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It always amazed Nancy how a person could feel so bad about something they didn’t even remember saying.
They had broken up over a year ago. A year, and it still haunted her every day.
Bullshit.
That was what she’d called him.
The worst part was knowing that she was totally in the wrong. Was she blackout drunk? Yes. Was she still upset about Barb’s death? Absolutely. But she knew she had no excuse to hurt Steve the way she did, when he was only trying to help in the way he knew how. His methods were a little misguided, but his heart was in the right place.
If she thought about it hard enough, she could conjure up the tiniest recollection of that night. She could see the devastated look on Steve’s face, and she could almost pinpoint the exact moment when his heart ripped in half. She generally tried not to think about it, but sometimes, she just couldn’t help it, and it would always leave her with a hard pit of regret deep in her stomach.
She wanted to fix it. Really, she did. Truly. Steve deserved that much, especially after everything he’d done for her and the kids.
Only… She had no idea how she was going to do it.
…That is, until one Sunday afternoon, when she decided to go to Family Video and treat herself to a couple of video rentals.
When she walked into the store, she could sense that something was amiss. Robin was there, as usual, and had greeted her when she walked in, like she always did. However, Steve was nowhere to be found.
That was odd. Steve always worked Sunday afternoons. Had he taken the day off? It was possible, but she doubted it.
“Hey, Robin?”
“Yeah?” Robin poked her head out from one of the aisles.
“Have you heard from Steve?”
“Yeah, why?”
“No reason, I just noticed he wasn’t here today.”
There was a pause.
“You haven’t heard?”
“Heard what?” Nancy’s brows furrowed.
“Steve’s in the hospital. I guess I thought Dustin would’ve told you.”
…What?!
“When did this happen?”
“Last night. I think he’s okay, but Dustin’s mom called and said he probably wouldn’t be here for awhile.”
“…Okay. Let’s go.”
“What, now?” Robin asked. “I mean, I guess I can close up for a few hours. Sundays are never busy anyway.” She turned around briefly to tap something out on the keyboard to her right before stepping out from behind the counter. “I’m ready when you are.”
“Let’s go.”
On the way to the hospital, Nancy stopped by the Henderson residence to pick up Dustin, who proceeded to explain what had happened the night before. It turned out that the two of them had been asleep in the living room at around 3 in the morning when his symptoms had struck.
“He said he was fine, but I knew it was bullshit because he didn’t eat anything at dinner.”
“Is that unusual for him?” Robin asked. “I don’t remember him having that much of an appetite.”
“Yeah, I don’t really see how that’s all that suspicious.” Nancy glanced back at Dustin.
“Uh, because my mom’s cooking is magic, and he never turns down seconds.” He stated, as if it were obvious. “I guess he wasn’t feeling well earlier, but you know how Steve is about cancelling plans.”
Nancy nodded. She did know how Steve was about cancelling plans. She knew he absolutely hated having to do it, especially if it meant disappointing or upsetting someone he cared about. She thought back to the few occasions when he’d been very obviously sick, but had still managed to show up on time to pick her up for a date. She had always felt a little guilty about those dates. On one hand, Steve must have been absolutely exhausted and should have been in bed, resting, but on the other hand, he had put in the effort to make himself presentable and pick her up, so she hadn’t wanted him to feel like he had wasted his time and energy.
She shook those thoughts away as the car approached the turn for the hospital parking lot. Now was not the time to wallow in guilt. It was time for her to pull herself together, square her shoulders, and go visit her ex-boyfriend in the hospital.
She put her foot on the brake, turned her signal on, and made the turn into the parking lot.
Steve slowly opened his eyes to see a near-blinding white light, the sound of a heart monitor, and two blurry figures standing off to the side. He blinked, and the figures of Robin and Dustin slowly came into focus.
“He’s awake.”
He let his head fall to the side and squinted at them.
“Hey.” Robin smiled down at him. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m okay.” He gave her a weak smile.
“I’ll go get Nance!”
Steve’s brows furrowed in confusion as Dustin ran out of the room.
“Nancy’s here?” He asked.
“Yeah, she wanted us to let her know when you woke up. She’s out in the waiting room right now.”
Steve gave her a blank, vaguely puzzled stare.
“She’s here?”
Robin rolled her eyes.
“Who do you think drove us here, dingus?”
“…Oh.”
They sat quietly until Dustin returned, pulling Nancy by the hand.
“Hi, Nancy.” Steve didn’t even bother trying to stop the smile that spread across his face at the sight of his ex-girlfriend.
“Hi, Steve.” Nancy gave him a small smile in return.
“I’ll give you two some privacy.” Robin turned on her heel and walked toward the door. “Hey, Dustin! Let’s go down to the cafeteria.”
“Okay.” Dustin shrugged and followed her out.
Now that they were alone, Nancy finally got a proper look at Steve. Once his smile had dropped, he looked pale and tired, with dark circles under his eyes and his normally perfectly-coiffed hair falling limply into his face. She could see a few wires snaking out from under his hospital gown and an oxygen cannula under his nose, and a glance downward revealed fuzzy blue socks on feet that weren’t quite covered by his blanket.
She sat down on the edge of his bed, gently grasped his hand, and carefully brushed his hair back with her free hand.
“Oh, Steve. What have they done to you?”
“Took my appendix out.” He mumbled. “Hurts.”
“Yeah, I bet.”
Probably not as much as me calling you “bullshit”.
Nancy winced at the small, spiteful voice in the back of her mind. She hoped Steve didn’t notice.
“Nance.”
“Yeah?” She looked back up at his face.
“You’re here.”
“Yeah.”
“You came to see me.”
Nancy couldn’t help but chuckle at the dopey smile spreading across Steve’s face.
“Yes, I did.”
He gently squeezed her hand. In response, she began to run her thumb across his knuckles, like she often did when they were still together.
They sat quietly for a couple more minutes, and Nancy let her thoughts drift. She was a little confused. After everything that happened, how could Steve still be so happy to see her? After everything she’d done to him, his face still lit up at the very sight of her. Why? Was he actually happy to see her, or was he just drugged out of his mind, waiting for the anesthesia to clear his system after an invasive surgery? She wasn’t sure.
She had read somewhere that it wasn’t entirely true that alcohol made people say and do things they wouldn’t ever do while sober. In reality, it merely lowered inhibitions. Often, the desire and impulse are already there. The alcohol simply makes them more accessible and easier to act on.
She wasn’t quite sure what to make of this. On the one hand, she didn’t quite agree with it. Whilst under the influence, she had said some pretty terrible things that horrified her later on, when Steve had told her about them. Sure, she’d been having doubts about their relationship at that time, but if she had been in her right mind, she would have found a much kinder way to go about the breakup, if she even went through with it at all. She felt like they might have eventually broken up anyway, but at the end of the day, he was her first love. She still cared about him, and she suspected that she always would, even if her words implied that she didn’t. Hurting him was the last thing she wanted to do.
On the other hand, maybe it was true. Steve seemed like he was genuinely glad she was there with him. Obviously, the combination of anesthesia, painkillers, and antibiotics was a little different than alcohol, but the overall idea was the same. Maybe he really was happy to see her. After all, he had just gone through what most would consider a traumatic medical emergency. Who wouldn't want the comfort of being surrounded by familiar faces after something like that?
Nancy contemplated his face for a moment. There was a little bit of that smile left on his lips, but his eyes were unfocused, and it looked like he could barely hold his head up. Clearly, he was still drugged.
She perked up as an idea began to form in her mind. If Steve was still drugged, would he even remember any of this by tomorrow? Maybe that could work in her favor…
As his eyes drifted closed, she moved to sit closer to the head of his bed and began to gently stroke his hair, an action that she knew had always soothed him. He leaned into her touch.
“I need to tell you something.” She said softly.
After a moment with no response, she continued.
“I know it doesn’t change anything, and I know it won’t fix what happened, but you deserve an apology.”
“Hm?”
“About what I said at Tina’s halloween party. I’m sorry.”
She paused for a moment to gather her thoughts.
“You didn’t deserve to be hurt like that. You said you were a shitty boyfriend, but you weren’t. I know you were just trying to help me. I know that now. I was the one who was being shitty.”
Steve slowly opened his eyes and gazed up at her.
“I thought you didn’t care, and I was wrong. You were hurting too, you were just dealing with it in a different way. You were coping in the way you knew how, and I was too wrapped up in my own feelings to realize it.”
She let out a sigh and broke eye contact with him before taking hold of his hand again.
“I just want to say that you’re not bullshit, Steve. You never were.”
Her gaze drifted back up toward his face. His eyes were closed again.
“I’ll never forget the first time you picked up that spiked bat.” A smile began to tug at the corners of her mouth. “You came back, even after I pointed a gun at you and told you to leave. You could have just as easily gone home and avoided getting dragged into our mess, but you didn’t. Even when things got really bad, you stepped up and did your part to help.”
She gently squeezed his hand.
“If you hadn’t come back, I don’t think we’d still be here today. I don’t know if we would have even made it through the night. And I think it was very brave of you to come back.” She paused. “Besides, how many girls can say her boyfriend fought a demogorgon for her?”
A small smile crossed his face at that.
“And those kids? You’ve done so much for them. They really love you, Steve.”
“I love them too.”
“They wouldn’t be alive if it weren’t for you, either. You know that, right?”
“Mm-hmm.” He smirked. “Little shitheads. I love them so much.”
Nancy chuckled at that.
“They really bring out the best in you.” She reached over and began to stroke his hair again. “When you’re around the kids, you just… I don’t know. It’s like you become a different person. Like you’ve decided that you’re their mom.”
She leaned in a little closer and lowered her voice.
“And you know what? I think I like Mom Steve a lot more than I liked King Steve.”
“Me too.”
“I think that’s the real you. You’re not that insensitive jerk that only cares about looking cool in front of his friends. Underneath all that manly bravado, you’re a sweet, caring guy that’ll do anything for the people you love. You’ve become someone I really admire and respect.”
As she felt his grip on her hand slacken, Nancy took a moment to gather her thoughts and steel herself for what she was about to say next.
“Look… I know we’re not together anymore. Both of us have moved on, and that’s for the best. If we had stayed with each other, I think we would’ve only been in each other’s way. I know I’m not what you need, and deep down, I think you know that, too.” She sighed. “But I’m always going to remember the good things about our relationship. You’re the first guy I ever loved, Steve. Nothing’s ever going to change that.”
She took a deep breath before continuing.
“I think you should know that I still care about you. I still love you, even if I’m not in love with you. And I think I’ll probably always love you.”
At the sound of a sniffle, Nancy looked up toward Steve’s face. His eyes were open again, and now shining with unshed tears.
“Do you really mean that?”
“Every word.” She smiled. At the sight of a tear rolling down his cheek, her smile faltered. “Steve… Please don’t cry.”
“Sorry, it’s just…” His voice broke as he pulled his hand out of her grasp and wiped his eyes. “That was just really nice, Nance.”
Nancy reached over, plucked a tissue out of the box on the bedside table, and wiped away a few more tears. She hadn’t expected him to get emotional after her little speech, but then again, it made sense, especially if the anesthesia was still in his system. If that was the case, then it was no wonder he was a little tearful.
“Thanks.” He gave her a watery smile and grasped her hand once more.
They sat in silence after that, with Nancy gently stroking Steve’s hair and holding onto his hand. There was no more need to talk; they had said all they needed to say. Or, rather, Nancy had. Given Steve’s current state, he hadn’t said much, but that was okay. The silence between them was comfortable for once.
After another few minutes, the door creaked open, and Dustin and Robin stepped into the room.
“Hey, just FYI, the nurse said visiting hours are almost over.” Robin said.
Nancy turned her head to face her.
“…I feel like we’re interrupting something.” Dustin said.
“No.” Nancy shook her head before turning back to face Steve. “No, everything’s fine.”
Steve gave her a small smile, and she returned it with a gentle squeeze of his hand.
“Feel better soon.” Nancy leaned over, brushed his hair back, and planted a kiss on his forehead. “I love you.”
She stood up, covered his feet with his blanket, and started toward the door.
“I love you too, Nancy.”
Nancy stood outside the doorway while Robin and Dustin said their goodbyes to Steve. After another few minutes, the pair walked out of the room.
“Are we ready to go?” She asked.
“Yep.” Dustin answered.
“We’re good.” Robin added.
“Oh, hold on. Before you drop me off, we need to stop at Steve’s.”
Nancy almost sighed in irritation. Why hadn’t Dustin said anything about this before she turned the car into his driveway?
“Why do you need to go to his house?” Robin asked.
“He asked me to feed his cat while he’s gone.”
Nancy closed her eyes, silently counted to five, and shifted the car into reverse.
“All right. Put your seatbelt back on.”
“Okay, Dustin, since when do you have a key to Steve’s house?” Nancy asked. They were standing on the doorstep of the Harrington residence, and Dustin had just fished a key out of his pocket.
“Since I’m over here pretty much every day anyway. He thought it’d be a good idea if I had my own key.” Dustin unlocked the door and stepped inside. Nancy and Robin followed suit. “Napoleon! Pspspspsps! C’mere!”
Nancy turned her gaze up toward the top of the stairs at the sound of a loud, high-pitched meow. A massive, fluffy white cat rounded the corner and began what she could only describe as a controlled fall down the stairs.
“Hi, buddy!” Dustin crouched down and gave Napoleon a vigorous scratch behind the ears. “Did you miss me?”
Napoleon purred loudly and pushed his head into the palm of Dustin’s hand before taking a few steps and rubbing the length of his body against Robin’s leg.
“Hey there, Leon.” Robin knelt down and stroked the length of the cat’s body before stopping to scratch at the base of his tail.
“Let him smell you, Nance.” Dustin said. “That’s how he gets to know new people.”
Nancy looked down. Napoleon was now standing at her feet, looking up at her with big green eyes.
“Go ahead, he doesn’t bite.”
“Um. Okay.” She bent over and held her hand out. Napoleon sniffed at her fingers for what seemed like a full minute before butting his head against the leg of her jeans. “When, uh… When did Steve get a cat?”
“Actually, it’s his mom’s cat.” Dustin answered. “Steve said he was 14 when they got him.”
“Huh. I wonder why I’ve never seen him before.”
“Maybe he was scared of you because you were a stranger.” Robin suggested. “My cats are like that. They always hide under my bed when we have guests they’ve never met before.”
“Maybe.” Nancy shrugged and followed Dustin to the kitchen, where he proceeded to pull a can of cat food out of the refrigerator.
“Napoleon! Dinner time!” He peeled the lid off the can and spooned some of the slimy-looking concoction into a small porcelain dish on the floor. With a chirp, Napoleon came galloping over, sat down in front of the dish, and started taking large, greedy bites.
“Are you going to need a ride over here tomorrow?” Nancy asked.
“Nah, I should be good with just my bike.” Dustin gave Napoleon a few more ear scratches before standing up, covering the cat food can with tin foil, and putting it back in the fridge. “Okay. I’m gonna go clean his litter box, and then I’ll be ready to go.”
“Okay.”
Five minutes later, they were back in the foyer, saying goodbye to the cat.
“You be a good boy, okay?” Robin cooed, gently scratching his neck and under his chin. “Steve will be back soon.”
“I’ll be back tomorrow morning, buddy.” Dustin knelt down and ran his hands down the length of Napoleon’s back. “Be good.”
Napoleon chirped, stood up on his hind legs, placed his paws on Dustin’s knee, and stretched his neck up to touch his snout against the boy’s chin.
“Aww.” Nancy couldn’t help but smile. It looked like the cat was giving Dustin kisses.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Dustin gave Napoleon one last full-body scratch before standing up and turning toward the door.
“You ready?” Nancy asked.
“I am.” Robin put her hands into her pockets. “I need to get back to work. Keith has probably blown a gasket, wondering where I went.”
“Probably.” Nancy nodded, fished her keys out of her purse, opened the front door, and stepped out. Dustin and Robin followed suit.
“Time to go home and rub ‘other cat’ smell all over Tews.” Dustin grinned.
Over the course of the next week, Nancy visited Steve whenever she had the chance. He seemed to be on the mend, and by the third day, he was finally able to hold a conversation without dozing off in the middle of a sentence.
Today was day 5 of his recovery, and Nancy could tell that he was starting to get a little restless.
“So, how are you feeling today?” Nancy asked.
“Well, I can stay awake for more than a few minutes at a time, so that’s an improvement.”
“Glad to hear it. Any idea when they’re letting you go home?”
“Probably in the next couple of days.” Steve folded his arms and rested them atop the pillow he’d placed over his stomach. “They know I’m going to be home alone, so I guess they want to make sure I’m healed enough to take care of myself.”
“Actually, about that…” Nancy leaned forward in her seat and clasped her hands together in her lap. “Dustin wanted me to tell you that his mom has offered to let you stay with them for awhile.”
He tilted his head and looked at her with an expression that reminded her of a confused dog.
“Steve?”
“…I can’t do that.” He shook his head.
“Why not?”
“I don’t want them to think they have to take care of me.”
“From what I’ve heard about Mrs Henderson, I really don’t think she’ll mind.”
“I can take care of myself, Nance.”
Nancy raised an eyebrow at that.
“Steve, you’ve been having to hold a pillow against your stomach just so you don’t feel like your guts are about to spill out. How are you going to bend down to clean up after your cat?”
“…Okay, you’ve got me there.” He patted the pillow and smirked. “I probably look pretty stupid, walking around with this thing.”
“To be fair, you did just have an organ removed. I think you get a pass.”
The two of them shared a chuckle.
“Seriously, though, I think you should take them up on the offer.”
“Nance…”
“I mean it. Dustin seemed really excited about it.”
“…Using Dustin against me? That’s low, Nancy.” He smirked.
“Well, you know he practically worships the ground you walk on. And besides, his mom loves you. She wouldn’t have offered this if she didn’t.”
“I don’t know…”
“Steve.” Nancy leaned forward and pinned him under a stony gaze. “You’re less than a week out of surgery. You can’t lift anything over 15 pounds for at least another 3 weeks. You can’t even bend at the waist. How are you supposed to take care of yourself?”
“I’ll manage.”
“If you stay with Dustin, if something goes wrong, at least someone will be there to help you. You won’t have that if you’re at home, by yourself with nothing but a cat for company.”
Steve appeared to ponder this for a moment.
“Okay.” He finally said.
“Yeah?”
“You twisted my arm. I’ll stay with the Hendersons.”
“Wise choice.”
“I get the feeling I didn’t have much say in the matter anyway.”
“None at all.” Nancy shook her head.
“…I hate it when you fight dirty.” Steve sighed.
“Sorry.” She shrugged. “It’s for your own good.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know.”
There was a pause.
“Nancy?”
“Yeah?”
“Did you come to visit me the day after my surgery?”
“Yeah, I came with Dustin and Robin.” Nancy furrowed her brows. “Why?”
“I dunno, I was just thinking.” Steve wrapped his arms around his pillow. “I don’t really remember much about that day, except that you were there.”
“Oh, yeah?” Suddenly, Nancy felt a little uneasy. “Do you remember anything else?”
“Not really. I mean, I remember hearing your voice, but I don’t really remember most of what you said.”
He thought for a moment.
“I think I remember one thing, though.”
“What’s that?”
“I’m pretty sure you told me you love me.” Steve looked up at her, puzzled. “I can’t figure out if it was a dream or if it really happened, though.”
“I dunno.” Nancy shrugged, being careful to keep her expression neutral. “I guess we’ll never find out.”
“I guess not.”