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Needles, Numbers, and No

Summary:

Life is hard, life is unfair. You do everything right, and your body still fails to do its main purposes on it's own. Time ticks by and things just don't get better, you never get used to the needles, the numbers, the temptation to fall into childlike innocence when you know you can never be a normal kid again.

Or

Mikey gets diabetes.

Notes:

I'm diabetic and a Mikey kinnie, and I saw the headcanon that he has diabetes wasn't just a thing I had thought of and was in other people's heads, so I decided hey! Lemme put my experiences out for the world to see in the form of FANFICTION!

Just a few things before you read, please don't put advice or pity for me in the comments. I know all the tricks for keeping myself sane, so please don't tell me what to do or what might help. Also please don't villainize Donnie either, he's coming from the same place my parents did when I was first diagnosed, except his alexithemia plays into his misunderstanding of Mikey's situation (I'm also autistic, and I wanted to write a little for him too, so while this is Mikey-Centric, there's a couple chapters from Donnie's POV).

I'm going to try to post one chapter a day

Chapter 1: To Be a Kid

Summary:

Mikey found himself hoping things would always be like this. He hoped there would always be ice cream to sneak out, steal, and eat in the dark with his brothers.

Even now, so many years later, Mikey kept coming back to that same wish.

A wish he knew would never be granted.

Chapter Text

Someone was poking him. A little finger pressing against his cheek, then pulling away. Mikey decided he was going to ignore it, he enjoyed his sleep after all. Then he was poked again, this time on the forehead. His cheek again, then his shoulder, he snapped his eyes open before he could get poked. He glared at the turtle in front of him, a little grin on his face. It took him a moment to figure out which brother it was, although it really shouldn't have taken him any time at all. Leo was giggling, leaning in to whisper to his youngest brother.

"Hey, I was thinking we could sneak downstairs. Dad just got a ton of ice cream and I don't think he wants to share any." Leo pouted, before grinning again at his own dastardly plan. "You want in?"

Mikey nodded, getting up and crawling out of bed. Dad had given him his own room, but Mikey rarely slept in it. His big brothers weren't as good at sleeping as Mikey was, so he figured he should help them. He spent each night with a different brother, and brother of the night was Leo this time. The newly turned six-year-old took the seven-year-old's hand, and together they left Leo's room.

"Are we gonna get the others?" Mikey asked. "Don's prolly still awake, and Raph's a light sleeper."

Leo screwed up his red-stained face, thinking hard on the idea before nodding.

"Donnie would kill me if he knew we took the ice cream without sharing, and I guess I owe it to Raph after last week's Prank Day."

He shrugged, and Mikey giggled at the memory of the fun they’d had last week. Raph may have been the oldest at a whole eight years, but he was certainly the most easily frightened. Mikey came in second place for that though. Raph's room was closer to Leo's than Donnie's, because when the twins had rooms right next to each other, they kept each other up all night with stupid things. Sometimes it was stupid fights, sometimes one was just being loud, sometimes they just talked, but it wasn't very good for them to stay up, so Dad had put Raph's room between them so they couldn't keep each other up anymore.

The two boys peeked their heads into Raph's room. He slept on a futon on the floor because he would roll over a lot in his sleep, and all his stuffed animals would fall. He used to cry about them getting hurt, so Dad had suggested the futon. Now, his stuffies rarely took a tumble. Mikey ran into his oldest brother's room, pulling Leo along behind him. Raph was curled up on his side, hugging a stuffed lizard to his chest. Mikey let go of Leo's hand, crawling onto the mattress to give Raph a good shake. He shifted, scrunching his face up as he blinked his eyes open.

"Mikes? Bad dream? Or am I just a better cuddler than Leo?" He laughed a little, patting Mikey on the head.

"Hey, I'm good at cuddles!" Leo huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. "Tell him, Mikey."

"Uh… no comment?" he shrugged, ignoring Leo sputtering with indignation. "Raph, we're gonna sneak out and eat some of Dad's ice cream; wanna come?"

"Ice cream?" Raph blinked. "What kinds he got?"

"Like a whole factory's worth!" Leo threw his arms in the air, seemingly forgetting about his offense. "Me and Don saw it! There's blueberry, coffee, vanilla, cookies and cream, mint chocolate chip, and that rainbow one you like!" Raph's eyes widened, and so did his smile. He clambered out of bed, clearly excited.

"What are we waiting for? Let's get Donnie!" Raph enthused.

Mikey took Raph's hand this time, and they made their way to the last brother's room. Sure enough, his lights were on. They didn't even need to knock; they stepped inside and the younger twin was already spinning his chair around to look at them. He was holding a Lou Jitsu figurine, one he and Mikey had worked together on. Donnie built it, Mikey painted it. Sure, it was a little messy, but the two loved it. Mikey let Donnie keep it, though.

"Is this about the ice cream?" Donnie asked, already standing up and putting the figure down. "Because I already told red-face it was a bad idea. Dad's gonna catch us and we'll all get grounded." He was pouting, staring at the other three like they were going to drag him down with them. He was right, of course; they would always take him wherever they went.

"But we're gonna be ninjas! We'll be so sneaky, he'll never even suspect us!" Leo ran towards his twin, who was glaring at him.

"You don't think he'll notice if his ice cream goes missing?" He cocked his head to the side, staring at Leo incredulously.

"Not if we're sneaky about it! Come on, Don-Don!"

"I said not to call me that!"

"Mikey's so excited about this; you wouldn't ruin this for him, would you?" Leo went back to the youngest brother, squishing his cheeks together. Mikey played his part well, pouting and looking at Donnie with sadness.

"It'll be fun, Donnie! I'll keep us out of trouble!" Raph grinned toothily, and at this point, even Donnie couldn't say ‘no.’

Dad had hidden his ice cream away in a 'secret hidden location,' which was really just the freezer that everyone was too short to reach. They stared up the fridge, calculating plans to get the ice cream. Mikey let his brothers think, admiring everything that had been taped to the fridge or stuck there with magnets. An autographed picture of Lou Jitsu the brothers all thought was fake, alphabet magnets spelling all the boys' first names, and Mikey's personal favorite: a drawing he'd made of the whole family. Maybe he'd made Dad look a little bigger than he actually was, but so what? It made Pops happy, so why should he care about accuracy? Art isn't about accuracy, but feelings.

"Mikey, you got it?"

"Huh?" Mikey turned around, and all his brothers were looking at him. "Oh, sorry, I wasn't listening." He laughed, and Donnie rolled his eyes.

"Okay, so the plan is you get on Leo's shoulders, and Leo gets on my shoulders." Raph explained. "Then we'll be tall enough to reach the freezer. You can open it and toss the tubs down to Donnie, and then we can all dig in!"

"I got it!"

Mikey ran to Leo, who was already braced to take his little brother's weight. Mikey climbed up onto his shell, settling his legs onto his shoulders, with his hands on Leo's head for balance. Raph crouched down, and Leo took great care in getting on top of him. Raph was the biggest of all of them, since the very beginning. The difference between him and his younger siblings seemed to grow every day. Mikey felt the tower wobbling as they all struggled to keep their balance. Slowly, Raph waddled toward the fridge, until they were right in front of it. Mikey grabbed the freezer handle and pulled it open, hissing at the blast of cold air that hit his face. He turned to look inside and let out a gasp of awe.

Icy clouds fell out of the box, revealing sparkling ice, a blue tray, and best of all, several large tubs of ice cream. He reached inside, grabbing the one labeled 'coffee.' It was cold to the touch, nearly painful, but Mikey knew his brothers were counting on him. There was no way he was going to let them down after all this. He lifted the tub up and pulled it out of the fridge. He glanced down a long way below him– and identified his brother, waiting with arms outstretched for the first package. Mikey tossed it down gently, and Donnie caught it.

"We got one!" He grinned up at Mikey, who reached inside for the next tub: Rainbow sherbert. He liked the little smiling sun on the tub, grinning at him as he tossed it down. Next was the mint chocolate chip, Leo's favorite. Mikey and Donnie didn't like that flavor; Donnie said it hurt his mouth, and Mikey preferred his own favorite: cookies and cream. Leo called it ‘the boring version of mint chocolate chip,’ but nothing would deter little Michelangelo from the best flavor in the box. After tossing it down, he looked back inside the freezer to see if there was anything else he should grab. There were a few tubs left, but he figured it would be best to leave some so Dad didn't suspect anything.

"Okay, I got them all; let's get down now," he said, closing the freezer door.

Strangely, it didn't click the way the fridge usually did. Raph slowly got onto his knees, making it easier for Leo to slip off, avoiding his spikes so as to not get scraped. Once Leo was on the ground, it was easy for Mikey to hop off his back and run to Donnie for the dessert. Donnie handed everyone their flavor, and they all popped the tops off their respective flavors and stared in awe. The surfaces were all untouched, smooth, and shiny. It looked perfect.

Raph handed everyone spoons, and they all began to dig in. It was chilly, sweet, and mischievous. The brothers giggled together, cocky about their victorious mission. They didn't notice the clock ticking by, or the chill from above, or how quickly they were going through the ice cream until a shadowy figure loomed over them all. The four brothers stopped shoveling spoonfuls into their mouths, slowly turning to look behind them and up, making eye contact with a very, very angry rat.

They looked at him, then up at the fridge, the freezer door hanging ajar. Oh, so the door was supposed to make a click. The boys all looked at Mikey, who laughed nervously. They watched in dreadful anticipation as their father sucked in a deep breath before bellowing.

"BOYS!"

The four brothers were on their feet faster than Splinter could say 'turtle,' and they were running. Mikey sped off with Donnie, grabbing his hand and laughing as they raced away from their furious father. Mikey laughed as Donnie ranted about how he knew this would happen, and how much trouble they were going to get in, but Mikey didn't care. He loved his brothers, and he loved getting sweets with them. That night, as Donnie and Mikey hid together, listening for the sounds of their father berating their two older brothers before searching for them, Mikey found himself hoping things would always be like this. He hoped there would always be ice cream to sneak out, steal, and eat in the dark with his brothers.

Even now, so many years later, Mikey kept coming back to that same wish.

A wish he knew would never be granted.