Actions

Work Header

Woe is Me (And It's All Your Fault)

Summary:

The Universe doesn't play favorites. Even if someone managed to get a hold on the Ladybug Earrings and Black Cat Ring, the Universe will only bend to their will so much. Yes, it will grant the user's Wish, but the Universe is petty and refuses to disobey its own natural order. It will grant the Wish, but it will always take something else in return. That's just how the Universe's rules worked, and everyone was bound to them equally.

After making a Wish of her own to be born as Gabriel Agreste's daughter, Lila Rossi is about to learn those rules the hard way.

Notes:

Mostly inspired by Lila's Lament by BroadwayCutie16. Also by the Solomon Grundy nursery rhyme by how these chapters are titled.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Lila Agreste, Born on A Wednesday

Chapter Text

There was a tranquility in the air that contrasted the dream Lila had the previous night. Or at least, it felt like a dream, but she knew better. She could recall it just as clearly as if it were any other day: Marinette Dupain-Cheng, unconscious on the ground in the arms of Adrien Agreste. Shadow Moth had demanded the earrings and ring from her, but Volpina had defied him and, against the stupid kwami’s “warnings” (They thought they could trick her? Her? She was Lila Rossi, expert manipulator, valuable asset, and classic damsel. As if two incompetent fairies could trick her.), she made a Wish. A wish that would prove once and for who was the top dog and who was the mangy alley cat begging for scraps from people in the streets.

Give me my Wish, kwamis. I wish that I was born as Gabriel Agreste’s daughter and have everything that I deserve!

Lila giggled to herself as she finished brushing her hair, setting the brush down on the table of the vanity before her before moving on to her makeup.

The room was just perfect to suit her tastes. Yeah, it was a little more roomy than she would have preferred (Why weren’t there Jagged Stone posters on the wall? The bed’s silk was cool and comfortable, but the colors were so ugly. So much grey, not enough color. Better fix that.), but that didn’t matter. She saw her own Wiki page, her new Father will just fill it in as soon as she asked for it. What was the point of having money and recognition if she wasn’t going to take advantage of it?

Honestly, she had no idea what Adrien was complaining about all the time. The idiot was rich and well-known, that was the whole point of everything. Otherwise, she might as well die young. That life wasn’t worth anything. This one was going to change everything for her.

Once her makeup was complete, she opened up both doors of her closet and reveled in it all. The skirt and blouse was easy, but what type of denim jacket to wear took her just as long as she would have liked. She eventually went with one that had a beautiful bouquet embroidered on the back and her name on a stylish font in pink on the front-left side. Checking the tag, she saw the denim was the result of a designer named MDC. 

Lila thought back to the other world, but couldn’t place the MDC logo properly in her head. The letters certainly sounded familiar, but she ultimately brushed it off. She couldn’t keep track of every top designer, and she just as likely had many more pieces from designers just about familiar to her that she heard about before.

Nathalie knocked on the door again, just like she did before to wake her up.

“Lila, hurry now. You have to get to school in thirty minutes. Come downstairs for breakfast as soon as you’re ready.”

The sound of her footsteps sounded as she walked away, echoing around the large building. 

Mollified, Lila got her shoes and shoulder bag and made her way downstairs. Across the way of the first floor, she could see the doors that led to Nathalie and her new Father’s rooms. Making her way downstairs, she stopped partway and looked up at the looming portrait of her and Gabriel. 

Admittedly, the portrait always unnerved her. It made Adrien look so blank and empty before. His expression looked somber, like he would rather be anywhere else. Her own expression in the painting was more neutral, but nonetheless still looming over her.

She continued to make her way down to the ground floor and past the doors that led to the kitchen. The long table was filled with only two spots. The end side had a placemat and a plate with a silver dome covering it, just like in the movies. Nathalie sat at the closest seat to her, her own plate already empty and tapping on a tablet. Geez, why get to work so soon? Wasn’t the point of breakfast to just eat and not work?

“You have a light schedule today,” Nathalie said as Lila took her seat and lifted the dome. “During your lunch break, you’ll have an hour-long photo shoot at the studio. Just some light poses for the upcoming winter wear, that will give you plenty of time to return to your classes afterwards. You have a piano lesson after school, and the rest of the day will be for your homework until dinner. Remember that you must go to bed early tonight, as you have an early-morning shoot tomorrow. I’ll remind you about that again after dinner. Also, your father has allowed you to attend the class picnic with your classmates under the circumstances that you do not eat whatever they serve. We need to keep an eye on your diet, and your bodyguard will be with you, that is non-negotiable.” Nathalie raised an eyebrow as she lifted her eyes up to her charge. “Lila, did you listen to what I said?”

As a matter of fact, Lila had barely paid any attention to her words. Everything regarding piano and picnics went completely ignored as she stared down at the meal on her plate. “Celery and toast?”

“Whole wheat toast, yes, and a side of hummus.”

Is that what that lump was on the toast?

“There will be a short break during your photoshoot where you will eat some soup, and dinner will be grilled chicken without the skin with a side of steamed vegetables.”

Vegetables? Gross.

“Can’t I have something else? Like cereal?” Realizing she was still holding the dome, Lila finally set it down next to her.

Nathalie shook her head, “We’ve had this conversation before, Lila. Cereal has too much sugar for you to consume regularly. This is the best meal for you in regards to your health and body. Hurry and eat, you have to get to school in twenty minutes.”

She went back to her work on her tablet, occasionally sipping from a mug next to her. Lila looked down at the food before her and frowned. This meal was just stupid. What was the point of being rich if she wasn’t going to eat fancy? Hell, she knew that even Chloé of all people got to eat whatever she wanted, even if it wasn’t tasty or filling. 

Whatever, she would just spin a sad tale and someone in class will no doubt give her some of their lunch, or offer to buy something for her. That was all people were good for, anyway: to cater to her needs.

Grimacing as the unfamiliar hummus touched her tongue, she put on a placating face as she cleared her plate. Blegh.

Finally, her plate was cleared and they were heading out. As the two of them walked down the stairs, the bodyguard was already at the gates. What was his name again? Adrien said it a couple times… Geramando? Whatever, it’s not like he mattered in the grand scheme of things. His only job was to drive and protect. Honestly, what did Adrien even need protection from? The awe and adoration of people who craved him? Ha. The bodyguard opened the passenger door of the car, letting Lila enter first before Nathalie entered with her.

As the door closed and the man entered the driver’s seat, Nathalie looked up from her tablet. “That’s a beautiful jacket you’re wearing.”

Lila couldn’t help but preen at the compliment. “It is, isn’t it? I should wear MDC more often.” She straightened the jacket over her shoulders making herself comfortable as she put her seatbelt on and the car started.

Nathalie didn’t say anything else, but she did set her tablet down and take her phone out. She seemed to text someone quickly before she set her phone back in her pocket and picked up her tablet again. 

As they neared the school, she spoke again. “Your teacher will give you the reminders of your day should you need them. Do not ditch them again, or father will revoke your privileges to spend time with your classmates during the weekend. Is that understood?”

Any other time would have Lila agree for the sake of agreeing and ditch anyway. But she needed as much time as possible to get that control of the class, and she couldn’t do it only during school hours. Even in the old world, she spent some time in the park, the Louvre, the Trocadéro, even Juleka’s houseboat, all places where she could only improve her stories and control more. She couldn’t do that if Gabriel decided to punish her, though why he wanted to punish her prized asset was beyond her. Adrien may have been busy, but it’s not like he was forced to go anywhere or do anything he didn’t want to do.

Despite all that, Lila only nodded as she opened the door to get out once the car was parked in front of the school. “Of course, Nathalie. I’ll make sure to keep that in mind.”

Hah! Yeah, right. Max was so easily able to fall for her tricks. Hell, he fell for the napkin bit, which, honestly, was one of the more pathetic lies on her part. Still, he bought it, and so did the rest of the class, which just added one more count to her tally against Marinette at the time. Now, what with her being the star of the new universe, the tally was remarkably outweighed on her side than on Marinette’s or Adrien’s.

Rising up the steps, she noted how some students were glancing over at her. So she already had some popularity then? Just as well, it was the least she deserved.

She made her way up the stairs, walking past students she was already familiar with by appearance if not by name. Really, if they weren’t in her homeroom, then they weren’t worth remembering. She made her way to Ms. Bustier’s class, where the majority of the class had already gathered. They sat in their usual seats, but Adrien, Chloé, Sabrina, and Nino had yet to arrive. The entire front row was empty.

“Hey, Lila, did you hear?” Alya made her way down, standing in front of her and almost seeming to block her view of the rest of the class. “There’s going to be a new student coming in this week.”

“New student?” That was new. There wasn’t supposed to be any new transfer student midway through term. The only one was her, but…

Oh! Of course, why didn’t she realize it sooner? Because she was Lila Agreste now, that meant that Adrien was now Adrien Rossi. He was the one going to be transferring in and giving his own tales and stories to mooch off the others. 

Well, two could play at that game, Rossi.

“I’m afraid that the new student won’t be coming in until tomorrow, I’m afraid.” Ms. Bustier came into the room with a binder she set on her desk, looking over the class. “The rest of the class hasn’t come in yet?”

Of all people, Marinette raised her hand. “Mlle. Lahiffe texted me, Mme. Bustier. She says that Nino got a sudden fever and they had to take him to the emergency room this morning.”

This got a round of concern out of the rest of the class.

“Oh, that’s so sad!” Rose bemoaned. “Maybe we can all visit him later!”

“Maybe we can bring him something up to cheer him up,” Myléne said. “A playlist for him to listen to. I don’t think they would allow him his music while they’re checking up on him.”

“I can sneak in some macaroons for him!” Marinette said. “Hospital food isn’t always the tastiest, so we can at least cheer him up with sweets!”

One by one, the other students brought up ways to help their fellow classmate feel better. It made Lila want to barf.

Honestly, what was the point? It wasn’t like Nino could do anything for her if he was dying. Still, it wouldn’t be good for her image if she didn’t come up with some reason for why she didn’t want to attend. 

“That’s so great that you want to help him!” she said with false cheer. “I just wish I could join you guys. Unfortunately, Jagged Stone wants me to model some new outfits for his upcoming music video. I wish I could go with you to the hospital.” She put on an air of woe is me for added effect, knowing full well that they would say that they perfectly understood why she couldn’t come. Even better, they might put her name on whatever gift they decided for Nino, which would just put her in his good graces. No work for her!

“Ha! Please. As if.” Chloé walked into the room, Sabrina following with both of their bags as usual. “You think anyone would fall for that? We all know you’ve never met Jagged Stone before.”

Of all people in this universe to call her out, it had to be the queen of mean at the school? Crap, Chloé had actual influence that Lila couldn’t support at the moment. Of course she’s met Jagged Stone before, in this universe anyway. She had money and fame, and Gabriel would easily schedule a meeting with him and get her tickets to his next concert. Maybe she can pass some of them out in the future in exchange for some favors…

That didn’t help the fact that Chloé was calling her out and… sitting in the spot that Adrien and Nino always sat at?

Whatever. Time to act like the wounded gazelle she was known for.

She blinked her eyes a couple times to wet them, bringing her hands up to to cradle them and took a staggering step back, letting her breath out in a shudder. “Are you saying you don’t believe me?”

“I’m saying you’re a liar, Liar Agreste,” Chloé said. “Besides, if you’re so close to Jagged Stone, why didn’t he cancel your ‘modeling session’ with him?” She raised her fingers for air quotes, her phone in one hand.

“Why would he cancel on me?”

“Because he’s not in France anymore, you idiot,” Alix said, as blasé as ever. “He’s doing his annual West Coast tour in America and won’t be back until Christmas.”

What? How could they know that? “How do you know that?”

“It’s on his Twitter page!” Alya, incensed for some reason, stood up on her seat and waved her phone. “We can so easily look this up! It’s been posted since he finished his French tour in the summer! Why do you think he’s been staying in the Mayor’s hotel?”

“Alya, please sit down,” Ms. Bustier said calmly, ever the weak link she was. “I understand your frustration, but this behavior is unacceptable.”

“She’s trying to make herself look good while Nino’s in the hospital!” Kim argued.

How the hell did these people manage to look over her lies so quickly? It didn’t make any sense! Whatever, it wasn’t like Ms. Bustier was going to believe them. She would make them apologize to her, going on about the better person or whatever gross thing fell out of her mouth.

“I know she is, but it does nothing for you to gang up on a student like that, even if she is in the wrong.”

…wait, what?

“And Lila.” Ms. Bustier turned to her, hands on her hips and narrowing her eyes. What was with these people? Since when did they gain common sense?

“Ms. Bustier, they’re bullying me!” she cried desperately. “They’re jealous and trying to make me look bad! Aren’t you going to make them apologize to me?”

“You will be apologizing to them, Lila. We’ve had this conversation before, and I know Mlle. Beauregard has also been speaking with you. Take your seat now, we’ll talk more after class.” She pointed at the empty spot in front, where Chloé and Sabrina sat in the old universe.

“But—”

“Now, Lila. Or you will be sent to the principal’s office, and you know your father won’t tolerate speaking about your behavior again.”

Her behavior? It was everyone else’s behavior that was wrong. Why was everyone suddenly ganging up on her? It made no sense! So what if Jagged wasn’t even in town anymore, it’s not like them knowing would have made any difference.

She made her way to the front seat, which for some reason was at the front. Obviously she tried to take a seat at the front before, but that was just to try and get with Adrien. Why was she here now?

Something went wrong with that Wish. Not her. It wasn’t her fault that the Wish went wrong. It was never her fault.

That was just how the world worked.

The rest of class passed by slowly. Lila had a feeling that claiming her arthritis was acting up would only get her into trouble, which didn’t make any sense to her. With no one to write her notes for her, she had to write them all down herself. Going through past entries of her notebook, it was clear that it was all her handwriting, and the margins were filled with student’s names scrawled next to stick figures with their eyes crossed out. Just as well.

She added Adrien’s name in, even though he hadn’t shown up yet, and drew peaks to represent fire. May Adrien Rossi burn in hell.