Chapter Text
It had only started with some second hand smoking. He’d been talking with his brother Wilbur while the older smoked.
Normally he tried to keep those habits away from Tommy, because he knew it could make the younger uncomfortable.
But today Tommy hadn’t minded.
If he was honest, he was glad.
He’d been having a bit of a hard time honestly, and, since he’d forgone his old habits of self harm in favour of helping himself and his father, he felt,,,, restless
He’d been fine the first 3 months, having more urges to relapse in the beginning weeks, as the urges slowly spread out in the second month, becoming less frequent and intense.
But recently it had just been so violent. Relapse felt so much more like a need as opposed to a want.
On Tuesday, he’d been sitting in English class and had the sudden urge to relapse right then and there. If it wasn’t for the lack of sharp objects, he probably would have.
He’d been having nightmares of fresh self harm scars appearing on his arms, and it was too much
Far too fucking much
So sue him for wanting a distraction. He’d seen Schlatt around school smoking and he’d gained an urge
A want
A need
He’d easily take alcohol since they kept it in the house, but the stuff made him sick after barely two drinks. It was too strong even the most watered down, and it wasn’t like he could take much without fear of his dad finding out.
So, here he was, sat beside Wilbur on the front porch, passively inhaling the smoke the other exhaled. It was nice.
He liked it
Wilbur hadn’t offered a cigarette to Tommy that day, and Tommy hadn’t asked.
But Tommy found himself clinging to the smell of Tobacco that stuck on his hoodie after sitting in the smoke. It was comforting.
And so, the next time he saw Wilbur out on the porch, lighting a cigarette, he walked over and sat beside him, mentally hyping himself up to ask.
As Wilbur took a drag from his cigarette, Tommy spoke up “Um, could I have one?” He was fully prepared to be met with a flat out no. He was only 17, why would Wilbur in his right mind give 17 year old Tommy a cigarette?
But he wasn’t met with a no.
Only a raised eyebrow and a mumbled out “sure”
Tommy was surprised. He hid it well. Wilbur passed him a cigarette out of the packet, lighting it as Tommy held it.
So, Tommy took a drag.
He coughed and spluttered, not being used to the feeling. Wilbur laughed at him as he coughed, the older slowly starting into a coughing fit aswell.
Tommy took another drag, getting used to the feeling.
So he took another drag.
And another.
And another.
That was the time he had his first cigarette.