. He was still wearing his practice jersey.
“Then it must not mean anything to you!”
“What are you talking about? I don’t even know why you’re mad! Because I’m actually finally being appreciated? I don’t understand!”
“Just leave me alone.”
“No.” He reached out for her, grabbing her arm and stopping her from leaving. She flinched away on instinct and she saw the hurt flash across his face.
“Leave. Me. Alone.”
“Max—”
“I hate you.” She whispered harshly. It wasn’t true. She cared about him more than anyone in the world, but she couldn’t. He’d just hurt her. Everyone did. “You ruined everything.”
She’d cried herself to sleep that night, willing herself not to answer when he tried to call her on her walkie, instead listening to him as he apologized over and over for something that wasn’t even his fault.
“I’m sorry, Max. I don’t even know what I did but I’m sorry. I didn’t wanna hurt you. I know it's all been hard since…you know, since Billy…” She’d shut it off, shoving it under her bed. He’ll find someone better. She kept telling herself. Don’t let him hurt you too.
“Cmon, Max.” Lucas whispered, pulling her back into the present.
“Get out of my head.” She whispered.
“He’ll find someone better.” Billy said, repeating her own words. “Don’t let him hurt you too.”
“Get out.”
“He hates you.”
“Get. Out.” She demanded. Billy disappeared into thin air, the thin curtain of fog slowly dissipating into nothing as her surroundings came back into focus.
She looked around her, seeing the familiar shape of the staircase behind them and felt the sunlight streaming through the open front door.
Max breathed out a sigh of relief and exhaustion as she looked up at Lucas, his face back to normal now that her dead stepbrother wasn’t trying to torture her.
Before she knew what she was doing she reached out for him, pulling him in by his jacket as she hugged him closer than she ever had, tears staining his t-shirt as she sunk against him, shaking from the adrenaline and fear of her emotions.
He was alive.
“I’ve got you.” Lucas whispered, his arms wrapped protectively around her shoulders as he held her, burying his face in her hair. “You did so good, Max.”
She shook a little harder as she held fistfuls of his clothes, pulling him closer just to make sure he was real, that he wasn’t just a memory too. “Lucas.”
“I’m here. It’s okay. Just relax. I’m here.” She felt his hand smoothing down her hair and gave into him, the tears slowing to a stop and nothing more than shaky breathing as the two of them stood together in the middle of the mansion, her arms locked behind him almost desperately as the rest of the team watched from the doorway.
“It was him.” She said, voice raspy and muffled against his shoulder “It was Billy.”
“You don’t need to explain right now.” Lucas said, just as softly. “It's okay. He can’t hurt you.”
At one point she’d been convinced they’d left her, but having Lucas standing here holding her and making her feel like maybe for a moment the world wasn’t falling to pieces, told her she wouldn’t do this alone.
He still hates you.
She pushed away from him, almost embarrassed as she wiped at her face before anyone could notice. She cleared her throat, forcing her voice to come out stronger than she felt.
“Let’s get out of here.” She mumbled, pushing past him and through the rest of the group crowding the doorway as she descended the steps back to the car.
__
Max looked up at the knock on the doorframe, surprised to find Lucas standing there. Steve had offered to let them all stay at his house tonight, and after every couch and guest bedroom had been claimed they’d all split off without a word.
Her clothes were still covered in dust, her hands were still shaky, she hadn’t said a word since leaving the Creel House.
She didn’t want to talk to him, didn’t want to admit the safety she’d felt being held by him and how much she’d missed it. She didn’t want to admit that he’d been right about everything. He’d been right about Billy and he’d been right about her.
“You okay?”
She shrugged, looking back down at her hands in her lap. “Why wouldn’t I be.”
Lucas stalled for a second, letting her look at him. He was wearing red flannel pajama pants and a Hawkins High basketball sweatshirt. She liked the new haircut, she had the second he’d gotten it, but she’d never said anything about it. It would be weird to now.
“Wanna talk about it? I mean…what happened?” She swallowed, looking up at him and then back at her hands. She didn’t want to admit she wanted him to stay, but he seemed to get the message—no one else would’ve—closing the door behind him and sitting down beside her, the mattress sinking against the extra weight.
“It was Billy.” She started cautiously. “He…it was like he knew all my thoughts. All my fears. He just kept…attacking me with them and I couldn’t…” she hesitated. “I couldn’t breathe or think or see anything else other than him and then somehow you were there—”
She cut herself off abruptly, restraining herself from telling him how the fears had all been related to him.
“Could you hear him?” She asked. Lucas shook his head.
“No. It was like…I don’t know. You just stopped and then you were frozen and freaking out and no one knew why, like you were looking somewhere we couldn’t see.”
“I wasn’t there.” She admitted. “It all just disappeared and it was dark and cold.”
“Like El describes the Void?” She nodded, suddenly feeling very self conscious about how stupid this all sounded. She crossed her legs under her, twisting her hands together.
Lucas was quiet, taking in what she’d told him while all she could do was remember.
She remembered the way he’d looked dead, gone, how cold he’d become. Lucas was always warm, but that had been…unnatural. But then she remembered hugging him, how tightly he held her, and she had to swallow down the tears that started to build.
“I’m sorry.” Lucas whispered. “About what I said.”
She glanced over at him, letting him continue. “I know it still sucks—Billy, I mean—and it was wrong of me to use that against you when I knew it would hurt you. I was just…angry. Not at you, just that this is all happening again and I didn’t want to accept it. I lashed out without even thinking and for some reason it felt…”
“Good?” She asked when he paused. “Like you were in control?”
Lucas looked up at her in surprise, then nodded, slowly. “Yeah, kinda.”
“I get what you mean.” She whispered. “The sick twisted part of you that just wants to be normal takes over.”
“Yeah.” He laughed bitterly. “I guess it does.”
Max looked over at him. “But do you?”
“What?”
“Feel normal.” She reiterated. “With basketball.”
He shrugged. “Sometimes. I like basketball because no one there understands what we’ve gone through, so I don’t have to worry about it but…” he blew out a breath. “I left you behind.”
“No, Lucas—”
“I did.” He insisted. “Because I was scared that if they wouldn’t accept me, no one else would. I was being selfish, didn’t even think about you guys, I was just trying to get myself out.”
“I don’t blame you.” She said. He looked up, surprise flashing across his face again. “I know it’s not a secret but…when I get scared, I shut down. I push people away and isolate myself and just try to distract myself with mindless things, like video games. I act before I can think and sometimes I make bad decisions, ones I don’t even want to make and it ends up hurting me more than it would if I had just tried.”
“When you’re scared? Like, with Billy?” He asked gently. She nodded.
“I didn’t want to lose anyone else that I cared about.” She curled in on herself a little more. “But I did anyway. I lost everyone, I lost El and Will when they moved, I lost you when…when I ended it, my mom’s not even really all there anymore and my dad’s halfway across the country while my brother is six feet underground. I lost all of you guys in some way and I hurt most of you if not all in the process.”
“That wasn’t your fault.”
“Yes it was.” She said, almost desperately. “As much as I want you to, you can’t just forgive me and let this blow over like you do every time. I hurt you. I said things I shouldn’t have said and I acted like a toddler having a temper tantrum, all because I was scared.”
“Max—”
“I’m still scared.” She admitted before she could stop herself. “You’re my best friend, I can’t lose you.”
Lucas paused. “Hey.” He turned towards her. “We were both stupid, okay? We both were, but that doesn’t mean you lost me.”
She felt something inside her sink. “I can’t.”
“Can’t what?”
“Do this.” She said, gesturing between the two of them. “I can’t get close to you because then I’ll lose you and it’ll hurt all over again and I don’t want—I can’t afford to get hurt by you. I can handle my mom and my dad and Billy but I can’t risk you.”
“Max—”
“I love you.” She whispered, voice catching in her throat when she realized she was crying. This terrified her, all of it, admitting she’d fallen for him, admitting she was scared of being hurt, all of it. “But I’m scared to.”
Lucas stared back, slightly stunned. “I…”
“You don’t have to say it back.” She whispered. “I don’t expect you to, I'm just…I don’t wanna mess it up.”
She sucked in another shaky breath. “I don’t wanna be like my mom.”
Or Billy.
“You’re nothing like them.” He whispered, seeming to read her thoughts. “You’re not.”
“How can you know that?”
“Because I know you.” He whispered, leaning just close enough to lean his forehead against hers. Max’s hand found his side, her fingers squeezing the fabric of his hoodie to pull him closer and keep them there while he talked, just wanting him near her. “You’re nothing like them. You’re cool and smart and you care about people, your friends. You’re conscious of your actions and your feelings and even though you may act off them impulsively you always try to fix it.” He tucked a stray hair behind her ear, leaning back to look at her.
“You’re nothing like them, MadMax.” He said firmly, his voice just barely above a whisper. “You’re not.”
Her eyes flicked between the two of his, a small smile forming on her lips as she looked at him.
“I miss you.” She whispered, her smile faltering. She couldn’t do this. It was too dangerous.
Lucas leaned forward, her brain telling her to pull away, to stop it, but she couldn’t. She didn’t want to.
She leaned towards him, meeting him halfway, her nose bumping against his as he kissed her, so softly she was worried he wasn’t actually here.
But then he pulled away, just barely, enough to whisper four words. “I love you too.”
She felt her blood run cold, but at the same time, everything seemed to get a little warmer. She was terrified, sure, but she’d never had that confirmation before.
The door opened, and the two of them jumped apart, Steve stepping back slightly, his hand still gripping the doorknob.
“Oh…sorry.” He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, gesturing down the hall. “Uh, just came to check on you and Dustin said you’d disappeared so…”
“Yeah, we were just talking.” Lucas said, standing up. “I was about to go back.”
The three of them sat and stood there awkwardly, refusing to look at each other.
“You should probably…” Steve started.
“Yeah.” Lucas said, starting toward the door. “Night Max.”
“Night.” She whispered, giving him a small smile before he disappeared down the hall. Steve turned towards her, eyes widening in question.
“Don’t.” She warned. “Don’t ask.”
“So are you guys like—?”
“Don’t. Ask.” Steve held his hands up in surrender, a smirk on his face.
“Okay okay. Whatever. Go to sleep. We have work to do tomorrow.”
“Yeah yeah.” She mumbled, scooting back towards the headboard and climbing under the blankets.
“Sleep well, Red.”
“Don’t call me that.”
Steve laughed, closing the door behind him, not bothering to turn off the light when he knew she’d be keeping it on all night anyways.