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Dr. Hands was well known as the toughest professor at Queen Anne college. He was also one of the best.
The students brave enough to not switch classes and push through came out of it telling anyone who’d listen how much they loved him as a professor. He was hard but fair, and as long as you put in the work he treated you well. He was known for his consistency - he acted the same way every day with every student with every class. He never deviated.
One thing Dr. Hands would not abide was disrespect. In particular, texting in his class. He had a habit of taking students’ phones and reading their texts out loud. He didn’t care if you were making plans or talking about your crush, he read them all. It was a very effective tool
One semester things started to change.
Many of Dr. Hands’ students had taken classes with him before, and they noticed it first. At first it was small things. He snapped more. He was particularly vicious with pop quizzes. He graded even harsher than normal.
Then there were the comments:
“I’m a tough grader, unlike certain professors at this school.”
“I treat everyone fairly. Not that anyone else fucking does.”
“Unlike other people, I’m loyal. To my students.”
One day a student told him about someone who’d gotten caught cheating on a test. He went on a rant about dirty rotten cheaters and how cheating is one of the worst things you can do to a person (wait when did they start talking about that kind of cheating?).
Then it got worse. He started showing up with bags under his eyes, deep purple bruises. He shows up late to class (unheard of for Dr. Hands). Sometimes his eyes are red and puffy. His students start to feel protective of this angry little middle-aged man. They’re worried for him.
All it takes is one well-placed question to set him off.
“Dr. Hands, are you married?”
“It’s none of your fucking business.” He starts. And pauses. “I was. But then that twat B-“ he stumbles over his words, “a twat came and stole my fucking husband.”
Dr. Hands doesn’t seem to notice the shocked faces of his students as he continues, “he comes along and he’s like ‘oh, oh, Edward, I really love- I love the way you dress, I love the way your hair, your beard, and all that. I tell you, I would’ve ripped his fucking head off!”
Dr. Hands scowls deeply and glares around the room, daring one of his students to say something.
They don’t.
“Pop fucking quiz,” Dr. Hands growls.
By the end of the day practically every student at the school knew- Dr. Hands’ cheating ex-husband is named Edward.
One day Dr. Hands catches a student texting and grabs his phone. Without thinking about it, he reads it aloud, “Dr. H’s ex must be a total asshole. Can’t believe he’d fuck over such a hottie.”
Dr. Hands stands at the front of the room and blinks. He looks at the student, down to the phone, and back up again.
“See me after class Mr. Spriggs.”
It ends up being a short conversation about how inappropriate it is to call your professors “hotties.” (Although honestly he doesn’t seem all that upset about it.)
More importantly, that’s how Lucius sees the photo. On Dr. Hands’ desk, a photo of a much younger man, clearly Dr. H going by the little x on his face, smiling wide and happy up at a taller man with long black hair. And a long black beard.
Not a lot of students took classes with both Dr. H and Professor Teach (or Edward, as he insisted they call him), but it doesn’t matter. It’s school news by the end of the day. Edward and Dr. Hands were married, and Edward had cheated on Dr. Hands. It’s not a big leap to figure out the identity of the home wrecker from there, everyone had seen Edward and Professor Bonnet all over campus on their little dates.
Everyone had always loved Edward. He’d always been one of the most popular teachers at Queen Anne. He’s fun and funny, upbeat and easygoing. Sure it takes him a long time to get grades back, and sure he’s an inconsistent grader, and sure sometimes he misses classes, but they like him just the same.
It always helped that he was gorgeous.
All this to say that Edward is used to being popular with the students.
So he really doesn’t understand why they’re looking at him like that. He tries to shake it off and ignore it but every time he turns to the board he hears whispering behind him and it’s making him paranoid.
What the fuck? No, really, what the fuck? Students never talk during his classes, they’re always enraptured by the great Professor Teach (as he refers to himself in his head). He would even swear they were outright glaring at him!
Edward starts to get fed up. Thinks maybe he should take a page from Izzy’s book and start yelling at them.
But no, no, he can handle this. It’s just one day, and he can complain about it to Stede later.
Then a student fake coughs “asshole” into their arm.
He spins around, immediately infuriated, “who said that? Who the fuck said that?” They’re all whispering now, and no one answers.
Edward’s shaking with rage, “get out,” he snaps, “class dismissed.”
Stede doesn’t know what to make of it either, but reports to Ed that his classes were whispering too.
Professor Bonnet was new to the school, but he was relatively popular (he tried really hard to get students to call him Professor B - they rarely did). He tended to go off on tangents, but he was an easy grader. He goes to all the sporting events and shows, he frequently espouses his long open office hours as an opportunity for students to come talk about whatever they’d like; something about class, or other interests, maybe a shoulder to cry on, anything really.
The general consensus is that he’s weird. Probably harmless, but weird.
Professor Bonnet likes to mingle with the students, going so far as eating in the dining halls.
He doesn’t eat the school food of course, he brings his own, but it’s all about the camaraderie, Edward, showing the students you’re equals (privately, Ed doesn’t really think they are).
One day Professor Bonnet is going to eat at his usual table when he walks by some gossiping students. He slows down to listen in- he always likes to know what’s going on at the school!
It’s important to stay informed, Edward.
He hears something about Edward being a cheater. He frowns, feeling bad for whatever poor student was cheated on. By someone with the same name as his boyfriend no less!
Just as he’s walking away, Professor Bonnet hears, “yeah, on Dr. Hands.”
“What?” He asks loudly before he’s aware of what he’s doing. The students turn as one to look at him in shock. When he doesn’t say anything else they all scurry away.
Professor Bonnet stands there for a full minute before looking around, suddenly realizing that everyone is staring at him.
“I- I didn’t...” he starts loudly. Before he can finish, he snaps his jaw shut and flees.
The gossip goes wild. Why was Professor Bonnet so surprised? He didn’t what?
Some people suspect that he and Edward were never together in the first place, speculating that maybe Edward is dating someone else and they just have a really intense bromance.
Others think that Dr. H wasn’t talking about Professor Teach in the first place, whoever saw the photo must have gotten it wrong.
In the end it’s a minority of the students who get it right, not that they’ll ever know.
Professor Bonnet never knew Edward was married.
“Edward”
“Stede!” Ed grins and jumps out of his chair, running over to his boyfriend to give him a big hug. He doesn’t notice how stiff Stede is as he breaks away and starts throwing his things in a bag.
“I thought you were going to have lunch in the dining halls today? I already ate but we can still-“
“Ed,” Stede interrupts.
Ed turns, noticing Stede’s expression for the first time. He looks vaguely ill. “Yeah, mate? What’s wrong? Was a student mean to you again?” Ed asks, concerned.
“Are you married to Izzy?” Stede asks, eyes begging for Ed to say no.
Ed hesitates, “I mean, technically, but we haven’t really... there hasn’t been much there for a while.”
Stede pales and slumps down in the chair in front of Ed’s desk. Ed sits down slowly. Stede isn’t looking at him. “Do you still live with him? Is that why you’ve never invited me over?”
Ed fidgets, “I mean, yeah, but-“
Stede’s head snaps up, furious, “but what? Ed, how could you?”
Ed furrows his brow, jaw twitching, “mate it’s fucking fine. It’s not a big deal.”
“Not a big deal?! Not a big deal?! Edward!! You’re, you’re,” he can barely spit it out, “you’re married!”
Ed leans back in his chair and crosses his arms over his chest, “it’s not like Izzy cares. There’s no love lost there.” This isn’t my fault, Ed wants to say.
That desperate look again, “did he say that? Did you ask him?”
“Well... no...”
Stede drops his head into his hands.
It takes a week for people to notice that they’re no longer seeing Professor Bonnet and Edward out and about on their little dates. No one quite knows what to make of it.
Meanwhile, students start skipping and transferring out of Edward’s classes. He starts skipping them too. When he does show up its late(r than usual) and he mostly just shows them movies.
Lucius, again with the juiciest gossip, says he overheard parts of a conversation between Dr. H and Professor Bonnet.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Izzy growls out when Stede walks into his office.
“Izzy, er, Dr. Hands, I recently became aware of some information,” Stede tends to fall back on formality when he’s anxious, “and I... well, I owe you an apology.”
Izzy glowers, “oh, an apology? Is that right? I suppose you’re here to apologize for stealing my fucking husband?”
Stede’s face flushes, shoulders dropping in defeat, “yes.”
Izzy squints at him but juts his chin towards the chair in front of his desk (it was too small and uncomfortable, designed to encourage students to leave his office as soon as possible. It was perfect for Stede).
Stede sits, curling in on himself, looking absolutely miserable. Good. Stede opens and closes his mouth several times before he can force his words out, “I didn’t know.”
“What didn’t you know?”
“I didn’t know he was married.”
Izzy scoffs, “you really expect me to believe that, you twat? You didn’t notice the fucking ring?”
Stede looks at Izzy with pity in his eyes. Izzy hates it. Hates him. “I never saw a ring. And believe me, I looked.”
Izzy grits his teeth, maybe Edward had lost it again? “Are you such an idiot that you didn’t hear it when he told you?”
“Oh Izzy,” there’s that pity again, Izzy wants to punch him in the face, “Edward never told me he was married.”
Izzy feels cold. Frozen. Like he’d been thrown in a fucking lake in the middle of winter. He feels like he’s going to throw up. “What?” Maybe he misheard Bonnet?
“He never told me.”
“Get out.”
Stede looks shocked, almost affronted, “excuse me?”
Izzy pushes to his feet, clenching his fists in rage, “GET OUT!”
Stede stumbles, almost falling over the chair as he runs.
Izzy stands there for a long time. Minutes. Maybe hours. He’s not sure.
He hunches over violently and retches into his trash can.
Dr. Hands walks into his classroom and freezes in the doorway. On the desk at the front of the room are two glass vases, each with a dozen roses. He doesn’t notice that Lucius is standing to the side.
As he approaches, a hush falls over the students. He’s slow, almost looks in a trance as he stops in front of the desk. The vases are similar but with some key difference, the most obvious being that one has a bright blue ribbon tied around it, shiny and ostentatious. The other vase has a purple velvet ribbon, slightly smaller than the blue perhaps, but still beautiful.
He looks at the note for the vase with the blue ribbon and stares at it, brow furrowed in confusion. He slowly moves to the other case and picks up that note, looking even more confused.
Shaking his head as though to clear it, Dr. Hands picks up both vases carefully and says to his students, “I’ll be right back. I’m going to take these to my office.”
As soon as the door closes behind him the class erupts, choruses of “what did they say? Lucius! What did they say?”
Lucius shrugs, “they both said the same thing - ‘I’m sorry.’”
It’s Lucius again outside Dr. H’s office (why is he always there?) who hears a one sided phone conversation.
“-fucking flowers? Really? And you think that’s, what, enough to make me forgive you?”
“I don’t care that you’re sorry. And I don’t care that he left you.”
“Oh, it’s not about him? What do you take me for, a total idiot? You all but moved out without a word, I barely hear from you the whole semester, and only now do you think to say something? After he leaves? Like I’m what, some kind of consolation prize?”
“Well it wasn’t over. Not for me.”
Lucius hears a loud slam and sits up straight as Dr. Hands throws open his office door. He catches sight of Lucius and sighs, “how much of that did you hear?”
“How much of what? I didn’t hear anything.” Lucius replies, straight faced.
Dr. Hands seems to deflate, scowling at him, “Just fucking come in.”
After that, Dr. Hands and Professor Bonnet seem to have made some kind of uneasy peace.
Someone swears they saw Dr. H in Professor Bonnet’s office building, but nobody believes it.
Students notice them walking to class together, it’s in silence but not actively yelling like they
used to.
Surprisingly, Dr. H seems to be doing better. He stops showing up late, he goes back to his usual harsh but not impossible grading, and he never comes to class looking like he’s been crying.
And the flowers, of all kinds, keep coming. Often two different vases at the same time. It takes him longer and longer to read the notes but he shows up early so no one else has a chance to read them.
Eventually he stops taking them to his office before class. Gets so used to it that he just lets them stay on the desk during lectures. Some students who go to office hours report back that his office is absolutely filled with bouquets.
And there keep being rumors about Dr. H being seen with Professor Bonnet around campus. They’re still sniping at each other but it seems more friendly than antagonistic.
On one such walk, a student walking by may have heard part of a conversation.
“Israel, let me take you out to dinner.”
Izzy scoffs, “yeah right. Don’t play tricks.”
“I’m not. I really want to take you out for dinner.”
Izzy just glares at him. “That’s not funny.”
“No it’s not,” Stede rolls his eyes, “and I’m not joking.”
Izzy stops walking and stares at Stede’s eyes, searching for something.
After what feels like an eternity Izzy says, “Okay.”
Stede visibly perks up, “okay?”
Izzy huffs out the start of a laugh, “yeah. Okay.”
Dr. Hands comes to class the next day with a hickey high on his neck.
One day a student is walking to Dr. H’s office and sees Edward sitting outside the door. The student runs away. He sits there for a long time.
“Izzy, I-“
“Look, Edward-“
The two men stop. A ghost of a smile passes over Izzy’s lips before he shuts it down, leaning back in his seat and nodding to Edward to start first.
Edward takes a deep breathe, “Izzy. I... I’m sorry. I’m not saying that because I expect you to forgive me because I don’t. I don’t deserve that.”
Izzy huffs a snarky laugh, but Edward continues anyway.
“I know I fucked up Iz. I really thought we were done. You didn’t seem... I thought you weren’t interested anymore. In us. In me.”
Izzy opens his mouth, scowling, as if to speak, but Edward cuts him off, “I know I was wrong, now.” Izzy closes his mouth, “And maybe I was just taking you for granted. But I miss you
Izzy. I really do.”
Izzy frowns at him, “sure Ed, you miss me. And I’m sure this has nothing to do with Stede leaving you, right? With missing him?”
“No! I- well- it’s not because he left. But he said some things. About how I was... how I talked about you. And how he should have figured it out because I always talked like I... Like I loved you. Like I love you. And I do. Love you. Still.”
Izzy sighs heavily and covers his face with a hand. Edward chews his lip nervously. “I miss you Iz. And I know that’s not enough. And I know you don’t forgive me. But I think... if you’re willing... we could maybe… try again? Maybe, maybe the three of us? I know that the two of you have been... well I don’t know, I guess, but I think. I think it could be good, you know? I just... I don’t... what do you think Iz?”
Izzy uncovers his eyes but still won’t look at Edward, eyes trained on his desk, “I don’t forgive you, Edward.” It stings, even though he knows he doesn’t deserve Izzy’s forgiveness.
“But...” Izzy takes a deep breath, “I do too. Miss you.” Here his eyes meet Ed’s, “look Edward, this doesn’t fix things. I don’t know if things can be fixed. And Bonnet, well. Bonnet’s there. But... I’ll think about it.”
Ed’s whole face lights up, eyes sparkling and grin on his face. Izzy scowls.
“Oh don’t look at me like that. I’m not saying yes, you twat. Just that I’ll think about it.”
Ed nods, still smiling, “I know, I know, but it’s something!” Ed jumps up like he’s trying to leave before Izzy changes his mind, but stops with his hand on the door. He turns around, suddenly sober, “thank you, Iz.”
Izzy sighs and rolls his eyes but nods. Edward grins and practically skips out of his office.
Izzy drops his head to the desk when the door closes.
After the winter break Dr. Hands is like a different man. He still yells sometimes but with much less venom, and he actually starts grading a little nicer. When a bunch of his students fail a test he puts a curve on it for the first time ever.
Sometimes he smiles.
And it’s not all fixed. Maybe it never will be. But it’s better.
And he’s happy.
Two years later Dr. Hands is asked again, “Dr. Hands, are you married?”
He fights to keep a smile off his face, “yes. I have two husbands.”