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“Hiya Layla uhm… oh it’s Steven by the way! I mean… yeah not like any of the other blokes talk like this but guess it’s good to know innit? A bit of a heads up an-.. ow no stop it! I was-… hola- uh hi… call us as soon as you listen to this, we need to talk.”
When Layla listens to the voicemail she chuckles at their silly little squabbling but at the same time she can’t help but worry. She exits the airport and waves for a taxi. She decides to directly pay them a visit instead of talking around the bush on the phone.
She’s been in Egypt for a while lately. Well six months but it had felt like forever to her. It felt like forever to all of them if Marc, Steven and Jake were serious.
For Marc it was like an endless anticipation of wether or not Layla would forgive him. If she came back to him or not. If she would leave him. Especially Steven noted how Marc generally has an intense tendency to anticipate things with dread rather than excitement.
For Steven it had felt like she was gone forever because he’d just started this all new life not too long ago. This actual life without denial or lies or lost time. He wanted to get to know all parts of it and enjoy this newfound truth, that included properly getting to know Layla.
For Jake it was the worst kind of anticipation. Like a mix of excitement and dread, because where Jake knew Layla very well, Layla had only met him a couple of times and even then she hadn’t known that. A part of him was worried that he’d be her last threat. That she’d hate him and leave Marc just because of him- that he’d ruin Marc’s live further than he already had.
After all this Harrow circus Layla and the boys spent some time in London together. Figuring things out and getting to know each other- truly and properly this time. They’d opened up to her, just a bit, not too much. Jake later than the other two, not that she knew that though, he’d never truly introduced himself, he figured she suspected something at most.
After a while though Layla felt she’d needed to spend some time away from them. For no particular reason, especially not because of them but marc of course took it too hard- worried he’d truly messed up with her- that he truly lost her now. But she went away anyways. She reassured him she just needed this time away for her own good, to find herself and figure out what she truly wants. Marc let her go.
When she arrives at their flat about an hour later it’s pouring rain. Almost like someone is emptying a bucket of water out over her head.
She grabs her suitcase from the driver with a quick thank you and then makes her way to their front door hastily. She presses the doorbell right as a loud thunder crashes and grumbles through the sky.
It takes them a moment to buzz her in but they do eventually. She quickly makes her way inside and into the elevator to ride up to stevens apartment.
The door is already opened and she steps in with a smile. “Hey!” She smiles at Steven or Marc. She wasn’t entirely sure. This time it was incredibly hard to tell and something about that ticked her off a bit. She thought she was pretty good at telling them apart but it must’ve been too long that she hadn’t seen them face to face.
“Hey love…” Steven smiles at her after a moment, almost forcing it onto his face as he goes for a hug. Layla frowns but returns the embrace.
“What’s going on Steven?” She asks upon pulling away.
“Oh you know… nothing problematic…” he trails off and looks around the apartment, his fingers fiddling with the sleeves of his blue sweater, a curl of his hair lazily falling against his eyebrow.
“Just been looking at som- ow okay will you…” Steven looks from a mirror back at Layla quickly. “Sorry love do you maybe… want to freshen up a bit and then we can talk?” He smiles at her reassuringly and Layla decides to give them that time, if they told her they’d speak to her then they would, she had trust in that.
She picks up her suitcase from the floor and kisses stevens cheek softly before making her way to the bathroom.
“I thought we wanted to tell her Steven.” Jake rolls his eyes and crosses his arms inside the mirror.
“Well don’t you think Marc should be around for that mate?” Steven looks at him while fiddling with his sleeves.
“Well good luck tryin to pry him out to the front in the middle of a storm like that, I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you Stevie.” Jake nods mockingly.
“Exactly why we can still wait until tomorrow.” Steven nods as he gestures at the mirror, then walks to the bed.
“You’re scared she’ll freak out and leave because of me.” Jake concludes after a moment.
“No I-… I just feel that Marc should be around is all it is, I promise Jake.” Steven reassures him and sits down on the bed.
“We talked about this to Marc and he said he agrees that we should tell her… and he’d rather be not present for that conversation trust me. And third of all I don’t believe we have much of a choice, she already knows something is up and if you try to lead her off she’ll just get pissed off and push you against a table again.” Jake nods.
“You saw that??” Steven asks him while looking into the mirror.
“I see everything hermanito.”
“Okay.” Layla announces as she comes out. “What do you want to tell me?” She asks and sits down on the bed next to steven while facing him, he takes a quick glance at the mirror and Jake nods at him in encouragement.
“Is just… dealing with a couple problems here yeah?”
“Excuse me?”
“Sorry!.” Steven rushes out while looking at the mirror. “Sorry.”
Layla chuckles and grabs one of his hands to direct his attention back to her.
“Look maybe… maybe it’s the best you just meet him straight away yeah?” Steven nods at her and Layla frowns.
“Meet who?” But before Steven answers her she can already see his face relax for a moment before it changes and almost tenses up again immediately. He pulls his hand away softly. His eyebrows draw together more and his back straightens up, his shoulders seemingly more broad than even Marcs and there’s a slight smug glint in his eyes, something she’d never seen of Steven. Something about him suddenly seemed threateningly delicate and smoothly controlled. Intriguing was probably the best way to describe it.
“Are you about to pass out?” He asks her in a thick Brooklyn accent with a twinge of something else in there as well. Maybe French? No.
“Are you Italian?” She asks him and he splutters in disbelief. His whole cool and smug facade crumbled down after the first sentence already.
“Italian?!” He asks in exasperation. “That is a- Steven!” He looks at the mirror. “I’m-“
“Calm down Jake she doesn’t know,”
“It’s a disgrace!”
“You know she doesn’t mean it bad!” Steven sighs nervously and Jake just grumbles back at him before his eyes find back to Laylas.
“Soy Latino! ¡Recuerda eso!”
“Ahh the temperamental spanish man I see.” She nods slowly while watching him, almost hoping he’d make more of a fuzz just for her own piece of entertainment. “Where are you from then?”
And for a moment the man in front of her looks at her in surprise. Taken aback almost, like no one had ever asked him that before, like no one had ever cared to besides Marc and Steven just very recently. “Uh.. Cubano y Guatemalteco…I mean… the body is actually half Cuban and half Guatemalan… guess I’m the only one who identifies that way though.” He rubs the back of his neck.
“Yeah Marc just told me he was Latino… I doubt Steven knew at all.”
“He didn’t, he was in shock for five hours when we told him.”
Layla chuckles and gets up from the bed to walk to the kitchen.
“So what’s your name?”
“Uh it’s… it’s Jake.” He tells her upon following. Nobody had ever asked him that either.
“Well it’s really nice to meet you Jake.” She smiles at him and grabs a cup from the shelf.
“Oh we’ve met before bonita.” He smirks, that smug glint back in his eyes and Layla snorts with a chuckle.
“How long do we know about you jake?”
“Bout 4 or 5 months, after the Harrow story steven wouldn’t stop pestering me so I decided to come scare the living shit out of him in the middle of the night.” Jake nods and grabs a cup as well.
“Did you pull a 3am Bloody Mary on him?” Layla smirks.
“Yup.” He nods proudly. “He was terrified of it in school, that was the best shot I was going to have.” He smirks and pours himself a cup of coffee. He doesn’t do tea.
“Were you worried about how I’d react?” She looks at him after a moment.
“Think we all were, I don’t suppose it’s easy to find out there’s Steven and now there’s a whole new guy barely half a year later. Especially Marc was not particularly looking forward to this.”
“Where is Marc anyways?” Layla asks him, loud thunder interrupting her again, almost like it crashed down right through their roof. In a second steven was at the front.
“Oh bloody hell…” he holds his head for a second. “Sorry love.” He mumbles as he steadies himself on the counter, Layla rubs circles on his back softly.
“What was that all about?” She asks him.
“‘S just… Marc is intensely afraid of thunderstorms and heavy rain and all that jazz… like panicking afraid… Jake doesn’t like it very much either, I’m actually the only one who finds it relatively relaxing. Jake can handle it but he’d rather not if he doesn’t have to.” Steven explains and pours Jakes coffee away before rinsing the cup to make himself some tea.
“So I figure Marc is…”
“Sitting it out, Jake went to check for him earlier but he didn’t react.”
Layla nods thoughtfully. She’d never known Marc was afraid of thunderstorms but at the same time he’d always conveniently have to be somewhere else for Khonshu when the weather report had predicted one. Which now made awfully much sense considering he wouldn’t have wanted her to meet steven.
“Any reason for that?” She asks and immediately sees Stevens body tense, the muscles in his back flexing and his shoulders draw back.
“I’d appreciate it if you would not… well…” Jake turns around and looks at her. “I figure we’ll be talking about it at some point, for Marc’s sake. I’d still appreciate it if you would not ask about our trauma in a situation like this especially in such triggering environment.” He tells her. Jake trusts Layla. He knows he can. But he also won’t give her a free pass, if he has reasons to believe she is dangerous to their system then he will protect them from her as well. She makes no difference.
“Oh god I’m sorry, really I didn’t even think about it… I’ll be more careful in the future I promise.” She looks at him apologetically and Jake decides that she means it. That she is genuine and not manipulative. So he retreats and hands the body back to Steven.
“Sorry about that…” Steven says and turns back to his cup. “He’s quite the protective type.”
“I can tell.” Layla chuckles. “It’s nice though isn’t it?” She asks him and sits down on the counter.
Steven thinks about it for a moment. Was it actually nice? It felt pretty nice. And he also felt pretty happy ever since egypt. He felt less lonely and less like the odd one out. Less of all those things he used to feel before. And he concluded that it really is quite nice. To have someone to be there for him… brothers even, if they were okay with that label. He liked to feel like he could help and protect someone but at the same time he liked having someone who takes care of him when he couldn’t keep going every once in a while. And it was nice that they all did that for each other, took care of each other. Protected each other.
So he nods. “Yeah it’s quite nice actually.”
“So how’s the dynamic going here?” Layla asks after a while.
“Huh?” Steven looks at her confused.
“Are you and Marc still best buddies or did Jake steal you away from him?” She smirks and Steven snorts exaggerated. “Layla, my dearest, I can have more than one best mate, everything besides that is not my problem at all.” He shakes his head determinedly and takes a sip of his tea making Layla laugh.
Inside the headspace Jake tuned out their conversation a few moments ago already.
He was walking around the psych ward and he thought that they really needed to try and create something else to be their safe space. This really wasn’t doing it for him if he was honest.
He peaks into a couple of doors and walks along the corridors for quite a while before he finds Marc.
He walks inside the room, a jungle or a rainforest, something like that behind the door.
Jake has to walk for a while until he finds marc sitting against a big tree, the sun is shining brightly and the air is dense and humid. It’s hot but somehow not in an uncomfortable way.
Jakes legs brush against leaves of various exotic plants as he walks over to Marc. He sits down next to him against the tree.
They don’t speak for a while. They just sit next to each other. Shoulders touching and knees pushing against one another.
“It’s nice here.” Jake finally says. Marc just grunts in return and lifts his head to look around.
“Layla came back a while ago.” Jake tries again but Marc just shakes his head.
“I can’t be with her.” Marc mumbles, he rubs his eyes softly, his hair falls into his face.
“Why not?” Jake looks over to him.
“Because it’s pathetic… Steven should be with her but I can’t… I’m not enough for her anyways.” He shakes his head and Jake wants to snort. He wants to tell him he’s an idiot and that he’s just talking bullshit but he wanted to validate Marcs feelings. Wanted to make him feel heard and seen. He’s learned that from Steven at least.
“I don’t think I understand what you’re talking about.” Jake tries instead.
“Just look at this fucking thing.” Marc gestures around in annoyance, anger firing up behind his eyes. “I made her think I’d always be there, even fucking vowed to protect her and then? I left her completely and she still wants to work on our marriage and then a stupid thunderstorm comes around and I immediately run away again. That is pathetic Jake.” Marc sighs and rubs his eyes.
“That thunderstorms trigger us isn’t your fault Marc.” Jake tells him while looking over.
“Why does it trigger you?” Marc asks but Jake just shrugs. “Everybody is scared of something.” He’d decided not to let that make him feel like he was weak or a failure anymore. He’d felt that way long enough.
“Hmm.” Marc nods and wipes his hair back.
“Hey do you want to see something?” Jake asks after a while and Marc nods reluctantly.
Jake gets up, he holds his hand out and offers it to Marc. He thought that he could tell Steven about this later and then he’d see this as a metaphor to Marc finally accepting some help. Maybe Jake liked to think that too.
Marc does take his hand and lets Jake pull him up and together they make their way through the thick jungle.
After a while they come to an old shed, it looked like something out of a movie, some place for researchers and adventurers. It looked old and dusty and like it would break apart any time. The sun had made the wood look shallow and pale.
“What is this?” Marc asks him.
“I used to spend a lot of time here… this is kind of like your room… I mean I don’t know you have another room but this is where you mostly go when you need to calm down and get some comfort or a break so I went here to keep an eye on you.” Jake explains to him while opening the door with a bit more force than he thought would be necessary.
Marc walks past him into the room with a big smirk plastered on his face.
“Oh don’t even sta-“ “You’re just a big old softie aren’t you Jake?” Mark smirks. “Got a whole big heart of putty dont you?” Marc mocks him and Jake just rolls his eyes. “Yeah and it’s filled with cotton candy you know?”
“Oh I’m sure.” Marc ignores Jakes sarcastic tone. “Cotton candy and butterflies.” He smirks and plops down on the dusty couch.
The room itself was relatively small, it had a bed, a couch and a chair in a corner all of them looking rather dusty. The whole shed in general looked like it had been abandoned a long time ago. There were a few maps on the walls, the paper of them tinted slightly yellow. On the table stood something that looked like a radio for communication. The wooden floor creaked beneath their feet and the couch made a squelching sound when he sat down.
“What did you do here all this time?” Marc asks jake when he sits down.
“Eh.” He shrugs. “Kept an eye on you when you were here, explored the jungle when you weren’t I switched around places after a while though, I was mostly here when we were younger.”
“Where’d you go after?”
“Checked out Stevens comfort place… looked into some other rooms and tried to make my own.” Jake explains and leans back.
“You should show them to us some time.” Marc looks over to him.
“I will.” He promises and then they fall into a comfortable silence.
“You know Layla loves you right?” Jake asks after a while. He wasn’t the reassuring type. He doubted he was doing this right. This was Stevens job.
“Do I know that though?” Marc overplays his honesty with a chuckle but he knows he has to continue when Jake raises an eyebrow at him.
“Look I just-..” he sighs and wipes his hair back. “I just think it’s impossible, I mean… what are the fucking odds hm?” Marc looks at Jake. “She can’t possibly fucking love me it’s just not… it’s not possible…”
“You’re more than what other people say you are Marc.” Jake tells him because he knows that all this, like everything else, it comes from their mom. She was the one who makes him feel like he was disgusting and not worthy of love, like it was better if he was dead and that he deserved nothing but pain. Jake hated her for that. For putting so much poison into Marc. “Steven, Layla and I, we know you the best Marc… there’s no one else that knows you like we do and we all l-… like you.”
“You just wanted to say you love me.” Marc smirks at him brightly.
“No I wanted to say you’re annoying but I felt it wouldn’t be quite fitting.” Jake nods.
“Oh don’t be shy Jakey.” Marc smirks and wraps his arm around Jake to pull him into his side mockingly, his other hand ruffling at jakes hair.
“You can say it, I know you love me, just say it.” He smirks, Jake pushes him off of him harshly.
“Don’t get too cozy with me spector I’ll still beat your ass up if you don’t stay in your lane.” He reaches over and ruffles Marc’s hair as well to mock him and bring his point across.
“Okay!” Marc pushes Jakes arm off with a chuckle. “Okay.”
“Idiot.” Jake mumbles and they both fix their hair.
“Look I just…” marc sighs and looks down. “I’m scared that this isn’t real and then I’ll get too comfortable and I’ll just… accept it and then one day i wake up and… and all of you are just gone and I’m alone in like… som psych ward or some fucked up shit like that.” Marc sighs again, he hated being emotional. He hated being vulnerable even more.
“Yeah that would really be some fucked up shit.” Jake retorts making Marc chuckle softly, somehow he made it all less annoying and a lot easier so Marc decides to continue.
“Or maybe all of this was just a mistake you know? Because I don’t-… there’s no fucking way I deserve this Jake.” He chuckles while shaking his head. “I don’t deserve any of this and one day the universe is like… it’s gonna realize that it made a mistake and then it’s gonna take you guys from me… Layla is gonna die and Steven is gonna go eternally dormant and you’re just gonna go all… blocked away secret ghost around guy again…” Marc rubs at his eyes and Jake watches him. After a moment he puts his arm around Marc’s shoulders and both of them tense because this was by no means what either of them expected or were used to.
“I’m not the sentimental type but I’m gonna try now so if you make fun of me I’m going to literally kill you.” He starts.
“You wouldn’t do that.” Marc mumbles cheekily.
“Man shut the hell up I’m preparing myself here.” Jake exclaims in annoyance making Marc chuckle softly.
“We’re grown up now you know?” Jake starts. “We can stand up for ourselves. We can protect ourselves. We can say no and we can fight back. Especially me, I’ll always fight back if somebody ever-.. if we’re in danger. We protect each other now. All of us.” Jake looks at Marc and all he can do is nod. “I know.” He tries and Jake leans back.
“You do.” He says. “But you get surprised about how much we actually care about you. Especially Steven because he’s the most good hearted seeing the positive side to everything hippie bullshit guy we got here.” He says and Marc snorts. “Pretty sure he can hear you dude.”
“What’s he gonna say about it, it’s true.” Jake nods and pats Marc’s back.
“Point is.. you— we are better now. We’re not small and helpless and easy to hurt anymore.” Jake shakes his head. “And you think that we are which is why you don’t see all the other things that you actually are and now we’re here talking about sentimental bullshit because of a stupid storm.” Jake snorts. “I’m trying here but I got no clue what I’m even saying at this point.” He laughs.
“What do you mean what I truly am?” Marc frowns a bit confused, ignoring Jake.
A killer.
“Important and worth protecting as much as you protect everybody else with your whole heart and soul. We care for you and we want you to be safe and healthy-“
“And you love me.” Marc smirks at Jake, making him sigh deeply. “Yes we love you marc.” He rolls his eyes. “You know what?” Jake stands up and pats Marc’s shoulder. “You’re being too cheeky hermanito, I’m out of here.” He nods and then he walks away, and in just a moment steven stands in the jungle outside of the house, just a few feet away.
“Bloody hell what-“
“Steven.” Marc calls out, making him twist around quickly, his eyes finding Marc’s through the window.
“Oh thank god, for a second I thought this was a black out and Jake actually dragged us to the Amazon rainforrest.” He breathes out and jogs over to Marc before sitting down next to him. “So how’s it looking here mate?” Steven asks him kindly, a smile across his lips.
“Just talked to Jake a bit.” Marc shrugs off.
“Bout what?” Steven inquires more and leans back against the cushions.
“I don’t know.” Marc shrugs. “I guess he tried to say that I don’t see who I really am but I didn’t really get it.” He shakes his head and Steven leans his head to the side thoughtful for a moment. “And what do you think you are?” He frowns and keeps watching marc.
“I don’t know? I don’t do much do I? I just… go around, kill some people, get shot and then shoot back. It’s not like I know much besides fighting and killing and in the process I hurt and ruin everything else that I touch.” Marc sighs and he still hates opening up.
“Oh marc.” Steven looks at him sympathetically.
“You said it yourself steven.” Marc mumbles and for a moment that makes Steven frown. Had he? Did he say something like that about marc? And then it dawns on him.
“Yeah I did- when I knew about you for like 25 minutes mate.” He snorts and pushes at Marc’s shoulder teasingly.
“I don’t suppose much of that changed.” Marc says and pushes back.
“Yeah it did.” Steven snorts exaggerated. “I know you a whole lot better now, you aren’t just some bloke who leaves his wife behind and goes around stabbing people with moon knives-“
And Steven knows marc has a lot of struggle with his self perception. Steven knows marc can be very self deprecating and that he doesn’t let go of those thoughts easily. So steven decides maybe it’s okay for him to ramble for now.
He wraps his arm around Marc’s shoulders, almost like he’s trying to tease him, similar to how Jake had done moments ago and he pulls marc against his side with a smirk.
“You know, now that it’s been more than 25 minutes I know a whole lot about you.” Steven nods proudly, he doesn’t give marc a chance to interrupt.
“You like helping people and making them smile, especially Layla. When children come up to us you tell them stupid silly jokes to try and get a laugh out of them. You like animals a lot, especially dogs. Your favorite is… probably wolves for whatever silly reason that might b-“
“It’s not wolves.” Marc mumbles.
“It’s definitely wolves, you call them ‘badass dogs’.” Steven chuckles before continuing.
“You also can’t help but make jokes in serious situations, you also get jealous easily but try to play it off all cool- which does not really work that well but if the illusion helps you then please stay in it.” Steven teases and Marc shakes his head with a chuckle.
“You like late night walks and rain- not rain like out there but the one that’s like a gentle drizzle- you also like the smell of rain.” Steven nods. “You love adventure and adventure movies, space movies too. You like watching the stars… you also like listening to me talk about egypt or Jake talk about cars or something to do with Latin America… you also like when he talks Spanish- even if you’d never admit that.”
“I also like to tease you about your Spanish and Egypt obsessions.” Marc bites back sarcastically and Steven nods.
“That you do. And you also love us. And we love you too cause you’re not whatever it is you think you are. You are all of those other things- and I’d not want any other little American man inside my head.” Steven smirks and Marc stays quiet for a while.
“You saved me marc.” Steven looks at him. “And I know you’d do the same for jake. And Jake and I would do the same for you. We’ll always save you.”
He lets it all sink in.
He thinks about the fact that he has people caring for him now and that he doesn’t even know how to handle that. He thinks about how overwhelming it sometimes feels to not be alone anymore- to be loved.
Sometimes he will notice himself smiling.
He smiles at the ease he feels in his heart and his mind but then he’ll realize just that and he’ll force the smile off his face. Because did he even deserve happiness? It never felt like he did. Except for right now. Except for when Jake and Steven sit here with him and won’t even allow him to sulk in his own self deprecating habits. When they sit here telling him they love him- they care for him, the both of them.
And Marc decides to stand up, he extends his arm out to help steven up as well and they leave his room, both of them making their way closer to the front. Closer to jake and closer to reality.
And Marc decides that Jake and Steven deserve to know how much they do for him. Marc decides to try his best, he decides to let happiness consume him entirely- next time- maybe even now.
He decides not to fight it anymore and maybe one day he’ll also decide he truly deserves it.
The storm cleared up and a gentle drizzling rain drums against the window.