Chapter Text
wednesday
12:56 am
the broship
kenny changed kyle ’s username to ginger spice
kenny changed stan ’s username to hey emo boy!
kenny changed cartman ’s username to class 3
kenny changed their username to incredibly cool and awesome
ginger spice: Can’t we just keep our actual names as our usernames for more than one day?
incredibly cool and awesome: no way baby, this is too much fun
ginger spice: Every time you change mine it’s just another ginger joke
incredibly cool and awesome: because your fiery beautiful red head of hair is your best feature kyle (づ￣ ³￣)づ
incredibly cool and awesome: i just love it
incredibly cool and awesome: is that so bad
ginger spice: Whatever. This is dumb.
incredibly cool and awesome: why are u up anyways
ginger spice: Can’t sleep. Nervous for test tomorrow.
hey emo boy!: i’m not emo kenny how many times do i have to say this
incredibly cool and awesome: accept your true self already stan it’s ok
hey emo boy!: i’m not fucking emo
ginger spice: You kind of are.
hey emo boy!: kyle seriously? u really gotta be on kenny’s side for this one?
ginger spice: I’m on whoever’s speaking the truth’s side
hey emo boy ! changed their username to stan the man
ginger spice: That’s super lame
stan the man changed their username to fuck you guys
fuck you guys: is that better
incredibly cool and awesome: we know you love us stanley >__< <3
fuck you guys: eh
class 3: kenny what the fuck you poor bitch
class 3: how do i change it back
incredibly cool and awesome: how do you not know that by now
class 3: kenny i swear to god
1:06 am
Stan :-)
Stan :-): hey dude
Stan :-): are u ok?
super best friend: Yeah, I’m fine
super best friend: Just did a lot of studying so I’m kind of fried
Stan :-): you should get some rest dude
super best friend: I was going to but then Kenny decided to terrorize the group chat at 1 am
Stan :-): kenny is a dumbass. you should sleep
super best friend: You sound like my mom
Stan :-): ur mom said kenny is a dumbass?
super best friend: Ha
Stan :-): im hilarious
super best friend: Totally. Goodnight Stan
Stan :-): so mean kyle!!!!!!!!
super best friend: I’m sorry, you are so fucking funny it’s unbearable
Stan :-): well thats just overdoing it
super best friend: You’re pretty high demanding
Stan :-): just want my bf to appreciate me </3
Stan :-): sbf** sorry haha
super best friend: Lol. Goodnight idiot. See you in the morning
Stan :-): goodnight dude
Stan :-): sweet dreams
1:08 am
kenneth
stanley marsh: kenny
kenneth: stanley
stanley marsh: are u up for smoking
kenneth: it’s 1 am and we have school tomorrow
stanley marsh: when has that ever bothered you
kenneth: ok attitude?
stanley marsh: are u up for it or not
kenneth: dude are u good?
stanley marsh: yes nothing’s wrong i just wanna smoke and i’m out of cigs
stanley marsh: and you’re awake
kenneth: okay i’m coming over
kenneth: but i expect a hug in return ⊂( ・ヮ・⊂)
stanley marsh: do i gotta -.-
kenneth: yes!!!
stanley marsh: ok come over already
kenneth: be right there cutie <3
stanley marsh: ugh
1:21 am
the broship
class 3: kenny
class 3: kenny
class 3: kenny
class 3: GODDAM NIT KENNY HOW THT E FUCK DO I CHANGE MY USERNAME
class 3: I FUCKING GH ATE YOU GUYS
class 3: IM GOINGG TO SLEEP
thursday
7:30 am
super best friend
super best friend: Hey, I’m outside :-)
Stan :-): coming. bringing waffle for u
super best friend: Lol. Can’t wait
4:27 pm
the non-toxic broship
princess kenny: hey hotties
princess kenny: are we gonna go to clyde’s party tomorrow
princess kenny: he was being annoying about it today, saying i should text him and confirm
sincerely yours: i’m up for it if kyle is
princess kenny: gay
kyley b: Shut the fuck up Kenny
kyley b: Sure I’m up for it. I could blow off a little steam after this week
princess kenny: that’s lingo for ‘i could get wasted’ right?
kyley b: Sure
sincerely yours: awesome!!!!!!!!! i love drunk kyle!!!!!!!!!!
kyley b: Don’t get too excited
sincerely yours: ur such a fun drunk tho
princess kenny: some of us don’t cry when we get plastered
princess kenny: stan
sincerely yours: thanks for saying my name as if it wasn’t obvious who u were talking about
princess kenny: thought i’d be clear <3
sincerely yours: i don't do that anymore anyways so suck my balls
kyley b: Is Cartman coming too?
princess kenny: tbh idk dude
princess kenny: not sure if clyde invited him
sincerely yours: he better not be
sincerely yours: don’t want that asshole to ruin the mood
princess kenny: i guess we’ll see
princess kenny: anyways, gonna text clyde to confirm that we’re coming!!
kyley b: Cool
4:35 pm
kenny
kenny: yo
c-dog: what’s good
kenny: stan kyle and me are coming tomorrow!!
c-dog: cool, tell them to feel free to bring booze
kenny: lol ok i will
kenny: hey uh
kenny: is cartman coming?
c-dog: idk i haven’t invited him yet. why?
kenny: no, just wondering
c-dog: ok lol
4:41 pm
those guys
crybaby: dudes
crybaby: should we invite cartman tomorrow
craigslist: god no
crybaby: lmfao i knew you were going to say that
craigslist: tweek and i vote no
crybaby: do you really have to speak for you two all the time. i mean i get that you’re a couple but it’s kinda cringe
prom king: I don’t care if we invite him
live with jimmy valmer: i don’t care either!
crybaby: so we have a tie
crybaby: kind of
crybaby: tweek didn’t really contribute so we can’t officially call it a tie
craigslist: stop being bitter bc you’re single
crybaby: no tweek should speak for himself
coffee bean: i don’t like cartman
coffee bean: but what if he finds out that i didn’t want him to come to the party?
coffee bean: a AN d he gets mad at me? ???
coffee bean: tHis is a lot of pressure
craigslist: babe he won’t find out if u don’t want him there
prom king: Puke
coffee bean: just invite him if you want clyde i don’t wannA a decide on tHis
craigslist: typos honey
craigslist: ur hands are shaking
craigslist: just take a deep breath
crybaby: i’m literally going to die alone
live with jimmy valmer: probably
prom king: Lmfao
crybaby: jimmy???????
crybaby: anyways- if tweek doesn’t care then i am just gonna invite cartman
crybaby: he’s fun at parties
craigslist: give him my regards
craigslist: and by that i mean tell him that he’s a douchebag
crybaby: i am definitely not gonna say that
craigslist: u can’t see it but i’m flipping u off
crybaby: ignorance is bliss :)
4:48 pm
Stan :-)
Stan :-): if cartman is gonna be there tomorrow we can just ignore him all evening
Stan :-): u know that right?
super best friend: Yeah, I know. I’m sure it’ll be okay. I mean, I see him in school every day and that’s fine.
Stan :-): he’s an asshole
Stan :-): we can just stick together
super best friend: I think that won’t be necessary but thanks dude
super best friend: You can’t just be around me the whole evening
Stan :-): uhhhh watch me
super best friend: That’s kinda gay Stan
Stan :-): lol
Stan :-): i gotta go help my mom with something
Stan :-): bye
super best friend: Bye?
7:19 pm
kenneth
kenneth: smoke sesh before party tomorrow?
stanley marsh: i love u
kenneth: no need to state the obvious bby
friday
10:42 am
the broship
class 3: history class literally makes me want to blow my brains out
class 3: guys i’m really boooooored
class 3: why are all you fags ignoring my messages
class 3: i can see you’re reading them
class 3: oh got it
class 3: suicide joke not funny anymore
class 3: thanks for ruining that for me stan lol
10:46 am
super best friend
super best friend: Hey, just ignore Cartman
Stan :-): yep i am
super best friend: I hate that bastard so fucking much
Stan :-): yeah lol tell me about it
super best friend: Are you in study hall?
Stan :-): yeah i am
super best friend: Go study!!!
Stan :-): ok boss
super best friend: :D
Stan :-): see u at break !!!
10:47 am
gingersnap
gingersnap: Can you stop me from killing Cartman
kitty cat: i would but then again i wanna kill him too
kitty cat: if the police ask i tried my hardest
gingersnap: Why does he have to bring it up?
kitty cat: idk. why does he do many things. he’s just a dick
gingersnap: If I get drunk tonight I might attempt to fight him
kitty cat: that’s nothing new babez
gingersnap: Lol. Guess not
8:13 pm
the non-toxic broship
princess kenny: sweet beautiful ginger lemon honey tea kyle
kyley b: That nickname makes 0 sense.
princess kenny: sweet boy. will you come hang out @ my house before party? <3
kyley b: is stan there too?
princess kenny: yeah we’ve been hanging
kyley b: Oh. Okay yeah, I’m coming
princess kenny: see you in a bit bby ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و
11:52 pm
Stan :-)
Stan :-): where are you dude
Stan :-): i lost u
Stan :-): clyde’s house is such a maze lol
Stan :-): i wanted to stick by your side but you’re all over the place
Stan :-): it’s so funny when you’re drunk
Stan :-): i guess that’s a good thing now i can’t drink anymore
Stan :-): i can watch you act like a dumbass for once. lol
Stan :-): ok i guess i’m gonna walk around this maze some more then
Stan :-): u clearly don’t check ur phone >:(
12:18 am
Stan :-): still can’t find u
Stan :-): party kinda lame when i’m not hanging with u
Stan :-): i mean kenny’s doing a pretty good performance of careless whisper so i guess that’s fun
super best friend: S ttan
super best friend: Am In backyard
super best friend: Lol. Butters todld me a fuckingg hilarious stoyr about Cartm na from m whenn we were kids
super best friend: Cartmanan dresseed up as a robot
super best friend: Adn he pretended to be Butter’s robot tt friend
Stan :-): kyle where in the backyard are u haahaha
super best friend: I forgotot the rest of the storyy. I’m sorry
Stan :-): lol that’s fine dude. where in the backyard are u cause i can’t find u
super best friend: Tree
Stan :-): what???? hahahaha
super best friend: Clyde has a treeh ouse!!!!
Stan :-): omg that’s right. i’m coming over there ok
super best friend: You’ll come and sit in the treehouse iwth me? ??
Stan :-): yes dude. fuck yes
super best friend: Okay. Couldn’t f ind you. Earlier. I missed you
Stan :-): gonna be right there dude
super best friend: Okay. Okay :-))))))))))
1:48 am
kenneth
kenneth: dude did u leave already ?? ?
kenneth: i literally yy haven’t seen u in like 2 hours
stanley marsh: yeah i left with kyle about 20 min ago. he was super drunk lol
kenneth: u couldn’t have said bye smh :((((((
stanley marsh: it was better that we didn’t linger believe me lol
kenneth: is he sleeping now?
stanley marsh: yeah he’s sleeping
kenneth: ok cool. everything all good with u?
stanley marsh: yes. good.
kenneth: parties s can be hard i g et it
stanley marsh: ur drunk af dude
kenneth: yep hahaha. ill text u later. gonna play y twister withh bebe ₍₍ (ง Ŏ౪Ŏ)ว ⁾⁾
stanley marsh: perv. have fun. home safe
kenneth: you know it. goodnight stanley
kenneth: hope u and ur bf have sweet dreams
stanley marsh: shut the fuck up kenny
kenneth: love ya too <3
saturday
2:14 pm
Stan :-)
Stan :-): hangover ok?
super best friend: Trying to study but my head feels like it’s going to explode
super best friend: At least you got me home sort of on time
super best friend: I guess I slept off the nauseous feeling
Stan :-): dude u were crazy drunk. it was so funny
super best friend: I barely remember anything
Stan :-): u were talking to me about how u wanted to buy a farm when u were older. and how we could live on it. it was really cute
super best friend: That’s really stupid. I’m embarrassed hahaha
Stan :-): don’t be. like i said u were cute
super best friend: Oh.
Stan :-): what?
super best friend: Nothing. I have to get back to studying
Stan :-): good luck dude. drink enough water. take breaks !!!
super best friend: Will do :-)
3:02 pm
the broship
class 3: the party yesterday was totally lame
incredibly cool and awesome: no it wasn’t. ur just bitter bc u lost at peer pong like 4 times.
class 3: it was actually only 2.5 times and it was craig’s fault both times
incredibly cool and awesome: craig scored all your team’s points what the fuck do u mean
fuck you guys: lol cartman you suck ass at beer pong
class 3: u can’t even fucking play stan so shut the fuck up
fuck you guys changed their username to fuck you cartman
fuck you cartman: :)
ginger spice: Nice
class 3: if i knew how to change my username i would
incredibly cool and awesome changed class 3 ’s username to beerpong loser
beerpong loser: I DId n’t fukcing LOSE IT WAS CRAIG’S FAULT
incredibly cool and awesome: how ????
beerpong loser: CRA Ig was flirting with tweek the whole fukcing time. it was distracting me from my game and totally unprofessional
incredibly cool and awesome: accept ur loss cartman
beerpong loser: I WILL FUCKIN G NOT
fuck you cartman: this does put a smile on my face
ginger spice: Nerd
fuck you cartman: :D
beerpong loser: fuck off kyle and stan you guys are gay and jews can’t play beerpong anyways
ginger spice changed their username to fuck you cartman 2.0
beerpong loser: LAME