Work Text:
Starscream stared at the highlighted silver strip blankly, wondering if he'd have time to get down to the medbay and procure a second test before it became time to leave.
He didn't have that many symptoms, and he'd only decided to take the test after Skywarp had mocked him the night before when he'd been ...unwell. For all he knew, his imbecilic trine-mate had tampered with the medbay's supply just to play this sick prank on him. After all, he and Megatron weren't young mecha, or even compatible, so the likelihood of Megatron actually managing to-
Something heavy thunked against the other side of the wash-rack door. Starscream jumped, fingers slipping on the positive test as Megatron bellowed through the metal, "Enough titivating yourself, Seeker! We're leaving, now!"
Starscream furiously stuffed the test, packaging, and any other evidence into his subspace, elbowing the off-switch for the solvent stream he'd left running to avoid making Megatron suspicious.
"Excuse me for bothering to make an effort!" He yelled back, slapping the door-panel and glaring up when Megatron's looming form was revealed in the doorway. "Unlike some I could mention."
Megatron's nose wrinkled as his optics tracked up and down Starscream's frame. "You should have spent this time going over our points. Unless you think you can seduce the Autobots into a favourable treaty?"
He wasn't getting out of the doorway, so Starscream squeezed under one of his arms to get out, smacking him in the jaw with a wing as he passed, "Maybe I'll have to. It'd be a better idea than voicing your ridiculous demands."
Megatron growled. "Ridiculous?!"
"They're not going to let you call yourself Supreme Commander of the Cybertronian Empire."
"Prime will fold," Megatron called after him.
"Your confidence is embarrassing," Starscream muttered, cringing at how poorly that reflected back on him as he heard Megatron take longer strides to catch up to him.
A hand clapped over his shoulder-vent and slowed him down. Starscream tried to turn out of the grip, but Megatron bent towards him, face so unbearably smug Starscream couldn't stand to look at it.
"I can afford to be confident, because I have you, Starscream," he purred, proud and arrogant.
Somehow, today, Starscream didn't think being him was going to be enough.
Because 'being Starscream' sure did suck some days.
The Autobots had managed to secure an airline hanger for the peace talks to take place. The area was secluded, and far from any human settlements, which at least meant Starscream wasn't going to have to make nice with any of the Autobot's little organic pets. He felt nauseas enough as it was.
For obvious reasons no one had wanted to leave the talks that determined the fate of all Cybertronian life solely in the hands of Megatron and Optimus Prime, so each respective leader had agreed to bring four additional parties with them. As they entered the hanger Starscream suffered a wave of dismay when he saw the Autobot twins, Sunstreaker and Sideswipe, flanking Prime. Which was fitting, as Megatron had chosen to bring Thundercracker and Skywarp along as his own cannon-fodder.
And that wasn't even the worst of it. Also with Prime, stood Prowl and Ratchet, neither of whom were known for their easy going, agreeable nature.
Megatron sighed loudly, "Joy."
"Told you this wasn't going to be easy," Starscream muttered, right as Prime spotted them coming through the hanger doors. He broke away from his group to stride towards them.
"Megatron," he called, like he was genuinely pleased to see them. Disgusting.
Prime stuck a hand out towards his old foe. Starscream almost flinched, but there was no weapon grasped in Prime's servo. He scowled to himself, annoyed by his own twitchiness. Out of the corner of his optic he could see Soundwave's helm turn towards him, curious.
'Frag off,' he thought aggressively in his direction.
"Prime," Megatron greeted back, and slapped his big servo into Prime's with an audible clang. And began to squeeze.
A socially appropriate handshake should never last longer than three seconds. After five, Starscream could hear their armour starting to groan under the pressure, and rolled his optics as the two idiots began wincing, their clasped hands shaking as they tried to crush one another.
"Alright, enough of that," the Autobot medic stepped in, waving his hands to put a stop to their nonsense. "No one's about to let the fate of Cybertron rest on who can break the most fingers, so sit down and let's get this over with."
"Aptly put, Ratchet," Prowl said flatly, pointing to the table set up in the centre of the hanger. "Let's get started. I ask that we keep this civil, and for mecha who are not part of the negotiation to refrain from involving themselves in any of the debates." He looked pointedly at Thundercracker and Skywarp.
"No danger of that when it comes to Skywarp," Sideswipe muttered out of the corner of his mouth, leaning towards his brother.
Starscream glared. It was true, but it wasn't for Autobots to say.
For the sake of getting out of this as soon as physically possible -so he could deal with more important things, like the personal matter of him very likely being sparked by a mech he couldn't stand- Starscream didn't comment on it, grumpily taking a seat on the Decepticon side of the table and scooting his chair away from Megatron so their legs wouldn't have to touch.
On Megatron's other side, Soundwave was still staring at him.
'Concentrate on the negotiations!' He mentally screeched.
"We'll begin with the obvious," Prowl began once everyone was seated, and Ratchet had pulled out what looked like a crossword puzzle to keep himself entertained. "The matter of Earth-"
"Bah!" Megatron waved a dismissive hand, "Earth doesn't concern me-"
"But it does concern us, Megatron," Prime said firmly. "We want a complete withdrawal of Decepticon forces from the planet."
"Gladly," Starscream grumbled, just as Megatron slammed a fist down and barked, "Never!"
Starscream brought a hand up to rub his face.
"What happened to 'Earth doesn't concern me'?" Ratchet asked, not looking up from his crossword puzzle, apparently happy to bait Megatron into a rant.
"I'm not about to concede an entire planet without reparations," Megatron sneered. "Starscream, my demands-"
Starscream pushed the data-pad across the table towards his leader, standing up with a screech of his chair. Megatron was just being petulant, as usual, and he was unprepared to make an impromptu argument for the sake of his leader's ego.
"Tell them yourself," he said through gritted teeth, anger-induced nausea rolling his tanks now. "Excuse me."
Megatron's optics narrowed. His gaze -everyone's gaze- followed Starscream. "Where are you going?"
"For some fresh air," Starscream shoved the chair back under the table, adding under his breath, "Before I choke on your fumes. Prime, Autobots," he flicked his wings at them before turning his back on the table.
"Screamer?" He heard Skywarp whisper, as Megatron snatched up the data-pad with a exasperated grumble of, "Seekers."
Fists clenched, Starscream didn't look back, marching across the hanger for the exit. Unfortunately, there were two sets doors leading out of the main hanger and in his frustration and distraction, Starscream went through the wrong one and found himself standing in a small storage room instead.
He sucked in a long, deep breath, and willed himself not to punch a wall. He supposed he was just going to have to have his breakdown in here instead.
Because he was in a nightmare. A living nightmare. He was sparked, and trapped on this pit-forsaken planet, with a leader who couldn't negotiate for slag, who also happened to be the sire, whom he also happened to hate to his very core-!
"Screamer?" The door to the supply room opened as Skywarp poked his head in. "You're not planting a bomb, are you? Cuz Soundwave swore this was a for-real peace talk but if anyone gets to blow up Autobots-"
"Shut up and get out!" Starscream snarled, "I am having a private moment."
"In a supply room?" Skywarp's grimaced, and ignoring orders, wandered the rest of the way in, letting the heavy metal door swing shut behind him.
"Why did you follow me?"
"I dunno," Skywarp shrugged. "You're acting weird-"
"No, I'm not!"
"You left Megatron to negotiate a peace treaty," Skywarp emphasised. "On his own."
"He's not alone! Soundwave's there."
"Soundwave's not loud enough to speak over him," Skywarp casually leaned against the door -the only way out- and folded his arms. "C'mon Screamer, if you're gonna blow up the building you gotta give me some warning at least. And I know you don't want TC getting exploded-"
"I am not planning a double-cross, assassination, or otherwise," Starscream told him impatiently. "I am- I'm just," he faltered, and looked away. "There are some personal matters that have come to light for me and if you have any respect for me as your leader-"
"I don't," Skywarp snorted loudly, "You're not dying are you?"
"...Worse," Starscream growled at the floor.
Skywarp didn't respond. Starscream braced himself before looking up. His trine-mate's optics were blown wide. Skywarp pushed away from the door.
"You really are sparked, aren't you?" He accused.
Starscream's could hear his own denta grinding together, "Shut. Up."
"I knew it!" Skywarp laughed, "I should be a medic or something, I totally knew it-!"
"Skywarp!"
"Is it Megatron's?"
Starscream couldn't bring himself to respond. He stared at Skywarp, willing him to be merciful. For once in their trine-ship, for Skywarp to show empathy. It wasn't to be.
"You're so screwed!" Skywarp bounced gleefully, "What did he say?"
"Nothing." Starscream glared. "I haven't told him."
"Oh," Skywarp looked thoughtful. "You want me to tell him?"
"No!"
"Well someone's gotta."
"I will!" Starscream argued, but he couldn't actually imagine himself doing so. Having to look Megatron in the face and say that? Beyond humiliating. He'd likely burst into flame. "I just ...haven't had time. I only learned of this parasite this morning."
"Who has a parasite?" The metal door creaked as Thundercracker came in. "What are you two doing in here? We're not blowing anything up, are we?"
"Maybe later," said Skywarp.
"No, not later. Not ever," Starscream said firmly, shoving Skywarp. "And nothing. We were -just-"
"Talking," Skywarp filled in. "Cause Screamer's knocked up."
Starscream's tanks twisted unpleasantly.
Thundercracker had been taking a step forward when his gyro appeared to malfunction out of shock. He wobbled sideways into a stack of barrels. "You're-?!"
"And Megatron's the sire," Skywarp added.
Thundercracker began to slide down the wall, coming to rest on his aft with a dull thump, "Oh ...fuck."
"And he doesn't even know," Skywarp finished with a stage-whisper, bending down towards him.
"He doesn't know?" Thundercracker looked up at Starscream with horror. "But Skywarp does?!"
"I only just found out!" Starscream protested shrilly. "I will tell him later!"
"Not in the middle of the negotiations, I hope," Thundercracker shook his head, frowning like a disapproving creator.
"Who cares about the negotiations?" Skywarp protested. "Peace talks are boring, but this-!"
It seemed their absence had been noticed by the others, as at that point the door suddenly banged open as if kicked, and the two Autobot Lamboughinis stood in it's doorway, their servos on their blasters.
"Alright Decepti-scum, what are you plotting?!" Sideswipe demanded, he and his brother shouldering past Skywarp to get into the room.
"Hey!" Skywarp argued, "We were having a private conversation!"
"Get out!" Starscream snarled, null-rays primed and glowing. The twins took no notice, too stupid to ever back down.
"A private conversation, huh?" Sunstreaker sneered at Thundercracker sitting on the floor, nudging him with a finely polished pede, "About what? How to screw us over? Ratchet said this was gonna be a trick-"
"Not everything is about you, Sunshine," Skywarp scoffed. "For your information, Screamer's sparked."
"Oh, Primus," Thundercracker breathed from the floor.
"Discretion Skywarp! Discretion" Starscream screeched, grabbing at his middle as his tanks rolled again.
Sunstreaker was shocked enough to lift his hand from his blaster, veering away from Starscream as if he was diseased. "What?!"
"Sure, whatever," Sideswipe dismissed, disbelieving, "Like anyone would actually want to clang him-"
"Megatron did," Skywarp 'defended' Starscream sassily, smirking at the twins. "He's the sire."
Starscream began fantasising about punching him through the back of his obviously empty head.
Sideswipe whistled low, shaking his head, "Wow, well, that's just- that's..."
"No wonder Megatron's so keen on keeping the planet," Sunstreaker grumbled.
"He doesn't even know about the sparkling," Thundercracker stuck his hand in the air to get their attention. "It's a mess."
"What is wrong with you two?!" Starscream yelled at his trine-mates. "Stop telling- they're Autobots! Stop telling them my business! And what are you finding so funny!?" He turned on Sunstreaker when he caught him smirking.
"Megatron's sparkling," Sunstreaker smiled to himself. "You're gonna get so heavy."
Sideswipe joined in with a laugh, "You're gonna look fragging ridiculous! Like a flying brick!"
"Leave him alone!" Skywarp growled, "for your information, he'll be too heavy to fly anyway-"
Sideswipe covered his mouth with a wheeze.
"Alright, enough!" Starscream shouted, pointing to the door. "Everyone, get out-!"
"Just what I was about to say," a stern voice announced, stepping through the door just as everyone turned to it.
Starscream brought his hands up to his face and wished he could just disappear into a hole in the floor when they were joined by yet another mech. Prowl this time.
"What," Prowl began slowly, taking all five of them in, "is going on in here?"
"Mind your own business!" Skywarp argued, which was ironic, because he'd been doing nothing but telling everyone Starscream's business.
"This is important!" Sideswipe told his superior excitedly, grabbing Prowl by the hand and dragging him inside before any seeker could evict him. The door banged shut behind him. "Screamer's sparked!"
"With Megatron's sparkling," Sunstreaker added.
"And Megatron doesn't know," Thundercracker called up from the floor. Starscream kicked him. "Ow!"
Prowl didn't react beyond his usual expression of moderate displeasure. He was silent and still for a full five seconds.
"...What does this have to do with the negotiations?" He finally said.
"Good gossip is always wasted on you," Sideswipe complained.
"All five of you are acting ridiculous," Prowl reproached them. "Particularly you, Starscream. These peace talks have been years in the making and I will not let you derail them with your personal dramas."
"Yes Prowl, because I planned all along to get myself sparked at exactly this moment just to make things difficult for you!" Starscream cried, starting to feel hysterical. "Why are there so many people in this storage room?!"
Hands grabbed his shoulder vents from behind and began giving him a clumsy massage. "Chill out, Screamer," Skywarp said by his audial. "Stress is bad for the sparkling."
"Yeah, you're looking a little flustered," Sideswipe added, surprisingly sympathetic.
"Maybe we should get Ratchet?" Sunstreaker said.
"No," Prowl glared.
"Get off me!" Starscream shouldered Skywarp away.
"I admit, this is an interesting move on Megatron's part," Prowl was stroking his chin, frowning in thought. "A shift from short-term tactics and ill prepared strategies, to a long-term plan with a much greater pay off..."
"What great pay off?" Sideswipe questioned, "Getting to nail Starscream on the regular?"
"An heir," Prowl said snappishly.
"Besides, he already 'nails Starscream on the regular'. That's how we ended up in this mess," Thundercracker pointed out. Starscream drew his foot back to kick him again. Thundercracker threw up his hands, "Sorry!"
The metal door screeched, and Starscream's spark jumped as it swung open, fearing that this time it might finally be Megatron coming to learn what was so fragging amazing about the supply room that everyone was in there.
It wasn't. It was Soundwave. Almost as bad.
He loomed in the doorway, visor moving between each individual slowly. Sideswipe, closest to him, inched further into the rapidly filling room to make room for him. "Pretty boring out there, huh?" He joked.
Soundwave stared at him. Sideswipe wiped the smile off his face.
"Vacate the room and return to the negotiations at once," Soundwave ordered.
Starscream bristled at the order, but Sunstreaker beat him to voicing the first protest. "We don't take orders from Cons."
"Soundwave, we have a much bigger crisis going on in here," Skywarp pointed insistently at Starscream.
"A bigger crisis than the ongoing war?" Prowl asked flatly.
"It's an unplanned pregnancy, Prowl!" Sideswipe exclaimed, "Crisiseses don't get much bigger than that!"
"Crises," Prowl corrected.
"Starscream's condition: unsurprising," Soundwave's judgmentally glowing visor lifted to meet Starscream's gaze.
"Oh, don't act like you knew!" Starscream argued, folding his arms around himself defensively. "You're not that good a telepath."
"Telepathy; unnecessary. Starscream; emotional and obvious."
"What are we gonna do?" Skywarp asked.
"We?!" Starscream cried. "What do you mean 'We'?! This has nothing to do with you, and even less to do with the fragging Autobots!"
"I vote we tell Megatron," Thundercracker lifted his hand up.
"We're not taking a vote!" Starscream roared as the twins and Skywarp and even Soundwave lifted their hands. "This is not a democracy!"
"Put your hand down," Prowl slapped Sideswipe's wrist. "No one is telling Megatron anything. It will completely derail the peace talks-"
"We don't know that," Sideswipe rubbed at his wrist. "Maybe it'll improve his mood, make him more agreeable-"
"It most definitely will not," Starscream warned. Skywarp was nodding in agreement, his hand still in the air. "Slag yeah, he's gonna hit the roof," he added.
"Irrelevant," Soundwave argued, "Lord Megatron has a right to know."
"He can find out tomorrow," Prowl glared.
Soundwave turned to face him fully, his visor glowing that little bit brighter as the two of them began an intense staring contest. It was only broken by a gentle knock on door.
Everyone turned towards it. Starscream's ventilations stalled. It was Megatron. It had to be Megatron-
"...Come in?" Skywarp called when no one else did.
The door swung open, and Starscream nearly collapsed in relief at the sight of Prime.
A collective groan went through the room from everyone else as the much larger mech squeezed inside. Skywarp's wing slapped Prowl in the side of the head. Someone stepped on Starscream's pede. "Ow!"
"Who's poking me?!" Sunstreaker demanded.
Optimus held up his hands, "I apologise for interrupting, I- what are you all doing in here?"
"Don't tell him!" Starscream screeched.
"We have a situation," Prowl told his leader calmly, squashed into the corner. "The Decepticons are attempting to derail the peace negotiations."
"Negative," Soundwave protested.
"Shut the Hell up, Prowl, it's not our fault Screamer's knocked up!" Skywarp made a fist at him, accidentally punching Sideswipe in the back of the head.
Prime took a surprised step backwards, his back thunking against the metal door. His cool blue optics found Starscream from across the tiny room packed with idiots. "You're carrying?" He asked gently.
"...Unfortunately," Starscream hissed.
"That's wonderful," Prime sounded genuinely happy, his optics creasing around the edges. "Megatron didn't mention-"
"He doesn't know," Sideswipe leaned in to tell him, shaking his head in disapproval. "And he's the sire."
Starscream dropped his head against Skywarp's shoulder and left it there, unwilling to sit through any more of this. "Kill me..."
"I can see you've all had a lot to discuss back here..." Prime rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. "Are you going to tell him now, Starscream?"
"Yes," Soundwave answered for him.
"No. No, he's not," Prowl squeezed in front of Prime. "We are in the middle of vital talks-"
Prime held up a hand, "Vital, but not time sensitive. Ratchet is stuck on his crossword puzzle, so we haven't gotten anything done since you left anyway-"
Prowl's face twisted comedically, "Are you serious?!"
"I'm sure you're all very excited by this news," Prime straightened up to address them all, and looked specifically at Starscream when he said 'excited' because he was obviously that tone death. "But the one person this should have been shared with, is the only one it wasn't. And I feel it's somewhat unfair that they are sat out there now, completely oblivious to all of this."
"...Who? Ratchet?" Skywarp guessed, confused.
"Megatron, you slag-for-brains seeker," Sunstreaker snapped impatiently.
Starscream scowled. He shouldn't allow Prime of all mechs to guilt trip him, and yet...
"Just blurt it out at him," Skywarp slung an arm around him and squeezed him encouragingly. "Like ripping off a clamp. And if it goes south and he tries to kill you-"
"I'm sure it won't come to that..." Prime murmured.
"-if it does," Skywaro continued, "I'll warp us out to the moon or something for a couple months, till he calms down."
"Really reassuring," Thundercracker glared.
"He's going to kill me," Starscream mumbled. Or at least, he hoped Megatron did. Better that than their lives morphing into some sick domestic parody of what it should have been, raising some horrid little sparkling that would hate them as much as they hated each other.
His trine were guiding him -shoving him- to the door, and he began to feel sick all over again.
"We won't let it come to that," Optimus promised him protectively,
"Don't get involved, Optimus," Prowl hissed impatiently.
The door opened, and Starscream hadn't realised how stuffy it had been in that awful little supply room until they were all out in the hanger again. Only Ratchet and Megatron remained at the table, and miraculously, hadn't killed each other in everyone's absence.
"Seven letter word for small axe?" Ratchet read off the crossword he was doing on the data-pad.
"'Hatchet'," Megatron guessed, his hands clasped under his chin thoughtfully.
Ratchet lifted his head to glare at him. "...You're lucky that fits."
"I apologise for keeping you waiting, but I managed to locate our missing comrades," Optimus announced as he approached the table.
Ratchet grunted, unconcerned, but Megatron leant back in his chair to see around Prime and glare at the line of mecha behind him. "Just what was so interesting about that supply room, I wonder? It's not filled with high-grade is it?"
Optimus didn't say anything, taking his seat next to Ratchet and gesturing subtly for Starscream to go ahead. Everyone else took their seat, but Starscream remained standing.
His spark felt like it was in his throat. His mouth worked silently as Megatron began flipping through data-pads, distracted.
Optimus cleared his vocaliser.
Megatron looked up, "What?"
"Your Air Commander appears to want your attention," Optimus pointed.
"When doesn't he?" Megatron muttered, turning in his seat. "What is it now, Starscream?"
Starscream could have once relied on his vocaliser being the loudest in any given room, but now it was failing him. He couldn't even get out the first syllable to stutter through a sentence. Megatron's frown deepened with impatience. "Spit it out!"
Everyone was staring, expressions variations of pity, glee, anticipation, vindication, impatience -Starscream tightened his jaw, feeling his anger bubbling up. This was Megatron's fault in the first place. He should be the one suffering this humiliation, this un-surety, this crippling fear-
"Perhaps we should take a break?" Optimus offered gently, rising and gesturing for his Autobots to do the same. "Shall we rejoin in half an hour-?"
"Sit down, Prime, we're doing this now," Starscream snapped, suddenly finding his voice, squaring his shoulders and meeting Megatron's gaze head on.
"Doing what now?" Ratchet finally looked up from his crossword puzzle.
Starscream reached into his subspace. He couldn't trust his vocaliser and Megatron would demand proof anyway. He pulled out the positive testing strip and flicked it at Megatron. Megatron caught it and held it up.
"...What is this?" He grumbled.
"What does it look like?!" Starscream snarled.
"...A fuel quality testing strip."
"No, you idiot!" Starscream began, "It's-"
"-A fuel-quality test," Ratchet glanced across the table and agreed. "To check the charge in a mech's fuel."
"No!" Starscream went to snatch the test back off Megatron. "No, It's a gestation-detection test! It's-"
"-a fuel-quality test," Soundwave droned, staring down at it in Megatron's hand.
Starscream's gaze unfocused. He tried to think back to the packaging of the test, and if he could actually recall reading the word 'gestation' on it.
The room fell awkwardly, unbearably silent.
Megatron was looking between the test and Starscream. Optimus was using his hands to cover his face, despite the mask doing that already for him. The twins were sat with wide optics and pursed lips like they were barely holding it together. Ratchet was back to doing his crossword. Prowl looked no different. And Starscream could even bear to look at his trine.
He snatched the test back, face burning with a heat that would likely never fade.
"Yes well as you can see my fuel is exceptionally well charged," he said in a hurry, stuffing the test back into his subspace and falling into his seat heavily, staring straight ahead and paying no notice to the optics staring across at him.
"...Maybe we should take that half hour after all," Megatron said after a pause.
Skywarp, curled up in his chair with his vents locked down and head buried beneath his arms, was shaking with silent laughter.