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jacket. jacket jacket jacket. dress, found, presentable enough. jeans, found, no need to get too formal for this whole...whatever this was. all Asuka needs now is her jacket, so where the fuck—
“uh, Soryu-san? what’s, um, what’s going on...?”
bleh. shinji. hackles raised, Asuka pulls out of the closet she was rooting through and rounded on him. “my red jacket! where the fuck is it?!”
as expected, he flinches. “uh, i don’t...what’s going on?” he repeats, a little louder this time.
distantly, misato shouts, “kitchen!”
Asuka’s eyes light up and she tears away from ikari’s presence to the kitchen counter, nearly tripping over a beer can in the process. “ scheiße ! ugh. thanks.”
in the kitchen, misato shotguns a beer and points to the counter. “there’s your jacket.”
Asuka yanks up the crimson work of polyester and fleece, smoothing a crease and slipping it on. good, good, she knew she looked good. still needed makeup, though.
“so who’s the unlucky guy?” misato asks. Asuka could hear her smirk.
“what?!”
“your date , Soryu, who’s it with?”
date...? Asuka freezes for a moment, processing what in the fuck misato was implying. “what? what the fuck? date?! i...” scheiße, maybe i should’ve lied and said i had one. “it’s not... augh!”
“ooh, it’s embarrassing!” misato comments, but Asuka had already stormed off. to the bathroom, now, to the mirror.
not done yet. where the fuck’s the concealer... Asuka isn’t letting anyone see those stupid freckles, least of all someone like Ayanami.
the Ayanami in question hovers in front of the residence’s door; not literally hover, she could not manage that anymore, but hovers in the sense that a fly does. lingering, patient, consumed by the thought that her presence was unwanted.
her choice of outfit was the same as ever: uniform, battered shoes, some extra concealer to cover the most recent round of bruises.
knocking is...the appropriate action to take, she reasoned. subsequently, she punched the door one, two, three times. Rei’s strength and form were still lacking. her hand hurt.
Asuka jumped. fuck, too late! makeup was no longer a concern, her brain consumed herself with a single drive: get to the fucking door.
Asuka opens the door just a crack to make sure it’s who she thinks it is and sees Rei.
then she pulls the door open completely and they just stare at each other for like three seconds before anyone even says anything.
misato’s the one who says something.
“oh, huh, the first child? is this nerv business?”
a combined “no” from the both of them, though Rei’s is a flat factual no. while Asuka’s is a thunderous and defiant NO !!!
misato jokes; "oh, a date then?"
Asuka proceeds to fluster. honestly she would throw something at misato if it weren't for Rei being right there
Rei is unaware of the concept of a date. she doesn't understand why Asuka is so, well, defensive about it. as such, she nods along.
which flusters Asuka more because she can’t date girls and if she could she would not be into wonder girl!
Rei takes Asuka’s flusteredness as a chance to ask where they’re actually going.
Asuka says the first thing that pops into her head, which is the arcade. Rei isn't quite sure what that is or where it is, but she's sure it'll be fine as long as she's with her friend Asuka so she nods; "ok. that sounds good."
shinji, completely fucking bewildered by the concept of Asuka having a friend, protests quietly.
misato does not. “make sure you have her back before midnight!”, she says, with a knowing wink to Rei.
Rei accepts that captain katsuragi’s house is one of utmost chaos, Asuka grabs her purse links her arm defiantly with Rei and storms the fuck out yelling, “SEE YOU FUCKERS LATER!”
They walk... and Rei has a couple questions.
not very surprising for someone who has had minimal human contact and a very very tenuous grasp on social cues and rules.
"katsuragi asked if we were 'on a date'. what does that mean?"
it isn’t so much that misato said it but how Asuka reacted to it that interests/concerns Rei.
Asuka stumbles over herself, scoffing up a storm. but... Rei’s sincere.
“it’s two people spending time together but in a romantic way, with kissing probably. and love! and sometimes it’s fancy.” floundering for further words, something hits Asuka: she has little awareness of the concept herself.
Rei still isn’t very clear on the concept-- in fact, the concepts of love and romance are pretty foreign at this point; never in her existence was it ever a priority to teach her about interpersonal or social activities, much less romance. she was created to be a tool, not a person. but Asuka's answer intrigues Rei further, makes Rei want to dig further into this mystery, if Asuka would help her.
"is an arcade fancy?"
(granted Rei has probably seen an arcade building in all its… fascinating design choices, yet has never set foot inside.)
Asuka has to remind herself not to laugh at Rei’s questions and shrugs. “it’s casual, no dress code, the food isn’t great, just a place for fun. video games. like the training sim! except no stakes, doesn’t matter. just fun,” she reiterates, not even sure Rei knows the concept. then again, it’s almost foreign to her too. she rarely lets herself do anything like this and it always feels hollow. maybe with someone there it’ll matter more.
"just fun," Rei repeats softly. it’s another interesting concept-- Rei doesn’t really do much for her own enjoyment, besides reading-- or rather, rereading the same books ad nauseam-- and talking to Asuka. it’s just another matter that never seemed necessary, another matter that she hopes she can learn more about in this strange friendly proximity to Asuka.
but for now Rei just stares at her feet, unsure of what to say or ask.
Asuka opens her mouth to make a joke, but no real sound comes out as she tries to think of some kind of crack to make. instead, something sincere escapes; "i just hope we have a good time!"
because that is what she hopes, isn't it? that this friendship could be a normal one, or what she's heard is normal? that they could spend time together and come away from it not regretting doing it, that they could talk to each other, get closer, that she could have fun somewhere and with someone that didn't involve mortal danger?
Rei looks up at Asuka, takes in her face, her poise, her stride. she seems confident-- somewhat zealous, like she knows her destination and won't let anything in the world get in her way. Asuka is driven by passion, Rei knows that-- but does Rei's happiness matter that much to Asuka, if at all? perhaps Asuka's pursuit of her own happiness leads her to the arcade, and Rei is only tagging along, not much more than a spectator or a machine that repeats for free, a husk of a human being next to the most living, breathing, beautifully human girl Rei has ever known.
Rei distantly hopes some of that fire, that breath of humanity may be her own someday. if this day Rei finds she is a step, even just a hairbreadth, closer to being human-- something worthy of love-- she hopes that one day she will be able to properly thank Asuka for it.
she looks ahead. "i hope so as well."
soon, they arrive at the arcade; lucky chance arcade flashes in neon purple, surrounded by a design of yellow coins. Asuka yanks the door open, dramatically gesturing Rei inside to a storm of glowing screens and lights from the arcade cabinets, the neon lights, the decorations overall. the carpet is dotted with stars, confetti, ufos, alien faces, fanciful displays of what humans imagined aliens could be. things like this could still be out there, but the angels have tamped down on this kind of fancy a bit. it still looks good on a black carpet dotted with glowing things. Rei feels transfixed. but of course someone like Asuka would be at home in this chaos of light.
Rei doesn't even know what she's looking at. at first it’s a jumble of bright colors on nothingness, sounds over sounds, but the room gains form over time. the more she looks at it all, the cabinets, the people, the patterns on the floor, the more it all begins to feel oddly warm and alluring.
Asuka watches Rei's face slowly change from subtle confusion to fascination. her eyebrows are raised slightly, mouth is parted as she takes in the unfamiliar sights and sounds. Asuka can't help but grin, and its the most stupid, cheesiest thing ever. she wants to show Rei everything .
"where do you wanna start, wonder girl?" Asuka offers, and Rei just. nods. she wants to start but she feels like a kid in a candy store who doesn't know what candy is. it all looks so strange and so wonderful. small shrug. "you decide," she replies, and Asuka pulls her over to the fighting games, and to a super street fighter 2 turbo cabinet.
"here, i'll show you how to play!"
she pops a coin in one of the machines that Rei's standing in front of, then gets behind her, guiding her hands to the controls and showing her how the combos work, how to move, how to block, things Rei starts picking up easily. this is intuitive for her. she understands. her focus is somewhat lacking, though; Asuka's head on her shoulder, her hands on Rei's, her voice in her ear. is she aware of how close they are?
"see? 'ts not so hard, huh?" Asuka says, trying to brush off their closeness, the warmth of Rei's hands underneath hers.
Rei isn't half bad. Asuka will admit she’s impressed, considering how Rei's never played before. granted, she has Asuka, basically the ultimate gamer, teaching her everything from combos to little fighting tips, but in all honesty she’s really getting a good handle on the controls and the moves-- she’s not quite there though , Asuka thinks to herself. how else would she rationalize wanting to stay where she is, feeling Rei's warm hands, the surprising warmth of leaning against Rei, of Rei almost in her arms?
"...pick arcade mode, i'll help you through," Asuka suggests, and Rei complies. the wall of characters emerges, Rei selects chun li. the two of them storm through the fights, Rei entering a level of focus she rarely enters even in her eva, but she gets pulled out sometimes by the feeling of Asuka's hands tightening around hers to fix a combo, her hot breath in her ear; Asuka's quiet mostly throughout, until the final fight. then the cussing begins.
Rei supposes she should look up some of these swears if she got the chance; she can't even tell which are english, which are german, and which are japanese. but with Asuka's inner fire and Rei's precision, they make it through to the credits on one token.
Asuka cant help but fucking beam . "not too shabby, wonder girl!" she laughs.
Asuka may be imagining it, but Rei might have let out a huff of air out of her nose, something like relief and laughter but smaller, sweeter, something like hearing ocean waves crashing against the shore from a distance-- wait, what? no, that's weird, Asuka. don't think about it.
now she hesitantly pulls her hands away-- they're sweaty now, and the cool air that hits her palms just feels wrong , just a reminder that Rei's hands aren't there anymore.
Asuka steps back from Rei and wipes her palms against her thighs. the thrill of victory thrums in her chest-- weird, since she beat the game countless times before. Rei turns her head to look at her, and there's a shine in her eyes that makes that sense of victory just... explode and expand in Asuka's chest.
“what now?” Rei asks, and the words are loaded with implication;
i want to keep going.
this rush of energy, of familiarity, is something she can’t get enough of, something she wants
more
of.
Ayanami Rei is hungry.
maybe she always has been.
Asuka doesn’t really have the perfect response. her mouth dries. she yanks a roll of tickets from the machine, takes Rei’s hand in her own (their palms are so sweaty but neither mind) and pulls her to a very different-looking console. the house of the dead . she picks up a light gun and asks, “wanna shoot some zombies?”
Rei gives Asuka a small shrug. she doesn't know what zombies are, but she guesses she's not opposed to shooting them. she takes a light gun of her own, examining it; the first thing Rei deducts is that, judging by the warmth of the grip, this is a popular-- but not particularly sanitary-- activity.
"i'll take that as a yes." Asuka leans over and pushes a coin into the machine. she stands back and flourishes her gun. "y'need help with this one or no?"
Rei blinks at the onscreen instructions. trigger to shoot. shoot outside screen to reload. she can handle these. she shakes her head and gets ready. Asuka takes her place beside her and punches in the co-op option. they were fighting alongside each other. a situation Rei hoped for more often, that she could be here and aid Asuka, that maybe if she had been there for her during that fateful fight, that maybe, that maybe...
Rei exhales slowly. there's nothing she could do now besides prevent it from happening again. she is here now in the present with Asuka, and she will do everything within her power to keep Asuka away from harm.
the game seems pretty straightforward-- shoot the enemy, don't shoot the hostages. Asuka is gunning down enemies left and right, but she tends to shoot before she thinks, so she ends up hitting a few hostages, each one punctuated by a curse hissed under Asuka's breath. Rei is slower, but she knows what she hits every time; she may have less kills than Asuka, but she only hits the enemy. either way they are truly a force to be reckoned with when they work together.
“ scheiße ,” Asuka gasped as the wheel of fate boss emerged, “i’ve never gotten this far! you’re—“ the compliment forms in her head, and her stomach twists; she refused to say ‘a natural’! never. fucking never . “...good, i guess. heads up!”
Rei lets herself laser-focus, but stores what Asuka said to process later, focusing now on the final boss. she feels a bead of sweat trail down her face. she feels...approaching alive. warm, if anything. her apartment was unheated, and nerv was air-conditioned to hell; ‘warm’ itself was a feeling to treasure.
the boss isn't easy, likely because of the combination of Asuka having never made it this far and Rei never having played the game before in the first place. from the very start it's intense-- Asuka doesn't even bother cursing silently, but instead spits out german obscenities shamelessly. they both need quick reflexes to not lose. it doesn't help that Rei's palms are sweaty, another testament to her warmth. she refuses to give up-- not when she and Asuka made it this far.
they each lose a life, then another. Asuka pumps an extra quarter in each, boosts them backup while Rei covers for her. Rei covers her, then glances at her as she starts again and has an idea. their synching, from israfel. she could try it again.
Asuka doesn’t notice, not until they’ve won. not until the sweet fruit of video game victory is within her bloody, sweaty grasp. she raises her gun and lets out a triumphant yell... and notices Rei silently doing the same, mirroring her.
Asuka brings her arms back down with a hearty laugh, and Rei follows suit, with no hesitation or uncertainty, almost perfectly timed. it reminds her of when they--
- oh. Rei hasn't said anything yet, but shes looking at Asuka and there's a smile on her face-- Asuka almost pinches herself at the sight-- and it confirms that this victory tastes as sweet to her as it does to Asuka. Asuka holds her gaze, putting her gun back in its holder, watching Rei mimic her perfectly, with intentionality, in sync. oh.
Asuka turns fully to Rei, and for a moment Rei follows suit, turns in the same direction, then catches herself, turns back toward Asuka again so their eyes can meet each other.
“...were we in sync?” Asuka asks the obvious question, and Rei nods. she blinks; all the fucking work it would’ve taken getting that idiot shinji to sync with her, or the fighting instincts she would’ve had to give up to sync with him, and Rei just... knew . even somewhere this casual. for a video game .
Asuka found herself wanting to pull wonder girl into a hug, and brushed that impulse off. something told her it’d overstep everything.
"...had enough yet, Ayanami?"
Rei isn't sure if Asuka means that as a challenge or as a simple question, about the games or about her time with Asuka. she parses the question and answers accordingly. "i would like to continue if you would as well."
true, she was talking about the games and the arcade-- she finds it to be more enjoyable than she expected, if she will be honest-- but she also feels she meant the moment as well. it's just. time spent with Asuka is a gift of its own and she is very reluctant to let it end.
Asuka beams . essentially, she had meant it as both; Asuka had planned to play it off as getting tired of this already, but...the rush wasn't fading, that gnawing sense of 'they'll never get you, they're leaving you in the end' has failed to make an appearance... ohhh, there it is. yay . Asuka forced her grin wider, and answered, "of course i wanna keep going! i'm not tired yet!" she pulls herself fully out of her thoughts and looks around the arcade. blinky lights and Rei please distract me from my loneliness . "come on, let's try...okay, take your pick, wonder girl. cute, shooting, or both?"
Rei furrows her brow slightly. they have already played a shooter game; it's technically in her area of expertise, as much as it can compare to gunning down angels, with the stakes much, much higher than just spending another token, with no chance to try again.
"both?" it’s a question as much as its an answer. Rei doesnt know exactly what constitutes a "cute" game besides aesthetic, but she thinks she may be able to understand it better within the familiar structure of a shooting game.
"right then! this one...is harder, though, so. be prepared." Rei nods in response, and Asuka leads her over to the Touhou cabinet. the demo screens flash with waves of bullets, pixel sprites of cute girls with stupid hats, yokai, shrine maidens, maids, witches, and approximations of magic spells. Rei can't make heads or tails of the imagery; the pointed hats, the bows and frills, the brooms, the flowing robes, the ?lasers? resembling playing cards, balls of fire, all sorts of odd things. it looks pleasing to the eye, but almost entirely unknown to her.
Rei is at the controls almost immediately, getting closer to the chaos of bright colors. her eyes flick across the screen to catch all of the game's frantic movements. she presses the buttons a couple times, familiarizing herself with the layout beneath her hand, and maybe testing to see if they were sticky. it's not horribly different from the first game they played, but still... different. this is new.
she looks up at Asuka, eyes gleaming in the low light of the arcade. with the neon light on her blue hair and her skin, Asuka can't help but think Rei almost glows here. "how do you play it?" Rei asks.
Asuka's stunned at first, but tries to snap out of it. "it's uh...it's simple! just...use the joystick to move, use the buttons to shoot and use a powerup, try not to get hit."
"powerups?" Rei questions, and Asuka fails to think of an analogy between them and the evas. honestly she'd take cool powerups to fight the angels, that might be satisfying. "...i'll point them out if they appear? we could do this the same as street fighter, i'll lend my expertise!" she says as if that's not just another excuse to be close to Rei, another excuse to...well, to hold her, really.
Rei nods. maybe someday they could pilot together like this. maybe somehow. somewhen.
Asuka scoots closer to Rei, getting behind her, ignoring the warmth in her chest. it’s just a game, i'm just helping her out, it’s not weird, friends do it all the time--
Rei had nodded-- so she could do this... but Asuka is hesitant. it wasn't weird the first time, but for some reason now it feels more... intimate? that’s the closest word Asuka can get to describing it. it just feels different doing it now.
fuck it, Asuka thinks, waiting any longer would just make it weirder . she gingerly places her hands on top of Rei's, chin on her shoulder, just like last time.
except this time she thinks she feels Rei's head tilt slightly in response, now leaning gently against Asuka's.
Rei focuses on the game. the flashing lights, the swarms of bullets, the odd characters; it sinks into a pattern, one she can mostly keep up with. she feels a fire lighting in the back of her throat, something vicious and red boiling to the surface as the game ramps in difficulty, as the two of them begin stumbling, getting hit, losing a few lives...
...but in Asuka's arms, with the soft sound of her heartbeat, she feels...something odd. as if nothing, neither angels nor section 2 nor nerv nor the commander, nothing could touch her now, so long as Asuka held her, so long as they worked as one. was this safety? her head gently tilted, leaning against Asuka's, their hands in each other's...was that it?
Asuka takes a deep breath and holds it. it’s both easy and hard to concentrate-- she feels Rei's hands flex, Rei's pulse. she feels Rei, and the more she does the harder it is to think straight, but the easier it is to just move . this is different from their synchronization earlier-- rather than just the same movements, this is closeness , this is almost unity . Asuka doesn't want it to end. but a part of her, the part of her that connects the patterns woven throughout her life, knows it must end. it always does .
fuck. now's not the time for that , she thinks. her hands are getting damper with sweat and it’s getting harder to hold on and make quick, precise moves. she can feel that Rei's hands are shaking beneath her, maybe trembling with anticipation, focus, determination. she needs Asuka now .
as the game ramps up, the music gets louder and faster, the streams of bullets become solid walls, their thoughts, anxieties, melt away, replaced by focus, power. they can win this. it can be beat. flandre scarlet, the finale, in her stupid rainbow wings, looms above their character, and they lay in like their lives depend on it. Asuka's grip on Rei is slippery, but she refuses to let go. Rei refuses to let the joystick slip. they could win this.
...and suddenly, flandre scarlet explodes. the cabinet emits a joyful jingle.
cutesy credits scenes begin playing. tickets flood out of the machine. they beat Touhou. mein gott, we beat Touhou . on instinct, Asuka wraps her arms around Rei. "fuck yes, wonder girl! we're unstoppable !"
suddenly, Asuka and Rei become aware of something that sours the rush of victory a bit.
a crowd has gathered behind them, clapping, some shocked, most impressed. toji and kensuke are among them, the former slack-jawed and the latter snapping photos of the duo and the screen as fast as he can.
Rei doesn't move, but Asuka stiffens. how the fuck did she not notice this many people?
Asuka pulls herself away from Rei, who turns to follow her. Rei's mind is a million miles away, still thinking of Asuka's hands on hers, of that short moment when Asuka held her.
first things first, Asuka marches up to kensuke and shoves his camera to the side.
"hey, watch it!" kensuke protests. "this is expensive equip--"
"so, aida," Asuka says with near palpable irritation, "you admiring our score or are you just being a fucking creep?! "
kensuke deadpans. "your score, obviously," he mutters, checking his camera lens for smudges. "though i think everyone else thought it was pretty cute, the two of you."
" cute?! " Asuka shouts. it sounds strangled. she's pissed, but she's not sure why she's pissed. "the two of us? i-- i was helping wonder girl with it, Touhou doesn't have co-op! what, and that's cute now?!"
you are quite cute , Rei refuses to say to Asuka just yet. instead she interjects, "you. with the camera. could you copy one of those photos?"
kensuke blinks. he stares down at his camera, then back up. "uh, sure, Ayanami?" him and Asuka both raise their eyebrows at Rei, who nods. "thank you."
"...just be glad you didn't mess up me and wonder girl's..." Asuka begins to mutter to kensuke, then realizes she doesn't know the proper word for spending with a friend. "...friend-date! because if you ruin this i'll kick your ass!"
kensuke shrugs and raises both hands in defensiveness before turning around and looking down at his camera again. he whispers something to toji, but she can't hear what he's saying. who cares? he's going away .
Asuka leans back and crosses her arms-- so that's dealt with . yet Asuka still feels...just a bit frustrated. she tells herself its because of the crowd, because of those stupid guys-- ugh, the only way that couldve gone worse is if all three stooges showed up-- but the way she is so, so aware of the coolness of her hands and her neck say otherwise.
"ugh. what an idiot," Asuka grumbles. she turns to look at Rei, who she realizes is looking at her very intently. Asuka meets her gaze, stares into those eyes that she doesn't think she could ever get tired of looking at and oh god her ears feel very warm all of a sudden.
"anyway!" Asuka exclaims suddenly, chasing away the warmth crawling into the hollow of her chest. "you think you're done with games?" Asuka's pretty tired herself, not to mention her arms are pretty sore, but she wants to make sure.
Rei lets out another odd huff. it's a foreign noise to her too; she's never truly laughed before. she knows Asuka has. she wonders what that would feel like, to laugh alongside her; better yet, to make her laugh, to feel the warmth she emanates burst out and wash over her. she notes the blush on Asuka's face, how it extends to her ears, highlights all those freckles and a few little scars. how has she never noticed those? has she simply never looked enough? has she never had the chance to count the stars on Asuka's face, in Asuka's eyes?
she becomes aware that she's staring, and that Asuka's spoken. she nods. "i am fatigued. are there...other things to do in arcades?"
"well, we can get food and drinks or something, or like... oh! oh yeah, we can spend our tickets!" Asuka can't believe she completely forgot about that. she pulls out the tickets they won from street fighter, and-- oh fuck thats right , she goes off and yanks free the tickets they left at the Touhou cabinet, much to the shock of the kid currently playing it. together it makes what looks to be a sizable amount, though Asuka doesn't bother counting it right then. she holds the wad of tickets in front of Rei, who just blinks at it and looks back up at Asuka. "we can spend these. like, trade 'em for... stuff. whenever we feel like it, i mean." Asuka clears her throat. Rei's eyes are flicking to places all over Asuka's face and it's... well, it's distracting, to say the least. "so, what do ya think, wonder girl? you wanna eat first?"
Rei takes a few moments to consider. no frame of reference for what things the tickets could be traded for, except...things that resemble this place? small reminders? yes, she would... her mind drifts to the broken glasses on her nightstand, the one memento she still has, and one that now disgusts her. then further back, to when they had faced sahaquiel ( which will happen again , Rei realizes, we will have to stop sahaquiel again and we will need to prepare ,), the small kindness Asuka had shown then. perhaps sharing a meal is a necessary effort in developing a relationship.
"...yes. but i do not eat meat. will that be a problem?"
"eh, no big deal. we can just get cheese pizza," Asuka says, waving it off with her hand. not her favorite, but it's fine with her as long as Rei can eat it.
Rei nods. she feels a warmth again.
"alright! let's go, then," Asuka says with a little bit of a grin.
she takes Rei's hand-- very warm, she notes, even though she's held it countless times that night-- and takes her to the "dining area" or whatever they call it-- it’s more like a few rickety chairs and tables kinda unevenly pulled apart and clumped together from careless arcade-goers coming and leaving. Asuka leads Rei to one of the tables and gestures at the seat with a smile.
the contact makes something in Rei's throat jump up. before tonight, she had held Asuka's hand only a scant few times. once, in the locker room, when Asuka had to vent about her anger towards shinji, and her odd situation with kaji, and Rei had been there for her. once, during sync practice for israfel, and again in their evas by proxy. once, for a millisecond, in the elevator, before Asuka had wrenched herself away. the final time, during instrumentality, but that wasn't truly Rei, it was a collective-Rei, one of her god-consciousness, still a part of her.
she brushes off the memories of third impact and sits down in the rickety arcade chair.
"stay here, okay? i'll be right back." and with that Asuka is gone. though she knows Asuka will return, Rei is alone now.
Rei lets out a soft breath. does Asuka have any memories of the third impact, or any of the last timeline? maybe. if she did, would she remember Rei? Rei is doubtful.
she gently slides one hand over the other, trying to emulate the warmth of Asuka's hands over hers. her hands part quickly though— what am i doing? she thinks to herself. it's no use; it's not the same, and the warmth of Rei's hands was stolen from a woman who died almost a decade ago. is it still worth sharing with anyone?
800 yen, one cheese pizza. good deal. Asuka pays quickly, avoids small talk with the cashier, plops in a large tip. her mind is occupied.
this is going well , she tells herself. this is what friendship must be like. warmth. closeness. yeah. yeah, we’re doing well!
but she can’t shake off some weird feeling. something like she and Rei weren’t supposed to...be like this. like that idiot was supposed to be in the way more. like life was supposed to be in the way more. something isn’t going wrong, just...weirdly right.
a memory flashes in her head that shouldn’t be there. a nightmare she had, a few days before the whole thing with that aquatic angel. the giants, their gnashing teeth, their horrible grins, their piteous howls as she tore them limb from limb, her own screams as they returned the favor...and an unknown, familiar figure descending from the heavens to bring Asuka the loving embrace she deserved .
that figure looked a lot like Rei.
she yelps when the shared tray of food slams down in front of her, and hurries to pay.
Asuka plops the money on the counter and picks up the tray. it's warm, almost like the sickly feeling in her gut that tells her she's not supposed to be here. she does her best to shake it off before she reaches Rei but fails, only managing to force a smile that she hopes can become real.
Rei is hunched over a bit, staring down at the table. is she okay?
"hey! i got the pizza." Asuka tries to sound somewhat cheery, as much as she can muster at least. Rei jumps a bit and looks up, her hands retreating to beneath the table. she watches Asuka set the pizza down and slide into the seat across from her. "hey, you feel alright?"
Rei nods. Asuka doesn't need to be made aware of the thoughts and memories that plague her, not now, when they are supposed to be sharing a newer, sweeter moment.
the duo stews in their own emotional turmoils for a moment longer; then it hits Asuka that Rei's probably never had pizza, and she picks up a slice, taking a bite as deftly as one can with greasy arcade pizza. Rei blinks, and mirrors the action. she almost gags at the unfamiliarity of the taste; then sort of...swishes it around in her mouth like a wine taster. hm. cheese. okay. this is that. cheese, and whatever else is on pizza, interesting. she focuses on that, pushing aside her worries about humanity. human or not, she can eat a food, and she proceeds to do so.
Asuka takes note of Rei's subtle eyebrow raises, the slight widening of her eyes. to get close to someone is to understand them, right? people like misato and shinji are way more obvious, but Asuka always likes a challenge. a chyaaaance .
Asuka makes quick work of her own slice, but Rei is savoring hers, parsing the texture, the flavor-- this is a gift from Asuka, whether she thinks of it as a gift or not, and Rei will treasure it.
Asuka watches Rei eat for a second before picking up another slice. it's definitely not the best pizza --arcade pizza is always so damn greasy-- but it's edible. definitely not something she'd order on her own... maybe half the experience is eating it with someone, and that's what makes it worth it.
she's slower with eating this piece, spending most of the time just watching Rei, studying her reactions, every tiny change noted in the back of her mind. the look in her eyes suggests to Asuka that she is fascinated, even enjoying it. Asuka almost forgets about her slice.
by the time Asuka remembers about her own share in the pizza, Rei’s started on her third slice. Asuka panics and hurries to down her slice; this is a mistake.
her hands go to her throat. she chokes. no no nonono no no no! fuck. fuck ok i’ve got this, don’t panic, Asuka, she’s not here, i—
Rei’s by her side now, how did she get there? she slams a hand into Asuka’s back and Asuka swallows, coughs,
“ scheiße ! ugh, sorry, went down the wrong pipe, it...” Asuka trails off as she notes wonder girl’s face.
Rei’s expression is a mask of horror.
"hey, what--?" the sentence is clipped short as Asuka lets out a weak half-cough and clears her throat. a spike of pain shoots through her left eye. for just a second, everything changes-- she's in unit 02, streaks of blood in the LCL, a silhouette above her, watching over her. Asuka squeezes her eyes shut and opens them again; she's back at the table, cradling her head, Rei still looking down at her with the same mortified expression.
fuck. time to play it off . "hey, wonder girl, you okay?" she forces out.
Rei, blinking, furrows her brow. she opens her mouth and closes it again. "are you? " she whispers, barely audible.
“no,” Asuka admits and instantly regrets. she leans back as if physically backpedaling will undo the truth she just brought into reality. “but i’m, i’ll, i’ll be okay!” she locks eyes with Rei again. wonder girl’s eyes are practically swimming with concern. then picks up her slice of pizza, takes a steady bite, and says through the mouthful of cheese, “i just don’t wanna fuck up our evening!” another truth, a far more comfortable one. she swallows, properly and safely. “so don’t worry your pretty little head about me, wonder girl!”
Rei frowns slightly. she still isn't sure whether to humor Asuka's avoidance or confront it. Asuka's choking had completely alarmed her-- although it had resolved quickly, Rei still had that moment of sheer panic, that feeling of horror that Asuka's life may have been in danger. it was nothing she ever felt outside of an eva.
"so," Asuka's voice interrupts, "y'wanna, uhh. spend our tickets now? or like... i dunno..." anything but be worried about me? Asuka thinks. they should be having fun, not doing... whatever this is with the... bad feelings or whatever. you deserve better than that, wonder girl.
“...yes. but...” Rei points at the still-uneaten part of the pizza. “i would rather not waste food.”
“oh, no prob, i’ll just,” Asuka gets up, “get a takeaway box, if you wanna take some home?”
“i...would not mind,” Rei admits, and it’s all the excuse for Asuka to bolt off again to grab a takeout box.
she slumps down in the chair Asuka vacated, again trying to replicate some of that warmth. her mind drifts to something she does not want to intrude on this whatsoever.
shinji.
last life, he had been close to a friend. he had been more open to her. if times had gone better....they could have been brother and sister.
but she saw. in instrumentality, she saw how he thought of Asuka. she saw his refusal to understand. she saw how he killed her. twice.
maybe those things won’t happen again this time. but the bile, the, the outrage she had for him remained.
she will protect Asuka from the angels and from him.
Rei swallows and looks down at her hands. delicate but flexible, the lilin-- no, humans' natural tools, a mean to perform tasks. what could these do for Asuka? they can wield, they can protect, they can hold . she could return that gesture Asuka gave at that last cabinet. she could hold Asuka, if Asuka wanted her to.
speaking of Asuka, she's walking back over, balancing the takeaway box in one hand while her other one is occupied with a fistful of napkins. "heeeere we go. oh shit, wait." she quickly opens up the box and shoves the napkins inside. "there. you ready to go?"
Asuka says this with a grin, but her left eye... flinches a bit. maybe Asuka is not as well as she says.
“is your eye...” Rei trails off. maybe it is best not to ask about that now . Asuka’s frown confirms this. maybe this could be a hint; maybe Asuka does remember. “i am ready to spend tickets, yes.”
she stands up, walks closer to Asuka. takes the box from her hands. she’s so close. she can feel Asuka’s warm breath on her face, count her concealed freckles if she had enough time. as close as they were earlier...but not touching, that barrier still up unless Asuka wants to breach it.
"alright. this way, wonder girl." Asuka turns and leads Rei out of the dining area and back through the arcade room. Rei catches a glimpse of the Touhou machine and its many bright, dancing lights. she recalls how close they were; something she wants again, though she does not vocalize this wish to Asuka. instead she watches the back of Asuka's head and studies how her red hair, the color she once hated, bounces with each step, how it turns to fire under the lights.
Asuka superscurries off to the prize counter, thinking almost entirely about what Rei would want from it; she has no need for goofy, stupid glowy prizes and cute fuzzy stuff. she's not a kid! ...okay maybe she wants some of the prizes, but this is still mostly for Rei.
cheap plastic glow-in-the-dark accessories, assorted candies, display figures of characters neither of them recognize, fake swords and all things coruscatingly flashing up to and including a faux skull, and the crown jewels; a variety of large plushies; stylized neon aliens, colorful alpacas, dinosaurs, cuttlefish, and prehistoric animals all captured in cuddly plush form.
"see anything ya like, wonder girl?"
Rei is silent for a moment, looking around at the abundance of little trinkets; nothing that she needs, but captivating all the same.
Rei glances at Asuka (who's watching her) and looks around the room a couple times. she's... not exactly sure what she wants. all she knows is that whatever she picks will be a reminder of this day, and that it will forever be something she treasures.
Rei wanders around for a bit, examining just about everything in the room, before picking up something-- one of the alpacas. the one she picked up is pink, but she swaps it out for a blue one as soon as she sees the color. its face is somewhat squashed on the side, but Rei doesn't mind. she squeezes it gently --it's soft-- and looks back to Asuka.
Asuka blinks at the alpaca. oh, it's adorable. and blue. and soft. like wonder girl .
she's not sure where the 'soft' connection happened with Rei; when did she stop seeming like she's made of hard porcelain or cold metal?
... maybe it was today . today, today when the two were practically one, when Asuka felt the warmth hidden at Rei's core. she laughs. " natürlich ! good pick, wonder girl, it fits you!" she takes a moment to check the ticket count, then hurriedly counts out the requisite ticket amount. not much left, relatively, the alpaca was a big prize...but the look on Rei's face? practically starry? worth it. so worth it. she's not sure what to spend her share of the tickets on...maybe just a bunch of cheap candy, why not.
Asuka ends up mostly doing just that-- there isn't enough left to buy any of the bigger things that she could be interested in, so she settles for an assortment of dollar-store quality candy and one of those sticky hands (she just likes how squishy it is, but she'd never say that out loud). nothing much, but that's fine.
she and Rei check out, splaying their spoils and tickets on the counter. Asuka's hand brushes against Rei's; purposefully, a question and an invitation. at first Rei hesitates, but, just as Asuka starts to regret the advance, Rei reaches out and takes it-- slowly, gently, like it's something worth holding.
they end up sitting there for awhile, just...holding hands. enjoying each others' presence. Asuka actively fights down her own blush, but eventually accepts, lets the warmth spread across her face and touch her ears, tingle at the edges of the hollow in her chest. she notices some faint traces of color spread across Rei's as well; almost purplish, very faint, but what might be a blush. if anyone could see them now, they might think they were on an...actual date.
why doesn't that bug me? Asuka wonders. why am i not grossed out? why would i be...fine, okay, happy even...with that?!
Rei lifts her other hand from her new alpaca, in contemplation. if she pressed it to Asuka's burning cheek, would some of the second child's warmth spread to her?
Asuka's flip phone rings. it's misato. she groans.
"what?" Asuka says very brusquely. doesn't need pleasantries, she knows who it is already, and she's more than a little frustrated at the ruined moment.
"hey Asuka, you enjoy your date?" there's a bit of cheekiness in misato's voice. ugh.
"it's-- i--" Asuka stutters-- .
"i'm kidding . anyway, you better come home. we can't have you staying out too late. same with Ayanami."
"but--" Asuka starts, but then realizes it's no use. she clenches her jaw. "fine," she grunts out. why did she have to call now?!
"right. see you soon. say hi to Ayanami for me, yeah?" with that she hangs up.
Asuka lets out a heavy sigh. she didn't even realize how late it had gotten, and it's still too early for this to end.
"welp. that was mi... eh... captain katsuragi . she wants me to go home. and... you should too." Asuka actually looks tired and dejected for a moment, which is not something Rei has ever seen before. except once, in a different time. she held Asuka then, and she cannot deny she wants to do it now. but she can't. not now.
“i am sorry,” Rei responds, because she is. really, Rei is shocked it’s gone on so long. she expected to savor an hour, or two...they still haven’t exchanged many words, but they have connected so much...even if this never happens again, she’ll savor the memories until her inevitable end.
she squeezes Asuka’s hand. “i can walk you home, if you would approve. and if the captain would not be overly upset.” she has said her piece, but Rei dares to continue, “i feel as if i have already intruded on...what doctor akagi refers to as the captain’s ‘merry game of house’.”
Asuka considers it. wonder girl, Rei Ayanami , walking her home. not even a day ago she would've scoffed at the mere idea of it. so much has happened just in this one night that she can hardly believe it was just a couple hours ago. now, she doesn't want Rei to leave. and she doesn't want to leave Rei, either. but they have to, and all Asuka can do is keep this moment alive for as long as possible, to stay with Rei as long as she can.
she offers Rei a small smile-- strangely fragile, not something Asuka has let anyone ever see. Asuka squeezes Rei's hand back, something bordering on desperate that says i know you will have to sooner or later and i know everybody does in the end but please, please, please don't let go of me . "yeah," Asuka says. "i'd like that."
"then i will...enjoy it as well." Rei is the one who stands, then. takes the first step, loosens her grip a little and then takes proper hold of Asuka's hand. she takes the alpaca and takeout box, and gently stuffs them into her backpack, slinging it over her other shoulder. even if the convenient option would be two-armed, she will not let go of Asuka, not if she can help it. she feels like something will break once they truly reach the katsuragi household, once she knows Asuka has to be let go, when she needs to return to her empty residence and face her own lack of humanity once more. with Asuka's hand in hers, she can ground herself in existence. "is there a...scenic route?"
Asuka jogs her brain; if there is a scenic route... then she doesn't know about it. all she knows are shortcuts. to school, to nerv, everywhere's just a bunch of shortcuts. but she's just as reluctant to let this end as Rei is. she can make a couple detours on the fly. it'll be worth it, even on the off chance that misato gets pissed off.
"well," Asuka says with a shrug, "if there isn't one, we can always just make one up."
Rei, to tell the truth, had had a hard time getting to Asuka's residence in the first place. she's welcome to that option. she nods."i trust you. lead on."
Asuka grins and, once more, pulls Rei along, leading her weaving through the flashing machines and out into the cool evening. fuck, they've been in there that long?! the glimmering lights of tokyo-3 still light any path they can take, but the sun's setting in the distance. fuck, she's probably pissed. i probably wrecked whatever perfected schedule wonder girl operates on.
Asuka leads Rei with all caprice and no calculation, arbitrarily skipping familiar blocks, balancing on curbs, sometimes stopping to point something out to Rei. she holds Rei's hand the whole way through. really it's all just fluff, an elaborate excuse just to hold on a second longer, to have that connection with someone.
Rei doesn't mind at all. Asuka's hair looks most beautiful in the light of the setting sun, so perhaps this is the most scenic route after all.
as the last embers of sunset fade to a blue-gray that matches Rei's hair far more than it does Asuka's, the building housing the katsuragi apartment appears in front of them, a bogeyman to remind the two that their time is limited, running low, nigh gone.
Rei glares up at it, truly glares . in a sense this building keeps Asuka safe. she should be thankful for that. but it's a boundary, one that keeps them apart, one sorting Asuka into the box containing shinji and misato, leaving Rei to her own self-determined and only-now-regretted isolation.
fuck . Asuka silently curses the roads for leading her here and the sun for setting too soon. "well, here we are." she gestures weakly at the building. she hesitates, then squeezes Rei's hand again, this time a bit stronger. fuck . she really doesn't want to let go.
Rei, driven by the same need, speaks up. "would you like me to bring you to the door?" her voice is soft, gentle, but there's a warmth behind it that once was lacking.
Asuka nods. would you like to live with me? "sure, why not?" she wants to lay down and go to sleep in Rei's arms. she wants to run away with her, move into wherever she lives, even if it's a nerv basement. she wants this day to never end. but it had to.
she guides Rei into the lobby. it's...same as usual. familiar. far nicer than Rei's lobby, but...well, Rei's lobby is abandoned.
Asuka leads Rei along slowly, trying to squeeze as much time out as possible. Rei isn't paying much attention to their surroundings as she is to Asuka alone. she thinks the warmth of Asuka's hand is something she would like to memorize and become familiar with, just like the rest of Asuka.
Asuka stops at the apartment door where their day together began. she turns to face Rei-- and Rei can finally see how she looks... subdued. Rei is filled with the urge to cup her cheek or hold her, but she doesn't know if Asuka really wants that.
(Asuka does.)
"hey, wonder girl," Asuka says quietly, "you, uh... you had fun tonight, right?" who knows, maybe that idiot kensuke really did ruin their evening. maybe Asuka ruined their evening. wouldn't be the first time she fucked everything up.
Rei reflects on this, tosses this thought around for a few moments. fun . had she had fun? does she know what fun is? she doesn't. she has no clue. but this...she's quite sure that she did. she felt warm, she felt safe, she felt powerful, she felt real, and she felt seen. she felt . that's enough, more than enough, more than she could ever deserve. the core of who Asuka is, really.
"yes." Rei answers from the core of her self. then she dares to add, to overstep, to squeeze Asuka's hand one more time, to stack something on the pile that could collapse just at the very end, "more than any other night i have existed."
Asuka feels a weight lift off of her shoulders, the warmth in her chest expands. she smiles at Rei, reaching down to hold her other hand. soft . and warm too, though not as warm as her other hand. still manages to make Asuka's heart do double flips anyway.
"good," she says. "we-- we could do it again sometime. if you want. doesn't have to be the arcade either." she leaves it at that, not sure how to say that she just wants Rei to experience things, and she wants to be present for all of it, as crazy as that sounds.
a circuit completes itself inside Rei when Asuka takes hold of her other hand. she struggles to prevent her hands from shaking. quiet hands , she recalls from her less-remembered lessons.
“i want to. soon. wherever and whenever you choose, i trust your decisions.” and really now, what she wanted more than experiencing life was to live by Asuka’s side, to have their favorite moments be things they can reminisce about over together. to...to choose again to walk Asuka’s path.
those words are soothing to Asuka. so this isn't an end to something wonderful so much as it is the beginning of many. she nods, watching Rei's face with this new familiarity. she's filled with the urge to move forward and hug Rei. it's... too early for that, right? i don't wanna make this weird.
"well uh. good night, wonder girl." Asuka's voice seems to have a bit of its old fire back. "stay safe on your way home, yeah?"
Rei doesn't know how to tell her that she's never felt more at home than she does with Asuka.
"i will." Rei nods. she knows how, mechanically, to follow the routes to her apartment. it has never been a home. she will take the alpaca and place it in the glasses' spot of honor, somehow hang up the photos kensuke took, arrange a few ticket stubs on the desk. this night is meaningful, moreso now than the commander's shattered glasses. this night she nearly felt loved.
she still has nothing to call Asuka by, no nickname her own, nor any permission to call her by name, but...'second' would ruin this at the finish line, so she decides on just, "good night."